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Dear Bacon

20130618-013318.jpgDear Bacon,
What? Don’t hate. You know you want a hat just like mine so you can play outside with it. Right? Signed Scooter

Dear Scooter,

Yeah, sure. I would absolutely LOVE to have a hat like yours to wear outside and make the funny thing on top go around and around Maybe if it was real windy, I could fly. I like the sound of that! So, yes two please my friend ūüôā


20130618-013334.jpgDear Bacon,
This is just me telling my friends on how to get more seed and nuts from the humans. Any suggestions for us? Signed Cute as Can Be

Dear Cute as Can Be,

Well you can also take tips from Journalist Rocky the Squirrel. He knocks on our back door frequently asking for a cup of nuts for him and his family. Mom even throws leftover bread out to them to help them out. You know, you do what you have to do. This economy has hit us all! Take care my friends. If you are ever near the Hotel Thompson, knock on the back door. ūüôā


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Dear Bacon,
I’ve read about your adventures in your magical back yard. Now this is what *I* consider a magical back yard… with drink in hand! You’re mom promised you a pool. Make her pay up pal. Signed Simple Puss

Dear Simple Puss,

I like the way you think my friend! My mommy made a lot of promises to get me outside. Although its only happened once so far, I think I need to make her pay up with one of the promises being a pool. Do you think I would be pushing it to be able to lay in a chair with a drink and food like you have?


 

20130618-013414.jpgDear Bacon,
I love to play music. I can bang that keyboard with the best of them. This is me practicing, “Unleashed Melody”. It’s a sad and soothing song to us pooches. Have you ever heard of it? Do you play any musical instruments? Signed Wolfgang Pooch

Dear Wolfgang Pooch,

You do have some talent – way to go my talented young friend. I haven’t heard of that song yet but I will be sure to Google it on the internet and listen to it. I know it has to be amazing! As for this little piglet’s talent. Let me see…. I’m thinking…. mommy says I rip some good ones… but I don’t think she’s referring to a musical instrument for some reason ūüôā

I’ll keep thinking about that answer. Take care and maybe we shall see you soon in the Hollywood lights!


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Dear Bacon,

Don’t even say it. I know – I know. Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s really funny. Ha Ha. My humans think it’s funny to dress me up as a taco. How would they like it if I dressed them up like a hot dog? BOL (Barking out loud)! Signed TB

Dear TB,

First off, tell me they didn’t name you Taco Bell – TB for short. Now that would be funny. Oh, I’m sorry. But look on the other hand. You are cute. AND, I bet if they took you to a Taco Bell in the drive thru, you would get free food. Free food – that’s good, isn’t it? Be proud little guy. Wear it with pride.

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19 Comments

Posted by on August 22, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

After reading your column last week about a cat that does yoga, I thought what the heck. My master has a room for meditation so I tried it.

This position is called my sitting dog pose. I really does work on calming your nerves. Thanks little pig. Signed Peaceful Pal

Dear Peaceful Pal,
I’m glad it worked out for you. You do look really grounded in that picture. Keep up the great work!


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Dear Bacon – hiccup,

My humans tell me that – slurred – I’m spending too much time with my close friend Jose. Hiccup. They don’t complain about me catting around on the streets anymore. They just don’t like my choice of friends. Hiccup. What should I do. Can they pick my friends? Signed Frisky Fiesta

Dear Frisky Fiesta,
You do understand that your friend Jose is not really ‘real’, right? Instead of having a problem with your choice of ‘friends’, you’re humans might want to look into some classes for you… With TAA (Tomcats Alcohol Anonymous). Perhaps you should lose the hat, get a new friend and start listening to the humans. Take care my friend.


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Dear Bacon,

Are baths really necessary? They freak me out. Signed Wet Purrbie

Dear Wet Purrbie,
I love baths. They’re very relaxing. Especially when mom puts bubbles in the water. Instead of fighting it, embrace it. My purr things here love the water. We all do. After a bath, we all get our hair done – that is heaven. Find your happy place during bath time and learn to enjoy it.


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Dear Bacon,

Just wanted to let you know man that we enjoy your posts. Happy Friday. Signed Don’t Worry Be Happy

Dear Don’t Worry Be Happy,
Thanks so much. It takes support and encouragement from fans like you to keep it going. I appreciate that. Happy Friday back to you.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on August 15, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Hello my friend.  I see you have a squirrel for a friend Рthank you for liking our kind.  And, I know you secretly want to be a super pig hero and wear a cape.  Anytime you want, you can be my sidekick!  Signed Super Squirrel

Dear Super Squirrel,

You are so on!¬† I love the thoughts of being your sidekick.¬† I’ve been trying to convince mom for a while now that I need a cape.¬† You think you can help me a little and talk to her?


