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Dear Bacon

20140111-195536.jpg Dear Bacon – This is the pits.  No, I mean it really.  It’s not bad enough that my humans put these ridiculous pajamas on me.  Now I have to wear the cone of shame.  AND they sat me in a make shift bed which is really an old potty box with a blanket.  Really?  This is how they treat me.  Can you give me a word of encouragement my piggy friend?  Signed Cat in the Hat

Dear Cat in the Hat – You know my friend.  You are looking at this all wrong.  Look at it from the positive prospective.  They put pajamas on you – I’m guessing – so that you wouldn’t scratch whatever you had done surgically, right?  Then they put the pitiful projector on your head so you couldn’t lick or bite that particular surgical spot, right?  AND then they put you in a comfortable spot with a blankie so you would be comfy.  See, look at it from this perspective.  Do you know what all of that adds up to this little piggy?  To me, it says your humans care for you way more than you think and want you to be comfortable during this duration.  Instead of looking at it from your point of view, take it from my point of view.  And let me add, suck it up for all it’s worth – humans love that when they think they’ve done something to you 🙂


20140111-195548.jpg Dear Bacon –  Can you believe my humans have the audacity to blame ‘me’ – innocent cute little ‘me’ – as stealing one of their valuable orange crunchy things they snack on while watching television?  Me.  There is no way they can pin this crime on me.  There is no proof!  Signed Cheeto

Dear Cheeto – Do me a favor my friend.  Go to your nearest mirror and look at yourself.  Go ahead.  I’l wait.  Whistles while waiting and taps hooves.  Oh good you are back.  Did you see that incriminating evidence on your cute little face?  The orange stuff my friend.  That would be evidence of eating your humans prized Cheetos.  By your name, I’m thinking this is not your first run in with the law on being busted for this crime.  Might I make a suggestion for future escapades?  Once you have partaken of the evil Cheeto, go drink some water out of your bowl with delight.  I mean slush that water around on your cute little face to wash the orange stuff off.  No proof means it didn’t happen my friend.  Happy eating.


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Dear Bacon – I was cold.  It was freezing in this house.  My humans like to hang me as they so delightfully like to say.  Don’t worry about us little pooches.  I had to resort to the last step and wrap myself like a hot dog.  It does the trick especially with the sun coming in from the window.  Have you ever been this cold?  Signed Cold Dog

Dear Cold Dog – WOW.  I say if you’re cold, go for it my friend.  I’m one of the very few here with us anipals that love it cold.  I’m with my mom and like you said, we like to hang meet here at the Hotel Thompson.  The colder the better.  Heck, if we could skip over summer we would so do so.  Stay warm my friend!


20140111-195606.jpgDear Bacon – Here is my brother.  He is so weird.  I was looking down at the dog just minding my own business.  That’s when Patches (my bro) jumped up and pulled my head up.  What was so important that he wanted me to see you ask?  The humans were cooking breakfast.  Something smelled so delightful.  They call it bacon.  I’m just wondering.  Do you know what this glorious smell is?  Signed Matches

Dear Matches – I know exactly what that awful stuff called bacon is.  It’s horrible.  Such a bad thing to ever try.  Some humans get addicted to it.  See, that’s how bad it is for you cats.  Once hooked, they can’t go back.  And I for one can guarantee you that you don’t want to get hooked on that bad drug.  Yeah, it’s a bad drug.  Better steer far away from it my friends.  I wouldn’t want it to stunt your growth or anything.  Snorts!

 


20140111-195617.jpgDear Bacon – Don’t you jussst love my new ssssweater?  I got it for my birthdaysss.  I just love to sssslither around the house wearing itsss.  I think it makesss me ssslim and bringsss out the color of my eyessss.  What do you thinksss?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – As long as YOU think you are sexy and you know it, does it really matter what anyone else thinks?  You rock that sweater around your house all you want.  Perhaps maybe next time your humans can get you a longer one?  Keep slithering there where you are my friend.

