Oh my friends – lowers my puppy head. How was your week? Me, well as you can see from exhibit A – barks! – I’ve been a bad boy. You see, I’ve been taking correspondent lessons on toy destruction from Easy across the pond. I’ve been trying really, REALLY hard to get my timing down just right in how long it takes for my toys to blow up all over the place. It’s a work in progress.
Well, mommy came home from the worky place one day this week to this picture. Before she would even pet me, she had to take this picture and have a prayer meeting with me. I mean it wasn’t anything important that I destroyed. It was my toy football. You can see it – that yellow thing towards the bottom of the picture. I think I did a pretty good job in making it pay for its evil ways. What do you think?
That’s it for this week my friends – take care and have an awesome weekend!
Oh – and this weeks Jokes with Daddy. Oh my friends, I have a classic for you. This is really good. I hope you enjoy it!
Dear Bacon, Just sitting here minding my own business enjoying a cool one after a long day of chasing the mailman and purr things from my kingdom of a yard. Then the human comes home and has to snap this picture. What? Haven’t you ever seen a pooch relax before? Signed Coors Doggy
Dear Coors Doggy, I don’t get it either my friend. Just a pooch, dressed up drinking a beer. What could your human be thinking with taking a picture? Doesn’t he do the same thing? In fact when he does, why don’t you take *his* picture and let him see what it feels like to be disturbed from your happy place..
Dear Bacon, The humans don’t believe me Bacon. There I was in the kitchen with this rotisserie chicken in the package. Dog’s honor, the chicken exploded out of the package. Yeah, that’s it. It exploded out of the package and ran away. Why do the humans think we did this? Signed Two Innocents Until Proven Guilty
Dear Two Innocents Until Proven Guilty, WOW! I think you need to call your local police department on this one…. maybe Ripley’s Believe it or Not. I can see the headlines now – “Rotisserie Chicken Jumps out of Packaging and Flees”. Uh-oh. Wait a minute. You better rethink that. What if that gets out that you two strong, husky protect dogs let an innocent little chicken flee from the safety confines of your home. This won’t end well. Perhaps you better come up with a better story. How good was that chicken?
Dear Bacon, Ssshhsss – I’m trying to blendsss in here in the hood. I don’t thinksss anyone seessss me yet. I just hope the neighborsss don’t try to hand up any signsss here. I could be busted if they do. Signed Hide and Seeksss Champ
Dear Hide and Seeksss Champ, Gulps. I may never look at a phone poll the same way ever again my friend. You blend so well. Your colors – wow! I’m amazed at your climbing skills of going up and not falling off.
Dear Bacon, One word buddy – OUCH! Snoopy made this look so easy. Trust me my friend. It is not. I may never be able to bark like a big dog ever again. Do not try this at home. Signed Help Me
Dear Help Me, WOW! Watch out Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme. I think you have some skills there my friend. Probably more now that you’ll never be able to reproduce again – snorts.
Dear Bacon, First we put flour on the board and then crack some eggs. What? You don’t do the cooking at the Hotel Thompson? Oh buddy – you so have to learn in case the humans go on vacation again. These days, I take care of myself. When the humans leave, I hit the fridge and freezer for some culinary delights. If you want to learn to cook, I’m your dog! Signed Chef Poo Chie Lagasse
Dear Chef Poo Chie Lagasse, Sign me up for some lessons my friend. I think all anipals should learn how to cook. I’m good… as long as there is no pork on the menu 🙂
REMEMBER friends Dear Bacon can’t happen without your letters and pictures. Please continue to send them to me for our Dear Bacon issues. Snorts and thanks!
Poor daddy. Maybe he needs some lessons in spelling – snorts. I’m not sure but as usual I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up just a bit my friends.
This past weekend, my mom and dad went out unchaperoned again. Sigh – you know this means trouble somehow someway – snorts. It was early in the morning and when they came back they were groaning about being full. Mom said she ate too much and dad was heading for the Mylanta. Glutinous I’m telling you. I mean *I* would never overeat… double snorts. I don’t know where they get that from.
Later in the day, daddy was talking to mommy and he started spelling. At first, I was like that’s great daddy. You are really coming along with those big words. Then I realized what he was spelling and I was like wait a minute. He kept at it though, talking to mommy and spelling B-A-C-O-N. Why was he spelling my name?
It didn’t make sense to me to spell out my name, rub their bellies and talk about how good it was. This piggy was terribly confused during the conversation. And then dad asked mommy if she took the picture and she said yes. So then I just knew there had to be a picture of something on mom’s cell phone. Then mommy mentioned my cousin Sammy and how he has B-A-C-O-N every Saturday. With this, I just *knew* something was up.
I mean Sammy eats bacon every Saturday and then it dawned on me. They were eating P.I.G. Gulp – that’s why daddy was spelling. This can’t be good. I mean daddy was like overjoyed about how something tasted so wonderful that morning. What in the heck could it be coming from a P.I.G. that tasted good? I couldn’t imagine… cause you know Hemi has bitten me before and then spit because I didn’t taste good. So this little oinker had a mission to get ahold of mom’s cell phone when she wasn’t looking.
After she went to take a nap, I pignapped that cell phone and started reviewing pictures. OMP (oh my pig!) My eyes! What has been seen can not be unseen now. The horror of seeing this B-A-C-O-N that dad kept spelling out. Not only was it pig but it was FRIED. Thud – piggy down. We are in the south and I know we fry everything but really people – bacon?! I don’t know if I should be afraid for my life now here at the Hotel Thompson or slightly intrigued as to the taste – shivers. Help me out friends. Here is the evidence.