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Dear Bacon

20121106-070748.jpgDear Bacon,

This is my scary pose.  Does it work?  I’m trying it out on different people but all they do is laugh.  What am I doing wrong?  Signed Vicious

Dear Vicious,

I hate to say it little fellow but that is so not scary.  The only thing scary in that pose are those huge claws – now that’s scary.  You doing that pose – I just want to tickle that little belly.  I’m sure as you get older, that pose may have more of an impact.  Right now though, you’re just a cute little thing… especially with that sunlight shining on you.  Maybe lose the pose and learn to bristle up that fur a bit.  That might be scary.  Let me know my friend.


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Dear Bacon,

I need some help.  I’m not sure what is going on.  Everyone that sees me starts singing some theme song of Star Wars.  I don’t get it.  Signed Ewok

Dear Ewok,

You don’t get out much do you?  You  need to go through your master’s video collection and find one marked Star Wars.  Watch it.  Watch it closely my friend and see if you notice anything in that movie that you’ve seen before…anything that looks familiar…. anything that maybe has the same name as you.  Love the look!


 

20121106-070855.jpgDear Bacon,

I get picked on all of the time.  You’re slow they say.  I can run faster than you they say.  You’re slower than creek water running down stream they say.  Well, I have found the light and the answer!  These days, I just use my handy dandy skate board.  What do you think?  Signed Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

Dear Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

I think you look fantastic little man!  What an awesome idea that you came up with.  Can’t wait to see you television racing the big guys!  Be safe!


20121106-070939.jpgDear Bacon,

Those pesky cats in the neighborhood were running through the trees.  I thought I would chase them.  You know, just to keep up their exercise.  They got me stuck between two trees.  Have you ever seen such misery?  Signed Woody

Dear Woody,

I would not have believed it if you didn’t send a picture to me.  WOW – you are stuck between two trunks and a hard place.  Hope you got unstuck fast.  Don’t be too hard on those purr things.


20121106-071118.jpgDear Bacon,

This is us, the TMNT, in the early days.  Even then we had style.  Never give up man and always dream big – it can happen to you like it did to us.  Signed Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello

Dear TMNT,

Love you guys!  Mom said that you are making another come back.  I’ve watched some shows from the past.  I would love to be like ya’ll – can you use a pig in the mix?  I want a cool name too – just like ya’lls.  Keep safe and live prosper my new friends!

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7 Comments

Posted by on November 21, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Spiders eeww.  Nobody likes them man.  I’m sorry little dude.  I saw one on the floor.  It was huge.  There was no other place to go.  The evil thing was in the doorway threatening my manhood.  I jumped on the first thing I could to get away from it.  Sink be it.  This is how my master found me.  This doesn’t make me less of a dog does it?  My fear of spiders?  Signed Sweetness

Dear Sweetness,

Well, it might take you down a couple of notches.  You’re name my take you down a few more.  You are my fellow friend are a dog.  A big dog at that.  You could have easily walked over that little spider and saved you some grace.  Unless that spider is as big as you, you are the bigger person.  Start dogging up.


 

20121120-062145.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey dude.  I read your blog all of the time.  I see people talking about yoga and I’ve seen some of the positions.  I gotta lot of stress in my life.  I thought I would try it.  WOW – it works great!  This is my zen trunk position.  It took me a long time to get the balancing together but it’s great now.  Have you tried it yet??  Signed Stingphant

Dear Stingphant,

That’s amazing!  I’m going to have to try some of these positions in my room when no one is looking, especially that Hemi.  It helps out in stress huh?  I really don’t have that much stress but I think over the holidays I’m going to try it.  I’ll keep you posted.


 

20121120-062543.jpgDear Bacon,
Who says zebras can’t be fast?  I’m tired of being the underzebra in the bush getting chased all of the time. I bought me a bike and it is the bomb!  Those pesky little cats can’t catch me anymore.  Whatcha think?  Signed Einstein

Dear Einstein,

I’m amazed!  First of all, you have the talent to ride a bike.  Second of all, I would have never thought about doing that to escape the cat.  But I do have a question.  How are you going to feel that thing up with gas when it runs out?  Just a thought to think about.  Stay safe my striped friend!


20121120-062701.jpgDear Bacon,
I love the water.  I just can’t get enough of it.  My favorite sport is water skiing.  Everyone said that due to my size that I would never be able to participate.  Well, I proofed them wrong.  Don’t let anyone say that you can’t do something.  You can.  Signed Geoffrey

Dear Geoffrey,

I’ve got to admit that if you can do that, I can do some of the things that I want to do in my life.  There’s nothing that can hold us back.  Thank you so much for the inspiration!