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13 Comments

Posted by on 06/27/2017 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I don’t get it.  Really I don’t.  The humans come into this special room, sits on what they call the throne and then what?  I don’t get it.  Is something suppose to happen in here?  Why do they sit on this thing with water in it?  I almost fell in.  Shaking my kitty head.  Signed Mystified

Dear Mystified – Well my friend I’m here to tell you the secret.  You see, I have learned from my staff here that this is *the* room.  It’s where the humans do the most thinking.  Yeah – it’s true.  Sometimes dad refers to it as the ‘library’.  My mom has even called it the powder room which is weird because I’ve never seen her with powder in there.  But take it from me, it’s *the* room of the house because when the humans come out, it’s like their steps are lighter.  Weird huh?


Dear Bacon –   We ALL hate picture day.  Doofus here wouldn’t smile for the camera.  I was tired of being out in the hot sun on the hot pavement.  Take the picture and let’s adios peeps.  If this dog doesn’t smile soon, I’m going to let the claws of hell out and strategically place them on his derriere ever so gently.  I’m just saying!  Signed Too Hot for Pics

Dear Too Hot for Pics – Give me a second my friend.   I’m making a note to self – never take pictures with Too Hot for Pics.  Claws of Hell huh?  I think I’ve seen them here at the Hotel Thompson.  Maybe Doofus – is that his real name? – just wanted to feel your paws on his head gently massaging his temples.  Maybe he has a headache from the heat too.  Maybe he’s as tired as you are.  Here – eat Snickers.  You’re never yourself when you’re hungry 🙂

 

 


Dear Bacon – What in the heck is my owner thinking?  Please tell me has he lost his everlasting feeble mind?  It’s not bad enough that I have to wear the Cone of Shame that can almost pick up channels from Tokyo, but he has to sit me on top of his snowboard.  Really?  Signed Rolling My Eyes Although You Can’t See

Dear Rolling My Eyes Although You Can’t See – Now would be the time to leave him something in his shoes, near the bed or in the kitchen.  You can always say you couldn’t find your litter box through your Cone of Shame.  That’s what I’m thinking.  Next thing you know, he’ll have you skates.  Oh WOW – I’m so sorry for that suggestion – snorts out of comments….

 

 


Dear Bacon – What is up with this contraption?  I feel like it’s a booby trap of some sort and now I’m stuck in it and can’t get out.  How and why do girls wear these things.  They can’t be comfortable – not by a long shot.  Signed Tortured

Dear Tortured – I don’t know the girls wear them but if other girls are like my mom, it flies off at the end of the day almost striking anyone in the near vicinity.  I guess you can call them deadly weapons.  Be safe my friend.

 


Dear Bacon – That pussy cat is going to wake up with one bad heck of a headache.  I was tired of him putting his paws through my front door and trying to grab at things in my house.  Don’t worry – he’s okay.  I’m just using him as a rug for a while and walking all over him for a change.  Maybe that will teach the guy to knock first.  Signed Jerry Mouse

Dear Jerry Mouse – Well I do hope that Tom Cat is okay.  He looks a little flat – what did you do take a sledgehammer to the guy?  I know if I was knocked out like that, I would definitely be showing you some respect.  Enjoy your newspaper.  I’m sure the fireworks will be blasting soon enough.

 


 

REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue sending me your questions and letters to my email address ❤

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 05/24/2016 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

  Dear Bacon –  Get three of us they said.  We would all get along they said.  Brothers have a great bond together they said.  Yeah right.  Let me assure you though, the middle kid always gets picked on to the end of the days.  The first born is special and the last born is always the baby.  The middle kid – well they get it from both ends.  I should know.  That’s me in the tank.  Any suggestions?  Signed Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck in the Middle – WOW – that is a predicament to be in my friend.  Sometimes being stuck in the middle can be hard.  But you know what?  You gotta stand up for yourself, be strong and take charge.  Your brothers want to be stuffing you in the pot – well you might just need to stuff something in their beds – winks.  Or you can always leave a little puddle in the kitchen and accidentally blame them of course.  I’m just saying.  Stay safe okay.


