Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – They are right when they say the eyes are the first to go. These days, I’m having to wear glasses just to get around the neighborhood.

I know other dogs make fun of me and it kind of hurts my feelings. What should I do? Signed Four Doggy Eyes

Dear Four Doggy Eyes – Hey guy, if it helps you to see I wouldn’t care what other dogs think about it. One day, they are going to experience problems as well. They are being doggy bullies and you know what.

Bullying is totally unacceptable in any form in any way – humans or animals.

Hold your head up high my friend. Wear those great looking glasses with pride!

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Dear Bacon – Around these parts, they call me Sheriff Groucho. I love protecting my house and yard wearing my outfit. Sometimes, the humans even walk me through the neighborhood and so I can protect and serve other animals in the hood. It’s what I do. Signed Sheriff Groucho

Dear Sheriff Groucho – Hey, I like the look. I think it’s great that you are taking care of your neighborhood like that. If only other animals great and small would take charge and take back their own neighborhoods, it would be a wonderful place to live. Almost like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. I could see me living there.

Keep up the great work my friend. I think you deserve a pat on the back and a good job well done!

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Dear Bacon – You talk about your mommy reading you bedtime stories all of the time. I like to read my own. I especially like Dr Seuss Go Dog Go. Have you read it? Signed Smart Pooch

Dear Smart Pooch – I haven’t heard of that book. I’m going to have to get mom to get a copy so she can read it to me one night. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I love how you hold your book. I only wish my hooves could accomodate that move.

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Dear Bacon – You know riding a hog is just not for the humans – no pun intended. Sometimes on nice days outside, I like to jump my bike and ride. I like to feel the wind going over my body.

Do you like to ride? Signed Harley the Frog

Dear Harley the Frog – I like that bike. I absolutely love the color. Your legs are a tad bit longer than mine. I have short legs unfortunately.

It would be fun to feel the wind blowing through my hair though. I may have to see what I can do about that. Keep riding my friend and stay safe.

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Dear Bacon – Some days, it doesn’t pay to even get out of bed. On this day in fact, I went from on top of the bed to under the bed. I just passed out and slept until the world was nicer to me. Do you ever have those days? Signed Pooch in Life

Dear Pooch in Life – I do have days where I go back to my bed until I feel better. It’s not every day. It just seems like some days Mother Nature is out to get you and throws lemons at you. Instead of passing it on to the humans, I sleep it off as well. I don’t have the back sleeping going on like you do but it looks comfortable!

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  This will be my final letter from camp.  WOW – it’s been a long week in a lot of different ways and on the other hoof a very short week.  I really didn’t want to come but I have to admit that it’s been kind of fun.  I’ve met a lot of great friends – Scott and Piper.  You are probably wondering who the heck is Piper.  Piggy blushes… she was the strawberry that I had dinner with the other night.  She’s sweet and cute and all girly and from the south.  She gave me her phone number and address so we can stay in touch ❤ .  Oh, and so did Scott.

Last night was talent night here at camp.  All of us had to come up with some kind of talent for the show.  Heck, I had to think hard.  I mean what talent do I have besides pounding a keyboard.. which I’m pretty good with cause the last time I checked I was up at 25hpm (hooves per minute).  So I thought about biting into an apple and laying on the floor but I’m not sure how many of the gang would get that one.  Then it hit me.  I would dance and sing a song of my people so I did.

“I’m a little teapot short and stout.  Here is my handle and here is my … handle.  Damn I’m a sugar bowl.”

It got a great snort and got me off of the stage quickly.

So today mom/dad are coming to pick me up.  I can’t wait.  I’m so ready to jump in the back of the Smart car and get home to my kingdom… my castle… my own bed… my air conditioning.  aaww – I miss that life.  I hope you’ve been entertained this week and that my little brother Houdini has done a good job on my blog.  I instructed him before I left to take care of everyone.

See you soon my friends!

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  I gotta admit mom that I thought this Summer Camp thing was a joke.  I really, REALLY didn’t want to come.  But I have to admit that it’s been kind of cool this week.  We went and camped out last night ‘under the stars’.  I gotta admit that laying around the bonfire and watching the sky through the tips of the trees was kind of cool.  It’s amazing how many shooting stars you can see.  That in itself was almost worth the trip.

I also put my Ninja skills into action last night and found the culprit who ate all of my Animal Crackers.  It was a boy named Scout.  Yep, nods piggy head, his name is Scout.  He has stolen a lot of our food here this week at camp.  After everyone went to sleep last night in their tents, someone – looks around innocently – went to his tent and made grunting noises, stomped around a lot and cast huge shadows on the side of his tent.  For a boy that is challenged horizontally, he could run pretty fast.  What’s even better was seeing him wearing his pajama onesie.  Now that was priceless.  He kept saying that he heard Pigman and Goatman in the woods.  Don’t mess with the Ninja pig.

