Don’t Come Knocking On My Door

Today for my afternoon nap, dad tucked me in bed with some celery and carrots and I watched The Three Little Pigs on my flatscreen.  I know it’s old school from the 1930’s but I love Mr. Disney and his movies.  This is like the upteenth time I’ve seen movie and I have some thoughts.

Let’s talk about the pig names first.  Practical Pig, Fiddler Pig and Fifer Pig.  Really?   Did you know that they even had names?  Couldn’t come up with something unique like Bacon, huh?  Ham, Sushi and Maxwell were taken?

So Fiddler Pig plays the fiddle and Fifer Pig plays the flute.  – puts my hoove to my head – how original.  They went the cheap way and made their houses of straw and sticks.  They did it quickly so they could play their lovely musical instruments all day long.  What a party that must have been!

Then let’s discuss something that’s kind of ironical.  Did anyone else notice this scene in the movie?  Do you see “Father” in the photograph on the wall?  Really?  Mr. Disney bravo to you for having such a wicked sense of humor.  Goodness, it took me almost 3 times watching to catch this.  I asked mom what did it mean?  Was that their father?  I didn’t quite understand.  Mom said that when I got older she would explain.  Translation – it’s something bad.

Leave it to Practical Pig to build his house of brick.  He tried to warn his two little brothers who wanted to play all day but they didn’t listen.  They went on with their little jamboree while Practical Pig spent the extra money and time and built for the future not for the moment.Then enter the big bad wolf.  Practical Pig tried to warn Fiddler and Fifer Pig but they didn’t want to listen.  That big bad wolf puffed and huffed and blew the house of sticks and house of straw down.  What did the brothers do?  Run to brother’s house to have him save them.  Of course, Practical Pig *always* has an exit plan.  Big Bad Wolf didn’t want to listen and tried his best to get in the house finally thinking he had a way through the fireplace.  I bet he was surprised when he dropped in for dinner and HE was the dinner!

So bottom line on this story.  Apparently this big bad wolf didn’t meet my ancestors – PigBrutus, PigSpartacus and PigDynomite. They don’t put up with much bull from anyone. They learned from great, great, great, great Uncle PiggyJohnWayne.

So, do you see the story in a different light now?  Do you understand my thoughts?  What are your views?

 

 

 

 

Okay I *Might* Have Had a Temper Tantrum

Did you know that when baby elephants have a ‘fit’ and don’t get their way,  they throw themselves into mud like this little guy and have a ‘temper tantrum’?  Did you know that?

Well, mom called me her little baby elephant this past weekend.  I didn’t get my way so I threw myself on a pillow on the floor with my butt in the air like that.  It didn’t work.  Mom just told me to let her know when I was finished.  My mom – she’s a tough one like that.

 What was the temper tantrum about?  Well I might have grabbed my big box of Gold Fish and taken off with it down the hall to my room.  I know – I shouldn’t have.  But mom confiscated and said no more Gold Fish for the day.  What?  NNNOOO!!  I need my Gold Fish.  Help my friends.

 

 

 

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  Really?  That is the question for the day.  Mommy kissed all of us goodbye this morning and walked out the door.  We heard her chuckling from the front porch.  Why do you ask?  Look closely at the picture above.  Across the street in the yard, there was a chicken.  A real goodness chicken.  Why did it cross the road?  Probably because it knew of mom’s passion for fried chicken?  Snorts and rolls around in piggy laughter.

Never fear – the chicken is live and well.  Mom knocked on the owner’s door and told him his chicken was out.  He said it got out of his chicken house. What a thought.  There’s an escaped chicken in our hood.

 

Paw Time with Houdini

Barks my friend.  Hope you had a terrific week. I know last week I showed you a picture of me on mom’s chaise.  This week, I’m attaching a picture of me on dad’s sofa.  I like to take my power naps high up on his pillows.  They are so soft and comfy!

I also wanted to tell you about a new game I’ve learned this week.  It’s called Hide and go Seek.  It’s awesome!  Every night around 8:30-9:00PM, it’s bedtime for us anipals.  Mom tells us to go get settled in our room and she will be in there soon.  Bacon goes like a champ he is.  But me… why?  Why do I need a bedtime?  So I usually just keep hanging out in the living room with dad until mom goes to our room to tuck us in and tell us a story.