20121120-062807.jpgOkay pig –

You think *you* have problems with those pesky purr things.  I have problems.  My master has pet mice.  You know where I’m going.  You can’t eat the pets.  But this, this is taking things a little too far and asking me too much.  What am I to do?  Signed Heathcliff

Dear Heathcliff,

WOW – mom does walk around telling me not to eat the cats.  I don’t.  I may tug on their tails a little but it’s all out of love.  But mice hanging around the head.  Oh buddy, there’s got to be a line somewhere and that’s pushing it.  You might need to leave the room when the master has those play things out wondering around.  I can hold back a lot but that – no way!  Be strong!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Paw Time with Houdini


Sometimes a pooch just has to do what a pooch has to do.  You know what I mean?  Like for instance sometimes at night I’m ready to go to bed before mom/dad.  So I grabbed Mr. Donkey and went towards my bedroom… AKA mom/dad’s bedroom.  I jumped in the bed with Mr. Donkey, we snuggled in and I went to sleep.  This is how mom found me later on in the evening when she couldn’t find me.  What?  I’m big enough to admit that I like to cuddle when I go to sleep.  Mom/dad weren’t there to cuddle so I made do with Mr. Donkey.  What’s a pooch to do, right?  Yawns… in fact I need to get caught up on some more sleep.  So with that in mind, I leave you with Jokes with Daddy.  Hope you enjoy it my friends.

 
 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Why do the humans dress us up in clothes?  It really disturbs me.  I look like a giant bumblebee.  What do you think?  Signed Buzz

Dear Buzz,

You know you really do look cute though.  My human dresses me up.  I let her.  Do you know why?  Even though we may look extremely stupid, the humans enjoy it.  It brings a smile to my mom’s face every single time.  Knowing that, it’s worth it looking silly.  I say enjoy your human interaction and continue bringing a smile to their face my friend.  If that’s all it takes to make them happy, so be it. And the upside, they usually give us treats afterwards, right?  🙂


20130601-000233.jpgDear Bacon,
Hey little guy – we laugh all of the time.  It’s what we do.  We would love for you to come out and visit.  We would make room for you.  What do you think?  Signed The Three Amigos

Dear The Three Amigos,

That is an awesome picture my friends.  I’m sure there is somewhere I could go with ya’ll laughing but I just can’t put my snout on it.  Ya’ll look so happy!  I will so be there running with ya’ll…. when I overcome my anti-nature stance.  It will happen.  Don’t count me out yet from all of the fun!


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Dear Panchetta,
I am an artist!  Do not think twice of me on my drinking.  It inspires my inner soul.  I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy.  Would you pose for me?  Signed Raphael Chickatello

Dear Raphael Chickatello,

WOW – I am honored… I think.  I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings.  I think you should move on to maybe cows.  That’s it – cows.  I think cows should be your muse.  They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig.  Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.


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Dear Bacon,
Insert spy music.  The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’.  They hurt!  But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off.  Now you know our secrets!  Signed Top Mouse

Dear Top Mouse,

I love that move!  I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious.  It looks like a hoot!  You definitely have the moves my friend.  Keep it up my secret friend!


20130601-000309.jpg Dear Bacon,

I know you’re probably wondering why I’m smiling, right?  Well, the human will shortly find out when he slips on his shoes – bark bark.  Signed Frisky

Dear Frisky,

No wonder you are in the back yard in nature.  Leaving little ‘gifts’ like that is not helping your cause of staying inside where it’s cool in the middle of the hot summer. Think about it my friend.  You might want to rethink your gift policies.

 

 

 
10 Comments

Posted by on July 4, 2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Seriously!?  Trust me humans.  Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  Really – trust me.  The commercials for “bring your pets anywhere” and the “adventure” doesn’t really fly with us anipals.  Let alone the phrase bonding.  Let me tell you a secret humans – pay attention now – we can bond at home.  No need for the side of a cliff.  I’m just sayin!  Signed Hanging Kitty

Dear Hanging Kitty – Dude, I got you totally on this.  I take great comfort in the confinement of my home.  I have no intentions of camping or hanging out like yourself there – EVER!  But my friend – please be careful until you get back home.  You wouldn’t want to lose one of those lives of yours.


Dear Bacon – I get called a name a lot that this picture represents.  I know you are a smart pig and can figure this out.  I really don’t like this name.  I prefer Donkey.  I mean doesn’t that sound so much better than the other word?  Go ahead and get it out.  I know you want to.  Signed Sir Donkey

Dear Sir Donkey – It took me a couple of minutes but I get it.  That’s pretty funny.  It’s a hole and your a …. donkey.  Snorts with piggy laughter.  Yeah, I think I like donkey better too.


