Bacon’s dad here. This year at the Hotel Thompson it seems like that little pest Don Juan has been up in all of our business causing havoc to the extreme. I’ve had my share of being at the receiving end of his antics. Especially when he got into our On Demand account and was trying to watch elf porn – he had my wife believing I had done that. No way! Who needs that stuff when I have my beautiful jewel of a wife in my life, right? ❤
I have to tell you the force awakened me last night in an awesome dream. I absolutely love Darth Vader – he’s so cool! I have a magnificent set of action figures that I have collected over the years from Star Wars. They are with my wife’s collection of Barbie Dolls. Well last night, I dreamed that I was Darth Vader and of course my storm trooper brought me the elf. And well let’s just say this picture tells you what I did with Don Juan – HA HA HA!
Greetings from your loyal fan, Bacon. I found this picture on my mom’s cell phone last night. I’ve been dreaming and fantasizing about it all day now. It looks dreamy and yummy! So delicious. I can almost feel the cold soft ice cream on my piggy lips. Smacks lips and squeals!
If I can persuade my mother to bring me through your drive thru say tonight around 7pm, could you fix me an ice dream cone this big?! Oh dear piggy heavens – THUD. Of course, it won’t fit in mom’s Smart car Albert so I will need your parking lot to snarf it down. I will allow pictures of said destruction of ice cream cone. Do we have a deal?
Last night started off like it normally does. Mom ran around the house getting everything ready for Monday – the start of another glorious week – rolls piggy eyes. She told me to get ready for bed and I did. Mom then came in and gave me a strawberry and told me a short bedtime story. You know – the normal things for this little piggy. After my story, she kissed me on the forehead, told me good night, she loved me and left my room.
I wasn’t all the way asleep yet though. I tried to go to sleep. I closed my eyes tight and dreamed about my sweet purr thing. I dreamed about chasing sheep over fences. I even tried to focus on my counting skills. But nope – nothing. Sleep just wouldn’t come.
So I did what all little piggies do. I pulled up my Egyptian cotton sheet around me and let the silk rub against my piggy skin. It was nice and cozy! Then out of the blue – BAM – it hit me. I had to tinkle. Why do you do that nature? Why when you get the most comfortable surroundedby your silk sheets do you hit us and we have to go tinkle? Explain that.
So you get up, stumble over to your wee-wee pad and take a wizzle. And yes for the first time I will show you a picture of me wizzing. Why? Because that mother of mine doesn’t know about BOUNDARIES. That’s right mom. Sometimes a pig needs PRIVACY. Hint – hint.
But do notice my techniques. Tail up in the back, legs stretched out. I think it’s a great form and I would give myself a ten – snorts. And notice the light in the picture. I didn’t turn on the light. This light is from a piggy nightlight that my cousin Sammy sent me a while back. I ❤ that nightlight. Thanks cousin!
So you take care of “When Nature Calls” and then you are in a pickle. I mean, mommy already tucked me in and now she’s asleep. I’ve done my business but I need some mommy loving. I do what I do best. I pitter patter over to my bedroom door and call for her by snorting and stomping. This concerns her so she rushes to me. I think I have her trained… you think?
So mommy came back in my room to tuck me back into bed. But now I’m thirsty – go figure. I am a kid at heart – snorts. I convince her that I need a drink and just a little snack before bed… again. We walk to that heavenly place that I like to call a kitchen and get some water and Animal Crackers. See, mommy *thinks* she has me trained. Don’t tell her it’s the other way around okay.
Then when go back to my bedroom where she tucks me back in to bed and wraps my Egyptian cotton sheet all around me like the original piggy in a blanket. Aaaww – that feels good.
But not only does mom wrap me up and tuck me in, she talks to me and pets me until I go back to sleep – for good this time. Can you say contented little man? Yep, that would be me friends. Contentment shows in this picture. And believe it or not, this time Mother Nature didn’t interfere.
Mommy waited until I was fast asleep and could feel my tummy going up and down in a pattern before she left my room. In fact, I don’t remember her leaving because I was asleep dreaming. Dreaming about my magical backyard… my friends out in the yard – Rocky the Squirrel, my Unicorn and my Bigfoot. We were all playing and chasing each other. Nice dream.
