Dear Houdini

That’s right – you read that correctly.  Bacon is letting me fill in for him this week.  He doesn’t think I can do Dear Bacon.  Let me know what you think sweet friends ❤

---

Dear Houdini – This is not funny.  Really it’s not.  My human is crazy.  Can you save me please?  Signed Potato in Waiting

Dear Potato in Waiting – BARKS!  I gotta admit that it’s a little funny.  Really think about it.  How many anipals can say they look like a hot potato and you are hot.  I say save the look for Halloween and go for it.  You will win so many contests for originality and beauty.

---

Dear Houdini – I heard about your accident the other day with a pillow that exploded at the Hotel Thompson.  I *know* you can relate.  You *have* to relate.  I was sitting on the front porch minding my own business when this cushion suddenly blew up for no apparent reason.  I was just as shocked as everyone else.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – I know!  It’s unbelievable how those things happen out of the blue – spontaneous combustion does happen.  It is highly documented.  I think pillows only do this when dogs are around so that we can personally take the blame.  Yeah – that has to be it.  Surely it’s not because of something us sweet devout pooches did.  No way!  I say cover yourself my friend.  No camera documentation means you didn’t do it.  I’m sticking to that story and you should too!

---

Dear Houdini – I know you are just a mere dog but let me tell you something, I’ve earned my stripes.  I’m fierce.  I’m strong.  I’m a rocking cat that can shake your world if you don’t obey me.  You just remember that about us cats okay.  Cats rule and dogs drool!  Signed Stripes

Dear Stripes – Barks and laughter!   Wait a minute while I pick myself up from laughing and rolling around here on the floor.  Cats rule and dogs drool – too funny.  Okay maybe we dogs do drool when we are excited but there is no way that cats rule – sorry Hemi.  Us doggies are higher on the who is in charge chain.  And your stripes – oh my dog!  Really?  Walk away from the sun my friend and tell me about those stripes then – Barks!

---

 

Dear Houdini – There I was sitting on the sofa from another long day of working on the farm.  I was so exhausted.  I had the television on for sound and that’s when I saw it.  A commercial for a dating service for Farmers Only.  WOW!  I never knew it existed.  Do you think I have a chance with a lady?  Signed Stetson

Dear Stetson – YES you do.  We all have chances.  And how could anyone say no to a cowboy hat?  Mommy says those are hot!

---

Dear Houdini – There is a problem with this slide.  Really there is.  I slide down it all of the time.  But this date, I did’t slide.  What the hamster world happened?  Signed Stuck

Dear Stuck – Perhaps it was too dry to slide down. Perhaps you have more fluff than usual and it was a little tight?  It could happen.  I know sometimes my t-shirts get a little snug like that and I have to cut back a bit.  And then perhaps you just need a gentle push?  Call me if you need some assistance.  I’ll get the jaws of life out to get you out of a tight spot.  In the meantime, take it easy okay.

 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂

---

Dear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!

---

Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.

---

Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!

---

 Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Just chilling here in the jungle having my snack of bamboo.

It’s so bright here in my life that I have to wear shades.

Do you wear shades?  Signed Care Bear

❤

Dear Care Bear – You know you do look awfully cool wearing those shades.

I’m going to have to see if mom can find me a pair for me to sport around.

---

Dear Bacon – Hello man.  This is the picture from my pet annual that my mom got me this year from dog school.

Do I look like I’m a chilling here in this picture?  Because, I was like the happening pooch this year.  Signed Uptown

❤

Dear Uptown – I like the look.  I could so easily see it catching on here in the neighborhood.

You ought to give P-Diddy a run for his money and come out with your own clothing line.  I bet it would be hot!

---

Dear Bacon – Do these glasses make me all Sally Jessy Raphael or do they give me a classical smart look?  Signed Princess Tink Tink

❤

Dear Princess Tink Tink – Well, honestly they do remind me of Ms. Raphael.

But, on the other hand they have a little more pink in them than hers that have more red.

I think you look classical with a touch of smart emphasis.  Vogue baby and wear those specs!

---

Dear Bacon – Sometimes at the zoo when people aren’t looking, we can let our hair down and be ourselves.

