Mom’s New Friend

My silly mommy – snorts.  She got a package in the mail yesterday.  It was one of the things she ordered off of her Amazon account. She ripped the package open – and I helped in anticipation 🙂

That’s when I saw it.  Another pink imposter of a pig.  I say imposter because I’m the only *real* pig around the Hotel Thompson.  This thingy mom said she needed for work.  Yeah, shakes my head to the left and right.  Whatever gets you through the day mommy dearest.

Personally, I think you bought it just so it will remind you that you have me at home… waiting for you at the end of the day.  Yeah, that’s it.  A reminder of me… minus *my* long furry tail… minus the luxury black velvet color of *my* fur… minus my cute little marking on *my* snout… minus my little white skunk patch on *my* forehead.  Sure.  I can see how this imposter reminds you of ME.

Snorts, sticks his tongue out and goes to *my* room to pout.  Perhaps daddy should tuck me into bed tonight and read me a bedtime story.  You might be too busy playing with your imposter friend.

 

Snow Conspiracy?

 Just when you’ve thought you’ve heard everything, snow conspiracy?  Yep I said snow conspiracy.  Shakes piggy head.  I was watching a local television news show here in Atlanta on WSB TV this weekend.  They were reporting that this nighmare of a snow ‘storm’ we had last week was a hoax.  Do you hear me?  A hoax. 

Let me present exhibit A to the right here.  This is a picture of part of my magical backyard.  Notice the “conspiracy” snow in the picture?  Looked real to me.  Heck, it felt real to my hooves when I was outside running around in it.  Of course, I don’t have anything to compare it to because it was my first snow but it felt and looked real to me.  And OMP (oh my pig) – I tasted this conspiracy snow.  What will happen to me?  Who do I need to call?  Am I going to blow up or become a mutant?  What will this piggy do?!

So are you wondering what this conspiracy theory is about?  WSB TV reported the following: 

“The conspiracy reasoning goes like this: the snow is unusual in Georgia and other southeast areas and doesn’t melt when burned. Therefore, it must be fake snow.”

WOW.  Considering that reasoning, even this oinker has to scream conspiracy – rolls piggy eyes.  Yes it’s true.  Atlanta got what 2.5 inches of snow and literally shut down with the highways being parking lots.  There’s reasoning behind that – really there is.  I’ve thought long and hard about the situation.  I mean heck I had a lot of time on my hooves with being snowed in this past week – snorts.  Let’s discuss.

1 – Atlanta is in the south.  We just *don’t* get snow that often.  I think the last time mom and dad remembers snow it was in 2008.  That’s a long time ago considering how often other places get snow.

2 – Most places have more than one snow truck.  Our snow truck works.  I’m sure it’s a great snow truck.  But you see Bubba only drives it what every 5-6 years and this year he lost the keys.  By the time he found them, highways were now parking lots.

3 – That 2.5 inches that fell here was a LOT to us.  Consider what my friend Nylablue in Canada who has had 8 FEET recently.  Our 2.5 inches is like having 8 FEET.  We just don’t deal with it very well in any way.  Heck in reality, seeing one itty bitty snowflake here shuts us down completely.  And I do mean completely.  You even mention snowflake on the local news and it’s a mad house.  The grocery stores are bombarded like someone saying free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme.  Shivers – that should be a conspiracy theory.

4 – Did anyone think that perhaps it wasn’t a conspiracy theory by the government?  Maybe it was an alien takeover?  Perhaps Bigfoot sneezed?  Maybe the clouds cried?  And here’s a big could have been.  Perhaps all of the people that use dandruff shampoo washed all of their dandruff down the drain and the drain finally exploded?  Yeah, that could happen.

 

As you can tell, I’ve had a lot of time to think this over.  And let me finally present to you exhibit B to the left.  You knew there was going to be something Mickey Mouse in this post – snorts.  This is one of mom’s statues on the back deck of my magical backyard. 

Perhaps the conspiracy snow was well snow… real snow fallen from the sky in a place in the south that just doesn’t get much snow.

WOW – That almost makes so much sense that it doesn’t sound real.  hhhmm – conspiracy snow anyone?

 

I.am.so.gullible.

