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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Nothing to see here.  Really there’s not.  I was just having a prayer meeting with Mr. Kitty.  That’s all.  Doggy Scouts Honor.  Signed Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Dear Innocent Until Proven Guilty – Oh wow my friend.  How could anyone think anything other than just a prayer meeting was going on in that picture?  I mean Mr. Kitty just would normally be cornered standing up straight with his hands down.  Now to think of though – if it was a prayer meeting, why wasn’t his hands up?  You gotta think about these questions that might come up.  And the look on his face – well that doesn’t say Amen to me.  I’m just telling you like I see it.


 

   Dear Bacon – The humans came home early.  How dare them.  Don’t they know that once the leave for work, this crib is mine for eight hours or more?  Here I was taking a little dip in the inside pool.  They walked in like I was killing the pet bird or something.  Honestly, some people.  If they didn’t want me to swim in the pool, don’t leave the lid up.  Signed Skinny Dipping

Dear Skinny Dipping – Remind me not to get to close to your snuggles when I visit.  I don’t think that contraption is made for your swimming convenience.  I’ve seen what my daddy does in it.  It’s not pretty.  Trust me on that.  Shivers.


 

  Dear Bacon – Can you believe my owner accused me of getting into her so called make up?  I did not touch her war paint.  No I didn’t.  You can’t prove these things.  She didn’t see me in it.  Hhummphh – I think I’ll go take a walk outside now.  Signed Painted Lady

Dear Painted Lady –  Uumm, you might want to rethink your stand on the no touchy of the war paint.  Go look in the mirror.  I think you will ‘see’ what is giving you away.  Although I do like the color of your paws and mouth, it looks like that lipstick didn’t get away.  One shade darker and it would look like a crime scene happened at your crib with you being the victim.  Of course on the other hoof, that would make an awesome Halloween costume.  Crime Scene or Street Walker – you make the call – snorts with piggy laughter.

 


 

 Dear Bacon – This may look like shredded paper all over the floor but it’s not.  I have a perfectly good excuse for this.  You see my humans leave me in the kitchen while they go to make the money to keep me in the life I’ve grown accustomed.  Well, I’ve watched my mom clip her so called coupons all the time.  If you look closer at these papers, they are coupons.  I was just trying to lend a helping paw and help her out.  You know, to give her more time to pet and play with me.  You understand, right?  Signed Coupon Clipper

Dear Coupon Clipper – I give you one for helping and participating in the household budget my friend.  Unfortunately though, I don’t think those coupons will work the way you cut them.  I’m sure your mom understood your willing to help.  Maybe next time, you let her do the clipping with one hand while she pets you with the other.


 

REMEMBER my friends – Dear Bacon can’t help without your participation. Keep sending your letters and pictures to my email address.  Snorts and Oinks!

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 10/13/2015 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140111-195536.jpg Dear Bacon – This is the pits.  No I mean it really.  It’s not bad enough that my humans put these ridiculous pajamas on me.  Now I have to wear the cone of shame.  AND they sat me in a make shift bed which is really an old potty box with a blanket.  Really?  This is how they treat me.  Can you give me a word of encouragement my piggy friend?  Signed Cat in the Hat

Dear Cat in the Hat – You know my friend.  You are looking at this all wrong.  Look at it from the positive prospective.  They put pajamas on you – I’m guessing – so that you wouldn’t scratch whatever you had done surgically, right?  Then they put the pitiful projector on your head so you couldn’t lick or bite that particular surgical spot, right?  AND then they put you in a comfortable spot with a blankie so you would be comfy.  See, look at it from this prospective.  Do you know what all of that adds up to this little piggy?  To me it says your humans care for you way more than you think and want you to be comfortable during this duration.  Instead of looking at it from your point of view, take it from my point of view.  And let me add, suck it up for all it’s worth – humans love that when they think they’ve done something to you 🙂


20140111-195548.jpg Dear Bacon –  Can you believe my humans have the audacity to blame ‘me’ – innocent cute little ‘me’ – as stealing one of their valuable orange crunchy things they snack on while watching television?  Me.  There is no way they can pin this crime on me.  There is no proof!  Signed Cheeto

Dear Cheeto – Do me a favor my friend.  Go to your nearest mirror and look at yourself.  Go ahead.  I’l wait.  Whistles while waiting and taps hooves.  Oh good you are back.  Did you see that incriminating evidence on your cute little face?  The orange stuff my friend.  That would be evidence of eating your humans prized Cheetos.  By your name, I’m thinking this is not your first run in with the law on being busted for this crime.  Might I make a suggestion for future escapades?  Once you have partaken of the evil Cheeto, go drink some water out of your bowl with delight.  I mean slush that water around on your cute little face to wash the orange stuff off.  No proof means it didn’t happen my friend.  Happy eating.