Visitors don’t get to see the real ‘us’.  If they did, can you image what they would think?  Signed Caesar

❤

Dear Cesar – I think it would be hoot if I went to the zoo and got to see the ‘real’ ya’ll.  It would be hilarious.

I bet you would have more people coming back to the zoo for visits.  I think you need to see if you can get the rules at the zoo changed.

---

Dear Bacon – Hey little dude.  I’m from Hollywood and my owner walks me around all of the time with him everywhere we go.

A lot of people will walk up to me and tell my human that I remind them of someone but they can’t quite put their finger on it.  I’m not sure who in the world it would be.  Signed Spike

❤

Dear Spike – I’m not really sure.  I think you are working the outfit though.  And hey, I’m sure you fit right in at the Hollywood hills.  Just keep enjoying the attention my friend.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

My master thinks he is so smart – bark bark.  He put things on the couch in order to make sure “I” wouldn’t get on the couch.  He forgot one thing though.  There is always the back of the couch – HA!  I’m not sure who was more surprised when he found me there – his face was priceless!  Signed One Smart K9

Dear One Smart K9,

That is too funny.  You are really smart.  I don’t know why the humans just don’t cater to us.  They know we are going to figure out the ways – You go pooch!

---

Dear Bacon,

Does this look pitiful enough on my face?  This is my plead for, “Can you spare a cup of nuts my friend?”  It seems to work at times.  What do you think?  Signed Nut Collector

Dear Nut Collector,

AAWW that look is precious.  I know if you came to my door, my mom would let you have a cup of nuts… possible a safe dry place as well.  Bashful my pet rock gets that look sometimes when he wants things.  There’s just no way you can say no.

---

Dear Bacon,

A lot of people are scared of me and I can’t understand why.  Don’t I have a likeable face?  I even try to smile more to make myself more personable.  Signed Smiling Liz

Dear Smiling Liz,

Your beautiful my friend.  It’s their loss if they can’t see that inner and outer beauty.  Keep smiling and doing your thing my friend!

---

Dear Bacon,

Do you ever spend time in front of the mirror after you brush your teeth checking yourself out?  I just can’t help it.  This is my time when I practice my smile and winking my eyes.  Signed Vanity the Cat

Dear Vanity the Cat,

You know I do spend some time in front of the mirror.  I think we all need to at times.  I like to personally watch how I move my tail up and down and sideways.  You know cats move their tails with such elegance and I try to practice that to impress the purr things here.  Carry on!

---

Dear Bacon,

Trouble in 3, 2 and 1.  The master caught us playing on the bed and thought it was hilarious.  You see, I’m not the one that initiates the trouble in this household – it’s the cat.  Always has been.  Do your cats cause this much trouble at the Hotel Thompson?  Signed Innocent Pooch

Dear Innocent Pooch,

Well, yes they do.  They are definitely the little instigators here at the Hotel Thompson.  They like to wiggle those long tails right in front of me to get my attention and then whine if I pull it.  And that Hemi with his extra digits, he likes to run by me and slap my little pig hiney.  Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to the trouble makers – snort.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
What can I say? I’m a chick magnet. Every time I go through the park, the chicks follow me around. It kind of makes me feel like the Pied Piper but with chicks – bark. Signed The Dog

Dear The Dog,
Snorts. I have to admit that you are the dog my friend. Not only one or two chicks – you got the entire clan. Way to go. Don’t walk – strut – you are the dog!

---

Dear Bacon,

Oh surprise. Do you think the kids here will be able to guess what their new toy is? Rolls kitty eyes. This is only the beginning of the torture I’m in for. It’s time to get the nails out. Signed Surprise

Dear Surprised,

Let me start by saying yes it is awful that they ‘wrapped’ the kids new toy. But then again on the other hoof, that is so funny and cute. Just think how surprised the kids will be! Snorts. But I have to tell you, you have the patience unknown to me. They even wrapped your tail! You can’t really blame the humans. I mean, you did sit still long enough and allowed them to do this to you. Snorts

---

Dear Bacon,
Meow. The humans have this game called Twister. They are in awe of it. What’s funny is the woman human bought this rug from the front room thinking it was just darling and it is. But all I can do is think of their Twister game. Purr thing on blue. Just wait until I stretch to the yellow or red dots. Insert evil purr. Signed Cat Twister

Dear Cat Twister,
OMP (Oh my pig!) You are so right. That rug does look like Twister in an off strange way. That is so cool. I think you should call in the dog, the humans and others in the neighborhood to play with you. It would be outrageous!

