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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Hello my friend.  I see you have a squirrel for a friend – thank you for liking our kind.  And, I know you secretly want to be a super pig hero and wear a cape.  Anytime you want, you can be my sidekick!  Signed Super Squirrel

Dear Super Squirrel,

You are so on!  I love the thoughts of being your sidekick.  I’ve been trying to convince mom for a while now that I need a cape.  You think you can help me a little and talk to her?


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Dear Bacon,
I don’t think my friends have any clue whatsoever that I’m not really ‘one’ of them if you know what I mean.  I love this spy stuff – what about you?  Signed RacCat Bandit

Dear RacCat Bandit,

OMP (Oh my pig!)  That is so funny.  I fell off of the couch I was laughing so hard at that picture.  You are a little spy, aren’t you?  I can only imagine some of the information you have obtained with that disguise.  Maybe I need to get a mask for Halloween this year.  It would be a hoot!


20130601-001537.jpgDear Bacon,
It’s really not as hard as it looks.  I’ve been hanging out with some ladies all week and it’s been great fun!  My next step is to see if one of them will marry me.  Do you think I have a shot?  Signed RooFlam

Dear RooFlam,

Well, first of all I think you look great and you have some amazing talent for walking on sticks. I myself could never do that.  I just don’t have the balance.  Second off, you might want to rethink your mission.  It’s bound to come out eventually that you are not what you seem.


20130601-001548.jpgDear Bacon,
Sometimes I think a picture says a thousand words.  I think this is one of those occasions.  What do you think?  Signed Pom the Comedian

Dear Pom the Comedian,

Your picture is so wrong on so many different levels but I have to admit that I laughed… hard!  And, daddy laughed… hard!  Your poor brother – I’m not so sure he thought it was so funny.  All I gotta say, it was a good one but watch out.  I’m sure I’ll be getting a picture and email from your brother in the very near future!

 

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17 Comments

Posted by on August 1, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – 20131208-210953.jpgLife is so not fair dude.  Life has become so politically correct lately that no wants to do the things they were doing before because they feel they don’t have to.  Do you know what I mean?  This is me.  I told my human I needed to go for a walk.  What do they do?  They give me the pan and sweeper, told me to walk myself and to clean up after myself.  What?  Isn’t that what the humans are suppose to do?  Not anymore they said.  They said that it wasn’t their poop and I needed to clean it myself.  Enough with this politically correct stuff already.  What do you say?  Signed Swifter

Dear Swifter – Oh pal, I so get you.  People are taking life way too serious and need to lighten up a bit.  Life is too short to be in a constant battle of being politically correct.  I say give back that pan and sweeper to the humans.  You are not playing that game.  If they don’t agree, I think a few strategic poop bombs will work – snorts.  Let me know how it works out for you okay.


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Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  Everyday at the zoo, I come out to greet the humans.  They all make Batman jokes.  I just don’t get and understand it.  My name is Ben not Batman.  Do you get it and if you do can you please explain this to me.  Shakes bear head.  Signed Ben

Dear Ben – Smiles and oinks.  You see my friend there is the superhero called Batman.  Batman’s symbol is like the one here to the right.  I wanted to show you this picture because I need you to see what it looks like.  Now, I need you to go look in the mirror at your handsome chest.  Do you see the resemblance?  That’s right – nods head.  You are Batbear!  Snorts with piggy laughter.

I think personally that is a HUGE compliment.  You have the same markings as a superhero.  That makes *you* a superhero my friend.  Think about that.  You have talent.  I say work it up for all it’s worth and have fun with your markings.

.


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Dear Bacon – squeaks!  For my birthday, all I asked for was one little thing. I wanted a Radio Flyer.  The small human here has one and they play with theirs all of the time.  It looks like so much fun.  I wanted one too.  That way the little human could pull me around the house and have fun.  The day of my birthday, I woke up and guess what?!  I had my Radio Flyer!  Have you ever been in one?  I feel like I can fly!  What do you think?  Do I make this Radio Flyer?  Signed Pig on Wheels

Dear Pig on Wheels – Awesome my friend.  You totally rock that look and look like you are having the time of your life.  I’ve never been in a Radio Flyer.  I think I may need to add one to my Christmas list this year.  I think  could get use to sitting in it and having people pull me all around.  Squeals with delight – carry on and have fun!

.


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Dear Bacon – Is it working?  I saw the hunk of my dreams walk by.  I’ve heard on television that one way the humans attract their mates is to flip their hair.  I thought I would give it try.  What do you think? Yes or no?  Signed Fluffy

Dear Fluffy – hubba hubba my sweet.  I think it is so working.  You flipped that hair so seductively.  If you flipped it my way, I would be so taken with your beauty and wonder.  If your friend doesn’t catch on, let me know.  Call me okay.

.


