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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


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Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


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Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on 07/04/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Moral of the Story

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with his donkey that he entered it a 2nd time and it won again. The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.” The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORS ASS.” This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, upon hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.” The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.” This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the nun to buy back her donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:”NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is – being concerned about public opinion can bring you grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life..  You’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

 
23 Comments

Posted by on 08/01/2016 in Bacon

 

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