Well my new game is not to be caught – barks.  That’s right I said it.  Not be caught and not do what I’m told.  I will hide under the couch or the chaise or on the bottom shelf of the book shelf.  Mom tries to find me.  And then when she sees me, I run to the next spot thus playing hide and go seek.  I mean hey the woman needs her exercise, right?  Then mom does something weird.  When she FINALLY catches me, she fusses at me.  What?  Maybe I don’t want to go to bed – yawns – maybe I’m a big dog now – double yawns.  I don’t need no stinkin’ bedtime.  Passes out asleep before mom can put me in bed…..

Well that’s all for me my friends – yawns – I hope you had a wonderful week as well.  Happy weekend!

 

The Great Cookie Caper

Call Scooby Doo.  Call Sherlock Holmes.  Heck call my cousin Sherlock Bones.  We have quite the mystery here at the Hotel Thompson.  This is cookie season – you know Girl Scout cookies.  We here ❤ the Girl Scouts.  Our front door has a sign that reads, “No Soliciting… unless you have Girl Scout Cookies”.  That sign is fully enforced – snorts and rolls with laughter.

So mom buys boxes of Girl Scouts cookies (I’m ashamed to say how many but I can tell you they freeze well for during the year in emergency cases).  She gets her box of gold and brings them home.  Dad’s all time favorite is Samoas.  Dad’s mouth has been watering all day long since mom called and told him she had him a stash.  He gets him a tall glass of milk and he is going to have him a few while watching Jeopardy – which is another post for another day.

He reaches for his box and what the pig?  The box is light.  Maybe it’s a new formula – light? Snorts – no really the box is empty!  What the cream cheese he says followed by where are my cookies?!  I need cookies in my belly.  He bellows for mom to come here.  She does and he hands her the box and says, “Are you playing with me?”  That’s when she feels the box which is EMPTY.  The box is sealed, stamped and still intact.  Mom takes these pictures for proof.

 Someone had ONE job to do and guess what?  They failed miserably!  Snorts.  Mom called the person she bought the cookies from and explained what happened.  Even he was like what?  Mom did bring the box to the guy the next day and the box was replaced but…the mystery is still there.  What happened to the cookies?

Were they not put in the box to begin with?  Were they invisible for people on a DIEt?  How many other people got empty boxes?  Has this happened to you before?

And let me just nip the rumor going around – snorts oinks – me and Houdini did NOT – repeat DID NOT – have anything to do with the mysterious disappearance of dad’s cookies.  There was no Mission Impossible music playing and there was no ninja moves being done by either of us.  For real.  Innocent the both of us.

 

 

 

The Great Pig Escape

Insert the theme music to Mission Impossible.  Insert the Bond music.  Insert any kind of secret pig music you can think of – snorts.  I’ve thought long and hard about ‘The Great Pig Escape’.  Let me explain and tell you the plan.

Nana lives TEN houses up from the Hotel Thompson.  Nana *always* gives me treats and LOTS of them.  I took an aerial view of my hood – don’t ask how cause I’m still dizzy from it.  I can wait until mom tucks me in for the night.  I can wait until I hear daddy snoring.  I can then sneak out of the Hotel Thompson at night and blend in to the outside.  I can take the pink arrowed path up to Nana’s and ring her doorbell. Of course she will let me in.  I mean it’s only dark, she can’t see me through the peep hole but if I snort she’ll recognize me.  I can get my share of treats and be back home in bed before mom and dad know I’m PMIA (Piggy Missing in Action).

I don’t need a costume.  With my black fur, I can blend into the night and be one with my ninja skills.  I can take the road therefore my hooves don’t have to touch grass.  I can wear my fanny pack and put my house key in it as well as other snacks that Nana sends me back home with.

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Hello Sooty

 

Every once in a while, I come across an article that I just *can’t* pass up in sharing.   Take for instance Sooty.  Sooty is a guinea pig from South Wales.  Read about his amazing escape and what he did – snorts.  Way to go Sooty!

 

 

We Are a Remarkable Breed

You may not know this but pigs are very smart creatures.  We learn very fast and will work at something until we have it down pact.  Knowing this, mom and dad are always coming up with quick ways and ideas to curb my intelligence.  They’re not holding me back.  They just have to try to be two steps ahead of me to know how to curb what could be trouble in the long run. 

