Bacon’s Show and Tell

Bacon’s Show and Tell

This month we are sharing embarrassing stories from Thanksgiving or other family dinners.  I’m sure that we have a lot of material to pick from with the Thanksgiving holiday just taking place.

I’m letting mom take this one from a story from way back in the day – take it away mom!

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Many, many years ago we attended a family Thanksgiving get together.  There was snack food, drinks and then the main meal to be served several hours later when everyone arrived.   Me and the hub unit arrived and socialized with family members we had not seen in years.  This was way back in the day during the times that the hub actually had vision.  We got separated at one time and met up at the snack table.  With drink in hand, I was headed to this fabulous looking shrimp platter.  That’s when the hub unit grabbed my hand and guided me away to a quiet corner.  Now I’m thinking, “That’s what I’m talking about, let’s get a little kissy-kissy.”  Boy, was I wrong.

He went in for what I thought was a kiss but instead of a peck, he whispered in my ear.  Might I say there was not enough adult beverage that night to help me from practically rolling around on the floor laughing.  He told me that one of the children (and yes he named names) had been camping out at the shrimp platter.  This child was told not to touch anything.. so he didn’t of course with his hands.  He proceeded to lick all of the shrimp on one side of the platter.  No wonder the platter was still full.  About the same time that Jim told me this, the host saw what was happening.  But the child was right.  He didn’t ‘touch’ the shrimp – laughs.  And Jim did tell the host – all of this happened within minutes but seemed to have been frozen in time.

 

Oh NO – Not *That* Word

Mom has went over the ledge – you know that fine line of sanity.  She is talking all kinds of crazy stuff this week.  She mentioned *THAT* word.  You know the one I’m referring to.  That four lettered dirty word that should not be said in the Hotel Thompson.  Come closer – I’ll spell it for you – D.I.E.T.  Thud – piggy down.

Thankfully, she is talking about herself and doing this crazy thing called – well you know what it’s called… insanity.  I have a physique to take care of.  I can’t be bothered with not eating.  I have to maintain my pot bellied belly and figure, right?

But to help mom out, I’ve started reading up on this D.I.E.T. stuff.  Heavens to mergatroid!  There’s a reason that the first three letters of the word spell out DIE.  You can’t eat any good stuff.  No grains, no breads, no potatoes, no processed foods – whatever will she live on – celery and carrots?

We ALL know what happens to mom when she starts speaking crazy talk like this here at the Hotel Thompson.  We suffer.  I’m sure she will make daddy start doing these crazy things as well.  Last time they were on this crazy way of eating, they looked at me funny.  Funny like their eyes started glazing over and they licked their lips.  I think daddy even licked me one time during that phase.

Lord friends – what am I going to do?  There’s only so many places to hide around here.  Help?  Suggestions?

 

Yeah It’s Monday

  What can I say my friends?  Monday has come back around all over again.  How many of you had a hard time getting out of your ever so soft and cuddly bed this morning?  I know “I” did.  Darn this belly for always waking me up.  There I was all cuddled in my bed.  My head on my pillow and my soft Egyptian cotton sheet wrapped around me.  I was dreaming of happy thoughts – playing in the back yard with my rabbit friends – you know just being a piggy.  Then it happened.

My belly started rumbling.  That automatic time clock in my tummy does it every time.  I woke up and as usual, it wasn’t even day time yet.  But, I knew I had a job to fulfill.  It’s the least I can do living at the Hotel Thompson and not paying rent – snorts.

I got out of my warm cozy bed and sauntered out of my bedroom.  I went into mom’s room to her side of the bed.  Her hand was hanging off the bed.  Dude, she must have had a rough night.  I did what any normal pig would do.  I licked her fingers.  I tell you.  I’ve never seen mom jump so high or fast from a sound sleep.  It was kind of neat to me so I snorted.  I do believe that she almost fell out of bed.

Mission accomplished.  I got mom up for the worky place 🙂  Smart oinker, huh?  You would think after almost two years she wouldn’t jump that high but then again I was wrong – double snorts. Happy Monday my friends.