Dear Bacon – My humans are the bomb.  They brought this box home for me and I was so excited.  That is until they started laughing and then took this picture of me.  I don’t get it.  Signed Grumps

Dear Grumps – Gulps.  Okay – trying to keep a straight face here.  It’s kind of hard to figure out why your humans would be laughing.  Really.  You are so beautiful and happy in your new found kingdom.  Shakes head – I just can’t imagine.  You just have fun in that little box and let your humans have their moment.


Dear Bacon –  My dad said walk and of course I was already at the door ready to go.  That’s when he did something to my back captains quarters.  I didn’t get it but I tell you something.  We met some of the happiest humans on our walk today.  Everyone was so nice and kept coming over to talk to us and pet me.  It was almost like I was a movie star or something.  So great.  Signed Happy

Dear Happy – I think it had to be your outgoing personality, how handsome you are and how you smile at everything that passes you by.  Yep, that has to be it.  Keep passing the happy along my friend!


Dear Bacon –  Oh dear doggy heavens my friend.  My human mom was in the bathroom doing her ‘nightly’ rituals.  I’m usually asleep when she does this but tonight I had stayed up.  OMD!  When she came out of the bathroom, I didn’t even recognize the alien that she had become.  She had green stuff all over her face, her hair was in some kind of sling and she was talking like a mummy.  Has your mom done anything like this before?  It was kind of scary.  I think I might have passed out.  Signed Passed Out

Dear Passed Out – Oh friend, the humans they call this beautifying.  I don’t get it either.  I mean, you wouldn’t see us putting that stuff on our faces.  Although one time, mom did talk dad into trying what she called a mud pack.  Shaking my piggy head – that did kind of look fun.  She told me it was similar to me playing in the mud in my backyard.  I was hoping dad would roll in the mud with me later but he didn’t.  Weird huh?


  

Dear Bacon – Sometimes when one has to wear the cone of shame, you just need a happy friend to help make the days go by faster.  I was feeling kind of down.  You can only imagine – you know people in the hood making fun of me, not being able to drink my water with this contraption on and just not being able to lick myself while wearing this cone.  That’s when my buddy Clampet came and napped with me.  Just for a few moments, life was normal again.  Signed Jedd

Dear Jedd – Hopefully your cone will only be temporary my friend.  And hey, don’t you care what others say about your cone of shame.  All of us have to wear it at least once in our lifetime.  You and your friend just continue bonding together and happy mending.


REMEMBER friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and letters via my email.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 12/22/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – There.  I’m ready for Winter.  Bring it on Mother Nature.  I’m ready to get rid of the heat and welcome the cooler weather.  My scarf is ready and I’m waiting.  Tap.tap.tap.  That’s my paws tapping while I’m waiting.  When is this winter suppose to get here pal?  Signed Scarf Dog

Dear Scarf Dog – Oh my friend.  I agree with you about weather.  And you do look so very sharp in your scarf – you will be ready for it when Mother Nature decides to play nice.  Now, we have had some cooler days and I can tell with my piggy senses that it’s coming.  But winter is still a far piece away.  Autumn will be here September 23.  Winter is not officially here until December December 21.  So we do have some time.  But Autumn does bring cooler weather too.  And this little oinker can’t wait!  Until then, stay cool my friend.

 


Dear Bacon – Sometimes you just need a sleep buddy to hold on to to keep the nightmares away.  It’s always better knowing someone is there for you.  Do you have a sleep buddy?  Signed Ginger Twins

Dear Ginger Twins – I think that’s a fabulous idea my friends.  Mom and dad go to sleep holding hands.  They say that otters do the same thing so they don’t float away from each other in the water.  You see, lots of anipals do this and I do believe it’s a wonderful way to fall off to sleep knowing someone has your paw.  Sometimes I sleep with mom/dad and get close to them.  Other times, Houdini or Mouse Girl will bunk with me and lay real close.