So have you ever had difficulties like this in getting to sleep?
Something wicked has happened to me. I’m not sure what to think about this. It started out like usual and then it went far left really quick. I’m getting ahead of myself like I normally do so let me start from the beginning. This is what happened:
Yawn and stretch. Hhhmm – eyebrows straight up – that felt different. My stretch was more… well stretchy. Strange. It felt like I had long and fluid legs… not my usual short and stout ones. Maybe I’m losing weight – yeah that has to be it. Opens eyes and looks around my room. What is that insistent chirping noise? It’s coming from beyond the window in my bedroom. I stand up and stretch again. Man, I must be really losing weight. I felt my back, my legs and even my tail stretch on that one. There goes that chirping again. Dude, that’s got to stop.
I walked over to the window and that was another strange thing. My hooves on my bedroom floor didn’t make the regular clickety-clack sound. Strange but okay. I gotta eat some more. I looked up at the window ledge and didn’t think twice before I jumped up on it. WOW – I can jump! Wonder why I never did that before? I looked out the window and spotted those singing creatures outside. Those would so make a wonderful two piece snack. Snap, did I say that? And oh looky – there is Mr. Parson’s furry things. HISS! Double HISS! What in the world?! Where did that come from? Shakes head – things are weird this Friday.
I hear mom in the kitchen and the next thing I knew she was saying, “Frühstück”. I immediately jumped down and went down the hallway. Hey, I’m hungry for some breakfast. I hope she made tuna. I then stopped immediately in my tracks. What?! How did I know German? And tuna for breakfast? Today is strange.
I continued to the kitchen and that’s when weird became super weird. I walked up to mom and swished my body against her legs and bit her ankle. What in the world?! Mom started fussing at me and I started talking back to her. What? I don’t do that. I ate my breakfast and then spied an empty box in the living room. Oh squeal – this is my lucky day! I looked at mom and made one last meow at her and went in the front room jumping in the box. What in the heck just happened? I meowed and jumped in a box. WHAT?! Something is definitely wrong. I ran to my bedroom and looked in the mirror. Blinked several times and shook myself. I must still be dreaming. There is no way this can be real. I’m Tigerlino?! Oh dear, that must have been some bad strawberries I had last night. I can’t be a boy kitty. No way! No wonder I could jump. This can’t be happening. A nap. That’s what I need – a power nap.
So Diary. I thought it was just a dream. All I had to do was go back to sleep and finish this dream. That’s it. I’m a pig. I’m not a cat. No way! So the power nap commenced. I woke up after an hour or so and just *knew* it would be better… so I thought. This is what happened then:
Slowly I started to wake. It felt funny. It didn’t feel like my soft bed. This felt like paper. I looked underneath me and somehow I had fell asleep on the newspapers. Ha – I guess that was my way of keeping on top of the current events. I went to stand and tripped over my two front feet – clumsy me. I stretched and then I was off to look for the ladies room. I found it and chattered until I got some privacy. That’s when I smelled the coffee from mom. She was at the fridge getting some of that delicious evaporated milk for her warm cup. I walked over and pleaded by going in and out of her legs and talking to her until she caved. She fixed me a little bowl and it was pure heaven! The only thing that could have made this better was some strawberry yogurt. Licks lips and starts to clean myself. Oh snap! I didn’t know I could bring my back leg up over my head?! Oh dear heavens – call Circus Soleil – this she kitty has skills!
What? What did I just say?! Oh my, something is very wrong. What is mommy doing now? Oh Himmel! Here comes that monster in the closet. Screech! and runs off to the bedroom to hide under the bed. I’m shaking. I’m scared. That monster in the closet is like a scary movie waiting to happen!
But wait a minute. Why am I hiding under the bed and still speaking German?! I keep repeating to myself, “This can’t be real. This can’t be real.” I slowly crawl out from underneath the bed and look in the mirror. Holy bat kitty – look at that sexy purr thing – wolf whistles. Wait a minute, that sexy purr thing whistled back at me. I move my arm and she moved her arm. Oh no. Oh no. I finally looked down at my feet. Oh.good.Lord. I’m Roxy now? What in the world have we done? What happened?
