Bacon’s Spooktoberfest – Day 3

BACON’s SPOOKTOBERFEST

Welcome my friends to October 1, 2018 – we all know what that means.  It’s time for Bacon’s Spooktoberfest!  A month full of things that go bump in the middle of the night.  The strange noises that vibrate through the house.  The kind of eerie creepiness that settles in that you just want to run to your room and hide under your bed… Shivers.  I almost scared myself.  So friends stay tuned to my blog for excitement. This year, we are doing things a little different.  We are writing a continuous story for 31 days of Bacon’s Spooktoberfest.  So if you miss a day, you can catch up.  Have a fun and scary month sweet friends.

And don’t worry, you can always hold my hoof. 

---

Snorts – OMP – the Hotel Thompson all to ourselves.  OMP – it’s going to be a blast.  The food, the unlimited internet time, the endless phone calls and television time.  Squeals with piggy excitement.  We will all have our spots – Hemi in the big bed, Houdini in my bedroom and me in the living room.  We will all have our own televisions – I’m so excited!  I can finally watch all of my ghost shows without them being edited by mom/dad.  It will be a blast.

I have to work on my ‘needs list’ for nana when she comes.  You know like the basics – Cheerios, animal crackers, bananas, apples, grapes, my salad mix – you know all of the important stuff.  And we can’t forget my popcorn – oh no.  We *have* to have our popcorn.  So there I was working on my list on my computer pounding on my keyboard when the internet started doing something stupid.  It would go out and then my screen wold flash and then it would come back.

Gulps.  And then I got this Haunted Connection message – what.the.cream.cheese was this about?!  A ghost is interfering with my internet connection.  Are you kidding me?!  This has to be the makings of Hemi.  There is no way the Hotel Thompson has a ghost or is haunted.  Yeah – it’s Hemi.  I’m not saying a word and I’m going to act like nothing is wrong.  It has to be that trouble maker the cat.

 

Bacon’s Spooktoberfest – Day 2

BACON’s SPOOKTOBERFEST

Welcome my friends to October 1, 2018 – we all know what that means.  It’s time for Bacon’s Spooktoberfest!  A month full of things that go bump in the middle of the night.  The strange noises that vibrate through the house.  The kind of eerie creepiness that settles in that you just want to run to your room and hide under your bed… Shivers.  I almost scared myself.  So friends stay tuned to my blog for excitement. This year, we are doing things a little different.  We are writing a continuous story for 31 days of Bacon’s Spooktoberfest.  So if you miss a day, you can catch up.  Have a fun and scary month sweet friends.

And don’t worry, you can always hold my hoof. 

---

Barks!  Us all alone in the house.  I’m so excited my tail won’t stop wagging.  After the ‘family meeting’, we all ran to Bacon’s room for our own little anipal meeting.  We can’t let the humans know how excited we are.  We will rock this house, stay up as long as we want, eat what we want and watch anything we want on television.  OMD – it will be a blast.  I call Animal Planet.

Meow – I just want to be left alone on the big bed.  I may need help setting my number on the Select Comfort to a happy 60 – that number is purfect for my spine.  Houdini – there is enough televisions in this house that we all can watch what we want.  I gotta see me some Jackson Galaxy.  That man thinks he is the cat whisperer.  He is so wrong.  Man will never rules us cats – ever.  Meows.

Oinks – We gotta set a plan in motion guys.  When nana visits, we gotta make sure she leaves all of our goodies out and makes popcorn.  I call the television in the living room.  I just love stretching out on the chaise.  That thing was made for my curvy body.  And the ottoman next to it holds my laptop.  OMP – I can spend hours on the computer and there’s no one to tell me to get off.  I may have died and gone to heaven.  But guys, we can’t be too happy in front of mom/dad.  You know we gotta make sure they think we will be miserable and miss them – as if – snorts with piggy laughter.  And don’t worry, I have dad’s credit card number.  We can order pizza and have it delivered.  That kid on Home Alone will have nothing on us!

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon,  HELP!  I lost my favorite squeaky ducky.  I ❤ that ducky.  He’s my bestie in the entire world.  I haven’t been able to find him for hours.  What’s a dog to do?  I can’t sleep without him.  Can you help me find him?  Signed Lost Ducky

Dear Lost Ducky,  Uuumm.  Smile really BIG and open your mouth.  Did anything fall out?  There you go.  Lost ducky found my friend.  You two make a great team.  Go Ya’ll!

