Dear Bacon – ssss safety first is what I always hiss. My human friend sss says the same thing. You always buckle upsss the important things in your life when you get into the car. Anipalsssss are no different. Remember that my friend – ssss safety first. Signed Mr. Slithers
Dear Mr. Slithers – Gulps – of course. I agree strongly with you safety first. That’s why I would *always* let you ride shot gun up front with the human – always. In fact, I would go as far as saying I would always let you go with the human period. I’ll just pass on this ride. I get car sick at times anyway. Safe travels to you and yours. Gulps and slowly backs out of this letter.
Dear Bacon – My human must die. There it is. Plain and simple. He put this stupid contraption on me and now I look like a cat. Really?! A cat? That’s as creative as you can get my human? Just wait until you go to sleep and you will go to sleep sometime. Signed Jax
Dear Jax – Oh my piggy heavens. Dude, your owner is very brave to dress you up like that and then to take you out in public and THEN to take your picture. Clicking my tongue. Yes you are right. He must pay tonight.
Dear Bacon – That’s it. We are ready. It’s bad enough that we have cats chasing us around the house and inside of the house. Now when we go out in the field, squirrels are trying to get us too. This means war. Bring on the hamster troops. Cats and squirrels are going down! Signed Troop End of Destruction
Dear Troop End of Destruction – Pardon me sir but I must ask. Where do you find those cute little guns and fatigues?? Ok, I know you are trying to look tough but squeals with piggy excitement. You are just way too cute to be making any havoc out there in the killing fields. Can’t you solve this war without tragedies? Come on. I bet ya’ll can talk this out in a peaceful manner. Sure you can! I have faith. I can call Dr. Phil for you. I’m sure he can get you on the show.
Dear Bacon – There I was playing with Mr. Spock and all of a sudden his leg started to spontaneously shoot out white stuffing. I’m not sure what happened but I knew we needed a medic STAT. That’s where I jumped in with my scrubs and got to work patching up Mr. Spock. He didn’t feel a thing during the operation. And look, his leg will be fine in a couple of days. It was a close call indeed Mr. Spock. Signed Dr. Kirk
Dr. Kirk – I know that was a tough call my friend. Thank goodness nothing beamed you up. That would have been a tight predicament to be in and oh thank goodness you were on call for the surgery. Can you imagine how Mr. Spock would look if you had to amputate his little leg? The horror!
Dear Bacon – I have got to quick partying all night with the dogs in the neighborhood. I’m not sure what people are putting in their commodes anymore. We all went out for a few drinks and the next thing you know, I woke up like this. Of course my friends took pictures to blackmail me with in the future. I’m not sure what happened or what her name is. I need help. Really I do. It was a ruff situation this morning doing the walk of shame. Signed Fido
Dear Fido – Oh dude. I would say you need therapy. You gotta stop drinking the strange stuff in commodes. You just never know what might be in there. You don’t want a repeat of this night. Oh my goodness. Are you going to call her at least?
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Dear Bacon – Who says that the natural order of things in nature have to be that we don’t get along? My name is Gull and this is my close pal Gator.
We’re like two peas in a pod. We often play in the water like this. Gator protects me from other things in the water and we have fun. Can you believe that it actually blows peoples minds when they see us like this? Signed Born to be Different
Dear Born to be Different – Hey my friends. I think that is absolutely wonderful to have that kind of friendship.
I’m sure the other animals in the water look at you like a two piece snack from KFC but as long Gator is there to protect you – awesomesauce!
Dear Bacon – The humans. They will pay for this get up. I feel totally ridiculous. The nerve to dress me up as some kind of twisted frog. I think the look on my face tells you everything you need to know. Do you have any ideas on how I can get the humans back? Signed Feeling Froggy
Dear Feeling Froggy – WOW! Now that is some sort of predicament my friend. I feel you 100%. Your humans really did have some nerve in dressing you like a Kermit want to be. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry with you on that get up. As far as pay back – evil piggy snorts.
The humans they do have to sleep at some point. I’m sure you can think of so many different ways to bring down the wrath of Froggy upon them. Just act innocent in whatever you decide.
P.S. Can I borrow that outfit for Halloween? Maybe I can snatch Miss Piggy with it.
