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Dear Bacon

20131202-090831.jpgDear Bacon,

I’m disgraced.  My humans find this ‘amusing’.  I find it humiliating.  While they were celebrating the big turkey day of Thanksgiving, I was the walking entertainment for family and friends.  Does it look as bad as it feels?  Signed Pugmiliated

Dear Pugmiliated,

Um, um, well, no it doesn’t look that bad my friend.  Not really.  You could turn the tables and go with it.  If your humans are going to ‘dress’ you up like turkey, maybe ask for some turkey in return?  And really, it does kind of blend in with your skin color.  You can hardly notice it!

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Dear Bacon,

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You know it is that time of the year – it’s cold outside.  I don’t think many of us will be wearing shorts.  I was looking at my legs yesterday when I was bathing.  Do you think I can go the entire winter without shaving?  I won’t be wearing any dresses and I’ll be sleeping a lot this winter.  Signed Ms. Bearable

Dear Ms. Bearable,

I say do what makes you feel good.  It is winter and no one sees legs in the winter.  In fact, I’ll tell you a secret.  I heard my mommy talking about this just yesterday to daddy.  I think a lot of ladies feel the same way.  And heck, you’re going to be sleeping.  You might need that winter coat to keep you warm.

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20131202-090928.jpgDear Bacon,

I want to tell you a secret.  Sometimes when no one is looking, I will put this cone on my head and pretend I’m an unicorn.  So-so pretty!  Don’t you think?  Signed Pretender

Dear Pretender,

Hey, I’m not casting a stone.  Sometimes when no one is looking, I like to put my king sized Egyptian cotton sheet on me and run around the house oinking BOO at everyone.  No judgements my friend.

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Dear Bacon,

Sometimes the humans think that they have *us* trained.  What they don’t realize is that *we* have THEM trained.  I personally like to take my human to play fetch a lot.  Hey, I’m trying to help them lose some of that holiday weight.  But when we are out and they are talking to their friends like they are exercising us, I just have to stick my tongue out at them.  Is this bad of me?  Signed Jazzercise

Dear Jazzercise,

Hey, as long as the humans don’t see it, what harm is in it?  I tell my humans that I get plenty of exercise.  It’s a long walk between my room and the kitchen at the Hotel Thompson.

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20131202-090942.jpg Dear Bacon,

The wife – she left me on Black Friday to do this thing the humans call shopping.  If that wasn’t bad enough, she left me with all of the kids too.  Here I am trying to watch all of the football games and they are under my feet as usual.  Should I be mad that she left me to get out of the house?  Signed Kitty Football

Dear Kitty Football,
Hey, it looks like you have everything under control there my friend.  All of your bundles are with you – they look comfy and satisfied.  You had the situation under control.  Nah, don’t be mad.  A woman needs some time alone out of the house by herself.  Way to go super dad!

Remember my friends, keep your questions and pictures coming. Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
31 Comments

Posted by on 12/03/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130724-230107.jpgDear Bacon,
We read your weekly Dear Bacon issue every Tuesday at Old McDonald’s Farm.  There has been a lot of questions about one being able to touch their nose with their tongue.  I don’t get the fascination with this.  All of us cows can do it.  I had Myrtle take my picture of me doing just for the proof.  What do you think little pig?  Signed Bertha  P.S. Old McDonald said you are welcomed anytime here at the farm.  It would be a hoot if you came for a visit!

Dear Bertha and friends at Old McDonald’s Farm,
Wow!  The proof is in the picture.  I too don’t know what the fascination is.  I can touch my snout with my tongue.  Thanks to all of your friends at the farm for the invite.  Next time I’m that way, I’ll drop in for a visit.  Maybe I’ll bring the rocks with me so they can have a field trip.  It would be a blast my friends!

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Dear Bacon,
This is my scary look.  We’ve all taken turns reading your 31 Days of Spook here in Kentucky at the stables.  Pig – you are some scary wrapped with HORROR.  Where have you been hearing all of these frightening tales?  Have been talking to Stephen King himself?  Signed Hoarse from Screaming

Dear Hoarse from Screaming,
Thank you very much my friend.  I take that as the compliment it was intended.  I watch a LOT of television and I read a LOT of scary books.  And, it helps that mommy likes a little of the macabre as well.  You just have to remember – ghosts are our friends.  They just have a lot of unfinished business to say the least.

And yes.  Stephen King is a big inspiration to this little oinker.  You know they say he dreams about a lot of the work he creates.  Can you imagine living in his home?  WOW!  Now that would be scary.

