Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into the Jeep for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when mom challenges the hamsters in the motor to go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.  And of course by this time, Houdini is on play mode intertwining around both of mom’s legs.  Way to go bro!

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – My mom holds my trunk every time we go out on walks.  It’s so embarrassing.  I like to think that I’m a big elephant now.  I don’t need to hold hands.  Does your mom make you do these things too?  Signed Mommy’s Boy

Dear Mommy’s Boy –  I hate to tell you this my friend but we will always be mommy’s baby regardless if we are two or a hundred and two.  That’s the way it is.  I wouldn’t worry what anyone else thinks of your situation.  One day when your mom is gone, you will wish for these days again.  So I tell you, enjoy your mom holding your trunk.  Love every minute of it and hey why don’t you hold her trunk for a change.  You can tell your friends that’s the case.  You are protecting your mother and helping to guide her.

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Dear Bacon – This means war.  All day every day.  You do know what I’m talking about, right?  I refuse to become a chicken nugget.  I’m a rebel with a cause.  I’m the extreme free range chicken.  Unite with me and stand with the cause.  Signed Rebel with a Cause

Dear Rebel with a Cause – I’m so with you.  I would stand beside you for your cause.  I would even add my cause.  I refuse to be a pork meal in any shape or form from bacon to pork chops and anything in between.  If we don’t stand up for our rights,ele who will?  I say we have a meet up at Old McDonald’s Farm on Highway 42 at midnight to talk about our stand.  I’ll start making posters and hanging them in all of the fast food restaurant bathrooms ASAP.
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Dear Bacon – There we were at the local bar mingling when we ordered a drink called the Blue Calypso.  Were we surprised when it came to the table.  Oh my hamsters – it had a garnish that was alive and swimming.  We didn’t know whether to drink it, play with it or tip it.  What say you?  Signed The Twins – Adam and Bubba

Dear Adam and Bubba – Now *that* is a surprise my friends.  I’m with you.  What to do?  Well, you can’t drink/eat the tyke now.  You’ve been introduced and are on friendly terms now.  And on the other hoof, if you leave him, someone else will take care of your problem in a bad way.  I say, ask him to come home with you to keep him safe.  Wouldn’t that be fun to have an extra room-mate?   He does look kind of cool and just think of how much trouble ya’ll can get into.  I bet he would even be great at charades.

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Dear Bacon – There is always that one person in the hood that is your arch enemy.  So yes I have eaten little more lately than usual.  It’s summer. It’s hot.  There’s nothing else to do but eat.  Maybe perhaps I shouldn’t have eaten that last dog biscuit.  I went outside to take care of some business and while coming back in I got stuck in a compromising position.  I swear someone shrunk my doggy door.  And then there is that one friend-enemy that snuck up behind me and drew a happy face on my butt.  Really?  Don’t push me and help guy out, embarrass him instead.  What an idiot.  When I get out of this position, he is so going to pay.  What do you think?  Signed Two Faced

Dear Two Faced – Give me a second to gain my composure.  I’m not laughing at you.  I’m laughing with you at the situation.  It could very well be this little porker stuck in the doggy door.  While your friend-enemy was drawing on your butt perhaps you should have told him to kiss while he was back there.  At least he wasn’t talking behind your back – snorts.  And don’t worry, I’m sure you will get even.  You know what they say about karma – it goes around  Don’t forget that okay.

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Dear Bacon – Julia Child – nope.  Emeril – nope.  Bobby Flay – nope.  I’m the original Chef Wolf Dog Gang. Since graduating from the CICC (Culinary Institution of Canine Cooking), I can’t stay out of the kitchen.  Not only can I bring home the bacon (sorry pal) but I can cook it up in the pan.  Friends in the hood come from all over to taste some of my creations.  You can often find me shopping in gardens around the house and coming up with such masterpieces as Hot Dog Casserole, Mutt Balls with Brown Rice, Doggy Lasagna and Chicken Backlash.  They are all must haves and I hope to market them soon.  When I get my cooking channel up, I would love for you to be my first guest.  Signed Chef Wolf Dog Gang

Dear Chef Wolf Dog Gang – That is totally awesome that you picked up a hobby that is also a career.  You know what they say about if you enjoy and love your job, you will never work a day in your life.  Keep up the great work and hey can  you send me some Mutt Balls with Brown Rice?  That sounds fantastic!  Oh and I would love to be your first guest as long as well you know… I’m a guest and not the guest of the meal if you know what I mean – snorts.

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REMEMBER my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without *YOU*  Keep your pictures and questions coming by sending them to me on my email address.

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Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into Albert, mom’s little Smart car, for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when Albert pumps up the volume and makes the hamsters in the engine go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

This is my new bed that I got for my birthday.  I freaking love it!  No one messes with me when I’m sitting on top of it.  I wonder why?  Signed BatCat

Dear BatCat,
I like it!  I think it is so you.  So very awesome my friend.  I think my humans need to find me something as interesting for me to take a nap on in the living room.