Dear Bacon – Talk about animal labor laws. I often read about your life at the Hotel Thompson and how they make you ‘work for your food’ in a way. Never complain again my friend. My humans put me to work out in nature in concrete. It’s a hard and tedious job… especially in this get up. Help me please. Signed Mason
Dear Mason – Oh snap. Your humans weren’t playing any games were they my friend? Bless your little heart. Not only did they dress you but you have to wear those indestructible construction boots. Shakes piggy head. I’m so sorry pal. I will *never* again complain about having to bring my dirty stuff to the laundry room. Ever.
P.S. Dad needs some help expanding the driveway. When you get done with that project, can you help a human out?
Dear Bacon – What? Haven’t you ever seen a hamster with his lady working the pole? Blondie is one of the best pole dancers out there. I suggest this kind of get up for your bedroom pig. You might get some girlfriends then. HA! Signed Boris
Dear Boris – OMP (oh my pig!) My eyes! What has been seen can not be unseen. We really don’t need to see this my friend. Although daddy was interested in that pole action, me and mom are not – snorts. Ya’ll carry on in the privacy of your bedroom. And don’t worry about me and girlfriends. I have one 🙂
Tags: adventure, advice, advice column, animal, anipals, appreciation, bacon, Bad, bird, Brother, cat, column, comedy, construction, cute, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, devil, dog, entertainment, Food, freedom, Friends, frog, fun, funny, games, gator, growing up, hamster, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, kid, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, pole dancer, priceless, smart, snorts, spoiled, trouble
Dear Bacon – Darn that pesky cat. She dared me to stick my head under the privacy fence to look at Bob. Well you know I’m not one not to take a challenge so I did it. Well guess what? My head is stuck. Bob tried everything he could to get me un-stuck but nothing. I know I heard that pesky purr thing clicking pictures to post on line. This does mean war. Any suggestions? Signed Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place
Dear Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place – Here’s what I would do… not that I’ve done anything like this before – looks innocent. When the purr things goes to sleep, find the camera and change your face picture of being stuck to the purr things face. Then put that picture all over the place. Fair is fair, right? Snorts.
Dear Bacon – OMC – Make the winter go away please. It is so cold in my part of the world – this is how you will find me every night – trying to touch the heat waves. Is it still cold there in your part of the world? Signed Stretch
Dear Stretch – Shaking my piggy head. I am so with you my friend. Some days are great – perfect temperature and skies. While other days, the rain is falling and it is cold. Hopefully soon Mother Nature will make up her mind and pick one season to stick to… I hope.
Dear Bacon – What’s up?! I just know you are eating or drinking something wonderful on the other side of this fence. Just put it right there okay… right there on my tongue. Many thanks! Signed Beggar
Dear Beggar – If only I had something my friend, I would surely share with you. Heck, if you lived closer, I would go get you an poochie ice cream. Mom always makes sure that Houdini has some in the freezer. They don’t taste that bad at all – I know cause I’ve had one. Hope you get something soon. Hang in there… well don’t hang. Maybe take your tongue out of the hole.
Dear Bacon – I tell my human this all of the time. “Oh no don’t stop. I love hearing all about your break ups and fights with your boyfriend. You have my solid attention – do go on. I’m sitting here just totally enthralled. I would give you a hug but look – I’m caged.” Signed Attention
Dear Attention – Snorts with piggy laughter. Does this work? Does your human take you out for a little hug? I mean heck they should because you do look like you are giving them your full attention. I’m really touched – snorts.
Dear Bacon – My human thought he was dreaming last night but it really was me in person scaring him. Evil Purrs. I dressed up like a doctor and put a light over his face. Surely he thought he was going into surgery. It was really hilarious. For a human, he can’t jump pretty high. Have you ever fooled your humans like this? Signed Mischief
Dear Mischief – I like the way you think my friend. Every chance I get it, you know I pick on my human father. Our relationship is deep and has many levels. Both of us think that we are the alpha here at the Hotel Thompson. But we all know who that really is, right? Keep up the great work my friend. I’m highly impressed with your young abilities.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please keep sending me your letters and pictures to my email.