---

 

Dear Bacon,  Can you please explain to us WHY there is *always* a longer line at the women’s restrooms.  We don’t get it.  We always have to wait while the men’s line seems to keep moving.  Can you help us out?  Signed Waiting Patiently but With Legs Crossed

Dear Waiting Patiently but With Legs Crossed,  That is a dilemma my friends.  I hear my mom talking about this all of the time.  She says it’s because women have more to do.  Not in a bad way, but ya’ll do.  That’s what makes ya’ll special.  Might I suggest when no one is looking, run to the men’s room.  Hey, if there’s no line there, why wait, right? And remember – ya’ll are beautiful!

---

Dear Bacon,  Really?  Why does my humans think this picture is hilarious?  They couldn’t stop laughing.  I don’t get it.  I saw this paci thingy fall from the smaller human so I bit it to see what it is all about.  Then my humans started laughing and snapped this picture.  I don’t get it.  This stupid paci does nothing for me like it does the small crying human.  Signed Pugneck

Dear Pugneck,  Wait a minute my friend.  I need to put down my paper sack that was breathing in after seeing that picture.  So let me understand this.  You’re okay with the picture being taken.  You’re confusion falls into what exactly the paci thingy does for the crying miniature human.  Good one.  Yep, that’s where your concern should be.  You see, small miniature humans depend on those things to calm them.  It may not have that effect on say – the likes of you.  But on the other paw, it does amuse and “calm” humans to see you trying it out…. heck, it amuses me for that matter too my friend. Snorts.

---

 Dear Bacon, There I was sitting on the sofa, enjoying my cup of java, fresh out of the shower and watching Maury Povich on the television.  I was minding my own business.  Then walks in the cable guy and snaps this picture of me on his cell phone.  WTD?!  Don’t we have any privacy in our own home anymore?  Next thing I knew, the cable man had tweeted this out to all his friends.  Talk about an invasion of privacy.  The nerve!  Signed Dog of Leisure

Dear Dog of Leisure, WOW – the cable man got to your house that early?  That in itself is amazing brother.  I can’t believe that.  A cable man that actually shows up FIRST thing in the morning?  WOW – I’m amazed at that.  It took the cable man two weeks and four hours to show up here at the Hotel Thompson for our last upgrade.  Astonishing.  Oh, I’m sorry.  You had a problem about the picture being tweeted.  Here’s what you do.  Under the tweet, tweet that the cable man actually showed up FIRST thing in the morning.  He’ll be trashed by other cable men for letting them down in his accuracy.  You just wait – stay strong and carry on!

---

Dear Bacon,  my humans will suffer the consequences of this get up on me.  The disgust.  The nerve.  The humiliation.  Oh dear Lord, help me out buddy.  Signed Not Amused

Dear Not Amused,  Well at least it has your seal of not being amused – snorts.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t joke in a time like this.  I would clap for your approval but I don’t think you could do that for me.  I gotta ask though.  Is there a drop pouch for potty breaks?  If not, someone is going to have some cleaning up on aisle three to do – double snorts.  Hey, I’m joking.  I’m sorry little buddy.  You do look cute though.  Not many pooches could carry that one.  Wear it with pride.  That’s it.  And hey, if the seal isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
You’ve caught us.  This is what we do when the humans aren’t looking.  ssshh – kind of keep it to yourself okay.  You’re welcomed to join us anytime – just bring your lightsaber.  Signed Squirrel Wars

Dear Squirrel Wars,

Hey – I’m in!  This looks like fun.  Party in the back of the Hotel Thompson this weekend.  I’ll call Journalist Rocky the Squirrel to get the invites out.  Thanks my friends!