Challenge of the Baby Gate –

Take for example the kitchen area.  I learned real quick that this was the magical place that had all of the food… aaawww that wonderful food.  So, mom and dad were two steps ahead of me and put up a huge metal baby gate.  Perfect plan right?  Wrong – LOL.  I learned real quick that by using my snout I could touch the bottom mechanism that holds the gate shut and pop it open.  There you go – I’m in the kitchen. 

Two steps ahead of me, mom and dad started using a bungee cord as well to bind the gate door when I was out.  I learned real quick – snort snicker – that worked for a while.  Then I learned real quick that with enough thrust from my stout little body, I could just knock that big ole metal baby gate right down on the floor.  Then I could walk over it, stomp it a little, and there you – I’m in the kitchen.

Two steps ahead of me, dad put the metal baby gate back up and enforced it with nails on both sides.  I haven’t learned yet how to overcome that obstacle, don’t think I haven’t tried, but I will. 

 

Bed time at Hotel Thompson

First of all – let’s talk about this picture and the onsey the adorable piggy is wearing.  Mom wants to get me one.  Yay or Nay?? 

Okay now back to our conversation – The great thing about Hotel Thompson is that for the most part we are on a tight schedule.  Things don’t usually stray from that schedule.  When it does, it upsets my internal time clock.  And trust me, my internal time clock can be a frightening and powerful thing 🙂  When mom is at work, dad will ask me to do things and I may take my time doing them but I will… eventually.  When mom is home, it’s all about my mommy.  Dad will ask me to do something and I will look at him like I’m thinking about it.  Mom tells me to do something, I’m there.  She doesn’t play games. 

Our nightly routine is pretty good now.  After mom and dad eat their human chow, I come back out of my room where I’ve been meditating.  Mom gives me little treats while she does the dishes in the kitchen.  Afterwards, I get my main treat in the front room.  Mom locks the baby gate and sits on our sofa.  Sometimes, me and mom will run up and down the hallways to my room and the frontroom playing chase.  This is so much fun.  I run barking and snorting, mom just snorts and laughs.  Afterwards, we fall on the sofa together and snuggle.  We usually watch television together for a while.  Mom will rub my back and I will fall off to sleep snoring. 

See, this is where the training part comes in big time.  Mom *thinks* she has trained me but I being the brilliant piglet that I am trained her.  She just doesn’t know it.  When it’s bedtime, she will tell me to go potty and get in bed.  And, I will.  Because *I* know that if I do, she will give me a treat.  See, that’s brilliant thinking there.  I’ve got her trained to give me treats for doing things that I would normally do anyway because I like a schedule.  After she gives me a treat and tucks me into bed, she tells me a little story, reads to me or we watch a quick cartoon in my room.  She then gives me another treat for being good and to go to bed.  I have that woman trained in my evil ways – snort snicker.

And you know what the kicker is?  If I make a certain sound after I’m tucked in for the night, she will come and check on me!  It’s like I have a mental connection with mom.  On nights like this, she’ll hold me for a while and rock me to sleep.  I absolutely love it when she does this!  It brings me back to my baby days when she held me in my nursery. 

So, the bottom line is who is more trained – me or mom.  That’s like saying what came first – the egg or the chicken.  Makes you wonder hhhmmm.

 

The Great Pig Escape – Midnight Adventure

I got my first ouchie tonight.  I guess that’s not bad considering I’ve been ouchie free for the past year of my life.  But darn it – it hurts.  It was my fault.  Let me admit that first.  This is what happened.

Last night, mom put me to bed.  At night, I sleep in this huge crate.  The door of the crate actually ‘use’ to shut on its own.  Shakes piggy head – yeah I might have done that.  Mom and dad use a bungy cord to shut it now.  I have to have it shut at night.  First of all, it’s my safety zone and second of all – do you really want a pig loose in the house while you sleep at night?  Take it first hand from me, it’s not a good idea. 