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Dear Bacon – That stinking purr thing has ticked me off for the last time.  Every time I turn around, Mr. Giggles does something to *me* and then blames me for anything and everything when the humans are looking.  Mr. Giggles steals my puppy food, drinks my water and sleeps in my masters bed near his head.  Enough of this.  I’m a dog in charge.  Mr. Giggles is going to get it in three, two, one – BOOM.  Signed Mr. Pooky

Dear Pooky – Shakes piggy head.  First off my friend, I thought your humans were a little eccentric naming the kitty Mr. Giggles.  Then I saw your name, Mr. Pooky.  Not like there is anything wrong with that, it’s just unique.  Have you thought this through all of the way?  If you scare the giggles out of Mr. Giggles, rolls eyes, can you imagine what he is going to do to you for payback?  Cause you know it’s going to happen my friend.  I’d say rethink the situation and see possibly how you can set him up like he does to you.  Maybe take one of Mr. Giggles furballs and strategically place it on your master’s pillow.  That might be a better route.  Not that I would know anything like that or not.  Looks innocent and whistles.

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on July 18, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Houdini

That’s right – you read that correctly.  Bacon is letting me fill in for him this week.  He doesn’t think I can do Dear Bacon.  Let me know what you think sweet friends ❤


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Dear Houdini – This is not funny.  Really it’s not.  My human is crazy.  Can you save me please?  Signed Potato in Waiting

Dear Potato in Waiting – BARKS!  I gotta admit that it’s a little funny.  Really think about it.  How many anipals can say they look like a hot potato and you are hot.  I say save the look for Halloween and go for it.  You will win so many contests for originality and beauty.


20131208-211622.jpgDear Houdini – I heard about your accident the other day with a pillow that exploded at the Hotel Thompson.  I *know* you can relate.  You *have* to relate.  I was sitting on the front porch minding my own business when this cushion suddenly blew up for no apparent reason.  I was just as shocked as everyone else.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – I know!  It’s unbelievable how those things happen out of the blue – spontaneous combustion does happen.  It is highly documented.  I think pillows only do this when dogs are around so that we can personally take the blame.  Yeah – that has to be it.  Surely it’s not because of something us sweet devout pooches did.  No way!  I say cover yourself my friend.  No camera documentation means you didn’t do it.  I’m sticking to that story and you should too!


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Dear Houdini – I know you are just a mere dog but let me tell you something, I’ve earned my stripes.  I’m fierce.  I’m strong.  I’m a rocking cat that can shake your world if you don’t obey me.  You just remember that about us cats okay.  Cats rule and dogs drool!  Signed Stripes

Dear Stripes – Barks and laughter!   Wait a minute while I pick myself up from laughing and rolling around here on the floor.  Cats rule and dogs drool – too funny.  Okay maybe we dogs do drool when we are excited but there is no way that cats rule – sorry Hemi.  Us doggies are higher on the who is in charge chain.  And your stripes – oh my dog!  Really?  Walk away from the sun my friend and tell me about those stripes then – Barks!


 

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Dear Houdini – There I was sitting on the sofa from another long day of working on the farm.  I was so exhausted.  I had the television on for sound and that’s when I saw it.  A commercial for a dating service for Farmers Only.  WOW!  I never knew it existed.  Do you think I have a chance with a lady?  Signed Stetson

Dear Stetson – YES you do.  We all have chances.  And how could anyone say no to a cowboy hat?  Mommy says those are hot!


20131208-211746.jpgDear Houdini – There is a problem with this slide.  Really there is.  I slide down it all of the time.  But this date, I did’t slide.  What the hamster world happened?  Signed Stuck

Dear Stuck – Perhaps it was too dry to slide down. Perhaps you have more fluff than usual and it was a little tight?  It could happen.  I know sometimes my t-shirts get a little snug like that and I have to cut back a bit.  And then perhaps you just need a gentle push?  Call me if you need some assistance.  I’ll get the jaws of life out to get you out of a tight spot.  In the meantime, take it easy okay.

 

 
30 Comments

Posted by on July 11, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


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Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


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Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Just chilling here in the jungle having my snack of bamboo.

It’s so bright here in my life that I have to wear shades.

Do you wear shades?  Signed Care Bear

Dear Care Bear – You know you do look awfully cool wearing those shades.

I’m going to have to see if mom can find me a pair for me to sport around.


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Dear Bacon – Hello man.  This is the picture from my pet annual that my mom got me this year from dog school.

Do I look like I’m a chilling here in this picture?  Because, I was like the happening pooch this year.  Signed Uptown

Dear Uptown – I like the look.  I could so easily see it catching on here in the neighborhood.

You ought to give P-Diddy a run for his money and come out with your own clothing line.  I bet it would be hot!


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Dear Bacon – Do these glasses make me all Sally Jessy Raphael or do they give me a classical smart look?  Signed Princess Tink Tink

Dear Princess Tink Tink – Well, honestly they do remind me of Ms. Raphael.

But, on the other hand they have a little more pink in them than hers that have more red.

I think you look classical with a touch of smart emphasis.  Vogue baby and wear those specs!


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Dear Bacon – Sometimes at the zoo when people aren’t looking, we can let our hair down and be ourselves.