---

.
Dear Bacon,
You’re really not the only one with skills my friend. Sometimes when the humans leave up their laptop, I jump on for a few. These humans are twisted. I saw a picture of them on line and I guess my face shows you what I think. My eyes are burning. Signed Shocker

Dear Shocker,

Snorts. Sometimes my friends you should just simply leave things alone when the humans are involved. What is seen can not be unseen.

.

 

Dear Bacon

 

Dear Bacon – I think my face may freeze this way.  I saw my humans naked again – the horrors!  I’m not sure if I can ever face them again.

Have you ever felt this way?  Signed Bub

Dear Bub – That is really the look.  Thankfully, my humans don’t change clothes in front of me.  I think if they did, I would probably look the same!

.

---

Dear Bacon – It’s embarrassing some of the things I see in the zoo.  Humans only see things from their perspective.  I on the other hand see things that the humans don’t think other people are watching.  It’s really bad.  I’ve got some stories to tell!  Signed Blushing Bear

Dear Blushing Bear – I think you have a future there.  Perhaps you should write a novel – Stories from the Other Side of the Fence; or You’re Not Alone; or better yet Those Crazy Humans.  I would definitely get it and have mom read it to me at night!

---

Dear Bacon – I guess the secret is out.  This is how we nip and tuck in the doggy world.  Sigh – it was bound to make the news sooner or later.  Signed Wrinkles R Us

Dear Wrinkles R Us – I wonder if that would help with my rolls of extra skin?  I’m thinking I’m going to have to try that.  Thanks for the ideas and by the way – you’re beautiful regardless!

---

Dear Bacon – Yeah, you pay the time for the crime and so do I.  My humans make me sit in time out on the couch in the living room.  So humiliating.  At least you get the sanctuary of your room.  Signed Dog Pound

Dear Dog Pound  – WOW – you do look like you’re in a bit of trouble there my friend.  I have to ask though because I don’t know what you did.  Was it worth it?  Try to stay on the right side of the law my friend.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I have the subject locked and loaded. It’s just a matter of seconds now before this powerful machine takes off, leaps and catches his prey. I have the skills of a ninja. I’m silent and deadly. You’ll never see me coming. Do you have this kind of talent pig? Signed Sniper One

Dear Sniper One – I’m shaking here at the Hotel Thompson in my hooves. WOW – that is some talent you have there. I’m amazed. I’m almost speechless. What was your prey? A fly? Oh I know… a piece of dust? Snorts. I don’t need to have ninja skills, or be silent to be deadly. I just need cuteness. Insert evil deviled ham snort. Carry on my friend..

---

Dear Bacon – I think my wife has some explaining to do. You see we got married, I had to leave for some business. I came home and there was our “baby”. I think the baby *looks* like us but is not us in some way, fashion or form. I don’t think it’s his coloring – that matches. I don’t think it’s that cute little nose – that matches. I can’t put my paw on it but I don’t think he’s mine. I think I may need to call Maury Povich for a DNA analysis. You think? Signed Mr. Rabbit

Dear Mr. Rabbit – All that matters is love my friend. So he’s different, so what? I’m different than my mommy and daddy too. Doesn’t mean they don’t love me just the same. What’s done is done. That’s why the past is in the past. Just because something doesn’t look like us doesn’t mean we can’t love them with all of our heart.