Dear Bacon – It’s not bad enough that I have to wear the cone of shame.  Oh no.  I should have known something was up when my human dad wanted to hold me for a second.  I could feel him doing something to my cone of shame but didn’t know what.  That is until I met up with the mirror and saw his creation.  Really dad?  Perhaps I should get you a cone of shame?  Signed Bat Cat

Dear Bat Cat – I have to admit it my friend but that cone of shame is priceless.  How many other purr things do you know that can say their cone of shame was made just for them.  I say wear it with pride and hey give your human daddy some slack.  His creativity could make you ‘the cat’ of the neighborhood.  Give it a test and see what I mean.  Others will be so jealous!


Dear Bacon – Okay I let the humans sleep in on the weekend.  I didn’t pounce on them and wake them up.  I showed respect and refrained from barking my head off.  But this is where I draw the line.  It is now noon and my bowl is empty.  I’m going to start wasting away soon without my food.  Darn these paws.  If I had fingers, I could get my own food out of the bag and refrigerator.  Humans – WAKE UP.  Signed Hungry Jack

Dear Hungry Jack – WOW – noon huh?  That is total control on your part my friend.  Perhaps pull the humans blankets off of them?  They will wake up quickly with that.  And this picture is priceless for them.  Perhaps email or text it to their magical cell phones.  They wake up pretty quick when those things ring too.  Hope you get fed soon 🙂

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REMEMBER friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.

 

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 09/01/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140111-195536.jpg Dear Bacon – This is the pits.  No I mean it really.  It’s not bad enough that my humans put these ridiculous pajamas on me.  Now I have to wear the cone of shame.  AND they sat me in a make shift bed which is really an old potty box with a blanket.  Really?  This is how they treat me.  Can you give me a word of encouragement my piggy friend?  Signed Cat in the Hat

Dear Cat in the Hat – You know my friend.  You are looking at this all wrong.  Look at it from the positive prospective.  They put pajamas on you – I’m guessing – so that you wouldn’t scratch whatever you had done surgically, right?  Then they put the pitiful projector on your head so you couldn’t lick or bite that particular surgical spot, right?  AND then they put you in a comfortable spot with a blankie so you would be comfy.  See, look at it from this prospective.  Do you know what all of that adds up to this little piggy?  To me it says your humans care for you way more than you think and want you to be comfortable during this duration.  Instead of looking at it from your point of view, take it from my point of view.  And let me add, suck it up for all it’s worth – humans love that when they think they’ve done something to you 🙂


20140111-195548.jpg Dear Bacon –  Can you believe my humans have the audacity to blame ‘me’ – innocent cute little ‘me’ – as stealing one of their valuable orange crunchy things they snack on while watching television?  Me.  There is no way they can pin this crime on me.  There is no proof!  Signed Cheeto

Dear Cheeto – Do me a favor my friend.  Go to your nearest mirror and look at yourself.  Go ahead.  I’l wait.  Whistles while waiting and taps hooves.  Oh good you are back.  Did you see that incriminating evidence on your cute little face?  The orange stuff my friend.  That would be evidence of eating your humans prized Cheetos.  By your name, I’m thinking this is not your first run in with the law on being busted for this crime.  Might I make a suggestion for future escapades?  Once you have partaken of the evil Cheeto, go drink some water out of your bowl with delight.  I mean slush that water around on your cute little face to wash the orange stuff off.  No proof means it didn’t happen my friend.  Happy eating.


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Dear Bacon – I was cold.  It was freezing in this house.  My humans like to hang me as they so delightfully like to say.  Don’t worry about us little pooches.  I had to resort to the last step and wrap myself like a hot dog.  It does the trick especially with the sun coming in from the window.  Have you ever been this cold?  Signed Cold Dog

Dear Cold Dog – WOW.  I say if you’re cold, go for it my friend.  I’m one of the very few here with us anipals that love it cold.  I’m with my mom and like you said, we like to hang meet here at the Hotel Thompson.  The colder the better.  Heck, if we could skip over summer we would so do so.  Stay warm my friend!


