Breaking News – STOP EVERYTHING!

 STOP EVERYTHING –

Oh my piggy – I’m so excited.  I haven’t been this excited since mom upgraded my cable in my bedroom on my flat screen television.  Last night, this was breaking news.  Oh my piggy heavens!  I have a chance.  Quick, I need a bath.  I need new clothes.  I need a stylist.  I need a plane ticket to Hollywood.  Someone set me up quick.

The woman of my dreams is not available – SQUEALS!

 

Kermit Gone Bad

Dear Miss Piggy,

Kermit is bad for you.  Look at this drunken amphibian.  Getting drunk – taking selfies and posting them on Facebook.  All of this when he should be spending quality time with the Goddess that you are.

Any time you are ready for a better life and to be treated like you should – call me okay.

Your Loving Future Piggy Husband – Bacon

 

Oh Boy – It’s Moms Day Out

Oh my friends.  It’s February 14th.  Do you know what that means – besides Valentine’s Day?  It means that today – the sweetest day of the year – mom gets to go to the movies (dad’s treat) and she gets to pick what movie she wants to see.  And here at the Hotel Thompson – we ALL know exactly what that movie is going to be – Fifty Shades of Grey.  Has your human read this book?  Rolls piggy eyes – oh dear piggy heavens.  Help us.  Really help us.

Mom didn’t hope the Grey train until late.  She finally got a special on her phone where she could purchase all four books.  Let me tell you my friends.  That was a bad mistake.  I don’t care where mom went – to the dentist, waiting in line, at a restaurant, even sometimes at work – she would whip that fun out, start reading and fanning herself.

 She has been waiting and waiting for the movie to come out, checking the calendar until the D date.  Of course daddy has been watching her calendar and shaking his head because he knows he has to take her today.

In honor of sweet dad and mom, I thought I would share with you some other Fifty Shades I have found that I personally think would be funny.  What about you?

 

Dear Miss Piggy

Dear Miss Piggy,

I am the right oinker for you.  I bet you didn’t know that Kermit was sighted out on the town having a big night without you.  He gave Miley Cyrus a run for her money – that’s for sure!  Any time you are willing to date and meet a real piggy that will worship your hooves, I’ll be waiting here for you my love.  Love, Bacon

P.S. I’m attaching the evidence picture of Kermit’s night out for your review.  What is he going to try next? Twerkin?  PLOL (Piggy laughing out loud).

P.S.S.  If he tries twerkin, I can beat him at that too.  I’ve been practicing.