---

Dear Bacon – They say that grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I tried to see. I got stuck. Awesome huh – NOT. I don’t get it. I’m an alligator. I’m stuck half way up a fence. A human sees me. What do they do? You would think help but no – let’s pull out that camera phone and take a picture of the gator stuck on the fence. Dude, if I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone. Signed Stuck in Mid Flight

Dear Stuck in Mid Flight – Snorticles. Really dude… I’m not snorting *at* you. I’m snorting at the situation. Let’s look at this for just a tiny minute. You said quote, “If I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone.” That’s rich. That’s probably WHY they didn’t help you out. They were simply afraid of you. I know – I know. You can’t really blame them. They don’t see you as the cuddly, loveable snuggable type. They see teeth, nails, teeth, long tail, teeth and massive power strength. Shrugs piggy shoulders. That’s how it is dude. I do hope you got off the fence. I’m sure eventually someone did help, right? Stay strong my anipal.

---

Dear Bacon – I’ve been holding back in writing to you but I have this huge mystery. See, my human took this picture of me back when it was Winter. I saw this cute poodle in the hood. I went up to say hey, but she didn’t *smell* like a regular pooch? It was weird. What do you think? Have you ever seen this chick before? Signed Pugalicious

Dear Pugalicious – Step back from the poodle my friend. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but that poodle is nothing but cold and made of ice – snorts. Really. She’s snow my friend. You know that white stuff that falls from the sky during Winter. Some human made a poodle chick to fool you. She is kind of cute though. Look at the tail on her – hubba hubba.

---

Dear Bacon – It’s love. Simple as that. We have found our significant other and we are in love. We have read on your blog in the past about when two half hearts find each other and they melt together forming one it’s meant to be. We looked in each others eyes and it was like we knew all about each other and felt so at home. What can we say? Signed Two Kids in Love

Dear Two Kids in Love – aaww – That picture tells me *everything* I need to know. You two were MADE for each other in every way possible. Carry on and live long!

---

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I need some help.  I experience a lot of road rage when I’m driving these days.  Any suggestions?  Signed Mad Cat

Dear Mad Cat – First of all let’s just start with, what the heck are you thinking?  Step away from the back of the wheel.  That might be the problem in itself.  You should not be driving my furry little animal.  Leave that crazy behavior to the humans.  Step away!

---

Dear Bacon –  Just to show you, you’re not the only little four legged animal to be surfing the net.  I’m forever doing it myself while the missus sits on the couch behind me watching television.  Man, we can learn a lot from that internet, can’t we?  And hey, if it’s on the internet, it has to be true, right!  Signed Dog in Charge

Dear Dog in Charge – You got that right my friend.  The internet is huge.  Some of the things I find are unreal!  I’m glad to see you computer savvy.  I may have to get you to write an article for my blog!  And of course everything on the internet is true.  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

---

Dear Bacon – The humans – they are so funny… well they think they are.

The master put this watermelon on my head and then called me a melon head.  I don’t get it.  Do you?  Signed Melon Head

Dear Melon Head – I don’t get the saying but I do get the watermelon.  I love me some watermelon.  They can put it on my little head but it won’t stay there that long.

I will eat that watermelon rind in about 3 minutes flat!  Yum – Yum!

---

Dear Bacon – You know how they say people wear their hearts on their sleeves?  Well, I wear mine on my butt.  And when humans say bless your little heart do you really think they are saying bless your butt?  What do you think?  Signed Love

Dear Love –  I have to admit I snorted and giggled.  That was funny my friend.  That is quite the birthmark you have there.  I think it’s kind of cute.  I like it my friend!  Wear it with pride.  And hey, I like your logic.  That’s a nice way to tell someone to kiss your butt!

---

❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please remember to send me your letters/pictures ❤

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Okay I admit it.  I’m in a predicament… some would say stuck between a limb and another limb.  I blame it on these pesky squirrels that seem to have taken over my yard.  I was chasing showing one how to get out and he jumped in the tree.  I followed.  I know you have Journalist Rocky the Squirrel that lives in your backyard.  Any suggestions on keeping the little rats squirrels out of my kingdom?  Signed  Hanging

Dear Hanging – Well you do look kind of uncomfortable there my friend.  The first thing is to get to know those squirrels.  I assure you they are not as pesky as you think.  Really – I assure you.  Make friends – you will be surprised what they will do for you think.  Journalist Rocky the Squirrel and his clan keep out the other unwanted dogs and purr things from my kingdom 🙂

---

Dear Bacon – Honestly this is *not* what it looks like.  I wasn’t kicking anyone.  I wasn’t having a momentarily lapse of judgement.  I wasn’t going crazy.  You’re going to laugh when I tell you what I was doing.  Really – are you ready?  I was learning how to swing dance.  Yep, swing dance.  It works much better with a partner but I was practicing my moves.  What do you think about that little pig?  Signed Swinger

Dear Swinger – I am highly impressed my friend.  Really I am.  That is such a hard dance to learn and I’m impressed that you are doing it.  If my hips could move like that, I would so join up for lessons with you.