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Dear Bacon,
I am blaming this ALL on you.  If you didn’t write about such scary horror postings, I wouldn’t have gotten scared and climbed into the pillow and then the pillow wouldn’t have gotten scared and threw up.  It’s all your fault.  Signed Shaking Pooch

Dear Shaking Pooch,
I see my friend.  It’s all my fault.  Shaking head sideways.  I did everything.  Uh huh.  Blame it on the pig that can type.  Snorts.  But I do give you kudo’s for coming up with such an original story to get out of trouble my friend.

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20130724-230407.jpgDear Bacon,
They see me rollin’ – they hatin’.  What can I say?  I like to make things happen like you.  It beats running through the hood.  I just jump my board and presto magic – I’m there with a little push from my human.  Why don’t you try it?  I think you would like it.  It’s groovy.  Signed Poochy Hawk

Dear Poochy Hawk,
I like it!  Anything where I don’t have to lose a few pounds by exercising, I’m all for it my friend.  I’m off now to talk to daddy about it.  I pick daddy because I think *he* will go for it.  Be safe and have fun.  I’ll see you on the streets!

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Dear Bacon,
It only takes that one word to get us all to the attention we are here in this picture.  Nope it’s not the Dear Bacon issue – sorry little man.  Nope it’s not the cat doing a pole dance – sorry Mouse Girl.  It’s that wonderful glorious four lettered word that *ALL* of us drop everything we are doing and run to the kitchen.  FOOD.  We can’t help ourselves.  Tell me we are not the only ones.  You do the same thing too, right?  Signed Cinco Foodies

Dear Cinco Foodies,
Puts head down.  You are not alone my friends.  It happens to the best of us.  I am guilty in the first degree as well.  What can we say?  Food delivers us from all evil happenings.  While we are eating, we can’t be up to no good?  Keep up the fine work my friends.

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Remember anipals – if you have questions and pictures, continue to send them to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com  Thanks and have a great one!

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 10/15/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Hey, I’m just trying to help out here around the house. The humans said I don’t pull my weight. That’s all I’m doing – trying to help out with the everyday chores. I thought I would help out with dinner. I’m sure it will taste like chicken – evil bark. Signed Chef Boy Ring Dog

Dear Chef Boy Ring Dog,

Step away from the stove my friend. Purr things are not made for eating. They are made for loving. Trust me, they do not taste like chicken. I’ve licked our purr things here at the Hotel Thompson. They taste nothing like chicken. Not even good. You don’t want any of that. Go find you some kibbles. Now that’s a meal.

 

20130531-235916.jpgDear Bacon,
I know you have a lot of horsey friends. Can I be your friend to? I think we have some similar markings. I’m hoping that you can help me out with a problem I have. Am I a black horse with white spots or am I a white horse with black spots? Signed Confucius Spots

Dear Confucius Spots,

I would love to be your friend! I’m so touched that you asked. As for your problem. Does it really matter? All that *does* matter is that you know you are beautiful either way. I mean that from the heart – You are stunning – just stunning my new friend.

 

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Dear Bacon,
What can I say, I’m a thrill seeker. Anything to get my heart pumping, I just LOVE to do. I know it drives Old McDonald over the edge here at the farm. I can’t help it though. Don’t you just love the excitement? Signed Evil Cowknivel

Dear Evil Cowknivel,

My friend, there is excitement and then there is excitement. Personally, I find it exciting just walking to the front room from my bedroom without getting the wrath of Hemi slapping my hind quarters. But, each to their own ways. Try not to give Old McDonald a heart attack in some of your activities. And heck, if you are going to take a risk, start charging admission so at least you can help the farm out. You know? Carry on my friend.

 

20130531-235933.jpgDear Bacon,
I’m trying to ‘bulk’ up. My friends say I’m skinny and scrawny. Do you think it’s working? Signed Squirt

Dear Squirt,

Oh little guy, give it some time. You will grow into all of that fur. You don’t need to lift weights to do that. And tell your friends to quit bullying you. There is no room for bullying in this time and age – NONE WHATSOEVER. You are just fine the way you are.

 

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Dear Bacon,

Who says that skateboarding is just for guys and the humans. If I want to burn the roads up, why can’t I? Everyone says it’s just a guy sport. Why? Who makes up these rules? Chicks rule – we should make up the rules, right? Signed Atonia Hawk

Dear Atonia Hawk,

I’m not arguing with that, really I’m not. I’ve seen my human mom do some amazing guy things. I say if you are good at, then practice makes perfect. Don’t take any flack – show them whatcha got my furry friend!