So last night, mom kisses me goodnight and puts me to bed as usual.  Well, I’m a pig…curious by nature if you will.  I decided to see if I could get out of my crate to go play throughout the house. Insert James Bond music now.  Sounded like an awesome idea to me, right?  So, I kept pushing against my door until I saw a little opening it.  I’ve seen the cats do this so I know it works.  What they didn’t explain to me was that they’re mostly fur and squeeze through small openings.  I on the other hand don’t have so much fur.  I’m all belly.  I held my breath in and squeeze through.  Well, I by pushing through I scraped the top part of my back – ouchie!  But on the other hand, I was FREE! 

The first place I went was the front room.  Of course I brought blankie with me…. you know there’s nothing like seeing a miniature pot bellied pig dragging a king size blankie down the hall and throughout the house.  I jumped on the couches, I pushed all of the pillows off of the couch and I jumped on them repeatedly.  I pulled all of my toys out of the playbox, I played with them and then I moved to the kitchen when I got bored.

The kitchen is a wonderful place.  The piggy gate wasn’t closed because everyone was asleep.  Snicker – good for me.  The kitchen is where all of the food comes from.  I know this because I watch mommy in there making magic.  I waddled over to the big black food box.  With enough pressure from my snout, I was able to open the magical door.  A light went on and it scared me.  I jumped back and the magical door slid open.  WOW – for a moment I actually thought I heard angels singing.  I went over to investigate the glow and stuck my snout in the door.  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR – that thing was COLD – shivers.  I started moving things around and everything was as hard as a rock.  This must be what they call the freeze box.  Darn it – wrong part of the refrigerator.  I looked up to see the fridge part above the freezer.  Darn these short legs.  I couldn’t reach that part.

I guess I made some loud noises in my midnight adventure.  A few minutes later, mom came around the corner slowly peaking into the kitchen.  That’s how she found me.  Sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, freezer open with that magical glow licking ice.  So, yeah, I guess it was fun and giggles at that time until she saw my back.  After that, she kind of freaked out and lost it.  She started getting fussy and playing doctor with it.  Geez mom, it’s just a little scrape.  She made me take some godforsaken medicine and put bubble stuff on my back.  Afterwards, she gave me a treat (which is always good), I went potty and she walked me back to bed. 

Yes, we also had a little prayer meeting about the Great Pig Escape and Midnight Adventure.  I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.

 

 

Ready, Set, GO

You’ve heard me talk about my blankie in the past.  I love my blankie!  Blankie used to be mom’s.  It got old and ragged – then it became perfect for me.  It’s Egyptian cotton so it’s a soft and comfy, feels almost like silk on my little hooves.  I drag blankie up and down the hallway, in my room, all over the front room and mom will wrap me up in it like a pigburrito sometimes when I get on the couch with her.  It’s my special blankie. 

Last night, I had it in the front room playing with it.  I took my little snout and pulled it from all directions so it was spread all over the front room floor.  I grunted and barked at it and It took me a while to do it but once it was done, it was perfect for what I had in mind.  Mom and dad silently watched from the couch laughing at me. 

Then once everything was in position, I went to my room.  Curious looks were upon the parents faces.  They could hear my little hooves walking around my room.  I could hear them questioning my next move.  I just giggled to myself.  Then I turned into a powerful Tasmanian Devil and spinned around like a tornado.  I go up enough thrust, ran out of my room, down the hall and flung my body on my sheet…. and slid all the way across it into the entertainment center.  Giggles – that Egyptian cotton is pretty slick.  It was a heck of a trip.  I got up, shook my head and body off a bit and padded on back down to my room for a do over. 

Again, I ran around my room building thrust.  I ran out of the door and down the hall and flung my body on the sheet again… and slid all the way across into one of my toy boxes.  This is fun.  I got up, shook my head and body off a bit and padded back down to my room for a third try. 

I ran around my room barking and grunting (I thought the sound effects would help this time with the thrust) 🙂  Ran out of my room, down the long hallway, tripped and fell on the blankie.  Darn, premature jump on the blankie.  Trotted back to my room. 

Barked, grunted, ran around my room, out the bedroom door, down the hall and jumped on my blankie.  Slid across the sheet, hit the television tray, knocked dad’s drink off which fell on top of me, took a bath, shook my head and body and that was enough excitement for the night.  Jumped on the couch with mom breathing heavy from the excitement and went to sleep. 

So what is the moral of this adventure.  When you’re bored, get a slick sheet.  What, you thought there would be something more?  I’m a pig – I live for fun.