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Dear Bacon,
The wife – she fell asleep on me.  I have no feelings in my arm.  And you know what, I will not move until she wakes.  That’s how much I love her.  Signed Lovesters

Dear Lovesters,
That my friend is love and so very sweet.  I do know what you mean.  Sometimes I have fallen asleep while mom is holding me and she does the same.  She will hold me while I sleep for hours.  It’s a great feeling.  You two lovebirds have an awesome year!

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Dear Bacon,
Consider yourself lucky that you are a guy.  It’s hard looking this good every day.  Just doing my hair takes a lifetime.  All you have to do is throw a cap on and go.  I only wish!  There’s shampooing, conditioner, gel, blowdry – oh the list could go on!  Signed Marilyn

Dear Marilyn,
I hear you my pet.  It may take you a while to get ready but let me tell you in two words what the results are – HUBBA HUBBA!  But even without all of that, you are a natural beauty and I would be very proud wondering the streets with you on my side!

.

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Dear Bacon,

This is what happens when grandma comes for a visit.  This lipstick is hard to get off.  Can you relate?  Signed Kissed

Dear Kissed,

Snorts my friend.  Grandma just LOVES her little granddog.  There’s no harm in that.  What’s a little soap and water with all of that loving you just got?  I’m all for it.  Enjoy it to the fullest my friend.

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Dear Bacon,
My humans are just ridiculous.  That’s it bottom line.  They got me this delicious snack treat and took my picture.  This was actually on our Christmas cards this year.  Pig, you gotta help me.  I feel so stupid.  Signed Lips

Dear Lips,
I’m sorry my friend.  I read your question and then looked at your picture.  For some reason, all I can think about is Mick Jagger.  I’m not sure what the connection is – the ears maybe?  Snorticles.  You see, humans do things that they think are funny.  Our jobs are to make them laugh and smile.  You fulfilled your job.  They love you pooch – enjoy it!

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Remember friends to send your questions/pictures to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Sometimes life is so overwhelming that I just don’t know what to do.  It’s so stressful.  I just have to sit down and it weighs on my shoulders.  Any tips for me?  Signed Heavy Thoughts

Dear Heavy Thoughts,

If any of my friends have taught me anything it’s that sometimes we have to stop and smell the roses.  Life is not as bad as what you think.  Think of the positive things in life and how much you have going for you.  It seems like you’re overlooking the ocean in your picture.  That in itself can be very relaxing and have a calming effect on oneself.  And you know a good chuckle solves a lot of problems.  You can never take yourself too serious.  Focus on those thoughts for a while my friend and keep your trunk up.  You have a lot to bring to the party!  

 

Dear Bacon,

Hee-hee I’m eating your strawberry.  How you like that?  HA HA Signed Tortoise

Dear Tortoise,

What’s that?  I couldn’t hear you through eating through this basket of strawberries that my mom got me.  That’s right – I said basket.  Hope you enjoy your ONE strawberry my friend.  Snort – Love you!

 

Dear Bacon,

Mommy said that if I eat my vegetables I will grow up to be strong just like you.  Is she right?  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

Your mom is 100% correct.  Eating vegetables make you strong.  Now eat up that corn and broccoli I see and become a member of the clean plate club.  Make mommy proud and grow up to be nice and strong!

 

Dear Bacon,

Sometimes it takes a friends to help you out in meeting that future Mrs. Right.  I saw this gorgeous lady and had to get her attention some how that she would remember me.  I got my bro to help me out with an outstretched arm.  What do you think – did I make an impression to last?  Signed Romeo

Dear Romeo,

I gave this picture and letter the test and showed it to mom.  She got all teary eyed – you passed with flying colors.  She said that it was the sweetest thing she has seen in a while.  You should have made a huge impression on your lady friend.  Give her a call and ask her out for brunch now to get to know her.  If ya’ll get engaged, drop us a line to let us know.

 

Dear Bacon,

Yep, it’s me the Hemi… your purr thing at the Hotel Thompson.  I know you talk about me and the paw that hits your hiney at times.  I thought I would show your friends the size of my hand.  Maybe then they will understand why you cry like a little girl when I do it.  Meow – Master Hemi

Dear Master Hemi,

Stay away from my computer and room.  After my loyal followers see the size of that paw, they will then know what a little bully you are – snort.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

I’m sorry darling to be showing you my most private pictures but I need to do something.  I’m sure your mother would not allow you to continue lying in such a small sleeping quarter.  Am I right?  I do believe I have outgrown this petty little thing they call a ‘bed’.  I need a bed made for the Egyptian kitty I am.  What say you?  Signed Cleopatra

Dear Cleopatra,

Surely that is not your bed princess.  Someone of such high feline equality must have something just as luxurious to lay themselves down at night.  You deserve it all – canopy with curtains and everything.  Please show your master this blog.  Only the best for the Queen!

Dear Bacon,

I swear it wasn’t all me.  My master left me alone for an extreme period of time without food and toys.  Really, we can throw a lot of the blame on him, right?  The couch showed resistance.  I had to show it who was in charge.  Signed Spots

Dear Spots,

I won’t even ask what the consequence of that challenge was with your master.  You should have taken a picture of his face when he saw it.  I’m sure it would have been pricesless.  Take it from me, blaming the master for something you did stupid just doesn’t fly. 