Diary, I’m trying to remember last night. I remember talking to Tigerlino and Roxy before going to bed. We were talking about how each of us live throughout the day at our homes. Uh-oh… is this Freaky Friday?! I lay down and close my eyes trying to concentrate. When I open them, I’ll be fine. This is just a dream. You know like how when mom sleep walks. Yeah, that’s it. It has to be it. I’m going to count to 10, open my eyes and look down. Everything will be fine. Really. I *just* know it.
OH DEAR HEAVENS – Call Dr. Phil. Call Oprah. Call the Vet. I’m A CAT!?!
They always say that grass is always greener on the other side. Well, I stuck my head through the fence to look at the other side. And you know what? It doesn’t look greener. Can you hear what I’m saying pig? It does *not* look greener. Signed Mythbuster Goat
Dear Mythbuster Goat,
Thank you for letting me know that. I’ve always wondered about the grass being greener on the other side. I just never knew what the other side was. Now I do. You’ve helped *me* out so very much.
What? I’m only helping my brother out in getting all of the crumbs on the bottom of the bowl. Really? Cause you know all of the good stuff is on the bottom of the bowl. Honestly. Signed Chef Paw
Dear Chef Paw,
I will take your word for that. Take it from an expert who is used to getting all of his crumbs, it’s much easier just to flip the bowl over. That way, you can get some of the crumbs as well. Just a tip my friend….and thank goodness your brother wasn’t drinking water.
I was having a dream that I was fixing to eat the biggest hot dog in the entire world. It look so delicious. I could almost taste it. Then I woke up cause I bit my paw. What a let down. Do you ever dream of eating food? Signed Dog Dreams
Dear Dog Dreams,
Snorticles. Do I ever have those dreams – snorts. That’s like asking me if I’m hungry. Of course I have those dreams. I can’t say though that I’ve ever tried to eat a paw or hoove. My legs are too short to reach my mouth – thank goodness!That must have been a mighty good dream my friend.
Where are the clothes pins when you need them? Sometimes I just need a few to pin back the wrinkles on my head. That way, maybe my tongue wouldn’t fall out of my mouth when I’m sleeping. You think? Signed Rip Van Pup
Dear Rip Van Pup,
I feel you my friend. I totally feel you. Sometimes when I sleep, everything wonders into their own zipcode. My mom feels the same way. All it means though is you are totally relaxed and comfortable in your environment. That’s a good thing.
Bottoms up! I saw the pictures you had of Bashful at Tybee Island last October. They really intrigued me. I thought I would stick my head in the ocean to see if I could find Sponge Bob and Patrick. I didn’t see them but got a lot of water in my trunk. And by the way, does this ocean make my butt look big? Signed Scubaphant
I’m so sorry little guy. Bashful saw Spongebob at Tybee last year because they were doing a movie on the island. I think afterwards he went back home to Hawaii. But I say, keep looking cause you never know where he might wash up on shore. As far as your butt, it looks just fine. I only wish mine was that cute!
As you know, my pet rock Bashful has been traveling and has been visiting Misaki overseas. He is currently on the way home and it can’t be a minute too soon.
Last night, I was awakened by some noises in my bedroom that I share with the rock clan. Yep, I can admit that the rock clan – Princess Coralena, Virginia, Manny and Rockelle – have a little corner in my bedroom that they hang out.
At first, I didn’t know what the sound was so I layed in bed listening. Then I heard it again, “Oh Bashful.” Then I heard lots of giggling. WTP (What the pig) was going on? I opened one of my eyes and looked over towards the rock clan. It seems that Princess Coralena was having a dream about Bashful. Oh Dear Lord. I so do not need to hear this – snorts.
I got out of bed and stumbled over to her corner. I gently woke her up and we talked about her dream. It seems that Princess Coralena has really been missing Bashful. She told that she had a dream about him and they were lost on a deserted island alone. She painted quite the little picture for this oinker. So much so, that I came up with this picture in my head –
I think Bashful may be in trouble when he gets home. Now, he has two gorgeous rocks fighting for his attention. That’s right. I said two. Princess Coralena was playing hard rock with him before not wanting to say she ‘liked’ him. Then, he came home with Rockelle from Australia who was very up front with her feelings for him. I do hope by the time Bashful gets home that he decides what is best for him with these two ladies.
