Mom Has Finally Went Off the Deep End!

Oh dear Lord, mom has finally stepped off that fine line of sanity.  Whatever will I do?  Her and dad went out in public again unchaperoned.  Shakes my piggy head.  I think I’m going to have to set some ground rules here at the Hotel Thompson that they can’t go out unattended in public.  And no Nana, you can’t be a chaperone.  You’re worse than they are – snorts.

I thought mom was joking all of these years when she said quote, “You’re just so cute, I could gobble you up.”  Then she brings home a giant pig nose lollipop.  Mom – that’s just sick.  That’s like borderline inhumane.

I may need to call PFCS (Pig Family Children Services) on this one.

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And dad you were not helping!   At what point did you find it humorous to point out this coffee mug to mommy?  You know what you are.  You are an enabler my dear human daddy.

And just so as we are clear.  Have you heard one time anyone licking me here and saying, “MMM Bacon?”  I think not.

Rolls piggy eyes.

Then there was the overall flavor of ‘pig’ assortments.  Thankfully, none of these found their way to the Hotel Thompson.

Mom, we do not need a pig shaped treat holder.  I can keep all of my treats in the cold box.  You don’t need to remind me that they are strictly mine because of the shape of the holder.

 And by the way mom, what’s up with the ‘holey’ pig lamp?  It looks like it got in a fight with farmer and didn’t win.  That’s just so not pig right.

I think I will have to put my hooves down on some of these mom/dad.

Fun is fun and borderline sickness, well you need to be committed somewhere.  Perhaps you need to think about this.  Perhaps you need to give me a little extra loving tonight and perhaps a few more treats to show me how much you really do love me.  Yeah, that’s it.  I think that will work.  That would make this entire ridiculous photo opportunity better.

And these, there are just no words.

 

Diary of Dominance Training

 

You know how they say that pigs can be stubborn and ‘pig-headed’?  Well, that about sums me up.  I know – I’m trying.  I really am trying.  It’s like my alter ego, Deviled Ham, comes out at times when I least expect it.  Mom/Dad are not quitters and they are hanging in there.  Here’s the update on dominance training.

Tuesday, 04/29/2013 – Dominance training actually started this evening. It is something that I’m not used to.  Dad has said the “NO” word very firmly, very southern might I add – snort giggles.  It does make me stop in my hooves and rethink my surroundings before Deviled Ham shows up.  When I was on the couch with mom, dad came over several times to see me.  The first time, I went all pig ballistic on him.  He put me in my place with the southern firm “NO” and petted my little head.  After about the third attempt, I never grunted or barked and allowed dad to pet me.

Wednesday, 04/30/2013 – After my morning snack when I was going back to my room, Deviled Ham came out from no where and I jumped dad in the hallway.  Bad move.  The rest of the day, I was fine.  Again, when I was on the couch with mom, dad came over several times to see me.  The first time, I again barked and growled but not as bad as the night before.  The second time he came over, it was just a small grumble when he pet me.  After that, I never grunted or barked and allowed dad to pet me as long as he wanted.

Thursday, 5/1/2013 – Well, you know how they say the third time is the charm?  Snort – not so much in this case.  I lost my piggy mind tonight.  I was good all day long with dad.  I never gave him a moment’s trouble while it was me and him at the Hotel Thompson.  That night, daddy and mommy went out to dinner.  When they came back, my rebellious teenager Deviled Ham made an appearance.  I tried to attack daddy.  Mom thought it was those god forsaken orange shorts he wears because they were so bright – snort.  It wasn’t.  My hoove nipped him on the knee cap, not bad.  His southern “NO” really did nothing for me.  Mommy had to be the firm one.  Instead of minding her, what did I do?  Rebellious teenager Deviled Ham tried to go after her.  Drops and shakes my piggy head.  I was bad.  Mom sent me to my room which I minded.  No bedtime snack.  No bedtime story.  No night time snuggles.  Mommy said it hurt her more than it was hurting me.  I’m not so sure.  You see, this is the one thing that piggies have a hard time with – being ignored.  She ignored me the rest of the night.  That’s tough on this little guy. And, I think I made mommy cry.  I could hear her and daddy in their room.  Mommy wouldn’t even let Bashful sleep with me last night.  I was all by myself and had all night to rethink my rebellious ways.  It was a long night.

Friday, 5/2/2013 – This morning I got mommy up to get ready for the worky place and breakfast.  It was a new day with new ways.  Mommy fixed me breakfast and I just wagged my tail so fast when she was talking to me about last night.  We had our little prayer meeting and she put me back to bed for my morning nap.  Today, I am really, REALLY going to try to be good.  Wish me luck and think of me.  Mommy says that this weekend there will be lots of training.  I’m game.