Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

❤

Dear Mr. Friendly – Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

---

Dear Bacon – I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher – Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

---

 

Dear Bacon – The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny – Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

---

Dear Bacon – I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline – Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

---

 

Dear Bacon – I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch – WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Darn that pesky cat.  She dared me to stick my head under the privacy fence to look at Bob.  Well you know I’m not one not to take a challenge so I did it.  Well guess what?  My head is stuck.  Bob tried everything he could to get me un-stuck but nothing.  I know I heard that pesky purr thing clicking pictures to post on line.  This does mean war.  Any suggestions?  Signed Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place

Dear Stuck Between a Rock and Hard Place – Here’s what I would do… not that I’ve done anything like this before – looks innocent.  When the purr things goes to sleep, find the camera and change your face picture of being stuck to the purr things face.  Then put that picture all over the place.  Fair is fair, right?  Snorts.

---

  Dear Bacon – OMC – Make the winter go away please.  It is so cold in my part of the world – this is how you will find me every night – trying to touch the heat waves.  Is it still cold there in your part of the world?  Signed Stretch

Dear Stretch – Shaking my piggy head.  I am so with you my friend.  Some days are great – perfect temperature and skies.  While other days, the rain is falling and it is cold.  Hopefully soon Mother Nature will make up her mind and pick one season to stick to… I hope.

---

  Dear Bacon – What’s up?!  I just know you are eating or drinking something wonderful on the other side of this fence.  Just put it right there okay… right there on my tongue.  Many thanks!  Signed Beggar

Dear Beggar – If only I had something my friend, I would surely share with you.  Heck, if you lived closer, I would go get you an poochie ice cream.  Mom always makes sure that Houdini has some in the freezer.  They don’t taste that bad at all – I know cause I’ve had one.  Hope you get something soon.  Hang in there… well don’t hang.  Maybe take your tongue out of the hole.

---

  Dear Bacon – I tell my human this all of the time.  “Oh no don’t stop.  I love hearing all about your break ups and fights with your boyfriend.  You have my solid attention – do go on.  I’m sitting here just totally enthralled.  I would give you a hug but look – I’m caged.”  Signed Attention

Dear Attention – Snorts with piggy laughter.  Does this work?  Does your human take you out for a little hug?  I mean heck they should because you do look like you are giving them your full attention.  I’m really touched – snorts.

.

---

 Dear Bacon – My human thought he was dreaming last night but it really was me in person scaring him.  Evil Purrs.  I dressed up like a doctor and put a light over his face.  Surely he thought he was going into surgery.  It was really hilarious.  For a human, he can’t jump pretty high.  Have you ever fooled your humans like this?  Signed Mischief

Dear Mischief – I like the way you think my friend.  Every chance I get it, you know I pick on my human father.  Our relationship is deep and has many levels.  Both of us think that we are the alpha here at the Hotel Thompson.  But we all know who that really is, right?  Keep up the great work my friend.  I’m highly impressed with your young abilities.

.

---

 

REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please keep sending me your letters and pictures to my email.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – There is *always* that one friend.  You know the one that ‘dares’ you to do something and says, “What are you afraid”?  Why did I have to fall for it.  Can you tell me that?  And then if that wasn’t bad enough, Ethel has to then photobomb me and take a picture for her Facebook account.  Dude, I long for the days before all of this social media.  Signed Jack

Dear Jack – WOW.  I see that you are in a predicament my friend.  I don’t even know Ethel dared you to do but the how the heck did you get out of that funky position?  Of course, for payback and before she photobombed you all you had to do was lift that left leg in a strategic position and that would smack that smirk right off of her face – snorts.  You know friend, this just screams for payback.  And make it GOOD.  I mean really GOOD.  And then post it on your Facebook account… or perhaps get Christmas cards made.  Now that sounds like a plan of destruction.  Keep me posted with the results and don’t take any more dares anytime soon okay.