---

Dear Bacon,
Part of fitting in is the disguise.  I’ve been hanging out on the pier now for two whole days and no one has noticed me.  I think it’s the hat – maybe the fishing rod.  So I now know the answer to life’s greatest problem – blend in with the humans.  What do you think?  You want me to get you a rod and hat to come out with me?  Signed BirdGilligan

Dear BirdGilligan,

WOW!  I’m glad you told me who you were, I would have never guessed it!  You do blend in so well.  I’m wondering if I wore that outfit would humans ever think it was me?  How about I try to meet you soon and we can test that theory?  But first of all, I have to ask.  Can you lift 45 pounds?  Because if the humans catch on, you gotta get me out of there before they start looking at you as a two piece and me as bar-be-que.  Shivers.

---

Dear Bacon,
I’m in the police academy trying out for a police officer.  I think I have the gun stance down.  You think?  Why don’t you come join me?  I’ve heard it runs in your family and perhaps someone in the family can put in a good word for us?  Signed Stop or I’ll Shoot

Dear Stop or I’ll Shoot,

That is a good stance.  I’m impressed.  I don’t think that I’m ‘police officer’ material in that way though.  My hooves – well they just get in the way when I try to hold some heat.  I’m more of a Pig9… you know something like a K9 but with me, an oinker.  With this snout, I think I can be trained to smell out all of the bad things out there.  But hey, what if we were partners?  You the bad cop and me the good cop – raises eyebrows.  That would work partner!

---

Dear Bacon,
HELP!  There’s something on my noise and I can’t see it.  It tickles.  Hurry, what is it?  Is it dangerous?!  Signed Crossed Eyes

Dear Crossed Eyes,

Snort giggles.  Never fear my purr friend.  It’s just a lady bug.  They are good luck.  I think she likes you.  Maybe be nice to her and make a new friend.  There’s nothing to harm you little guy.

---

.

Dear Bacon,

I think me and my friend are twins!  We both have some of the same characteristics – you know like being devious and mischievous – purr laugh.  I think it’s the constant smile that pulls the humans into our lives.  There’s only one small, tiny, little difference.  My friend can reshape his body to frighten peeps.  I can almost do that… not the way he does but I’m learning.  Signed Cheshire in Training

Dear Cheshire in Training,

WOW – I almost couldn’t tell the difference between you two.  That smile – it’s almost identical my friend.  Perhaps you can play his stunt double in real life?  That’s always an idea.  Just think of the fame and fortune you would have.  Carry on my friend and keep smiling.

 

Sunday Brunch

Daddy is the best.  Yesterday morning, he was craving what he kept referring to as pancakes.  Mom ventured into the kitchen to make magic.  You know I followed.  Mom was humming and beating things together in a pan.  I’m not sure if the humming was on the recipe but it amused me.  Once she got together what she called ‘batter’, she started putting it in a pan.  Oh thud – the smell that was in the kitchen was out of this world.  I kept bugging her for some to taste.  I would go up behind her and nudge the bottom of her foot with my snout.  She kept laughing and said I had to wait.  Wait?  You’re telling a pig to wait?  That’s like telling Mother Nature not to change the seasons – it’s going to happen. 

I saw dad’s plate that she was fixing.  Oh my – there was these clouds of wonder stacking to the sky.  I kept sniffing the air.  I wanted some so bad.  Mom fixed her plate and then she fixed mine.  See how creative she got with a little smiley face for me on my Sesame Street plate.  I thought I was going to explode if she didn’t give it to me soon!

She finally put it on my feed blanket.  Stars almighty!  I went for the so called ‘pancake’ first.  It was fluffy.  It was buttery.  It was light.  And, it was delicious!  I managed to get a couple of more from mom and dad before they started eating.  Dad called mom a Domestic Kitchen Goddess…. I already knew she was.  He suggested that we have pancakes for Sunday brunch every week.  I seconded that idea! 

 

Happy Friday!

We made it through another week!

Who else thought this week would never end?  I for one didn’t think it would.  Mommy has been dragging all week saying she was tired.  I can’t have that.  I need mommy fully rested so she can have snuggle time with me.  Is that so wrong?  🙂

August is here and hopefully all of this heat will be coming to an end soon.  Mommy says if we can make it through August, then it’s down hill from there.  I hope so because this little oinker is not very fond of the heat.  Once it goes away, I may try to venture outside again.  Right now – eeww – it’s too hot for anything but staying inside near the air conditioning.