And mom you would be proud of me.  I had dinner with a strawberry (girl) last night.  She’s cool.

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  There are a bunch of vultures here at camp.  No I’m not talking about Alfred Hitchcock and birds of nature.  I’m talking about thieves.  Someone in the cabin ate all of my Animal Crackers yesterday.  They are not admitting to who did it.  Don’t mess with the pig.  This means war. Good thing I packed my Ninja outfit when you weren’t looking.

Today we had to go running.  Snorts – as if this pig runs.  Unless there is food in the distance that is calling me, why would this oinker run?  So there I was softly walking to our destination.  My counselor Wolf creeped up behind me and howled.  What an as*$*!)  I took off running like it was really the Big Bad Wolf after me.  After a while of running, I heard clapping.  It took me a few minutes to realize it was just my thighs cheering me on.  That Wolf is a true as$*!&

Tonight, we get to sleep outside “under the stars in the fresh air”.  Really?  Do these people not watch television?  I’d rather be behind a locked door.  But then again, my Ninja outfit could come in handy tonight to find the culprit that ate my beloved Animal Crackers.  Evil snorts.

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  Another day down and another day closer to coming back home to the Hotel Thompson.  Yesterday for our activity we went swimming in the lake.  Things were going good.  The cute little ‘strawberries’ (girls) got a thrill – snorts. Scott taped a fin on his back and swam over to their side.  I’ve never seen strawberries move that fast out of the water in my entire life.  Some of them were faster than the girls in those b-rated movies on SyFy.  It was really hilarious.  But Wolf caught Scott and he got into trouble.  I have to admit mom, I had *nothing* to do with that.  Really I didn’t – pig honor.

Last night, we got to watch a movie outside near the camp fire.  Now that’s what I’m talking about.  It was so much fun!  It was Race for Your Life Charlie Brown.  I got my first roasted marshmallow.  So delicious.  Of course, it was so hot it almost burned my lips but I couldn’t just stop at one.  And trust me.  No one noticed towards the end of the movie when I got the rest of the bag of marshmallows.  Nope not at all.  You see they were too busy taking care of the fire.  Oh don’t worry. It wasn’t that big.  A boy in cabin 3 threw some fireworks in the bonfire.  One went off into the brush and cause a small fire.  It only took two fire extinguishers to get it out.  No worries.  Talk to you later.

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  This weekend started off slow with Summer Camp.  Everyone was getting to know one another and learn the ways around the camp here.  It’s gotten a lot better now.  I even met a new friend – Scott.  He’s kind of cool and is from the North Georgia mountain areas.  He goes outside all of the time and we are kind of hanging with each other.

They really believe in the activities at this place and are constantly encouraging us to participate. Yesterday we had arts and crafts so I went.  Let me just say that it wasn’t my fault.  Really it wasn’t.  I got to class late and no one told me that the macaroni was for making jewelry and not for eating.  What can I say?  I was a little hungry.  You might get a call from my counselor about that incident.

And speaking of counselors.  Mom are you for real about this place?  Did you check into this at all?  They call the boys here Blueberries and the girls Strawberries.  Rolls piggy eyes.  That is so crazy and just makes me hungry.  But I’m getting sidetracked.  Our counselors have nicknames.  I bet you just can’t guess what my counselor’s nickname is.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait for you to guess.  Then again, no I won’t since I only have ONE hour of computer time tonight.  His nickname is Wolf.  Really mom?  Gotta run – my time is running close and I have to get back to my cabin before it gets too dark.

 

Letter From Summer Camp

Dear Family,

Bacon here from Summer Camp.  I’m settled in… well as much as I can be.  Mom dropped me off here on Saturday morning.  She introduced me around and showed me my cabin.  I’m rooming with 10 other peeps.  I walked around looking for the television and was told there isn’t one in the individual cabins.  What?  And we all have to share the bathroom.  Double What?  What kind of place is this Summer Camp?  How barbaric.  I couldn’t believe it when mom hugged me, told me goodbye and then left without me!  It took everything within me not to chase after her.

That afternoon, they left everyone to their own devices to settle in at our cabins.  We had a greet and meet that night before retiring to our cabins for the night.  First up, really mom?  You put me in a Summer Camp where we have to participate in activities… outside… in nature?  Do I really look like that kind of pig?  Then when I went to bed for the past couple of nights, there was no apple or treat on my pillow and no bedtime story.  Huh?  And a room-mate here bedding in this cabin actually called me a H.O.G.  It took all I could do not to rip into him but I didn’t.  I just did what came natural to me.  When he went to the bathroom, I dragged his blankets and pillow outside.  H.O.G.  Imagine that.  Me?  No way!