What do you think he should do? I really don’t know what to tell him as far as advice.
Last night, we all stayed up late watching the Food Network. It’s something we do every once in a while and it was fun. And yeah, we got hungry – all of that food you know! Believe it or not but I do want to know how mom prepares my food. A lot of the times I sit in the kitchen and watch her chop and cut things on the big cutting board. She seems to know her way around that big knife! I sit and watch and sometimes she will toss me goodies that she is working on for dinner. It’s the highlight of my days sometimes.
It was getting kind of late so mom fixed me a quick snack before she put me to bed Sunday night. You know something to feed the midnight hungie monster in my belly so I could make it until morning. Mom fixed the best snack of 1/2 of a banana and a few grapes. I happily went to my room and got ready for bed. Mom tucked me in and gave me a kiss. We were both too tired for a story. In fact, I think I was passed out in twilight land before mom turned my light off.
I had the strangest dream. I even woke up laughing. The dream started off pretty basic. I was hanging out with my buddy, Maxwell. We got invited to a party and we were both pretty excited about that. Cause you know – where’s there is a party – there is FOOD! So we were getting ready for the party and was driving over in Maxwell’s convertible. It was somewhere in the Hollywood hills. We walked into the party and that is when the fun started to happen!
We saw all of our friends from the Food Network. It was the best party! And it really seemed like everyone was expecting and looking forward to meeting us. We were so happy we almost squealed!
We saw the babes of Food Network all beautifully dressed – Alexandra Guarnaschelli, Anne Burrell, Cat Cora, Claire Robinson, Giada De Laurentiis, Rachael Ray and Sunny Anderson. And of course, you know us guys headed to the ladies first. We showed them a couple of new moves on the dance floor – the pig hustle was a hit! After all of that dancing, they started to glisten and had to go powder their noses… of course that was a group thing for the ladies. On their way, they kept looking back at us grinning and laughing. Yeah, we have the way with the ladies. I have to admit though, I liked dancing with Anne Burrell the best. She was massaging my back for some reason and it felt really good. Shaking head, I’m not sure what that move was called but it was great.
And you know the guys were hatin on me and Maxwell while we had the attention of the ladies. They were just jealous. We walked over to speak with them and let them know we were the bigger men. They’re a funny group of guys these sort. Mario Batali reached out and pulled me into a huge hug. And it was a strange hug – very feely everywhere. It was like he was somehow measuring me for something. He kept mumbling something about olive oil – weird that Batali. Michael Symon and Bobby Flay were both having a very lively discussion and came up to us both… again with the hugging. And just between you and me, I swear Michael Symon licked my ear. Shivers – these guys are weird! Maxwell said Flay kept muttering something about spices to him. We were about done with this group. Just too touchy for our liking.
Maxwell and I had come up with a code word if we wanted to get out quick and it was said. We were making our way to the door when Geoffrey Zakarian and Guy Fieri asked us what the rush was. They said they were fixing to start preparing the main course for dinner and wanted us to see in the kitchen. Something about the glazed look in Guy Fieri’s eyes made us think that perhaps we were the main course.
Maxwell said to follow him and we both sprouted wings and flew as fast as we could out of that party to the convertible. When Maxwell squealed off in the car, I woke up. And thank goodness it was all a dream. Can you imagine – they would want to eat us?! What a nightmare.
I had a bad dream last night and woke up squealing. Mom had to come in my room, check on me and hold me a bit. I tried telling her about my dream but I couldn’t remember everything. The only thing I could remember was this picture. Shivers – it was a nightmare. I know Mouse Girl had something to do with this dream. I’m not sure yet what it was but I know she was responsible somehow.
Wouldn’t you be scared witless too if you had a dream like this? Shivers – double shivers
In the mornings after breakfast, I always jump on the couch beside mom is go to sleep. This morning was no different. I love my mommy time. I feel comfortable with her. I get my best sleep there. This morning, as usual, mom had the video camera going. Nothing is sacred with her anymore – snort.
So, do you wonder what I dream about? Seeing me chasing rabbits and playing in the fields? It’s good to be me sometimes!
PS – Yes, that’s moms toes. I told you I slept on her. Giggles…