Tags: adventure, alpha, animal, appreciation, attention, baby, bacon, Bad, bed, cat, Cold, comedy, cute, daddy, dare, devil, dog, entertainment, evil, Food, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, hamster, happy, heat, hole, hospital, hot, Hotel Thompson, Houdini, human, humor, ice cream, kid, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, mischief, Mother Nature, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, relationship, sleep, smart, snorts, spoiled, trouble, winter
Oh my friends. Every now and then as anipals we get caught with that look. You know the look of being busted in mid flight – something like being stuck between a rock and hard a place. You know stuck in the headlights kind of look. These are all letters this week with that look. Hope you enjoy.
Dear Bacon – Help! I need some solid advice on not getting caught. I know. I know. I can’t help it. My parents went to answer the front door. I just happened to be sauntering by the kitchen where I smelled something delicious. I didn’t get busted getting some tasty morsels off the table. My humans said “this look” is what busted me. What say you? Can you help me out? Any tips? Signed Food Buster
Dear Food Buster – Oh my friend. I think ALL of us get caught with this look from time to time. I still say that if the humans didn’t catch you with your paw on the table, how can they incriminate? I say tell them your stomach rumbled at the time of inquisition. Yeah, that should work. No picture – No busted. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it – you should too 🙂
Dear Bacon – There I was safely in the confines of my home snug deep in the ground. That’s when I heard the biggest commotion. Two squirrels were fighting and calling each other names that I have *never* heard of right in the middle of broad daylight. Can you believe that? Do you ever hear Journalist Rocky the Squirrel get into these kind of confrontations? Signed In Awe – P.S. What is a pesky vermin?
Dear In Awe – I say just back down into your home and ignore these fellows. Apparently they didn’t listen to their parents about respect and fighting. And Journalist Rocky the Squirrel has never acted with such behavior. Nothing comes from his treetop home except sweet whistling. Ask for pesky vermin – don’t you worry about that. That is something your little cute self is definitely not. Take care of you!
Dear Bacon – There I was pondering on my plant, sunning myself, nibbling here and there and trying to blend in with my environment. I turned around and there was the neighborhood cat. Oh my lizards – I almost wet myself before going completely still. I almost became a MEAL – can you believe that? Thankfully I was blending in or surely that pesky kitty would have taken me home to their master. Have you ever had a close call? Signed Feeling Green
Dear Feeling Green – WOW – that was a close call my friend. I have had a couple of close with calls some big dogs in the neighborhood. I’m right there with you that they almost made me make water down my leg too. One can never be too safe. Be careful my friend!
Dear Bacon – They should tell you before you jump in the water that it is freezing. Oh my fleas! What were they thinking? Bbrrr – It may not be cold outside but jumping in the water first thing in the morning is highly unlikable for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wizzle again – barks! Signed Shrunken
Dear Shrunken – Snorts and oinks my friends. Never fear. The feeling is only momentary. Daddy does it all of the time… then again that could account for why mom/dad don’t have kids. Never fear though – snorts.
Dear Bacon – Really? You think you have strange humans that go out unattended and get in trouble? Mine don’t need to go out at all to get in trouble. I hope they do realize that this means war in making me look like an idiot. I think I will strategically place this beak somewhere on my master when he sleeps tonight… perhaps even pulling on the elastic for a certain gotcha is called for. What do you think? Signed Chick
Dear Chick – Oh My Piggy Heavens! Shakes oinker head. Yes my friend. I agree wholeheartedly that you do need some payback on this choice of ‘fun’ from your humans. What were they thinking? And yes, a pop of the elastic should go far. Maybe even follow that up with a little something-something in one of their shoes. I’m just sayin’. Stay safe my friend.
REMEMBER friends. Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.
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Hey friends – I’m stepping in for big brother Bacon this week since he is away at Summer Camp. I hope I brought him so justice – enjoy! ❤ Houdini
Dear Houdini – This is not funny. Really it’s not. My human is crazy. Can you save me please? Signed Potato in Waiting
Dear Potato in Waiting – BARKS! I gotta admit that it’s a little funny. Really think about it. How many anipals can say they look like a hot potato and you are hot. I say save the look for Halloween and go for it. You will win so many contests for originality and beauty.
