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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

I read your weekly issues all of the time.  I was being bullied in the neighborhood and I took the advice you gave in one of your letters, “Tell someone.”  This is my big brother Chance.  I told him about some cats in the hood that were picking on me because I was small and they wouldn’t let me play ball.  He shadowed me everywhere I went for a whole week.  Isn’t he the best!  And nope, not one mean cat wanted to take a chance with him in not letting me playing ball.  Signed Felix

Dear Felix,

Bravo to you little guy!  I’m so glad my advice paid off.  I don’t think those other cats will be picking on you anytime soon.  Pat Chance on the back and tell him job well done for sticking up for family!

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Dear Bacon,

I’m thinking of trying out for American Idol this coming up season.  Do you think I have a shot.  I can sing!  I mean I can really sing.  I bet you are wondering what will I sing aren’t you?  cough cough – sing with me now my friend:

“In the Jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleeps tonight.
In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lions sleeps tonight.

Near the village, the peaceful village, the lions sleeps tonight.
Near the village, the quiet village, the lions sleeps tonight.

Hush my darling, don’t fear my darling, the lions sleeps tonight.
Hush my darling, don’t fear my darling, the lions sleeps tonight.”

What do you think?  Signed Jagger

Dear Jagger,

Go for it my friend.  I was singing along there with you the entire time.  You’ve definitely got the spirit.  I’ll tell you another thing.  I haven’t seen a zebra try out so you might have one hoove in the door already.

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Dear Bacon,

I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself.  Sometimes I just want to have a little fun.  On those days, I put on my fin and go into the water.  You should hear the screams!  Who says turtles aren’t bad to the bone!  Signed George

Dear George,

Snorts – that is funny.  I bet you would be a hoot in the bathtub during mom’s 1 hour bubble bath.  That would definitely be a way to get her out of the bathroom.  Oops – did I say that out loud?  snorts.

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Dear Bacon,

My dream one day is to become a comedian.  I just feel it in my bones that I can make humans laugh.  I’ve been working my routine with the animals at Old McDonald’s farm and it has been a riot.  Lots of my get togethers have been standing room only.  Let me try a few on you.

Question:  What did the waiter say to the horse?  Answer:  I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.

Question:  What did the horse say when it fell?  Answer:  “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Question: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her classroom?  Answer:  “Why the long face?”

And one of my best ones –

Question:  What do you call a horse that lives next door?  Answer:  A neigh-bor!

Did it work?  Did I make you laugh – or at least smile?  Did I?  Signed Rodney

Dear Rodney,

Snorts my friend.  Those were some good ones.  Keep up the great work and remember me when you go famous!

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Dear Bacon,

Do you think this spot makes my butt or tail look big?  I don’t want to have any hang ups on it in the future.  You think?  Signed Babe

Dear Babe,

Not at all my friend.  In fact, I think it brings something to the table.  Mom oohheed and aawweeed over it.  I don’t think you have anything to worry about at all.

Remember friends, keep your questions and pictures coming.  Send them to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
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Posted by on 09/17/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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