---

Dear Bacon – HA!  This will teach my humans.  I ran away from home and they have yet to find me.  What do you think?  Am I the master of disguises or what?  Signed Hide N Seek Master

Dear Hide N Seek Master – You are the boss my friend.  I had to take several looks myself to see which ‘rock’ was you.  And your parents haven’t found you yet.  That’s so awesome.  Just remember to come out in time for dinner okay.

---

Dear Bacon – They said I could do and be anything I wanted.  So I decided I wanted to water ski.  And let me tell you something – it is fantastic!  So invigorating.  It makes me feel like I weigh nothing at all.  I highly recommend it my friend.  Signed Weightless

Dear Weightless – You know you have my interest piqued now my friend.  I think I may try this soon… especially since mom/dad are sending me to this awful thing called C.A.M.P.  Stay safe.

---

Dear Bacon – Have you ever just had one of those days that you needed a little something to take the edge off?  This was me last weekend.  I just couldn’t take chasing the postman anymore… or tying up and blaming the cat for everything.  I needed a little liquid refreshment in a place where everyone knew my name and it was a fun place.  And hey, this wine is awesome.  Have you ever felt like this?  Signed Stud at the Bar

Dear Stud at the Bar – Oh yes indeed.  There are days that I feel the world is overcoming me… especially this past weekend.  We could have met up my friend.  Perhaps split a bottle of Francis Ford Coppola wine and whined on each other’s shoulders or downfalls in life in general.  I’m sure it would have been a blast.  Call me next time okay.

---

Dear Bacon – I’m not sure my son gets the full effect of my look here.  This is my what.do.you.mean.you.want.to.stay.out.all. night.long.partying.look.  Does it work for you?  Do I need to change something for more of an effect?  Any suggestions?  Signed Dad in Charge

Dear Dad in Charge – I think you have the look down pact.  Did you follow it with, “Not while you are living under my roof?” and “While you are living under my roof, you will obey my rules”?  That usually works when my dad uses them on us anipals here at the Hotel Thompson.  Maybe take away his allowance.  That *always* hurts this little oinker where it counts.  Good luck with your son my friend.  Just think of these as his teenage rocky years.

---

Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures to my email address.  🙂

 

 

Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – What can I say?  I’m a happy camper.  I know your dislike for a certain frog but hey can’t we be buds?  Not all of us frogs are all green and taking your woman.  I understand completely.  Does this look like a face of a frog that would take your Miss Piggy?  I think not.  Signed Can’t We Be Friends

Dear Can’t We Be Friends –  Aaaww my new pal.  I would love to be your friend.  And you are right.  I only dislike one certain green frog who thinks he is God’s gift to my woman… Kermit.  When he decides to leave my Goddess alone, then we might possibly be friends as well.  Kermit if you are listening – call me okay.

.

---

Dear Bacon – I know how your mom loves the mouse with white gloves, Mickey Mouse.  I’m a fan of the other one – Minnie Mouse.  My humans know how much I love her so they bought me this head gear to wear so I could be her.  What do you think?  Am I missing anything?  Signed The New Minnie Mouse Dog

Dear The New Minnie Mouse Dog – You look amazing my friend.  I absolutely ❤ it!  My mom would be so envious in all of your glory.  Do you know what would really set off your outfit?  White gloves.  Oh squeals.  That would have all of the Mickey Mouse Club knocking on your door.  You rock my new friend!  Wear those ears with pride!

.

.

---

Dear Bacon –  Don’t fear.  This is not a scary movie or a remake of Jurassic Park.  We are real.  We live and roam in the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador.  Wouldn’t it be a hoot to play together?  Of course, you might run a smidgen faster than us but we would enjoy the company.  If you are ever in these parts, call us okay.  Signed Aldi and Gang

Dear Aldi and Gang –  WOW!  Ya’ll are awesome.  I bet we would have a heck of a great time playing together.  Do you think I could piggy back on one of ya’ll?  Instead of the tortoise and the hare stories, we could make the tortoise and the Bacon stories – snorts and rolls with laughter.