We get one hour of computer time at night after dinner.  ONE hour.  I gotta make it count so I’ll send you an email when I can.  Make sure Houdini takes care of my blog this week.  Tell everyone in blogville I miss them and when I survive this I will be back.  Much love to you, Bacon

 

Mom/Dad You Have Some Explaining To Do

  If you don’t know much about anything else about me by this point, you have to know that my humans are strange… unpredictable if you will. They are *always* getting into some type of trouble.  They are always going out and about unchaperoned.  And there is no telling what chaos they cause anywhere they go.  You don’t believe me still?

  Let’s take a look at example 1 to the left here.   Okay let’s assume I was snooping and found this on mom’s iPhone under pictures.  What?  I didn’t say that I did it.  I said just assume… looks innocent.  Let’s get back to the point shall we.  Tell me this my friends.  Have you ever been in a restaurant where there was such ‘stuff’ hanging around?  I mean is it me or a skull riding a motorcycle kind of eccentric or pushing the envelope just a bit?  Let alone mom/dad told me that this place was adults only and you had to be 21 years of age to enter and eat.  Now I understand why.  This restaurant is called the Vortex Bar and Grill and mom even did a blog about it on her food blog here.  It has great food… not that this oinker got a piggy bag to go or anything.  Snorts – way to go mom/dad.

When I saw this picture above, I was like cool a skull.  Then I looked further and longer at the picture.  Then I was like – what the pig is that?!  And more importantly – why is it hanging on the wall wearing Mardi Gras beads?  What the heck did it do to get those beads?  Of course seeing one of my ancestors ‘mounted’ on a wall got me squealing to the high heavens above and mom had to come to my bedroom to see what the problem was.  I mean heck, it’s not every day you see this, right?

Mom saw what I was squealing about and sat down on my toddler bed with me for ‘a talk’.  First up was the talk about not snooping… hey I said assume but I guess I just got busted huh?  Mom mentioned something about privacy and some things I shouldn’t see – blah blah blah – and sometimes things seen or heard can not be now unseen or unheard – blah blah blah.

Okay mom got it.  Please explain why one of my ancestors is on the wall wearing beads.  Honestly, she didn’t know why but she explained to me that this animal was called a boar.  There are several different classes of boars and mostly run wild.  We are related through the ancestry leaves.  He is kind of a mascot of sorts at this restaurant.  Okay that’s cool.  He lives on in fame still kind of smiling if you look at the grin on his face.  I wonder if that is because of the lack of somewhat clothing the waitresses wear in this alternative bar?  Or is because of the different people he sees throughout the day from lawyers to bikers?  But I still have to ask. Why is he wearing beads?  What do you think is the story behind that my friends?  You know this piggy has an inquiring mind.

 

 

I’m a Spam Expert

 

A HUGE Thank You to everyone that participated in my Shopping Around the World yesterday.  It was so interesting to see the different prices from all over the world.  Keep checking back to my blog to get the items for next months shopping which will be scheduled June 25, 2014.

 

Funny Daddy

 

Mom and dad do bring out the freeze in cold.  This is a picture of their air conditioning unit while at the beach.  A chilly but yet comfortable 54 degrees.  Too cold for you?  Now you know why I wear a fur coat at the Hotel Thompson – snorts.  No really, it’s fine here.

They both like it cold – especially at night when they are trying to sleep and have sweet dreams.  But there is one difference between here at the Hotel Thompson and the hotel they stayed at during vacation.  Blankets.  That’s right, I said blankets.

You see here at the Hotel Thompson, mom and dad have separate blankets.  I know it seems odd but it works for them and what works ain’t broke so don’t fix it.  You’re probably asking yourself why the separate blankets?  I’m glad you asked.

Early in their marriage, they both learned that dad was a blanket whore.  Yep, I said it.  Blanket whore.  Take in point this picture that mom took as evidence for an example 🙂

See all of those blankets on the floor to the right side of the bed?  That was daddy’s side.  Daddy who kept telling mommy that she was hogging all of the blankets and he had none.  All during the time that mommy’s frozen derrière was hanging out in the cold and she was shaking from frostbite.  I mean, she could have turned the air conditioning down but then, she would be too hot to sleep.  It’s what mom refers to as a catch 22 – darned if you do and darned if you don’t.

Anyone else relate?  Please tell me mommy isn’t the only one with a blanket hog?