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No Daddy

 

Over the weekend, mom/dad went Christmas shopping.  They wanted a jump start to the season and wanted to look at stuff before it was all picked over… their words.  I’m not sure what they meant.  So they are hitting the shelves and daddy found a new friend. All mom heard was, “Honey I want”.  When mom turned around she saw this… where was daddy?  There was a muffled voice behind the horn faintly saying how much they wanted to come home with us.  Mom of course said no.  It’s too big.  Put it back.

Well, daddy never gives up.  I think we all know that by now, right friends?  A few minutes later, daddy said, “It has to be smaller right?’  Of course mom has her back to daddy and is kind of half listening and trying to shop.  She mumbles, “Yes”.  That’s when daddy gets a grin on his face and says loudly, “Welcome home my new friend.”

Now mom knows before she even turns around that this is not going to be good.  She slowly turns around and sees daddy with a new friend that is half the size of the original.  She puts on her best mom voice and says, “Why?  Why do you need a pink unicorn with a horn?”

Dad says, “Well it’s magical.  I don’t want him.  My inner child wants him.  He never had a magical unicorn.”

Okay, so how can you say no to that?  Well mom did.  Snorts with piggy laughter.  She explained to daddy that we were shopping for ‘others’ in our lives not for ourselves.  And you know, it’s much more fun to buy for others.  That’s when daddy pulled out his trump card and mentioned a certain someone here in blogville that he bet his inner child was wanting one of these special unicorns.  Now Evil Squirrel – I’m sure you would love said awesome unicorn but could you imagine sending this to you?  Heck, it would probably be better if I delivered it in person.. 🙂 right?

So mom had to explain that difficulties it would be in mailing the said wonderful, amazing, magical unicorn with a special horn and dad said he agreed…. especially when mom said if he put it back and behaved the rest of the time, she would buy him a drink after shopping.  Amazing how fickle my daddy can be.  One promised drink and Evil Squirrels unicorn went out the window.  Sorry about that my evil friend.  My mom is a hard-ass when it comes to shopping.  Snorts with piggy laughter.

 
31 Comments

Posted by on 11/09/2016 in Bacon

 

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Dear Easy – Special Edition

September we have been highlighting some of my friends who volunteered to help me out with my Dear Bacon issue. Today’s last special edition is by my brother Easy.  If you don’t know Easy, you *must* go visit him and check him out.  Tell them that Bacon sent you.  Now, on to some great advice to help out our fellow anipals.

 

 

 IMG_9425.JPGDear Easy,
Last night was great. My human dropped a pill on the floor. The next thing she knew, I ate it. I’m not sure what it was but I want more. I was so happy. So giggly. So alive! What do you think it was? Signed Feeling No Pain

Dear Feeling No Pain,
I bet it was a blue pill with a rhombic shape… they are the pills that lift anything up… really anything and anybody…. Those kind of pills you can buy when you check your spam folder. No worries that you could be fooled by a hoax, the offers start always with “Dear Friend…” and friends never fool you, right?

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Dear Easy,
I think we may be related. Can’t you see the resemblance? The eyes? The nose? Maybe the good looks? I think we may even be twins separated at birth. What do you think? Signed Mirror Image

Dear Mirror Image,
It seems you are really my twin… what’s sad, because I’m sick of my singleness… butt maybe that’s just the first impression and there is a chance that we are related butt not by blood? I can see some differences on your right ear and on your nose, what’s missing the scratch I wear . Please check your pedigree and call me immediately!

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Dear Easy,
I’m so pretty. I’m so fun. I’m so exciting on the farm. My human knitted my outfit for me and I love it! Don’t you? What size are you? I can get you one too so we can both have fun, fun, FUN! Signed Pretty in Pink

Dear Pretty in Pink,
Thanks that I have the chance to meet you. You must be the longlost twin of my mom. She wore exactly the same outfit like you, as they brought her home from hospital or wherever they found her.. Do you remember her? She just has no horn, butt probably hers grows inwards… Oh and btw: I’m a size XS…that means xtremely sloshed :o)

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Dear Easy,
They see me rolling and they’re hating. My pops bought me this get up and I highly recommend it. You want to know why? Because it attracts the ladies. What do you wear to attract the ladies? Signed Ladies Pup

Dear Ladies Pup,
You have a very wise Pops. He knows that all girls have a shoe-obsession and that a butt is a good butt in the perfect jeans. Oh and to wear sunglasses your way has something of James Dean, I agree. Girls love rebells, so they will open you their heart and their treat packs. I have to admit that I’m a professed nudist, but maybe that’s the reason that I’m still single?

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Dear Easy,
I got busted. Here’s the proof – thanks to my humans. During the day while they were at work, I got into the garbage can. I thought I was safe until this contraption got stuck on my head. Dude I couldn’t get it off. Any tips for my future escapades? Signed Lid of Shame

Dear Lid of Shame,
Your humans need a garbage can with an automatic lid, called Dive In in carnivore circles. That’s an essential equipment if they share their crib with a dog. Oh and I would remove that thingy before they come home… in worst case, next time they would save the money for a cone and try it with the lid of the treashure can…

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Thank you to all of my guests that helped me host my special editions for September.  Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *you*.  Please continue to send your letters and questions to me here at the Hotel Thompson at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 09/30/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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