 

 

Remember Friends – Keep sending your pictures/questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
12 Comments

Posted by on 09/03/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
They say that we can all stand on our heads. I don’t know. I think I may be vertically challenged or maybe my head is not flat enough. I just can’t seem to be able to do it all the way with my back legs straight up. It throws me off balance. Can you do it? Signed Not Happening

Dear Not Happening,
Never dear friend. Sometimes we are just not built to do these weird things that you see the humans partake. I can’t stand on my head. This pot belly of mine knocks me off center every time. And my mom, even though she’s human, she can’t do it either. Don’t try to be like everyone else. Make your own path and be happy – leave the sitting to your bottom.

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Dear Bacon,
There’s always that one idiot that has to pop in your picture. Can you relate? I was minding my own business in this shot. I just wanted it to look halfway decent to post on my Pet Harmony dating profile. Signed Available

Dear Available,
Yep. I know exactly what you are talking about. Hemi, the purr thing here at the Hotel Thompson, thinks he should be in every camera shot. He is always photo bombing my pictures. Just keep smiling. Pay back can really be tortuous for our sidekicks. Right? Maybe sign up your friend as well on Pet Harmony and post his picture – of course with your picture cropped out. Snort giggles.

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Dear Bacon,
It’s a wonderful thing to have such great friends. Out in the pasture, sometimes I just get tuckered out. That’s my good buddy will help me out and let me take a nap. Isn’t that nice of him? Signed Sleepy on the Road

Dear Sleepy on the Road,
That is an excellent friend. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen that kind of friendship before. You are most definitely one lucky little guy!

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Dear Bacon,
I coach a soccer team on the weekends. We are always looking for a few new team players. You ever think about playing? I’ve heard that snout of yours can be classified as a deadly weapon. We could use a player like you. What do you say? Signed Coach Jones of Team Anipals

Dear Coach Jones of Team Anipals,
That sounds like a great deal of fun. I’m In to give it a shot. This snout is very wicked and these hooves are very fast!!

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Dear Bacon,
I think I need some anti wrinkle cream. Every time I wake up, I have more wrinkles! Soon, you’ll just see one giant sloppy dog. What can a pooch do? Please help. Signed Wrinkles

Dear Wrinkles,
As Lady Gaga once said, “Just put your paws up, Cause you were born this way, baby”. Embrace the way you are and don’t try to fight it my friend. Be happy in your own wrinkles.

Remember friends – keep sending you pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
16 Comments

Posted by on 08/20/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

Can you tell by this look that I’m tired of the ever ending question that I *always* get? You know the one. Do I have to say it? “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” Arrgghh – WHO cares?! Signed Aggravated Who

Dear Aggravated Who,

I know the answer to that. “One, Two and Three BITE”. PRAOL (Pig Rolling All over Laughing). I kill myself. That’s so funny! I know, I know. I’m sorry. I really do feel you… but you gotta admit it’s funny!

Dear Bacon,20130113-150748.jpg

What? You don’t get on your high horse sometimes and ride it? It’s really kind of fun. It even rocks – you just can’t see it the legs on the bottom. I rock it all over the room. Hey don’t knock it until you try it. Signed – Signed Spare the Paws, Ride a Horse

Dear Spare the Paws Ride a Horse,

My little snort just laughed on that one. I like it. Yeah, I’m going to have to stop literally getting on my high horse and start getting on that kind of horse. So funny!

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Dear Bacon,

I guess I kind of fell into this situation. I got stuck between a rock and a hard place. The problem is, how do I get unstuck? And what if that rock moves just a tiny little bit, that’s a long fall into the river. Signed, Fellow Short Legs

Dear Fellow Short Legs,

That is really cramped corners. If I was stuck like that, I would be screaming, snorting and barking to the high heavens for my mommy. Warm up those vocals my friend. You’re in for a bumpy ride! P.S. You can swim, can’t you?

 

 

Dear Bacon,20130113-150813.jpg

Have you ever had one of those days that you ended up in the kitchen like this? I just couldn’t take it any longer. My little paws had it. Signed, Tummy Up

Dear Tummy Up,

I’ve been there a couple of times in my little life. Usually though, mom is there to give me belly rubs. You do look really comfortable though. Scrunch around and get attention. Perhaps someone will come by and scratch that belly.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 01/15/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Bacon –

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Dear Bacon,

I know Halloween has past but I had to share with you my costume.  My master was the most creative I believe.  Can you guess who I am?  Really, can you?  He dressed up like Herman and mom dressed up like Lily.  We were a hoot Halloween night.  Sorry I couldn’t make your cyber party.  Signed Barky Brewster

Dear Barky Brewster,

That is so original!  Kudo’s to your master for such a creative costume.  I love it!  That’s one of mom’s favorite shows and we watch it on the television in my room at times.  By all means, you win top dog!