Dear Houdini – I heard about your accident the other day with a pillow that exploded at the Hotel Thompson. I *know* you can relate. You *have* to relate. I was sitting on the front porch minding my own business when this cushion suddenly blew up for no apparent reason. I was just as shocked as everyone else. Signed Mystified
Dear Mystified – I know! It’s unbelievable how those things happen out of the blue – spontaneous combustion does happen. It is highly documented. I think pillows only do this when dogs are around so that we can personally take the blame. Yeah – that has to be it. Surely it’s not because of something us sweet devout pooches did. No way! I say cover yourself my friend. No camera documentation means you didn’t do it. I’m sticking to that story and you should too!
Dear Houdini – I know you are just a mere dog but let me tell you something, I’ve earned my stripes. I’m fierce. I’m strong. I’m a rocking cat that can shake your world if you don’t obey me. You just remember that about us cats okay. Cats rule and dogs drool! Signed Stripes
Dear Stripes – Barks and laughter! Wait a minute while I pick myself up from laughing and rolling around here on the floor. Cats rule and dogs drool – too funny. Okay maybe we dogs do drool when we are excited but there is no way that cats rule – sorry Hemi and Mouse Girl here. Us doggies are higher on the who is in charge chain. And your stripes – oh my dog! Really? Walk away from the sun my friend and tell me about those stripes then – Barks!
Dear Houdini – There I was sitting on the sofa from another long day of working on the farm. I was so exhausted. I had the television on for sound and that’s when I saw it. A commercial for a dating service for Farmers Only. WOW! I never knew it existed. Do you think I have a chance with a lady? Signed Stetson
Dear Stetson – YES you do. We all have chances. And how could anyone say no to a cowboy hat? Mommy says those are hot!
Dear Houdini – There is a problem with this slide. Really there is. I slide down it all of the time. But this date, I did’t slide. What the hamster world happened? Signed Stuck
Dear Stuck – Perhaps it was too dry to slide down. Perhaps you have more fluff than usual and it was a little tight? It could happen. I know sometimes my t-shirts get a little snug like that and I have to cut back a bit. And then perhaps you just need a gentle push? Call me if you need some assistance. I’ll get the jaws of life out to get you out of a tight spot. In the meantime, take it easy okay.
Remember Dear Bacon can’t happen without you my friends. Keep your letters and pictures coming to my email.
Tags: adventure, advice, advice column, animal, appreciation, bacon, Bad, barks, cat, cats rule dogs drool, column, comedy, costume, cute, daddy, Dating Game, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, devil, dog, dogs, entertainment, farm, Farmers Only, Food, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, Halloween, hamster, happy, Hotel Thompson, Houdini, humans, humor, kid, kitten, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, Mom, mommy, overweight, pet, pets, pig, pillow, play, playful, potato, priceless, sleep, smart, snorts, spoiled, spontaneous combustion, stand in, Stetson, stripes, stuck, stud, tight, trouble
Dear Bacon – Who says that the grown ups get to have all of the fun in this world? I asked for a little game system and guess what? I got one! AND it wasn’t even my birthday or Christmas. My humans got it “Just Because”. I love that day. Have you ever had a “Just Because” day? Signed Hammy
Dear Hammy – I think a “Just Because” day is most excellent to celebrate. Sometimes mom treats all of us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson to that kind of day. You know – Just Because they love us. Those are awesome reminders of their love for us. Maybe we should do a “Just Because” thing for them too. If you come up with some ideas, let me know and I’ll be sure to share.
Dear Bacon – Nope. Not going to happen. No way. I am not getting in the water. Please make it go away. Suggestions – can you help me out? Signed Stuck in a Corner
Dear Stuck in a Corner – Sometimes one just has to do what one has to do my friend. Sometimes all of the licking and cleaning in the world can’t get cleaned what water and bubbles can. I was once like you – didn’t want to be near the water. Then I found out how much fun it can be. I say let the humans have their way. Before you say no in defiance, let me explain. After bath time, you usually get extra treats and perhaps something special for dinner. You just have to. It’s an unwritten rule in the anipal kingdom. If it doesn’t happen, then you can torture your human in other ways. Just sayin’.
