Don Juan – I Despise You!

I hate Don Juan.  There you go.  That elf needs to be stopped NOW… like yesterday.  He is evil pure and simple.  I woke up this morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed.  I stretched my hooves, yawned and tooted.  What?  You don’t do that in the mornings?  I then rolled over to look at my picture of Miss Piggy on my night stand and got the shock of my little piggy life.  My Miss Piggy picture was gone and in it’s place was this hideous, nightmarish joke from Don Juan.  I squealed so loudly that I think Nana heard me all the way up the street.  The nerve of this so called elf for Santa.  I’m writing the head elf of the Union.  This can’t go on anymore.  Shivers and looks in every corner of my bedroom. 

 

Dear Bacon – Special Edition

Tis the season to be merry my friends!  Today, we have a very special issue of Dear Bacon.  I bet a lot of you know my special friend.  He’s been hanging (literally) around my house since Thanksgiving.  For those that don’t know him, I’ll tell you a little back ground.

The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition came out in 2005 in a children’s book.  The little Elf that comes with the book has a job between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.  His main job is to watch over the household and report back to the North Pole nightly on if the people are naughty or nice.  He comes back to the household by morning.  There’s one important thing about the Elf.  You don’t touch him as doing so will erase any Christmas magic that has been blessed upon him.  Every morning that he comes back from the North Pole, people in the household find him in different places.  But remember, it’s all magic!

So in honor of Christmas, we have the Thompson Elf – Don Juan – representing in the Dear Bacon issue.  We hope you enjoy.  XOXO – Bacon

Dear Don Juan,

You’re a fellow Elf.  You know times are hard working for the fat guy.  We work once a year.  It’s hard to make a living like this.  Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do, right?  Signed Elf Burglar

Dear Elf Burglar,

Step.away.from.the.pig.  Don’t make me call the Elf Union.  Elves do not steal in the houses that we are to watch over.  Your special Christmas powers can be revoked with a snap of a finger.  You know there are other jobs you can work while in the off season.  I’ve heard Walmart is looking for door greeters.  Or perhaps you can join a traveling circus during down times.  Anything but stealing my fellow Elf.

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Dear Don Juan,

Last night, the humans they stayed up until the whee hours of the morning making cookies.  I just thought I would make my mark.  You like?  Signed Droopy

Dear Droopy,

I like and I approve.  This is what I’m talking about.  Good little elves help out around the house not steal.  Way to go my friend!

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Dear Don Juan,

I’ve read on Bacon’s blog that his human father likes to play Angry Birds.  Well, I thought I would share this photo for you to take notes on future escapades.  Enjoy my friend.  Signed Angry Elf

Dear Angry Elf,

That’s what I’m talking about!  Thanks for the idea.  I definitely will pursue this one tonight.. perhaps 🙂

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Dear Don Juan,

When you have to go, you gotta go.  The humans, they caught a picture of me in mid dunk.  Thank goodness I was holding on and the humans didn’t see me in action.  Signed Pepper Elf

Dear Pepper Elf,

Hey, you’re right.  It’s nature.  It’s part of life.  At least you’re potty trained.  Tis the season for magic in all forms.

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Dear Don Juan,

What?  We get kind of bored at night staying up all by ourselves.  Sometimes we get back from reporting in at the the North Pole early. We gotta do something in our spare time for just us.  I met this chick named Frankie Stein from Monster High.  Dude, she has some moves!  Signed Pole Elf

Dear Pole Elf,

Oh dear.  This can’t be good.  Where did you get that money?  And dear Lord, you’re sitting on baby food.  There’s a baby in the house.  Step away from the pole and tell Ms. Stein to put on some clothing.  Shakes head.. I may need to investigate this further.  Can you email me Ms. Stein’s telephone number?  You know, for my paperwork.

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Dear Don Juan,

It’s just a little nick and tuck.  What can I say?  He was on the naughty list.  I had to do something to snap him into reality that this is the Christmas season.  Thoughts?  Signed Barber Elf

Dear Barber Elf,

Are you insane?!  We can’t do that.  That poor fellow is going to be scared for life.  Listen here you young Elf, report back to the North Pole ASAP.  I’ve gotta get this taken care of with the humans.  Where’s is that Easter bunny when you need him?

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Dear blogville,  I hope you enjoyed this special of Dear Bacon – Elf on the Shelf.  Remember, tonight is the big night.  Make sure you’re extra good and leave out cookies.  I’ve heard Santa likes chocolate chip and macadamia.  Well, that’s what my human daddy tells me.  XOXO – Bacon

Note:  Pictures were sent in by friends of mom who emailed them to me with questions.

 

That Evil Elf on the Shelf

Go ahead, you can admit it.  That little Elf on the Shelf is evil looking.  You just *know* he’s up to trouble.  What?  You don’t know who he is?  Well my friend, you might just be one of the lucky ones during this holiday season.

The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition came out in 2005 in a children’s book.  The little Elf that comes with the book has a job between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.  His main job is to watch over the household and report back to the North Pole nightly on if the people are naughty or nice.  He comes back to the household by morning.  There’s one important thing about the Elf.  You don’t touch him as doing so will erase any Christmas magic that has been blessed upon him.  Every morning that he comes back from the North Pole, people in the household find him in different places.  But remember, it’s all magic!

.

Cute story idea huh?  Sure it is.  But, have you seen this Elf?  Look to the left.  Shivers – he’s kind of a got a look in those eyes that makes you not want to turn your back to him.  And the idea of having him watching ‘over’ your household and reporting back to Santa every night, that’s kind of eerie.  It’s great on one hand when small children are in the home.  They walk the line with this little guy around.  I’m not sure if they are afraid of getting caught being naughty or if they are just plain scared of the psycho Elf.  He kind of reminds me of clowns… and that makes me want to run to my bedroom and hide under my toddler bed.

But I digress.  We have a Elf on the Shelf at the Hotel Thompson. Mom insists on dragging him out of the attic (great place for him all year) for Christmas.  There’s no kids here unless you count us anipals and daddy.  But mom insists. Every Thanksgiving, Elffie comes out and the story book is read.  And the good thing about these elves, you get to name yours.  Don’t ask me why because I believe it has to be a twist on a twist but ours is named Don Juan.  How ironic huh?

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m afraid of that little six inch freak and so are the purr things.  We have had our moments of trying to ‘kidnap’ him and finish him off to no avail.  And supposedly Santa Claus has bestowed Christmas magic on him so he moves around the Hotel Thompson.  Yesterday morning, I woke up in my toddler bed and he was sleeping beside me looking at me with that mystic face.  I squealed so loudly that I think I woke up our neighbors.  That little misfit needs to stay out of my room thank you very much.  And, it’s not just me he’s doing stuff with.  Hemi, one of the purr things here, woke up the day before with that little creature asleep on his back.  Hemi hissed to the high heavens and swatted at it with his big paw.

And, our friends – snorts.  They are going through the same thing this time of the year with their ‘magical’ elves.  One of dad’s buddies got up one morning, stumbled to the bathroom and took a shower.  When he looked up, their little voyeur elf was watching him over the shower curtain.  Talk about a psycho moment.

The same household as the shower episode, the next day the man’s wife found their little elf in her lingerie drawer.  WTP (what the pig!)  No wonder people walk on eggshells around the holidays with these little monsters running rampid.

So tell me, do you have a mischievous little elf in your house during the holidays?  Is he getting into trouble or is he behaving (which I would find very strange).  I’m thinking that all of these elves are cloned in the same factory of trouble.  Perhaps us anipals need to ban together and write a letter to the Elf Union.  These guys are trouble – I’m telling you TROUBLE.