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NO! Just say NO to Daddy Elf

Daddy I have a word for you with that new hat of yours –

N.O.

No elf hats will be allowed here in the Hotel Thompson.  Nope.  Never.  They remind me too much of that evil little freak Don Juan who better not come back here next year.  You heard that right.  He better not.

If he does, I’ve got an entire year to think of strategy in removing him from this household.  I’m off to work on that strategy now.

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13 Comments

Posted by on 12/28/2017 in Bacon

 

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Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really up to no good this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan videotaping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 12/23/2017 in Bacon

 

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Don Juan Has Done It Now!

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How in the world am I going to explain this picture to mommy?  It looks like that little psycho elf has been into mom’s pictures and sent them to a certain magazine which has made its way to the big man and his elves.

Shakes piggy head.  This can’t be good.  Look at their faces?!  Oh dear piggy heavens.  How am I ever going to tell mommy what Don Juan has done this time?!  What will daddy think?

You gotta help me friends.  How do I break it gently to my mom that her private pictures may not be so private anymore and that she might be on Santa’s naughty list… but he might like it?  Snorts.

Don Juan is in deep doo-doo here at the Hotel Thompson. Shakes piggy head and walks away with daddy’s credit card.  I gotta buy all of these off the market so she doesn’t see the cover.

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 12/11/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Oh No He Didn’t!

There I was this morning just like any other morning in my bedroom warm and tucked into bed.  I woke up because I knew through my internal alarm that it was time to get mommy up for her worky place.

I went to get mommy up but her bedroom door was shut.  That’s when I heard someone in the kitchen.  I got kind of excited then because I thought mommy beat me out of bed and was cooking my breakfast.  I yawned and softly walked down the hall with my hooves tapping against the wood floors.

I get to the kitchen and guess what? The piggy gate is open.  That’s odd but then again mommy is up, right?  So I walk into the kitchen.  That’s when I started shivering.  I saw that evil Don Juan on the stove cooking.  He motioned for me to come on over cause he had my breakfast ready.  That six inch tall rat is going down for this!

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 12/07/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Boo! Dismemberment

Oh my friends – didn’t you get a chill just reading that title – dismemberment?  It does bring me shutters thinking about it.  You see this is a story that read about and heard on television.  I couldn’t believe my piggy eyes and ears!  I was shocked and ran to tell mom/dad.  They were in awe as well.

There was a man that lived in Tennessee.  Back in November of last year, he and his wife had a huge fight.  Things didn’t end well.  The fight escalated and the guy ended up killing his wife, dismembering her and putting her in their freezer in the garage of their house.  There she was for two days.

During those two days, the man kept thinking his wife was coming to him in his dreams about what happened.  He finally went and checked the freezer and she was alive!  They had a long conversation and she was telling him how much she loved him.  He was crying when he called 911 to come out and help her.

The police arrived to the house.  When they went into the garage, there was no way the woman could have been talking to the guy – she was dead and had been for several days.  Did she come back to seek her revenge?

 

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Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really starting up BAD this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan video taping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 12/20/2016 in Bacon

 

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Oh No He Didn’t!

There I was this morning just like any other morning in my bedroom warm and tucked into bed.  I woke up because I knew through my internal alarm that it was time to get mommy up for her worky place.  I get out of bed, stretched and farted – what?  Doesn’t everybody do that?  Snorts with piggy laughter.

I went to get mommy up but her bedroom door was shut.  That’s when I heard someone in the kitchen.  I got kind of excited then because I thought mommy beat me out of bed and was cooking my breakfast.  I yawned and softly walked down the hall with my hooves tapping against the wood floors.

I get to the kitchen and guess what? The piggy gate is open.  That’s odd but then again mommy is up, right?  So I walk into the kitchen.  That’s when I started shivering.  I saw that evil Don Juan on the stove cooking.  He motioned for me to come on over cause he had my breakfast ready.  That six inch tall rat is going down for this!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 12/15/2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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