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Dear Bacon,
I don’t think my friends have any clue whatsoever¬†that I’m not really ‘one’ of them if you know what I mean.¬† I love this spy stuff – what about you?¬† Signed RacCat Bandit

Dear RacCat Bandit,

OMP (Oh my pig!)¬† That is so funny.¬† I fell off of the couch I was laughing so hard at that picture.¬† You are a little spy, aren’t you?¬† I can only imagine some of the information you have obtained with that disguise.¬† Maybe I need to get a mask for Halloween this year.¬† It would be a hoot!


20130601-001537.jpgDear Bacon,
It’s really not as hard as it looks.¬† I’ve been hanging out with some ladies all week and it’s been great fun!¬† My next step is to see if one of them will marry me.¬† Do you think I have a shot?¬† Signed RooFlam

Dear RooFlam,

Well, first of all I think you look great and you have some amazing talent for walking on sticks. I myself could never do that.¬† I just don’t have the balance.¬† Second off, you might want to rethink your mission.¬† It’s bound to come out eventually that you are not what you seem.


20130601-001548.jpgDear Bacon,
Sometimes I think a picture says a thousand words.  I think this is one of those occasions.  What do you think?  Signed Pom the Comedian

Dear Pom the Comedian,

Your picture is so wrong on so many different levels but I have to admit that I laughed… hard!¬† And, daddy laughed… hard!¬† Your poor brother – I’m not so sure he thought it was so funny.¬† All I gotta say, it was a good one but watch out.¬† I’m sure I’ll be getting a picture and email from your brother in the very near future!

 

 
17 Comments

Posted by on August 1, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Little dude, you are a hoot.¬† I read your blog all of the time.¬† I mean, up here in the cold – what else is there to do?¬† All of my buddies come over at least once a week so we can read your page together.¬† You are so funny little man.¬† You should go on the road.¬† What do you think?¬† We’ll buy tickets!¬† Signed Sealed and Funny

Dear Signed Sealed and Funny,

Thanks my friend.¬† I appreciate those kind words.¬† Everyone here at the Hotel Thompson has a tendency not to take life too serious – just go with it and have some fun.¬† It makes life so much more interesting!¬† I’ll let you know about any future road dates. ūüôā


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Dear Bacon,
You really should overcome your anti-nature fears.¬† It’s great out outside!¬† Look at this great picture that my older brother took of me on the beach.¬† You gotta come here and put your hooves in the sand.¬† Once you do, you’ll never go back!¬†¬† I’ll save a beach chair for you – come on down!¬† Signed Chillin Tiny

Dear Chillin Tiny,

I will keep that in mind my friend.¬† You do look so very comfortable and that picture really pulls at some heart strings.¬† I’ve seen pictures from mom of the beach as well.¬† They make me almost want to rethink my anti-nature policies.¬† I am working on it.¬† When I make that leap of faith, I’ll be sure to let you know.¬† Don’t be surprised if you get a call from me somewhere in the near future my friend!¬† Thanks for the invite.


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Dear Bacon,
Oh little man – purr – come on down to the desert and play with me.¬† I’m just like one of your purr things there at the Hotel Thompson.¬† I can help you get over your outdoor phobias.¬† Trust me, I can.¬† Growl – Signed Playful

Dear Playful,

For some reason, I just don’t get the same love and desire of you wanting to help me like my friend Chillin Tiny.¬†As you said, you are like the purr things here.¬† With that in mind, I’m thinking your parting words of ‘trust me’ would be like something Hemi would say here before he swats me on my piggy fanny.¬† But, I appreciate the invite.¬† I think I’ll stay in the south and continue to be a member of the Hotel Thompson.¬† Take care of yourself my friend.¬† Be sure to use sunscreen.


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Dear Bacon,
I bet you had to look twice at this picture, didn’t you or did you?¬† This thing called Photoshop is amazing.¬† I could even Photoshop you in my pouch.¬† Wouldn’t that be fun?¬† I could take you everywhere!¬† Signed Hop n’ Fun

Dear Hop n’ Fun,

PLOL (Pig Laughing Out Loud).  That does look like so much fun!  Perhaps I do need to come see you in real life so we can have so much fun down under!