20140111-195606.jpgDear Bacon – Here is my brother.  He is so weird.  I was looking down at the dog just minding my own business.  That’s when Patches (my bro) jumped up and pulled my head up.  What was so important that he wanted me to see you ask?  The humans were cooking breakfast.  Something smelled so delightful.  They call it bacon.  I’m just wondering.  Do you know what this glorious smell is?  Signed Matches

Dear Matches – I know exactly what that awful stuff called bacon is.  It’s horrible.  Such a bad thing to ever try.  Some humans get addicted to it.  See, that’s how bad it is for you cats.  Once hooked, they can’t go back.  And I for one can guarantee you that you don’t want to get hooked on that bad drug.  Yeah, it’s a bad drug.  Better steer far away from it my friends.  I wouldn’t want it to stunt your growth or anything.  Snorts!

 


20140111-195617.jpgDear Bacon – Don’t you jussst love my new ssssweater?  I got it for my birthdaysss.  I just love to sssslither around the house wearing itsss.  I think it makesss me ssslim and bringsss out the color of my eyessss.  What do you thinksss?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – As long as YOU think you are sexy and you know it, does it really matter what anyone else thinks?  You rock that sweater around your house all you want.  Perhaps maybe next time your humans can get you a longer one?  Keep slithering there where you are my friend.

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.

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FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂

 
18 Comments

Posted by on 06/16/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,  Our parents are so funny.  We are brothers born on the same day in the same litter. Our personalities are like twins though – we both have separate ones.  Our parents thought it was funny to put is in these contraptions.  But don’t worry.  I’ll be showing them what I think about this set up shortly.  Barks!  Signed Sitting Pretty in the Booth of Shame

Dear Sitting Pretty in the Booth of Shame – I have to admit something my friend.  Think of the originality that your humans came up with on this set up.  It’s outrageously funny.  Okay may not so funny from the side you are sitting BUT from the other side of this computer where I’m sitting – it’s hilarious!  I say play it for all it’s worth and have some fun.  You can always leave something in your humans shoe for payback later 🙂


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Dear Bacon – I had surgery and as you can see I had to wear the cone of shame.  Shakes dog head and whines.  The cone of shame!  But look I’m not sad – I’m happy!  My master – he’s the best.  He made a game out of it and threw in all of my closest friends.  See, I even thought about you with Super Piggy in the front.  He reminds me of you.  What surgery?  I know no pain here.  Signed Happy Doggy

Dear Happy Doggy – Oh pal!  Where were you when the little guy here had surgery. This would have been fantastic for him to wear his cone of shame and have some fun.  Your master is tops in my book my friend.  I say when he has surgery, you do the same for him!

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Dear Bacon – What?  I was tired from working the hood the night before.  See I’m on the neighborhood watch.  I gotta make sure I protect all of the humans from the bad peeps that come out at night.  The local diner takes care of me.  I need coffee STAT – and hey why don’t you make it a double and serve it with some eggs and a steak?  Signed Neighborhood Watch

Dear Neighborhood Watch – You are the DOG my friend.  I like how you take care of your hood and they repay you at the neighborhood diner.  I gotta get a gig like that.  Where do I sign up?  PIGGY POWER!


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Dear Bacon – Using Facetime on these i Phones are the bomb!  See my girlfriend and me were talking.  We could see each other and it was a blast.  Neither one of us wanted to hang up.  We both fell asleep like this.  Isn’t she adorable?  Signed Beef Cake

Dear Beef Cake – hubba hubba.  She is a dish my friend.  I know exactly what you mean about Facetime and talking to friends not wanted to hang up.  My pet rock here Bashful has been doing a LOT of that lately with some of his friends.  Modern technology has come so far, hasn’t it?  Just remember to block the picture when you go wizzy.  No one wants to see that – it doesn’t matter how much in love you are.