 

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20121113-065959.jpgHey Pig,

You talk about it being hard to maintain your good looks – don’t I know it.  It don’t come easy.  With beauty comes pain and trust me little man – I gotta lot of pain to keep these good looks!  Signed Mabel

Dear Mabel,

Um, well you are just absolutely darling.  There’s a lot of work in that beauty there.  I can see it… lots of it.  Bless your little heart for taking the time to go all out and be all you ewe can be.  Good job my lady friend.  Keep up the great work!

 

 

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20121113-070028.jpgDear Bacon,

What am I to do?  I’m a lab rat junky.  I can’t get enough of the sweets.  Look at my body.  I need help.  I need an intervention.  Call Richard Simmons – call the Biggest Loser – call someone!  OOHH, can you call me a pizza while you’re at it too?  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

First of all, admission is the first step.  You need to be that candy and cookie down.  Then, turn away and wobble away from it.  You don’t need that junk food.  I myself prefer my fruits and vegetables.  I say find some veggies that you like and start munching on them.  You don’t need an intervention – you just need to learn to say no.  Good luck my furry friend.  P.S. If you come over to my house, I can help you.  Me and the purr cats can chase you up and down the hall.  That’ll help 🙂  All for a good cause my friend.  All for a good cause.

 
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20121113-070055.jpgDear Bacon,

It just takes one smarty to dare you to do something before you do it and get in trouble.  It’s all laughter and taunting until someone gets stuck over a fence.  I can’t go forward.  I can’t go backwards.  Of course Henry is just standing in the back ground laughing his behinney off.  Don’t be me little man.  Don’t take the bait.  You would be worse off than I.  Signed Cows Can’t Jump

Dear Cows Can’t Jump,

That is quite the little dilema you have there.  At least Henry can do is push you from behind to help you over.  That’s gotta hurt.  Just remember my friend – payback is a you know what.  Insert evil snort 🙂
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20121113-070135.jpgDear Bacon,

WHHAAZZZ UUUPP?  I’ve been following you for a bit my little dude.  I think its time to cut the skirt tails of your momma and live at large.  Get you some bling and start getting out more.  Come visit me little dude.  I got it going on at my farm.  Signed Rebel ReKognize

Dear Rebel ReKognize,

OK.  I’m going out on a limb here.  You probably didn’t get a whole lot of loving from you mom growing up did you?  Did you miss something from your childhood?  You know you don’t have to have the pierced tongue, or the dark shades or the bling in your mouth to be cool.  Being cool doesn’t equate fitting in.  You can be your own horse and shine in your own way.  You don’t have to ‘fit’ in a group to be cool.  You can be cool just by being you.  Think about it my friend.  HUGS to you.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 11/13/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
One of my characters is Harry Potter. I’ve read all of his books and seen all of the movies multiple times. Do you think it’s weird of me to dress like this? Signed Harry Trotter

Dear Harry Trotter,
We can have our idols too. I favor Spiderman AKA Spiderpig. It doesn’t hurt anyone so why not? You trot my man – you trot!

 

 

 

 

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Dear Bacon,
The other kitties in the house make fun of me because I pray every night. They say animals can’t do this. I say they can. What do you think? Signed Praying Puss

Dear Praying Puss,
If He moves in your heart to pray, go for it. Don’t let others judge or try to change you. Pray on my friend.

 

 

 

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Dear Bacon,
I need help. I just can’t smile. This is my happy face. I’m a rough and tumble kind of pooch.  I take no crap.  I protect the house.  I protect the master.  I can’t afford to smile.  A dog has to do what a dog has to do.  Any suggestions?  Signed Canine Exposed.

Dear Canine Exposed,

I understand wanting to protect the house, master and what is rightfully yours.  I’m going to assume that you are single.  You need to relax the lips and teeth sometimes and let someone close.  You can smile and still be a strong dog in charge.  Just know when to show the teeth and when not to.  Good luck!

 

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Hey Pig,

Two people can play this game.  I borrowed your computer earlier and surfed the net.  You’re not the only one with skills.  Just wait until you find out where I’ve been using your log in.  HEE HEE – Signed Hemi the Master

Dear Hemi the You Think You Are The Master,

Stay out of my room.  I’m going to tell mom on you.  Keep your claws off what is not yours.  Just remember – all is fair in love and war.  I have the proof in the picture that you were using my toys again.  Be afraid. 

 

 

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Dear Bacon,

We think you’re handsome!  We all take turns driving a pink Corvette.  You would look awesome in it.  If you are ever in Dallas, come see us.  Signed Charlies Bunnies

Dear Charlies Bunnies,

Thanks for the invite girls.  You rock!

 
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Posted by on 08/28/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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