20130601-000845.jpgDear Bacon,

Since all of the Harry Potter movies are done and over with, I have a lot of time on my wings these days.¬† Most days now, you can find me skateboarding along the boardwalk.¬† Watch out Tony Hawk – I’m coming for you with some of my tricks.¬† Signed Hedwig

Dear Hedwig,

I was just wondering what you were up to these days.¬† I just watched a couple of the Harry Potter movies last weekend.¬† You’re looking good.¬† They must be right about the camera adding 10 pounds plus because you look a lot smaller in this picture!¬† Be safe my friend.

 

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on July 25, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –¬†20131208-210953.jpgLife is so not fair dude. ¬†Life has become so politically correct lately that no wants to do the things they were doing before because they feel they don’t have to. ¬†Do you know what I mean? ¬†This is me. ¬†I told my human I needed to go for a walk. ¬†What do they do? ¬†They give me the pan and sweeper, told me to walk myself and to clean up after myself. ¬†What? ¬†Isn’t that what the humans are suppose to do? ¬†Not anymore they said. ¬†They said that it wasn’t their poop and I needed to clean it myself. ¬†Enough with this politically correct stuff already. ¬†What do you say? ¬†Signed Swifter

Dear Swifter – Oh pal, I so get you. ¬†People are taking life way too serious and need to lighten up a bit. ¬†Life is too short to be in a constant battle of being politically correct. ¬†I say give back that pan and sweeper to the humans. ¬†You are not playing that game. ¬†If they don’t agree, I think a few strategic poop bombs will work – snorts. ¬†Let me know how it works out for you okay.


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Dear Bacon – I don’t get it. ¬†Everyday at the zoo, I come out to greet the humans. ¬†They all make Batman jokes. ¬†I just don’t get and understand it. ¬†My name is Ben not Batman. ¬†Do you get it and if you do can you please explain this to me. ¬†Shakes bear head. ¬†Signed Ben

Dear Ben – Smiles and oinks. ¬†You see my friend there is the superhero called Batman.¬†¬†Batman’s symbol is like the one here to the right. ¬†I wanted to show you this picture because I need you to see what it looks like. ¬†Now, I need you to go look in the mirror at your handsome chest. ¬†Do you see the resemblance? ¬†That’s right – nods head. ¬†You are Batbear! ¬†Snorts with piggy laughter.

I think personally that is a HUGE compliment. ¬†You have the same markings as a superhero. ¬†That makes *you* a superhero my friend. ¬†Think about that. ¬†You have talent. ¬†I say work it up for all it’s worth and have fun with your markings.

.


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Dear Bacon Рsqueaks!  For my birthday, all I asked for was one little thing. I wanted a Radio Flyer.  The small human here has one and they play with theirs all of the time.  It looks like so much fun.  I wanted one too.  That way the little human could pull me around the house and have fun.  The day of my birthday, I woke up and guess what?!  I had my Radio Flyer!  Have you ever been in one?  I feel like I can fly!  What do you think?  Do I make this Radio Flyer?  Signed Pig on Wheels

Dear Pig on Wheels – Awesome my friend. ¬†You totally rock that look and look like you are having the time of your life. ¬†I’ve never been in a Radio Flyer. ¬†I think I may need to add one to my Christmas list this year. ¬†I think ¬†could get use to sitting in it and having people pull me all around. ¬†Squeals with delight – carry on and have fun!

.


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Dear Bacon – Is it working? ¬†I saw the hunk of my dreams walk by. ¬†I’ve heard on television that one way the humans attract their mates is to flip their hair. ¬†I thought I would give it try. ¬†What do you think? Yes or no? ¬†Signed Fluffy

Dear Fluffy – hubba hubba my sweet. ¬†I think it is so working. ¬†You flipped that hair so seductively. ¬†If you flipped it my way, I would be so taken with your beauty and wonder. ¬†If your friend doesn’t catch on, let me know. ¬†Call me okay.

.


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Dear Bacon – That stinking purr thing has ticked me off for the last time. ¬†Every time I turn around, Mr. Giggles does something to *me* and then blames me for anything and everything when the humans are looking. ¬†Mr. Giggles steals my puppy food, drinks my water and sleeps in my masters bed near his head. ¬†Enough of this. ¬†I’m a dog in charge. ¬†Mr. Giggles is going to get it in three, two, one – BOOM. ¬†Signed Mr. Pooky

Dear Pooky – Shakes piggy head. ¬†First off my friend, I thought your humans were a little eccentric naming the kitty Mr. Giggles. ¬†Then I saw your name, Mr. Pooky. ¬†Not like there is anything wrong with that, it’s just unique. ¬†Have you thought this through all of the way? ¬†If you scare the giggles out of Mr. Giggles, rolls eyes, can you imagine what he is going to do to you for payback? ¬†Cause you know it’s going to happen my friend. ¬†I’d say rethink the situation and see possibly how you can set him up like he does to you. ¬†Maybe take one of Mr. Giggles furballs and strategically place it on your master’s pillow. ¬†That might be a better route. ¬†Not that I would know anything like that or not. ¬†Looks innocent and whistles.

