It’s ALL a Conspiracy Theory

That’s it!  I’ve totally figured it out my friends.  It’s *all* a conspiracy theory.  It really is.  I finally know after all these years.  I know I’m rambling but I get that way when I’m overly excited.  Okay – let me breathe.

Alright here it is – I’ll explain it to you.  Samsung has come out with a refrigerator that allows you to see inside of it without opening the door.  It’s kind of like a piggy porn movie.  No really it is.  I can see all of the lovely stuff inside but I’m stuck behind an iron gate and can’t get to it kind of situation.  But, it gets worse.  Some of these refrigerators allow you to access them from your cell phone to see what is inside of them.  Yep, no joke.  You are doing your grocery shopping and you are wondering, “Do we need eggs?”  You can access an app on your cell phone to look inside of your refrigerator to see how your egg status is.  Now what about that?  Scary huh?

It explains everything.  You still don’t get it?  Okay let’s further explore Samsung.  My television in my bedroom is Samsung.  It’s a flat screen.  Now let’s just think about Samsung.  If they now have the technology to put a camera in a refrigerator to check out what is in the refrigerator who is to say they didn’t have this type of technology years ago and was secretly testing it in televisions.  Hey it could happen.  I mean it really makes sense.  How else would mom know at times that I’m not asleep in my bedroom and I’m playing.  My Samsung television is secretly watching me, taking my pictures and sending them to mom’s cell phone.  I’m telling you her cell phone is powerful!  Because when I get up in the middle of the night, it’s like mom knows!  She always tells me, “Go back to sleep Bacon, no playing.”  How does she know?

Even better – daddy’s cell phone is a Samsung.  Now this is even scarier.  Sometimes mom leaves daddy what they call a honey do list during the day when she goes to the worky place.  At times mom calls home to ask daddy if he has done something.  Of course, he tries to snow her over and say yes.  But she always knows.  How is that possible?!  I do believe daddy’s Samsung cell phone is telling on us and what we do when mom is away.  It has to be.

So you see now you understand what I mean when I say it is all a conspiracy theory.  Samsung is out to get us all.  Do you have Samsung products in your household?  If so, now you know!   Personally, now I’m off to look for hidden cameras around the Hotel Thompson.  They have to be here – I just know it!

 

Snow Conspiracy?

 Just when you’ve thought you’ve heard everything, snow conspiracy?  Yep I said snow conspiracy.  Shakes piggy head.  I was watching a local television news show here in Atlanta on WSB TV this weekend.  They were reporting that this nighmare of a snow ‘storm’ we had last week was a hoax.  Do you hear me?  A hoax. 

Let me present exhibit A to the right here.  This is a picture of part of my magical backyard.  Notice the “conspiracy” snow in the picture?  Looked real to me.  Heck, it felt real to my hooves when I was outside running around in it.  Of course, I don’t have anything to compare it to because it was my first snow but it felt and looked real to me.  And OMP (oh my pig) – I tasted this conspiracy snow.  What will happen to me?  Who do I need to call?  Am I going to blow up or become a mutant?  What will this piggy do?!

So are you wondering what this conspiracy theory is about?  WSB TV reported the following: 

“The conspiracy reasoning goes like this: the snow is unusual in Georgia and other southeast areas and doesn’t melt when burned. Therefore, it must be fake snow.”

WOW.  Considering that reasoning, even this oinker has to scream conspiracy – rolls piggy eyes.  Yes it’s true.  Atlanta got what 2.5 inches of snow and literally shut down with the highways being parking lots.  There’s reasoning behind that – really there is.  I’ve thought long and hard about the situation.  I mean heck I had a lot of time on my hooves with being snowed in this past week – snorts.  Let’s discuss.

1 – Atlanta is in the south.  We just *don’t* get snow that often.  I think the last time mom and dad remembers snow it was in 2008.  That’s a long time ago considering how often other places get snow.

2 – Most places have more than one snow truck.  Our snow truck works.  I’m sure it’s a great snow truck.  But you see Bubba only drives it what every 5-6 years and this year he lost the keys.  By the time he found them, highways were now parking lots.

3 – That 2.5 inches that fell here was a LOT to us.  Consider what my friend Nylablue in Canada who has had 8 FEET recently.  Our 2.5 inches is like having 8 FEET.  We just don’t deal with it very well in any way.  Heck in reality, seeing one itty bitty snowflake here shuts us down completely.  And I do mean completely.  You even mention snowflake on the local news and it’s a mad house.  The grocery stores are bombarded like someone saying free doughnuts at Krispy Kreme.  Shivers – that should be a conspiracy theory.

4 – Did anyone think that perhaps it wasn’t a conspiracy theory by the government?  Maybe it was an alien takeover?  Perhaps Bigfoot sneezed?  Maybe the clouds cried?  And here’s a big could have been.  Perhaps all of the people that use dandruff shampoo washed all of their dandruff down the drain and the drain finally exploded?  Yeah, that could happen.

 

As you can tell, I’ve had a lot of time to think this over.  And let me finally present to you exhibit B to the left.  You knew there was going to be something Mickey Mouse in this post – snorts.  This is one of mom’s statues on the back deck of my magical backyard. 

Perhaps the conspiracy snow was well snow… real snow fallen from the sky in a place in the south that just doesn’t get much snow.

WOW – That almost makes so much sense that it doesn’t sound real.  hhhmm – conspiracy snow anyone?