Dear Bacon,

It was like this.  I was looking in the closet as mom got dressed.  Clothes were hanging off of these weird looking things.  I’ve seen those before but just not up close.  I got in to investigate because you know that’s what I do, I’m a cat and I’m curious.  Next thing you knew, I was stuck.  It took a few minutes for me to call mom and this is how she found me.  After she got done laughing and taking pictures, she helped me out.  Have you ever done anything stupid?  Signed Curiosity

Dear Curiosity,

WOW!  That is a predicament to get jammed up in and get stuck.  I myself have been in tight places as well.  One time I went behind the couch where mom had put a pillow so I couldn’t get back there.  Well I jumped the pillow and would have been fine if it wasn’t for my darn pot bellied pig.  All you could see was my butt and hind legs up in the air moving.  Mom did the same.  She laughed, took pictures and then rescued me.  Thank goodness for moms, huh?

Dear Bacon,

I got caught.  It’s as simple as that.  You know when your parents put you to bed and you try to sneak back out to watch television or to get a snack.  Dad was around the corner and caught me with his camera.  Darn those cameras!  Have you ever gotten caught doing the same?  Signed Walking Tall

Dear Walking Tall,

Well, not for sneaking out to watch television.  I have my own television in my room.  But one night, I did sneak out into the kitchen after everyone had went to bed.  Mom thought someone had broken into the house.  I even got as far as getting into the freezer since ours is on the bottom of the big cold box.  Just my luck – everything was frozen.  She did catch me licking ice cubes in the middle of the floor.  How much fun was that!

Dear Bacon,

So much for you being the only ‘strange’ pet that someone has.  Our parents rehabilitate owls.  This is my family that was rescued from the woods.  You know our eyes glow in the dark.  How would you like to wake up to that in the middle of the night?  LOL – Signed The Who

Dear The Who,

WOW – Don’t your heads turn all the way around too?  Now that would be wicked fun!  I think it would be a hoot to be in the same house – LOL – drum roll – HA HA HA  Good luck on that rehabilitation my friends.

Dear Bacon,

Bet you never met hamsters like us before.  We are a circus act.  We use an apple so we thought that might get your attention.  My two bro’s hold the apple, I stand on it and then hula hoop.  Hey man, it’s a lot of talent.  You don’t think so?  Try it sometimes fat boy – oh that’s right you can’t because of that big belly.  Giggles… Signed Tres Amigos

Dear Tres Amigos,

No my friends I can’t hula hoop.  But, I can eat that apple and make you fall.  Snort – no seriously that does look like fun.  What circus are you in?  The flea circus?  Animals Gone Wild Circus?  LOL

 

Dear Bacon –

Dear Bacon,

Hey dude, you got a problem, I’m the fix.  I may be small but I’m powerful.  If you need me, you have my number little man.  Signed Ninja Norris

Dear Ninja Norris,

WOW!  I’m kind of at a loss for words here.  Where did you ever find those little knives?  You look tough little man now put that Halloween costume away and behave like a good little hamster. 🙂

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dear Bacon,

I read about you all of the time and your cape fascination.  I just wanted you to know that I have one too.  My master made me this cape and I wear it ALL OF THE TIME.  It’s like what the humans call a security blanket.  It gives me special powers.  I thought I would share a picture of me wearing it.  Signed Super Snoopy

Dear Super Snoopy,

I absolutely love that cape.  Is it silk?  I’m going to have to leave a picture of that on my pillow in hopes that someone at the Hotel Thompson will see it and ask Santa for it for me.  I think you look simply marvelous my little friend!  Wear it with pride!

SUPER HERO  SUPER HERO  SUPER HERO  SUPER HERO  SUPER HERO  SUPER HERO  SUPER

Dear Bacon,

Quick, what’s the first thing you think of when you see us in this picture?  Come on, you gotta be thinking the same thing we are!  I knew it!  You think you can dance and do this too?  Signed Rockin’ Hamsters

 

Dear Rockin’ Hamsters,

That’s pretty cool dudes.  I like the way ya’ll move and think.  I think I’ll ask mom to put on some of that cool music and see if I can’t busta move tonight in my room.  I’ve got the perfect floor for it.  Keep rocking!

 

 

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Dear Bacon,

Look at this little face.  How could anyone be in fear of me.  I see grown adults jump on a table and scream.  I’m not scary looking, am I?  I’m kind of taking things personally now.  Can we all just get along?  Signed Harmless

Dear Harmless,

I have to admit that you do look a little cute there in that picture.  I’m not sure if it’s the cute ears, adoring eyes or those cute little hands.  No, I wouldn’t be afraid of you my friend.  You are priceless!  I would definitely be your friend.  Hugs

 

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Hey Bacon,

Do you like play an instrument dude?  We put together a little band and we play once a week for all of our friends.  Perhaps you can join?  Signed Singing Merkats

Dear Singing Merkats,

I play a wind instrument but I’m not sure it would fit in your band.  You look good though in your picture with all of your little band instruments.  Maybe send me a CD to listen to.  That would be awesome!  Keep jamming!