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Tag Archives: Don Juan

Oh No He Didn’t!

There I was this morning just like any other morning in my bedroom warm and tucked into bed.  I woke up because I knew through my internal alarm that it was time to get mommy up for her worky place.

I went to get mommy up but her bedroom door was shut.  That’s when I heard someone in the kitchen.  I got kind of excited then because I thought mommy beat me out of bed and was cooking my breakfast.  I yawned and softly walked down the hall with my hooves tapping against the wood floors.

I get to the kitchen and guess what? The piggy gate is open.  That’s odd but then again mommy is up, right?  So I walk into the kitchen.  That’s when I started shivering.  I saw that evil Don Juan on the stove cooking.  He motioned for me to come on over cause he had my breakfast ready.  That six inch tall rat is going down for this!

 
24 Comments

Posted by on 12/07/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Okay – Now the Freak is Pushing It

  I am not amused – meows.  There I was minding my own business and that pesky little elf freak jumped on my back.  It wasn’t bad enough that mom dressed me up.  She must think I’m Houdini with these clothes – and trust me friends – she would be so very wrong.

I’m a man cat… a Hemingway if you will.  We don’t do clothes or pesky elves.  Don Juan does realize that my claws are out. now.

I’m putting you on notice freak adventure.  It will be pay back time soon.  This may be the year you go down.

Signed Hemi

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 12/05/2017 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.


20140330-183833.jpgDear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts


 

20140330-183825.jpgDear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.


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Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.


 

20140330-183847.jpgDear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 06/06/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Good Bye Don Juan

Good riddance!  Another year behind us with the freak gone.  Shakes piggy head.  I think I will need therapy this year to get over some of the antics that Don Juan did to us this year.  He has no morals.  No standards.  Not anything good is in his twisted little body.  He is bad.  Real bad.

The night before Christmas, dad was going to set out donuts and a Coke Zero for Santa.  I know that’s a weird combination but dad assured me that was what Santa wanted – Shakes piggy head.  You know what they say, “Don’t argue with your elders”.  Snorts with piggy laughter.

Dad went to go get the donuts and he found Don Juan was in his bag.  The little brat ate all of the donuts but one.  Daddy said Santa was *not* going to be happy.

So Don Juan – goodbye.  Good riddance.  Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out of the Hotel Thompson.  Until we see each again, may you see nothing but darkness.  And watch out little guy – we will be prepared for you next year.  Oh yes… we will – evil piggy snorts.

 
16 Comments

Posted by on 12/27/2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Oh Snap – Help Me!

Help me please.  Mom stayed up last night and made gingerbread men.  She always makes us some Christmas cookies and she works hard at it.  We’ve never had any problems but of course with this little freak in the house anything could happen, right?

Me and dad got up this morning to find this in the kitchen.  I think the little dirt bag has gone way too far now – over the edge you might say.  Gulps – decapitating the heads off of mom’s Gingerbread men.  How are we going to explain this to mom?  How will mom be able to give out cookies now?  What will the neighbors think?  Thank goodness the Muffin Man doesn’t live close by.

At least one Gingerbread man made it…. Take it away friend.

 
19 Comments

Posted by on 12/22/2016 in Bacon

 

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Oh NO – Elf Porn

Are you kidding me?!  Don Juan is really starting up BAD this year.  Mom heard noises last night around midnight.  She pinpointed the sounds to the bathroom.  The door was closed and she quietly opened it and caught Don Juan video taping some of mom’s collectible Barbies in a so called ‘hot sink’.  Talk about mad!  Are you kidding me Don Juan?!  Making porn tapes is one thing.  But taking mom’s collectible Barbies out of the packages – oh my piggy heavens.  It’s a good thing you scurried off the sink and hid before she caught you.  You are so on mom’s hit list now.

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 12/20/2016 in Bacon

 

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Dad – Don’t Get Any Ideas!

All was quite throughout the house until mom spotted the freak Don Juan on a shelf with what?  Another collectible Barbie.  That elf is so disgusting.  Daddy – don’t get any ideas – snorts with piggy laughter!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 12/19/2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Oh No He Didn’t!

There I was this morning just like any other morning in my bedroom warm and tucked into bed.  I woke up because I knew through my internal alarm that it was time to get mommy up for her worky place.  I get out of bed, stretched and farted – what?  Doesn’t everybody do that?  Snorts with piggy laughter.

I went to get mommy up but her bedroom door was shut.  That’s when I heard someone in the kitchen.  I got kind of excited then because I thought mommy beat me out of bed and was cooking my breakfast.  I yawned and softly walked down the hall with my hooves tapping against the wood floors.

I get to the kitchen and guess what? The piggy gate is open.  That’s odd but then again mommy is up, right?  So I walk into the kitchen.  That’s when I started shivering.  I saw that evil Don Juan on the stove cooking.  He motioned for me to come on over cause he had my breakfast ready.  That six inch tall rat is going down for this!

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 12/15/2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon

 

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Snorts – I’m an Evil Genius

Oh sweet friends.  Mom was working on her Christmas cards earlier this month.  She finally mailed them all out this past week.  She doesn’t know about this one that I snuck into the mix.  What do you think?  Am I an evil genius or what?  This was sent to a random person…. evil snorts with piggy laughter.  Oh between us, when you watch the video – does anyone know this kids name?  He might be able to help me with that pesky Don Juan here.

 
9 Comments

Posted by on 12/13/2016 in Bacon

 

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That Freaky Elf – Busted!

Our cable bill had extra charges on it this month.  Mom was blaming daddy but he kept telling her he wasn’t doing it.  Now we know.  Don Juan – you are a little FREAK!  If we could find him during the day – he would be so be buried deep in the ground… in a box… tied up.  Shivers.

 
15 Comments

Posted by on 12/12/2016 in 25 Days of Christmas, Bacon, Hemi, Houdini

 

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