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Dear Bacon – I was cold.  It was freezing in this house.  My humans like to hang me as they so delightfully like to say.  Don’t worry about us little pooches.  I had to resort to the last step and wrap myself like a hot dog.  It does the trick especially with the sun coming in from the window.  Have you ever been this cold?  Signed Cold Dog

Dear Cold Dog – WOW.  I say if you’re cold, go for it my friend.  I’m one of the very few here with us anipals that love it cold.  I’m with my mom and like you said, we like to hang meet here at the Hotel Thompson.  The colder the better.  Heck, if we could skip over summer we would so do so.  Stay warm my friend!


20140111-195606.jpgDear Bacon – Here is my brother.  He is so weird.  I was looking down at the dog just minding my own business.  That’s when Patches (my bro) jumped up and pulled my head up.  What was so important that he wanted me to see you ask?  The humans were cooking breakfast.  Something smelled so delightful.  They call it bacon.  I’m just wondering.  Do you know what this glorious smell is?  Signed Matches

Dear Matches – I know exactly what that awful stuff called bacon is.  It’s horrible.  Such a bad thing to ever try.  Some humans get addicted to it.  See, that’s how bad it is for you cats.  Once hooked, they can’t go back.  And I for one can guarantee you that you don’t want to get hooked on that bad drug.  Yeah, it’s a bad drug.  Better steer far away from it my friends.  I wouldn’t want it to stunt your growth or anything.  Snorts!

 


20140111-195617.jpgDear Bacon – Don’t you jussst love my new ssssweater?  I got it for my birthdaysss.  I just love to sssslither around the house wearing itsss.  I think it makesss me ssslim and bringsss out the color of my eyessss.  What do you thinksss?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – As long as YOU think you are sexy and you know it, does it really matter what anyone else thinks?  You rock that sweater around your house all you want.  Perhaps maybe next time your humans can get you a longer one?  Keep slithering there where you are my friend.

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FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂

 
18 Comments

Posted by on 06/16/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140330-182113.jpg Dear Bacon – I am the All Mighty Magical Hare.  That’s right – I’m a magician.  I got tired of the human pulling me out of his hat.  It was dark in there.  Now I do the tricks.  What?  You never saw a magical hare before?  There’s lot of us out there that are famous.  You’ll see.  Signed All Mighty Magical Hare

Dear All Mighty Magical Hare – I say go for it my fuzzy little friend!  Why play second fiddle when you can be the main star.  And with that charming red coat – who could see nothing but a STAR?  There are lots of rabbits out there that are famous – the Trix Rabbit, the Energizer bunny, Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh, Roger Rabbit, Bugs Bunny and now YOU – the All Mighty Magical Hare.  I can see your name in spot lights.  I can see you in sold out theaters.  I can see David Copperfield shaking in his expensive shoes.  That makes me wonder.  Who are you going to pull out of your hat my friend?  Snorts and oinks.

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 Dear Bacon – You see nothing here.  Nothing at all.  There is no dog under this pillow.  Nope. Nada.  Walk on my friend.  Nothing to see here at ALL.  Signed Walk the Line

Dear Walk the Line – You got be faster than that my furry friend.  The evidence is now in the picture.  I suggest you shred these pictures and delete them from your computers.  If you can’t see it, it didn’t happen. Remember those words and tread lightly.


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 Dear Bacon –  Who says that the little miniature humans are the only ones to have fun on toys?  Is that a rule set in concrete?  I think not.  I made it not.  When everyone went to bed, I jumped and rode a horse.  It was fast.  It was fun.  It was the time of my life until…. I forgot about the motion sensor camera the humans put in the front room.  Can you say busted little guy?  Signed Caught in Giddy Up

Dear Caught in Giddy Up –  Hey, don’t sweat it my friends.  You can only imagine what that camera catches the humans doing.  I’m just sayin’ do a little research for some blackmail in case they decide to put your picture on their Christmas cards this year.  Snorts – Giddy Up!


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 Dear Bacon – The possibilities are endless.  My brother has the cone of shame.  Sure I feel for him.  Who wouldn’t, right?  But for all of the crap he has given me, does this look give you any enlightenment to the torture fun I’m going to have with him?  Evil barks!  Signed Some Doggie?

Dear Some Doggie –  Oh no!  I’ve heard about you recently my friend.  You are the one that does all of these bad things to doggies and then dogs get blamed for it.  Some Doggie – you are famous.  I gotta admit that your bro looks a little pitiful.  Maybe go a little easy on him… just a little okay.


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 Dear Bacon – My humans forgot to feed me tonight. Something about they were tired and sick.  They went to bed early without a second thought to little me and my needs like FOOD.  That’s okay though.  I’ve been sitting up here watching them sleep for a couple of hours.  I don’t plan on moving until they wake up and see me here.  That should give them plenty of nightmares for the rest of their lives and they should never forget about me again.  What do you think?  Signed Pissed

Dear Pissed –  Oh.my.pigs.  Remind me to *never* piss you off my friend…. or to piss off the purr things here.  They may get instruction from you.  If I woke up to you staring at me from above…. I think I would wet myself right there and then in my piggy bed.  Squeals!

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REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 03/17/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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