Pigomon NO!

So here I am this past weekend listening to the news on television about this Pokemon Go craze.  I’m just shaking my head about some of the stupid things that people are ending up doing just to catch a Pokemon.  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  I overheard mom/dad talking about the craze and they were just shaking their heads too.

So knowing that mom/dad thought it was crazy, I acted like any other kid in America.  I had to try it myself – snorts.  So mom put me to bed last night.  While she and dad were getting ready for bed, I downloaded the Pokemon Go app to my iPad.  Now this is where I have my first issue with Pokemon.  Why don’t you have animal players?  Why do you have to have either boy or girl.  Shame on you.

I finally settled with a boy and of course named myself BaconPigLove.  What else would I name myself, right?  So then I listened at my door intently waiting for mom/dad to go to bed.  In the meantime, I looked around my room.  Nope – Pokemon Monster Free just like I like it.  I snorted – stupid game.

Then I heard mom/dad walk down the hall – awesome.  Now was the time for me to make my move.  I silently pushed open my bedroom door and went down the hall holding my iPad.  Now I was so intent on getting to the doggy door that I didn’t see the stupid monster before I got right on top of him.  This stupid Rattata appeared out of nowhere.  And trust me friends, it’s just like it sounds – a stupid rat of some sorts that’s been eating too many science projects left in the fridge for too long. I didn’t know whether to squeal or take a snort or what.  So I flung this ball at it and it said I captured it.  Thank goodness because that thing could have carried Houdini off.  And speaking of which, I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake him up so he would yip-yap and give me away.

I got to the doggy door and scooted through… okay okay – I wedged my pudgy piggy butt through the door.  And then there I was in my magical backyard.  Surely, nothing would be found in my magical backyard.  I started walking around holding my iPad up looking for these supposed monsters.  Then I saw this thing happened on my iPad like something was jumping in a bunch of leaves. It was weird so of course I carried on towards it.  Slowly I tiptoed on my hooves and then this stupid bird like thing jumped out at me.  I think it said it’s name was Pidgey.  Trust me.  That’s not what I called it.  I caught it with my ball and scored some points.

By this time, I was deep in the woods.  Did I mention all by myself?  Then I saw the leaves moving again on my iPad.  This time it was further back in the woods near the tree line.  So again I tiptoed down the woods silent like the hunter I am – quit laughing.  I turned the corner and jumped out to get what only God knows was next.  That’s when this kid yelled louder than I was squealing.  OMP!  I peed on myself right there in *my* backyard… in *MY* woods and this kid was back there hunter Pokemon too. He yelled pig and I yelled kid and we both took off running in opposite directions.  Trust me it was so much easier getting back into the house through the doggy door.

I’m never going Pokemon hunting again…ever.

 

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  Really?  That is the question for the day.  Mommy kissed all of us goodbye this morning and walked out the door.  We heard her chuckling from the front porch.  Why do you ask?  Look closely at the picture above.  Across the street in the yard, there was a chicken.  A real goodness chicken.  Why did it cross the road?  Probably because it knew of mom’s passion for fried chicken?  Snorts and rolls around in piggy laughter.

Never fear – the chicken is live and well.  Mom knocked on the owner’s door and told him his chicken was out.  He said it got out of his chicken house. What a thought.  There’s an escaped chicken in our hood.

 

Dear Bacon

 

Dear Bacon – I’ve been hiding most of the day from my brother.  I ate his breakfast.  There I admit it.  I ate his breakfast.  So what.  He snoozed and he lost.  Now though, I feel like he’s been stalking me all day.  Every time I turn around, I can feel him watching me.  He’s watching me right now isn’t he?  Signed Big Trouble

Dear Big Trouble – Oh my friend.  There are just certain things in life that we don’t do.  Eating your brother’s food is one of them.  There will be something to pay for this.  You might as well just push your bowl of kibbles his way tonight to make up for it.  Trust me, with the evil look he is giving you, it might be the right move.

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 Dear Bacon – There’s a standing rule in this house whether your are anipal or human, when one is sleeping you do not wake them.  I have to go wizzle.  I’ve had this strange feeling for a LONG time.  But, as you can see kitty is sleeping on me.  If I move, she will wake.  If I wake her, she will be in a bad mood.  So I wait with this pained look on my face.  Signed Helpless.

Dear Signed Helpless – I know the feeling my friend.  Well personally I don’t know the feeling but my mom knows the feeling.  She has been in your position numerous times with one of us in her arms.  Just keep your head up and those legs tight.

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Dear Bacon – Who says that humans can be the only ones with teddy bears.  Here is mine.  He’s my buddy.  We go every where together.  We are playing patty cakes here in the picture.  He’s slow in catching the patterns but he will learn.  Signed Bear Times Two

Dear Bear Times Two – Hey my friend.  Nobody can say anything bad about this.  It’s totally cute!  You always have a friend with you.  Keep teaching him the patty cake song – he might just catch on soon.  Did you see the movie Ted?  It could happen!

.

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Dear Bacon – What?  It was Curious George and I am Curious too.  I want to know what made George so Curious.  He was totally full of fluff – I knew it.  Nothing between those ears but white fluff.  Guess he won’t be curious much longer huh?  Signed Curious Too

Dear Curious Too – Now the world knows.  White fluff is what put Curious George together.  Hilarious.  Looks like he might need some reconstruction surgery there.  Does your house have a BooBoo Facility like here at the Hotel Thompson?  If so, get him in surgery STAT.

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  Dear Bacon – Am I the only dog that has a snake for a sister? I mean, I know we both have the same body type but this doesn’t seem natural to me.  I don’t think we look alike at all.  I’m so confused and a little scared.  Signed Confused Dog Brother to a Snake

Dear Confused Dog Brother to a Snake – WOW!  First off, we need to talk about you my friend.  Wipe that scared look right off of your face.  Dude up right now.  You are a MAN doggy.  Ssnnaakkee – is a girl.  You need to set up your area – start marking your territory.  Don’t let her know that you are scared of her… because personally I would be too but we are men anipals.  Show no fear.  Then work your sister to your advantage.  Treat her as such.  Most men take care of their sisters.  And in turn, they take care of YOU.  Who in the neighborhood is going to mess with YOU now?  If they do, bring your sister along.  I can assure you, you will be king of your hood.  Now, off you go to make nice with your ssiisstteerr.  Let me know how things work out for you okay.

.

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REMEMBER my friends – these weekly Dear Bacon issues can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your letters and pictures – thanks!  ❤

 

The Great Pig Escape

Insert the theme music to Mission Impossible.  Insert the Bond music.  Insert any kind of secret pig music you can think of – snorts.  I’ve thought long and hard about ‘The Great Pig Escape’.  Let me explain and tell you the plan.

Nana lives TEN houses up from the Hotel Thompson.  Nana *always* gives me treats and LOTS of them.  I took an aerial view of my hood – don’t ask how cause I’m still dizzy from it.  I can wait until mom tucks me in for the night.  I can wait until I hear daddy snoring.  I can then sneak out of the Hotel Thompson at night and blend in to the outside.  I can take the pink arrowed path up to Nana’s and ring her doorbell. Of course she will let me in.  I mean it’s only dark, she can’t see me through the peep hole but if I snort she’ll recognize me.  I can get my share of treats and be back home in bed before mom and dad know I’m PMIA (Piggy Missing in Action).

I don’t need a costume.  With my black fur, I can blend into the night and be one with my ninja skills.  I can take the road therefore my hooves don’t have to touch grass.  I can wear my fanny pack and put my house key in it as well as other snacks that Nana sends me back home with.

What could possibly go wrong?