Dear Bacon – I read your columns. I follow your blog. I think you are like the coolest pig ever representing all of us other pigs in the world. There’s no reason why us piggies can’t be spoiled just like a pooch or a kitty. We have feelings too. I’ve even got my humans following you now so they can see that spoiling us piggies is the ‘in’ thing to do now. I just wanted to throw a shout out to you and say thanks dude. Signed Hamhocks
Dear Hamhocks – Thank you my friend. I’m honored that you and your humans follow my blog and columns. That means a lot to me and touches my little piggy heart. Keep getting spoiled my friend – it’s the way life should be for us oinkers!
Dear Bacon – I made a grave mistake. I wanted out. My humans let me out without looking. Mr Stupid … I mean Mr. Bear was out there waiting for me. I want back in now but the humans went on to do something else and don’t hear me screaming. Help. Signed In and Out Cry for Help
Dear In and Out Cry for Help – Oh my friend. Hopefully that fence between us will keep Mr. Bear away from cute little you. Seeing how this happened, you might want to rethink in the future, the in and out situation of driving the humans crazy. When something bad happens, they ignore you. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf. Stay sweet my friend.
Dear Bacon – There I was minding my own business and the tomcat next door starting singing to me ,watching me like a voyeur and trying to get my attention. He is so like weird. I think my face says everything I do believe. He needs to hit the high trails and go hit on some other kitty. This kitty is so not interested. Signed Hit the Road Jack
Dear Hit the Road Jack – Snorts with piggy laughter. I think your beautiful face says everything my sweet friend. You are *so* not interested. Perhaps he will get the drift soon.
Dear Bacon – I was minding my own business. I’ve been watching my humans play with this computer like thing for days pounding keys and laughing like a jackass. I thought when they went to the adult potty, I would jump over to see what was so funny. I don’t see anything that is so hysterical. The pounced the keys with my claws and didn’t get it. I jumped down before the human came back. But unfortunately the computer thing told on me and captured me in the middle of my investigation. How rude huh? Signed Busted
Dear Busted – Oh I hate those computer things that tell on us. Who do they think they are? Perhaps bring it something wet and toss it on those stupid key things. Maybe then it will learn to respect you. I’m just saying – snorts with piggy laughter.
Remember my friends. Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*. Please remember to email me your letters and pictures ❤
This is me in time out. Sighs. Mom says I have to pay the time for the crime. I don’t get it. I was just helping her out. You have to believe me on that. AND if you take my side after I tell you the story, then please write me a note to get me out of piggy jail in the comments. Will you do that my friends?
So this is what happened. We were all in the living room watching the ID channel. For those that don’t know what the ID channel is – ID stands for Investigative Discovery. They have ALL kinds of forensic shows of real crimes that take place from all over the world and how forensics solved them. On the show that we were watching, the victim was in a vegetative state and had a living will to be taken off of all life saving equipment if such a thing happened to her.
My mom was over on her chaise working on my laptop that was plugged into the wall. She had been pounding that keyboard for hours now. She was also drinking a glass of wine and had sat the glass on the floor. She told all of us – Mouse Girl, Hemi, Houdini and daddy, that if she was ever in a vegetative state, she didn’t want to be dependent on a machine or fluids from a bottle. She told us that if that happened, to pull the plug. She said that my friends.
I was just doing what she asked. I got up, unplugged her laptop and knocked over her glass of wine. I don’t think she thought I was helping her from her current vegetative state. Snorts. What say you?
Snorts my friends. The drama continues with mom. She came home today from a long day of waiting to be called and said something amazing. She said to us to not listen and put our hooves and paws over our ears. We knew then it was going to be good. She said she was going to use four lettered bad words. She lost her control – just like the picture above.
Snorts. She said Jury Duty. Snorts. That was her four lettered bad words. Another day of sitting waiting to be called. Waiting for anything. But nothing. Just waiting. And waiting. Eight hours of waiting. She’s probably there now again waiting. Snorts. We gotta get mom back to work soon. She is going crazy. I think the waiting is more tiring than working. She comes home at night worn out, eats, plays with us for a short time and then goes to bed. I may have to do an intervention with her if this doesn’t end today.
Keep your paws/hooves/hands crossed for me my friends.
Bedtime at the Hotel Thompson is really a good time for me. You’re probably thinking, “What is that pig talking about now?” You see, I’m a kid at heart but when it comes to bedtime mommy makes it fun. Therefore, I don’t mind going to bed. Does that make sense now to you? No? Okay, here’s the scoop.
When mommy tells me it’s bedtime and to go get ready for bed, I usually jump off of the sofa where I’ve been sitting with her and stumble down the hall to my bedroom. I do my business on my wizzy pad, yawn a couple of times and jump in bed. Then mom comes in, tucks me in and reads me a story until I fall asleep. See picture to the left – that’s me all smiling from my bedtime story. And yes, that’s my favorite king size Egyptian cotton sheet. I ❤ that sheet!
Then after I’m asleep, sometimes mom goes into the connecting room to my bedroom. She turns on her little pink light and keeps the door open so she can see me. And yes I said pink light – snorts. She likes the ‘lightness’ of the lamp and you know the full light would wake this little oinker. Then she starts her writing. Now, when she does this you would think that it would wake me up but it doesn’t. It’s kind of like when humans fall asleep with the fan on in their bedroom. It’s what they call ‘white noise’ and helps you sleep. And if mom is working up a storm, the tap-tap-tap of the keyboard is like this ‘white noise’ to me. It kind of comforts me. For you to experience it this ‘white noise’, I had mom record it for you. Tell me what you think. Is it comforting to you?
This is Bashful sitting on mom’s keyboard. He actually got to spend some time with mommy before he flew out to parts unknown in the world. He’s been gone now for 6 days and *still* hasn’t shown up at his designated place of arrival. I’m thinking we are going to have to send out a search party soon. What do you think?
What if he got lost? What if people don’t understand his southern drawl when he talks? What if he got rocknapped and held for a ransom? Oh shivers to mergatroid – Bashful – are you out there? Please report in soon. 🙂