Dear Bacon – Do you believe piggy friend?  I so do!  I just know that we can’t be the only ones out here.  There has to be little green men or grey men – something like that out there too.  I’ve watched a lot of documentaries and silently slithered listening to the information.  I even thought I would put aluminum foil on my head to see if I can make contact.  I admit I got help with that.. you know no fingers and all.  So what do you think?  Is there life out there among us that don’t belong here?  Signed Slivering Scully

Dear Slivering Scully – OMP!  I’ve seen those shows too.  All of them – Area 51, X-Files, Monsters and Mysteries in America just to name a few.  I do believe.  I mean heck, I think some of them walk among us.  I mean think about – I could be a pig from another planet.  It could happen – snorts!


Dear Bacon – I give up.  This two legged creature is now living with us in my home.  Mom and dad left one day and then a couple of days came back home with it.  It is loud.  It stinks.  It throws up fur balls a lot.  It just sleeps and poops.  Rolls kitty eyes.  I really don’t understand it.  So I climb in one of it’s sitting play things.  And guess what?  I got stuck.  So disgraceful.  I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t wiggle out of it.  I was totally humiliated.  Of course the humans got me out after they took pictures for that Facebook thing.  Kill me now.  Signed Stuck in a Rough Place

Dear Stuck in a Rough Place – I have so been there my friend many times.  Of course the humans are going to take pictures first before helping you out of your delicate situation.  I don’t understand them at all.  I really don’t.  I’m sorry about it being in your home now.  Try to stay far, far away from it… at least until they are in their teens.

 


Dear Bacon – Look I might be a small pup but I’m strong in heart.  I must weigh 200 pounds – look at these muscles!  Do you lift?  Signed Dexter

Dear Dexter – Aaww – you do look like you are strong like an ox my friend.  Remember safety first and always have a spotter okay.


❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email me your pictures/letters. ❤

 
26 Comments

Posted by on September 13, 2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Moral of the Story

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with his donkey that he entered it a 2nd time and it won again. The local paper read: “PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.” The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: “BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTORS ASS.” This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, upon hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: “NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.” The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: “NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.” This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the nun to buy back her donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:”NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.”

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is – being concerned about public opinion can bring you grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life..  You’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

 
23 Comments

Posted by on August 1, 2016 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 

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 Dear Bacon,  My friends say I catch like a girl.  I don’t get it.  What would make them think that of me?   My owners are always throwing stuff at me.  I look at it as fun and games.  Do you like to play like this?  Signed Eeekkk

Dear Eeekk – Oh my friend.  I have no idea why your friends would say something like that about you.  I have no clue.  Your paws up in the air like that are just so darling – did that big bone get you by surprise?  Snorts.

.


20140717-071313-25993816.jpg Dear Bacon,  What?  I didn’t do this to the front room.  No sir I didn’t.  I walked in the front room and it was like this.  It wasn’t me.  Look closer at the picture – it was that flea ridden dog – he was the one that did this.  He is the one that is trying to frame sweet innocent little old me.  That’s the truth.  Cat’s honor.  Until they get paw prints taken, I am innocent my friend.  Signed Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Dear Innocent Until Proven Guilty, Well my friend I do see the pooch in question in the picture.  You do realize that technology is so advanced these days that they can take paw prints and saliva to figure out who did these things.  I’m just saying that if the dog did do it … cough cough… there would be some dog slobber somewhere.  If not, then things can get turned your way really fast.  So knowing this… perhaps you need to go and have a talk with poochie before the humans get home?  Just sayin’.

P.S.  Well played in your destruction.


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Dear Bacon, I’m totally a rule breaker.  This sign says Keep Off.  Guess what?  I’m not down with that.  That sign was just begging for this little pug thug to get up on it and take a picture.  BAM!  That’s what I say.  Signed Thug Wanna Be.  P.S.  Can you help me off of here now?

Dear Thug Wanna Be, okay that’s almost too funny for words my talented little pooch.  I hope jumping up there didn’t stunt your genealogy line for the future.  I do admire your tenacity of breaking the rules.  You’re my kind of guy.  Don’t worry.  I called Triple A.  They should be out shortly to help you down from your pedestal gracefully… soon I hope.  Until then, can I get you anything?  Coffee, tea, blanket, pillow?

.


20140717-071312-25992592.jpgDear Bacon,  Everyone likes to play in the water… my asses aren’t any different.  Really, you should be getting your pool out and ready soon.  Have fun our little friend.  If you get a chance, come join us – there’s always room for more fun.  Signed Mommy Donk

Dear Mommy Donk, You know when I first read your comment I thought, “WOW, you really hate your kids.”  Then dad explained all to me.  Smiles and grins – love your play with words totally.  This oinker would love to join ya’ll the next time I’m in town.  Until then, keep playing and having the time of your lives!


Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please keep emailing your pictures and questions to me.  ❤

 
23 Comments

Posted by on February 3, 2015 in Dear Bacon

 

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