Dear Bacon – I have a sick human. Really I do. Let me tell you what these balloons are and then you can decide. I’m a turtle. Sometimes my human can’t find me. Therefore, he ties these balloons around my shell to always know where I am. Told you – shakes head. He’s sick. Signed Humiliated
Dear Humiliated – You know my friend that’s kind of genius. Really. Your human always knows where you are so he knows where to feed you. And hey, did you ever see the movie “UP”? Maybe you can take flight with enough air in those balloons. Happy sailing and do buckle up.
Dear Bacon – Help us please. The humans locked us up in the bathroom while they went somewhere. When they got back home, they were upset over the room. I don’t get it. They set the room up with lots of things for us to play. Why would they be upset? Signed Kitty Troubles
Dear Kitty Troubles – Snorts my friends. I’ll tell you a secret. Those silly humans LOVE that white stuff A LOT! They go beserk when they don’t have it in their scratch box and if we play with it here – shivers. I say push everything in the corner. Just leave one happy mess for your humans next time. And don’t play with the priceless white stuff.
Dear Bacon – My human went all teary eyed and off the edge when I got out of the box. I don’t get it. Why is she making such a big deal? I went pee. Do you see this look on my face? I mean she went over the edge with oohh and aahhh. Signed Mystified
Dear Mystified – I have to admit it, that’s adorable. No really. Not the look on your face. Look in your scratch box. Your ‘pee’ looks like a shape of a heart. That’s what happened my friend. You got your human right in the heart. They always cry when they see hearts. It’s cute. I’ll have to remember that the next time I take a wizzy. I wonder if I can make a heart? Happy tinkling!
Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue sending your letters and pictures to me at my email 🙂
Tags: adventure, animal, appreciation, bacon, Bad, bathtub, cat, comedy, cute, daddy, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, entertainment, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, hamster, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, kittens, litter box, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, smart, snorts, spoiled, trouble, turtle
Sometimes you come across things on the internet that you absolutely can NOT pass up. Sometimes you just have to share these things. I found a couple of those pictures. I shared them with mom and dad and they laughed so hard as well.
Take some of these for instance. A belly dancer and a rock star. Snort – laughing. I can picture these two shaking what there momma gave them. Can’t you? I’m impressed. I’m amazed. I’m slightly intrigued and can’t take my piggy eyes off of them… especially the belly dancer – hubba hubba!
And the pièce de résistance (bet you didn’t know I spoke French huh? – I’m a pig of many talents!)
Do you remember the old 1983 movie, Flash Dance, starring Jennifer Beals as Alex. Alex was a welder in a steel mill and aspires to becoming a professional dancer.
How about making a newer version of the movie called, “Pig Dance” with the same basis? I’m in! I would definitely watch it. How about you?
Tags: adventure, animal, bacon, belly dancing, comedy, cute, devil, entertainment, Flash Dance, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, growing up, guinea pig, guinea pigs, hamster, happy, humor, miniature pot bellied pig, mommy, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, smart, spoiled, Tricks, trouble
Most of the time, I live in a cage. Sometimes I lick the side of my cage to see what the taste of freedom tastes like. I don’t think it’s the same. So, tell me friend. What does freedom taste like outside of a cage. Signed Freedom Licker
Dear Freedom Licker,
With freedom comes rules and responsibilities. There are house standards that have to be maintained. For instance, no chewing the carpet or tasting the purr things. Those things are frowned upon. Other than that, it’s pretty sweet to roam in my hacienda.
I heard you like carrots as much as I do. Thought this picture would get your mouth salivating and give you dreams. Signed What’s Up Doc
Dear What’s Up Doc,
We could be besties. I love me some carrots. I would be in pig heaven!
Are you ready for some football? Signed Mouse Tracks
Dear Mouse Tracks,
My family has a long history with football. I’m particularly fond of the Razorbacks. Go figure.
I’ve heard you talk about your bubble baths. I thought I would try it. You’re right. They are so relaxing. Signed Rubber Duck Dog
Dear Rubber Duck Dog,
I don’t think I mentioned rubber ducks in my bath but hey whatever destresses you – go for it!
Tags: adventure, bacon, Bad, comedy, cute, Dear Abby, dog, entertainment, Food, freedom, Friends, funny, growing up, hamster, happy, humor, kid, Love, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, rabbit, smart, spoiled