Daddy I have a word for you with that new hat of yours –
N.O.
No elf hats will be allowed here in the Hotel Thompson. Nope. Never. They remind me too much of that evil little freak Don Juan who better not come back here next year. You heard that right. He better not.
If he does, I’ve got an entire year to think of strategy in removing him from this household. I’m off to work on that strategy now.
Good riddance! Another year behind us with the freak gone. Shakes piggy head. I think I will need therapy this year to get over some of the antics that Don Juan did to us this year. He has no morals. No standards. Not anything good is in his twisted little body. He is bad. Real bad.
The night before Christmas, dad was going to set out donuts and a Coke Zero for Santa. I know that’s a weird combination but dad assured me that was what Santa wanted – Shakes piggy head. You know what they say, “Don’t argue with your elders”. Snorts with piggy laughter.
Dad went to go get the donuts and he found Don Juan was in his bag. The little brat ate all of the donuts but one. Daddy said Santa was *not* going to be happy.
So Don Juan – goodbye. Good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out of the Hotel Thompson. Until we see each again, may you see nothing but darkness. And watch out little guy – we will be prepared for you next year. Oh yes… we will – evil piggy snorts.
Are you kidding me?! Don Juan is really up to no good this year. Mom heard noises last night around midnight. She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom. The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan videotaping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’. Talk about mad! Are you kidding me Don Juan?! Making porn tapes is one thing. But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens. It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you. You are so on mom’s hit list now.
Meow our fellow followers. Hemi here for your amusement. We told you the little freak Don Juan would go down. We may have pushed him over the edge last night. Talk about getting even.
We waited until everyone here at the Hotel Thompson went to sleep. In fact, we even acted like we were sleeping. Then when darkness came down and the snoring from the humans started, me and Houdini crept into the living room to wait for the creep.. I mean Don Juan to make his nightly visit.
That’s when we heard him. He was in the liquor cabinet. That is strictly off limits. You have to be over five feet to enter that zone and trust me guys – he is not. He barely makes it over 10 inches. He crawled up into the cabinet and made himself a Bloody Mary – one of mom’s precious favorites.
When he wasn’t looking, I put some Tabasco sauce in the drink. Have you heard of the book Fifty Shades of Grey? Well, that little rascal turned fifty shades of various red after choking down the hot sauce. Meows and rolls around laughing. Score for the ninja kitty!
There you go. That elf needs to be stopped NOW… like yesterday. He is evil pure and simple. I woke up this morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I stretched my hooves, yawned and tooted. What? You don’t do that in the mornings? I then rolled over to look at my picture of Miss Piggy on my night stand and got the shock of my little piggy life. My Miss Piggy picture was gone and in it’s place was this hideous, nightmarish joke from Don Juan. I squealed so loudly that I think Nana heard me all the way up the street. The nerve of this so called elf for Santa. I’m writing the head elf of the Union. This can’t go on anymore. Shivers and looks in every corner of my bedroom.
Bless dad’s heart. This is how he found his toothbrush this morning in the bathroom. Don Juan. What can I say? That rogue elf is a crime to society just waiting to happen. Daddy reached for his toothbrush and found this little squirt taking advantage of it. I gotta tell you. That little guy is FAST.
He jumped off of the sink, onto the floor and slithered away before any of us could catch him. And I really thought Houdini was going to get him this time too. I tell you. If he ever gets captured, it’s going to be a satisfying moment to sit back and watch whatever happens to him.
Oh and don’t worry. Daddy decided to skip the brushing this morning and is electing to get a new toothbrush sometime today. He mumbled something about elf cooties and such and not knowing where that evil snot has been.
I am not amused – meows. There I was minding my own business and that pesky little elf freak jumped on my back. It wasn’t bad enough that mom dressed me up. She must think I’m Houdini with these clothes – and trust me friends – she would be so very wrong.
I’m a man cat… a Hemingway if you will. We don’t do clothes or pesky elves. Don Juan does realize that my claws are out. now.
I’m putting you on notice freak adventure. It will be pay back time soon. This may be the year you go down.
Signed Hemi
Good riddance! Another year behind us with the freak gone. Shakes piggy head. I think I will need therapy this year to get over some of the antics that Don Juan did to us this year. He has no morals. No standards. Not anything good is in his twisted little body. He is bad. Real bad.
The night before Christmas, dad was going to set out donuts and a Coke Zero for Santa. I know that’s a weird combination but dad assured me that was what Santa wanted – Shakes piggy head. You know what they say, “Don’t argue with your elders”. Snorts with piggy laughter.
Dad went to go get the donuts and he found Don Juan was in his bag. The little brat ate all of the donuts but one. Daddy said Santa was *not* going to be happy.
So Don Juan – goodbye. Good riddance. Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out of the Hotel Thompson. Until we see each again, may you see nothing but darkness. And watch out little guy – we will be prepared for you next year. Oh yes… we will – evil piggy snorts.
Are you kidding me?! Don Juan is really starting up BAD this year. Mom heard noises last night around midnight. She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom. The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan video taping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’. Talk about mad! Are you kidding me Don Juan?! Making porn tapes is one thing. But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens. It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you. You are so on mom’s hit list now.
Piglove 