 

 
15 Comments

Posted by on July 18, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Houdini

That’s right – you read that correctly. ¬†Bacon is letting me fill in for him this week. ¬†He doesn’t think I can do Dear Bacon. ¬†Let me know what you think sweet friends ‚̧


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Dear Houdini – This is not funny. ¬†Really it’s not. ¬†My human is crazy. ¬†Can you save me please? ¬†Signed Potato in Waiting

Dear Potato in Waiting – BARKS! ¬†I gotta admit that it’s a little funny. ¬†Really think about it. ¬†How many anipals can say they look like a hot potato and you are hot. ¬†I say save the look for Halloween and go for it. ¬†You will win so many contests for originality and beauty.


20131208-211622.jpgDear Houdini РI heard about your accident the other day with a pillow that exploded at the Hotel Thompson.  I *know* you can relate.  You *have* to relate.  I was sitting on the front porch minding my own business when this cushion suddenly blew up for no apparent reason.  I was just as shocked as everyone else.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – I know! ¬†It’s unbelievable how those things happen out of the blue – spontaneous combustion does happen. ¬†It is highly documented. ¬†I think pillows only do this when dogs are around so that we can personally take the blame. ¬†Yeah – that has to be it. ¬†Surely it’s not because of something us sweet devout pooches did. ¬†No way! ¬†I say cover yourself my friend. ¬†No camera documentation means you didn’t do it. ¬†I’m sticking to that story and you should too!


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Dear Houdini – I know you are just a mere dog but let me tell you something, I’ve earned my stripes. ¬†I’m fierce. ¬†I’m strong. ¬†I’m a rocking cat that can shake your world if you don’t obey me. ¬†You just remember that about us cats okay. ¬†Cats rule and dogs drool! ¬†Signed Stripes

Dear Stripes РBarks and laughter!   Wait a minute while I pick myself up from laughing and rolling around here on the floor.  Cats rule and dogs drool Рtoo funny.  Okay maybe we dogs do drool when we are excited but there is no way that cats rule Рsorry Hemi.  Us doggies are higher on the who is in charge chain.  And your stripes Рoh my dog!  Really?  Walk away from the sun my friend and tell me about those stripes then РBarks!


 

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Dear Houdini – There I was sitting on the sofa from another long day of working on the farm. ¬†I was so exhausted. ¬†I had the television on for sound and that’s when I saw it. ¬†A commercial for a dating service for Farmers Only. ¬†WOW! ¬†I never knew it existed. ¬†Do you think I have a chance with a lady? ¬†Signed Stetson

Dear Stetson РYES you do.  We all have chances.  And how could anyone say no to a cowboy hat?  Mommy says those are hot!


20131208-211746.jpgDear Houdini – There is a problem with this slide. ¬†Really there is. ¬†I slide down it all of the time. ¬†But this date, I did’t slide. ¬†What the hamster world happened? ¬†Signed Stuck

Dear Stuck – Perhaps it was too dry to slide down. Perhaps you have more fluff than usual and it was a little tight? ¬†It could happen. ¬†I know sometimes my t-shirts get a little snug like that and I have to cut back a bit. ¬†And then perhaps you just need a gentle push? ¬†Call me if you need some assistance. ¬†I’ll get the jaws of life out to get you out of a tight spot. ¬†In the meantime, take it easy okay.

 

 
30 Comments

Posted by on July 11, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though. ¬†My human dresses me up. ¬†I let her. ¬†Do you know why? ¬†Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it. ¬†It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time. ¬†Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly. ¬†I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend. ¬†If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right? ¬†ūüôā


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time. ¬†It’s what we do. ¬†We would love for you to come out and visit. ¬†We would make room for you. ¬†What do you think? ¬†Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends. ¬†I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it. ¬†Ya’ll look so happy! ¬†I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance. ¬†It will happen. ¬†Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


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Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you Рall of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think. ¬†I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings. ¬†I think you should move on to maybe cows. ¬†That’s it – cows. ¬†I think cows should be your muse. ¬†They are so much more to work with than just me… a¬†little pig. ¬†Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


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Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music. ¬†The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’. ¬†They hurt! ¬†But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off. ¬†Now you know our secrets! ¬†Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right? ¬†Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark. ¬†Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature. ¬†Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend. ¬†You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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