Visitors don’t get to see the real ‘us’.  If they did, can you image what they would think?  Signed Caesar

Dear Cesar – I think it would be hoot if I went to the zoo and got to see the ‘real’ ya’ll.  It would be hilarious.

I bet you would have more people coming back to the zoo for visits.  I think you need to see if you can get the rules at the zoo changed.


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Dear Bacon – Hey little dude.  I’m from Hollywood and my owner walks me around all of the time with him everywhere we go.

A lot of people will walk up to me and tell my human that I remind them of someone but they can’t quite put their finger on it.  I’m not sure who in the world it would be.  Signed Spike

Dear Spike – I’m not really sure.  I think you are working the outfit though.  And hey, I’m sure you fit right in at the Hollywood hills.  Just keep enjoying the attention my friend.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on May 2, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

My master thinks he is so smart – bark bark.  He put things on the couch in order to make sure “I” wouldn’t get on the couch.  He forgot one thing though.  There is always the back of the couch – HA!  I’m not sure who was more surprised when he found me there – his face was priceless!  Signed One Smart K9

Dear One Smart K9,

That is too funny.  You are really smart.  I don’t know why the humans just don’t cater to us.  They know we are going to figure out the ways – You go pooch!


20130415-093732.jpgDear Bacon,

Does this look pitiful enough on my face?  This is my plead for, “Can you spare a cup of nuts my friend?”  It seems to work at times.  What do you think?  Signed Nut Collector

Dear Nut Collector,

AAWW that look is precious.  I know if you came to my door, my mom would let you have a cup of nuts… possible a safe dry place as well.  Bashful my pet rock gets that look sometimes when he wants things.  There’s just no way you can say no.


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Dear Bacon,

A lot of people are scared of me and I can’t understand why.  Don’t I have a likeable face?  I even try to smile more to make myself more personable.  Signed Smiling Liz

Dear Smiling Liz,

Your beautiful my friend.  It’s their loss if they can’t see that inner and outer beauty.  Keep smiling and doing your thing my friend!


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Dear Bacon,

Do you ever spend time in front of the mirror after you brush your teeth checking yourself out?  I just can’t help it.  This is my time when I practice my smile and winking my eyes.  Signed Vanity the Cat

Dear Vanity the Cat,

You know I do spend some time in front of the mirror.  I think we all need to at times.  I like to personally watch how I move my tail up and down and sideways.  You know cats move their tails with such elegance and I try to practice that to impress the purr things here.  Carry on!


20130415-093913.jpgDear Bacon,

Trouble in 3, 2 and 1.  The master caught us playing on the bed and thought it was hilarious.  You see, I’m not the one that initiates the trouble in this household – it’s the cat.  Always has been.  Do your cats cause this much trouble at the Hotel Thompson?  Signed Innocent Pooch

Dear Innocent Pooch,

Well, yes they do.  They are definitely the little instigators here at the Hotel Thompson.  They like to wiggle those long tails right in front of me to get my attention and then whine if I pull it.  And that Hemi with his extra digits, he likes to run by me and slap my little pig hiney.  Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to the trouble makers – snort.

 
14 Comments

Posted by on April 18, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,20131208-204745.jpg
What can I say? I’m a chick magnet. Every time I go through the park, the chicks follow me around. It kind of makes me feel like the Pied Piper but with chicks – bark. Signed The Dog

Dear The Dog,
Snorts. I have to admit that you are the dog my friend. Not only one or two chicks – you got the entire clan. Way to go. Don’t walk – strut – you are the dog!


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Oh surprise. Do you think the kids here will be able to guess what their new toy is? Rolls kitty eyes. This is only the beginning of the torture I’m in for. It’s time to get the nails out. Signed Surprise

Dear Surprised,

Let me start by saying yes it is awful that they ‘wrapped’ the kids new toy. But then again on the other hoof, that is so funny and cute. Just think how surprised the kids will be! Snorts. But I have to tell you, you have the patience unknown to me. They even wrapped your tail! You can’t really blame the humans. I mean, you did sit still long enough and allowed them to do this to you. Snorts


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Dear Bacon,
Meow. The humans have this game called Twister. They are in awe of it. What’s funny is the woman human bought this rug from the front room thinking it was just darling and it is. But all I can do is think of their Twister game. Purr thing on blue. Just wait until I stretch to the yellow or red dots. Insert evil purr. Signed Cat Twister

Dear Cat Twister,
OMP (Oh my pig!) You are so right. That rug does look like Twister in an off strange way. That is so cool. I think you should call in the dog, the humans and others in the neighborhood to play with you. It would be outrageous!


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Dear Bacon,
You’re really not the only one with skills my friend. Sometimes when the humans leave up their laptop, I jump on for a few. These humans are twisted. I saw a picture of them on line and I guess my face shows you what I think. My eyes are burning. Signed Shocker

Dear Shocker,

Snorts. Sometimes my friends you should just simply leave things alone when the humans are involved. What is seen can not be unseen.

.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on April 11, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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