Okay, I admit it. With mom’s work schedule and our ‘regular’ per say television shows during the week, we get behind on other shows and activities. I think that is so normal.

Tuesday night, we didn’t have much going for us on television on our ‘regular’ line up so we ventured out to the Animal Planet. It’s a great channel – it has animals on it – how could we ever go wrong?

So after dinner, mom reviews the television guide and we chose a show called “Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives”. We at the Hotel Thompson absolutely LOVE shows like this. They are educational, interesting and by George they are scary! Shivers – think about it. Do we really know everything that is under that vast ocean? I think not.

Mom/dad have been deep sea fishing several times in the past. They’ve often wondered with them being in such a tiny boat – compared to how big the sea is – what is under them. Heck, they have even thought this when they have traveled on cruise ships. The ocean is HUGE and very, very deep. And, scientists are finding new animals all of the time.

So, the title of this show on television last night, “Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives” didn’t sway us to think that it wouldn’t be good. I mean yeah, megalodon sharks were prehistoric, right? Let’s reflect on some of the things we learned from the show last night.

Megalodon means roughly giant tooth. This term is really true when you think about the size of their teeth. A megalodon tooth was 7 inches long. Seven.inches. That’s over a half foot long. Watch out Freddy Kreuger.

A megalodon’s bite is fierce. It’s force when biting is enough to crush the skull of a prehistoric whale. This is compared to like you and I biting a grape – that easily. Shivers to mergatroid.

A megalodon is big. Do you understand that? B.I.G. Like 60 – 100 feet long big.

A megalodon’s closest relative per say is the Great White Shark. Okay, count me out on that family reunion. I’ll pass – enough said. Shivers.

So we invest some time in this great and wonderful show last night. It starts off with four people on a boat in the middle of the ocean in South Africa. They are all happy, taking videos, laughing and having a great time. The guy goes fishing and feels something on the line. It shows him reeling and reeling and reeling in the line…. flash forward 2 hours later. Whatever was on the line breaks off and it is now night time. Then, BAM, something hits the boat but never fear the video is still running. The camera is shaking, the video is jumping, everyone is screaming. It kind of reminded me of that old scary movie, “Blair Witch Project”. Then, something completely destroys the boat and the people disappear.

Days later, miraculously they find the video and are able to adjust the jumpy, screaming footage enough to hear, “Oh no shark”. Alright, I know. This should have given us some clue. When they are able to revive a video camera that was in the water, submerged fully, for who knows how long and then to pick up on, “Oh no shark”. At this point, daddy started laughing. Me and mom was ssshh’ing him to be quiet so we could hear. We were mesmerized to say the least. Daddy tried to talk and we both gave him the all knowing raised eyebrow look of hush. He finally conceded and sat in silence with a smug look on his face.

Me and mom were spellbound. What the heck was this huge shark in the water?! Then they started showing coverage from all over the world and calling some sharks submarines. Okay, just because we’ve never heard of a submarine shark, doesn’t mean anything. I mean, we are not marine biologists so we didn’t know. This show was good.

Okay, maybe not really good. Some of the so called biologists were in some way kind of weird on camera. We just chalked that up to them not being actors – snorts. The last five minutes of the show, this little blurb runs on the screen:

“Though certain events and characters in this film have been dramatized, sightings of ‘submarine’ continue to this day”.

What? Huh? Okay, we knew that megalodon’s didn’t exist but this wasn’t a ‘real’ documentary show. We looked over at daddy sitting so smug on his couch. He finally said, “Can I talk now?” Well yeah, this show bites now please do. That’s when he proceeded to tell us about this show being on the Discovery Channel a couple of weeks ago and people were upset because of the ending. Well, dad, you could have told us this an hour ago! I’m sorry, what channel were we watching? Sci-Fi? Comedy channel? Nope, sweet ole Animal Planet.

Snorts – what’s on the television next? Oh, that’s another blog in itself. We made the mistake of wasting another hour of our lives watching, “Voodoo Sharks”. This show was about the mysterious ‘Rookin’ who is a killer shark in the bayous of Louisiana. And, I kid you not when I tell you the captain of the hunt was… drum roll please… Captain Blimp.

Did I mention we have no lives on Tuesday nights?