---

Dear Bacon –  I’m sitting in a pan I am.  It’s the pan for the dog who is a hog (no offense).  He chases me and tries to sting me like a bee.  He no eat until he kisses my feet.  Signed Seuss Without a Rhyme

Dear Seuss Without a Rhyme – Snorts!  No offense taken.  I get it.  You and the dog are frenemies.  You keep your enemies close to you to know what they are up to – usually no good.  Instead of sitting in his bowl, perhaps hide that huge bowl.  No bowl to fill, no food to eat and you can act all innocent like you don’t know what they are talking about when they ask what happened to his bowl.  See where I’m going with this?  Cause you know after a while, it’s going to get boring sitting in an empty bowl.  Unless nature calls… then you have something to fill.

---

Dear Bacon –  Oh dear mercy to the heavens.  Please help me.  My humans have went over the deep end.  Signed Fill in for Nicki Minaji

Dear Fill in for Nicki Minaji – Hubba – Hubba.  Look at you my sweet friend.  I think you got the looks and the skills to pull this off.  I wouldn’t be upset with your humans – I would tell them that if they are going to dress you up like Ms. Minaji, then they have to treat you like the star she is!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Dude, you have never experienced life until you stretch out in a hammock and just relax the day away.  In fact, I think your humans should buy you a piggy hammock.  I bet you would enjoy it.  Signed Swinger

Dear Swinger – WOW – you do look really comfy there my friend.  I’m thinking that this Spring/Summer here at the Hotel Thompson, mom/dad might just need to get me a hammock for my magical backyard.  They can put it on the back deck so I can over look new discoveries.

Thanks for the heads up my friend.  Keep on swinging!

---

Dear Bacon – I think I partied way too much during the Super Bowl game.  I remember eating some snacks.  I remember chugging some beer after playing beer pong.  That’s it.  Afterwards, the next morning I woke up with a cold one still in my paws.  Shaking my doggy head – I gotta quit partying like this.  Signed Born to be Wild

Dear Born to be Wild – Dude, when you stop remembering your actions from the night before, it’s way past time to stop drinking.  Just be lucky you didn’t wake up with someone else in your bed.  Oh my – can you imagine that?  Shaking my piggy head.  Safety first my friend.

You might need to reach out to DAA (Doggy Alcoholics Anonymous).  I’m sure they can help you.

---

Dear Bacon – OMD OMD OMD.  Sometimes this little red light laser thingy gets the cats going on here at my crib.  But tonight, that crazy red light kept popping up on the ceiling in my kitchen.  I couldn’t have that unidentified red light breaching my food.  So I did what any dog would do, I jumped up at it to catch and destroy the red light.  I must have caught it because it went away.  Have you ever seen this red light?  Signed White Dogs Can Jump

Dear White Dogs Can Jump – Look at you my friend!  I’d say you took care of that red dot.  I’ve seen it before too here at the Hotel Thompson.  It’s very mysterious when it shows up and then disappears for what seems like weeks.  Do you think it’s an alien trying to impersonate us anipals?  It’s so weird!

---

Dear Bacon –  A gal can only take so much from her man.  Mr. Endless Nagging kept going on and on about such nonsense – I couldn’t take it anymore and lost myself in the moment.  I don’t think he will bother me for a while – do you?  Signed That’ll Teach You

Dear That’ll Teach You – Heck woman – it taught me not to nag you – snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever happened to if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?  Cause, trust me your man needs to learn that little tidbit of information.  And hey – you got a great right by the looks of it.

---