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Dear Bacon – Please explain something to me.  This yellow ball – why do the humans throw it and then expect US to retrieve it back to them?  I mean heck if they want to play fetch, shouldn’t “I” be the one throwing it for them to fetch?  That would help in their exercising… right?  Signed Confused

Dear Confused – You know what friend.  You have a wonderful point on fetch.  I understand this completely.  Humans do say they are playing ‘fetch’.  I think we should try it your way.  Throw the ball for the humans and let them fetch it.  We shall see how long that lasts.  If it’s my dad, maybe 2 minutes tops – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!

 


 

REMEMBER friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your letters and pictures via email.  Snorts and thanks!

 
26 Comments

Posted by on 04/28/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140330-182113.jpg Dear Bacon – I am the All Mighty Magical Hare.  That’s right – I’m a magician.  I got tired of the human pulling me out of his hat.  It was dark in there.  Now I do the tricks.  What?  You never saw a magical hare before?  There’s lot of us out there that are famous.  You’ll see.  Signed All Mighty Magical Hare

Dear All Mighty Magical Hare – I say go for it my fuzzy little friend!  Why play second fiddle when you can be the main star.  And with that charming red coat – who could see nothing but a STAR?  There are lots of rabbits out there that are famous – the Trix Rabbit, the Energizer bunny, Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh, Roger Rabbit, Bugs Bunny and now YOU – the All Mighty Magical Hare.  I can see your name in spot lights.  I can see you in sold out theaters.  I can see David Copperfield shaking in his expensive shoes.  That makes me wonder.  Who are you going to pull out of your hat my friend?  Snorts and oinks.

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 Dear Bacon – You see nothing here.  Nothing at all.  There is no dog under this pillow.  Nope. Nada.  Walk on my friend.  Nothing to see here at ALL.  Signed Walk the Line

Dear Walk the Line – You got be faster than that my furry friend.  The evidence is now in the picture.  I suggest you shred these pictures and delete them from your computers.  If you can’t see it, it didn’t happen. Remember those words and tread lightly.


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 Dear Bacon –  Who says that the little miniature humans are the only ones to have fun on toys?  Is that a rule set in concrete?  I think not.  I made it not.  When everyone went to bed, I jumped and rode a horse.  It was fast.  It was fun.  It was the time of my life until…. I forgot about the motion sensor camera the humans put in the front room.  Can you say busted little guy?  Signed Caught in Giddy Up

Dear Caught in Giddy Up –  Hey, don’t sweat it my friends.  You can only imagine what that camera catches the humans doing.  I’m just sayin’ do a little research for some blackmail in case they decide to put your picture on their Christmas cards this year.  Snorts – Giddy Up!


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 Dear Bacon – The possibilities are endless.  My brother has the cone of shame.  Sure I feel for him.  Who wouldn’t, right?  But for all of the crap he has given me, does this look give you any enlightenment to the torture fun I’m going to have with him?  Evil barks!  Signed Some Doggie?

Dear Some Doggie –  Oh no!  I’ve heard about you recently my friend.  You are the one that does all of these bad things to doggies and then dogs get blamed for it.  Some Doggie – you are famous.  I gotta admit that your bro looks a little pitiful.  Maybe go a little easy on him… just a little okay.


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 Dear Bacon – My humans forgot to feed me tonight. Something about they were tired and sick.  They went to bed early without a second thought to little me and my needs like FOOD.  That’s okay though.  I’ve been sitting up here watching them sleep for a couple of hours.  I don’t plan on moving until they wake up and see me here.  That should give them plenty of nightmares for the rest of their lives and they should never forget about me again.  What do you think?  Signed Pissed

Dear Pissed –  Oh.my.pigs.  Remind me to *never* piss you off my friend…. or to piss off the purr things here.  They may get instruction from you.  If I woke up to you staring at me from above…. I think I would wet myself right there and then in my piggy bed.  Squeals!

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REMEMBER FRIENDS – We can’t have Dear Bacon issues without YOU.  Keep your pictures and questions coming to me via email 🙂

 
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Posted by on 03/17/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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