Do you have any great plans this weekend?  Mine is to help mommy clean house tomorrow and then hopefully we can have our snuggle time.  I hope cleaning goes fast!  She’s giving us all our honey do lists.  I got my room again and laundry.  That means I have to pull all of my dirty ‘stuff’ to the laundry room.  I would complain but the rent is free here 🙂  Plus, I get perks… who doesn’t like perks, right?

Everyone have a great weekend and do something fun.  XOXO – Bacon

 

Travels in the South

Sometimes it’s hard to get out for a quick dinner especially when one is saving money.  But this night, mom/dad found the perfect place.  It was the Sam’s Warehouse – snorts with piggy laughter.  Daddy went in and asked for a table for two – rolls piggy eyes.  He’s the romantic isn’t he?

Well mom enjoyed her fine dining experience.  They got hot dogs with the works.  By the works I mean sauerkraut, onions and mustard.  Dad also went the extra mile with a bag of chips.  Now you are probably asking yourself was this really awesome?  Nods head.  Mom said YES.  For a whopping $5.00 – they had dinner for two.  Big spenders huh?

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
They say that we can all stand on our heads. I don’t know. I think I may be vertically challenged or maybe my head is not flat enough. I just can’t seem to be able to do it all the way with my back legs straight up. It throws me off balance. Can you do it? Signed Not Happening

Dear Not Happening,
Never dear friend. Sometimes we are just not built to do these weird things that you see the humans partake. I can’t stand on my head. This pot belly of mine knocks me off center every time. And my mom, even though she’s human, she can’t do it either. Don’t try to be like everyone else. Make your own path and be happy – leave the sitting to your bottom.

---

Dear Bacon,
There’s always that one idiot that has to pop in your picture. Can you relate? I was minding my own business in this shot. I just wanted it to look halfway decent to post on my Pet Harmony dating profile. Signed Available

Dear Available,
Yep. I know exactly what you are talking about. Hemi, the purr thing here at the Hotel Thompson, thinks he should be in every camera shot. He is always photo bombing my pictures. Just keep smiling. Pay back can really be tortuous for our sidekicks. Right? Maybe sign up your friend as well on Pet Harmony and post his picture – of course with your picture cropped out. Snort giggles.

---

Dear Bacon,
It’s a wonderful thing to have such great friends. Out in the pasture, sometimes I just get tuckered out. That’s my good buddy will help me out and let me take a nap. Isn’t that nice of him? Signed Sleepy on the Road

Dear Sleepy on the Road,
That is an excellent friend. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen that kind of friendship before. You are most definitely one lucky little guy!

---

Dear Bacon,
I coach a soccer team on the weekends. We are always looking for a few new team players. You ever think about playing? I’ve heard that snout of yours can be classified as a deadly weapon.

We could use a player like you. What do you say? Signed Coach Jones of Team Anipals

Dear Coach Jones of Team Anipals,

That sounds like a great deal of fun. I’m In to give it a shot. This snout is very wicked and these hooves are very fast!!

---

Dear Bacon,
I think I need some anti wrinkle cream. Every time I wake up, I have more wrinkles! Soon, you’ll just see one giant sloppy dog. What can a pooch do? Please help. Signed Wrinkles

Dear Wrinkles,
As Lady Gaga once said, “Just put your paws up, Cause you were born this way, baby”. Embrace the way you are and don’t try to fight it my friend. Be happy in your own wrinkles.

 

 

Moral of the Story

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with his donkey that he entered it a 2nd time and it won again. The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.” The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORS ASS.” This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, upon hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.” The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.” This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the nun to buy back her donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:”NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is – being concerned about public opinion can bring you grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life..  You’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

 

Cucumber Banana

THAT’s IT!

Now I know exactly how to hide my bananas here at the Hotel Thompson.  Disguise them as cucumbers!  Daddy won’t touch cucumbers.  He’s the culprit.

Mommy buys *me* bananas but when I turn my back, daddy is eating them.  And you know what, he won’t share like mommy.  I don’t get it.  He has everything else in the house in the big ice box to eat.  Can he please leave my bananas alone?  Please?

Mommy calls me her monkey boy sometimes because I love bananas so much.  Can you do me a favor friends, can you tell my daddy that these are really made for this little oinker and not the human daddy?  Please – can you help a pig out?