Dear Bacon

 

Dear Bacon – I’ve been hiding most of the day from my brother.  I ate his breakfast.  There I admit it.  I ate his breakfast.  So what.  He snoozed and he lost.  Now though, I feel like he’s been stalking me all day.  Every time I turn around, I can feel him watching me.  He’s watching me right now isn’t he?  Signed Big Trouble

Dear Big Trouble – Oh my friend.  There are just certain things in life that we don’t do.  Eating your brother’s food is one of them.  There will be something to pay for this.  You might as well just push your bowl of kibbles his way tonight to make up for it.  Trust me, with the evil look he is giving you, it might be the right move.

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 Dear Bacon – There’s a standing rule in this house whether your are anipal or human, when one is sleeping you do not wake them.  I have to go wizzle.  I’ve had this strange feeling for a LONG time.  But, as you can see kitty is sleeping on me.  If I move, she will wake.  If I wake her, she will be in a bad mood.  So I wait with this pained look on my face.  Signed Helpless.

Dear Signed Helpless – I know the feeling my friend.  Well personally I don’t know the feeling but my mom knows the feeling.  She has been in your position numerous times with one of us in her arms.  Just keep your head up and those legs tight.

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Dear Bacon – Who says that humans can be the only ones with teddy bears.  Here is mine.  He’s my buddy.  We go every where together.  We are playing patty cakes here in the picture.  He’s slow in catching the patterns but he will learn.  Signed Bear Times Two

Dear Bear Times Two – Hey my friend.  Nobody can say anything bad about this.  It’s totally cute!  You always have a friend with you.  Keep teaching him the patty cake song – he might just catch on soon.  Did you see the movie Ted?  It could happen!

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Dear Bacon – What?  It was Curious George and I am Curious too.  I want to know what made George so Curious.  He was totally full of fluff – I knew it.  Nothing between those ears but white fluff.  Guess he won’t be curious much longer huh?  Signed Curious Too

Dear Curious Too – Now the world knows.  White fluff is what put Curious George together.  Hilarious.  Looks like he might need some reconstruction surgery there.  Does your house have a BooBoo Facility like here at the Hotel Thompson?  If so, get him in surgery STAT.

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  Dear Bacon – Am I the only dog that has a snake for a sister? I mean, I know we both have the same body type but this doesn’t seem natural to me.  I don’t think we look alike at all.  I’m so confused and a little scared.  Signed Confused Dog Brother to a Snake

Dear Confused Dog Brother to a Snake – WOW!  First off, we need to talk about you my friend.  Wipe that scared look right off of your face.  Dude up right now.  You are a MAN doggy.  Ssnnaakkee – is a girl.  You need to set up your area – start marking your territory.  Don’t let her know that you are scared of her… because personally I would be too but we are men anipals.  Show no fear.  Then work your sister to your advantage.  Treat her as such.  Most men take care of their sisters.  And in turn, they take care of YOU.  Who in the neighborhood is going to mess with YOU now?  If they do, bring your sister along.  I can assure you, you will be king of your hood.  Now, off you go to make nice with your ssiisstteerr.  Let me know how things work out for you okay.

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REMEMBER my friends – these weekly Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your letters and pictures – thanks!  ❤

 

Sorry Work – Mom Can’t Come in Today

Sorry mom’s work.  She’s having difficulties in coming in today.  You see this is Hemi – you know one of the purr things here with me at the Hotel Thompson.  During my and mom’s private time after breakfast this morning, he crawled on her leg and wouldn’t let her get up.  He kept trying to claim mommy as ‘his’.  Sorry brother – mommy is mine too.

He kept following her around the house like a little puppy.  He was being what daddy likes to call ‘needy’.  On one hoof, I don’t mind.  Cause you know if he’s following mom around and hanging out on her, then he’s not chasing me and slapping my butt – snorts.  But then on the other hoof, he’s taking my mommy away from my bonding time.  I can’t have that now can I?

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He even walked outside with mommy this morning.  Come on Hemi – really?!  You gotta let her go.  She *needs* to go to work.  Don’t you want to be kept in kibbles?

Let go of the mommy.  Take your nails out of her pants leg and let go.  Jeez, you would have thought mommy was taking you to the vet or something – snorts.  Oh that’s my bad – that’s next week – double snorts.

Friends – I hope your day started off better than this!

 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
Hey, I’m just trying to help out here around the house. The humans said I don’t pull my weight. That’s all I’m doing – trying to help out with the everyday chores. I thought I would help out with dinner. I’m sure it will taste like chicken – evil bark. Signed Chef Boy Ring Dog

Dear Chef Boy Ring Dog,

Step away from the stove my friend. Purr things are not made for eating. They are made for loving. Trust me, they do not taste like chicken. I’ve licked our purr things here at the Hotel Thompson. They taste nothing like chicken. Not even good. You don’t want any of that. Go find you some kibbles. Now that’s a meal.

 

Dear Bacon,
I know you have a lot of horsey friends. Can I be your friend to? I think we have some similar markings. I’m hoping that you can help me out with a problem I have. Am I a black horse with white spots or am I a white horse with black spots? Signed Confucius Spots

Dear Confucius Spots,

I would love to be your friend! I’m so touched that you asked. As for your problem. Does it really matter? All that *does* matter is that you know you are beautiful either way. I mean that from the heart – You are stunning – just stunning my new friend.

 

Dear Bacon,
What can I say, I’m a thrill seeker. Anything to get my heart pumping, I just LOVE to do. I know it drives Old McDonald over the edge here at the farm. I can’t help it though. Don’t you just love the excitement? Signed Evil Cowknivel

Dear Evil Cowknivel,

My friend, there is excitement and then there is excitement. Personally, I find it exciting just walking to the front room from my bedroom without getting the wrath of Hemi slapping my hind quarters. But, each to their own ways. Try not to give Old McDonald a heart attack in some of your activities. And heck, if you are going to take a risk, start charging admission so at least you can help the farm out. You know? Carry on my friend.

 

Dear Bacon,
I’m trying to ‘bulk’ up. My friends say I’m skinny and scrawny. Do you think it’s working? Signed Squirt

Dear Squirt,

Oh little guy, give it some time. You will grow into all of that fur. You don’t need to lift weights to do that. And tell your friends to quit bullying you. There is no room for bullying in this time and age – NONE WHATSOEVER. You are just fine the way you are.

 

Dear Bacon,

Who says that skateboarding is just for guys and the humans. If I want to burn the roads up, why can’t I? Everyone says it’s just a guy sport. Why? Who makes up these rules? Chicks rule – we should make up the rules, right? Signed Atonia Hawk

Dear Atonia Hawk,

I’m not arguing with that, really I’m not. I’ve seen my human mom do some amazing guy things. I say if you are good at, then practice makes perfect. Don’t take any flack – show them whatcha got my furry friend!

 

 

Remember Friends – Keep sending your pictures/questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com