---

Dear Bacon – Sure, pick on the cow.  My so called friends dared me to get up here on this contraption.  Said it would be fun and exciting.  Yeah, it’s fun and exciting alright.  Can you get me off of this thing pig?  Signed Betsy

Dear Betsy, Oh dear piggy heavens my friend.  You are in a pickle.  I’ll call Farmer McDonald to come save you.  Just don’t bounce okay.  It might be a few minutes.

---

 

Dear Bacon – The humans they are fickle.  I bought my human a gift.  Something I worked hard on getting to repay them for their kindness in giving me my forever home.  What do I get in return?  A screech so loud that I think they heard it on the other side of the world.  I really think I heard glass breaking somewhere in the house.  Then the human did something even weirder.  They jumped on the table and wouldn’t come off until I took their gift outside.  Really?  Fickle humans.  Signed The Great Hunter

Dear The Great Hunter – Snorts.  You see my friend.  Humans like their food cooked… and only certain kinds of food.  I don’t think mice are on their listed foods they eat.  Yet, it was such a wonderful gift to give to them.  You are the great hunter, so gifted. Maybe the next time though hunt some cow.  I’ve heard they like cow…. a LOT.  Carry on and safe hunting.

---

REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂

---

 

This Is Me Being Serious

Something happened last night.  We had friends over and of course you know I had to put on a performance – snorts.  Hey, it’s what I do.  The topic turned to my blog. We all took turns reading past articles from it and snorting – alcohol may have been involved with the humans – snorts.  Our friends made the comment that *I* could not be serious.  What?  Is that a dare?  Cause you know it sounded like a dare to this little oinker. So today, I will be serious.  This post will be about something that happened to me and mom this morning.  You just read and see.  Cough-cough-oink-snort- here comes my serious side.  Stop laughing.  I’m being serious.

This morning instead of me getting mom up for breakfast, she woke me up for a change.  It was early.  I couldn’t understand why.  She told me that she had to show me something that was special.  Something without electronics, without technology, with just me and her alone.  I just looked at her and yawned but hey I was game.  We walked to the kitchen and I sat on the floor yawning while mom fixed her a cup of coffee.  Then we did something strange.  We went out the back door of the Hotel Thompson.  The back door leads us to my backyard… my kingdom that I like to call it.

We sat down on the deck, mom cross-legged and I climbed up in her lap.  I kept looking at her waiting for an explanation.  It was dark out here overlooking my magical backyard and it was kind of chilly.  I couldn’t see anything but darkness.    Mom told me, “Wait for it Bacon.”  Wait for what?  I sat and continue to listen.  That’s when I noticed the sounds.

I could hear crickets.  I could hear frogs near the swamp.  I could hear a dog barking in the neighborhood.  I could hear Journalist Rocky the Squirrel chatting away with his family in the trees.  I even started hearing birds chirp.  WOW – I’ve never heard these noises so close before.  Then I started to hear a rooster a couple of doors down.  I looked at mom in complete awe and amazement.  She told me, “It’s not done yet Bacon. Keep waiting for it.”  Again this wait for it.  Wait for what?  What could be that interesting to get up at this ungodly hour?  Then there was a shift in the atmosphere.  Something changed but I couldn’t put my hoof on it.

I slowly got up out of mom’s lap and walked to the edge of the deck overlooking my backyard kingdom.  That’s when I saw it.  I looked at mom and she looked at me.  The blackness of the night started slowly fading away.  A white tinge was started to peak out from the night.  It was slow at first but as we watched minute by minute it started getting lighter outside.  Before I knew it, the night time had disappeared and the daylight had appeared out of nowhere.  WOW!  I could see my magical backyard in full light.  I looked at mom, did a little wiggle and pleaded, “Do it again mom!”  I went back and snuggled up in mom’s lap again.  We sat there for a long time, mom drinking her coffee petting me and I looking at the amazement of another great day.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly,

Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

.

.

Dear Bacon,

The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

.

.

Dear Bacon,

I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher,

Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

.

.

Dear Bacon,

I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch,

WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

.

.

Dear Bacon,

I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline,

Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

.

.

*****************************************************************************

Remember anipals – keep your pictures/questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com