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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

I read your weekly issues all of the time.  I was being bullied in the neighborhood and I took the advice you gave in one of your letters, “Tell someone.”  This is my big brother Chance.  I told him about some cats in the hood that were picking on me because I was small and they wouldn’t let me play ball.  He shadowed me everywhere I went for a whole week.  Isn’t he the best!  And nope, not one mean cat wanted to take a chance with him in not letting me playing ball.  Signed Felix

Dear Felix,

Bravo to you little guy!  I’m so glad my advice paid off.  I don’t think those other cats will be picking on you anytime soon.  Pat Chance on the back and tell him job well done for sticking up for family!

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Dear Bacon,

I’m thinking of trying out for American Idol this coming up season.  Do you think I have a shot.  I can sing!  I mean I can really sing.  I bet you are wondering what will I sing aren’t you?  cough cough – sing with me now my friend:

“In the Jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleeps tonight.
In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lions sleeps tonight.

Near the village, the peaceful village, the lions sleeps tonight.
Near the village, the quiet village, the lions sleeps tonight.

Hush my darling, don’t fear my darling, the lions sleeps tonight.
Hush my darling, don’t fear my darling, the lions sleeps tonight.”

What do you think?  Signed Jagger

Dear Jagger,

Go for it my friend.  I was singing along there with you the entire time.  You’ve definitely got the spirit.  I’ll tell you another thing.  I haven’t seen a zebra try out so you might have one hoove in the door already.

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Dear Bacon,

I know it’s wrong but I can’t help myself.  Sometimes I just want to have a little fun.  On those days, I put on my fin and go into the water.  You should hear the screams!  Who says turtles aren’t bad to the bone!  Signed George

Dear George,

Snorts – that is funny.  I bet you would be a hoot in the bathtub during mom’s 1 hour bubble bath.  That would definitely be a way to get her out of the bathroom.  Oops – did I say that out loud?  snorts.

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Dear Bacon,

My dream one day is to become a comedian.  I just feel it in my bones that I can make humans laugh.  I’ve been working my routine with the animals at Old McDonald’s farm and it has been a riot.  Lots of my get togethers have been standing room only.  Let me try a few on you.

Question:  What did the waiter say to the horse?  Answer:  I can’t take your order. That’s not my stable.

Question:  What did the horse say when it fell?  Answer:  “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Question: What did the teacher say when the horse walked into her classroom?  Answer:  “Why the long face?”

And one of my best ones –

Question:  What do you call a horse that lives next door?  Answer:  A neigh-bor!

Did it work?  Did I make you laugh – or at least smile?  Did I?  Signed Rodney

Dear Rodney,

Snorts my friend.  Those were some good ones.  Keep up the great work and remember me when you go famous!

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Dear Bacon,

Do you think this spot makes my butt or tail look big?  I don’t want to have any hang ups on it in the future.  You think?  Signed Babe

Dear Babe,

Not at all my friend.  In fact, I think it brings something to the table.  Mom oohheed and aawweeed over it.  I don’t think you have anything to worry about at all.

Remember friends, keep your questions and pictures coming.  Send them to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 09/17/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,
Hello my friend.  I see you have a squirrel for a friend – thank you for liking our kind.  And, I know you secretly want to be a super pig hero and wear a cape.  Anytime you want, you can be my sidekick!  Signed Super Squirrel

Dear Super Squirrel,

You are so on!  I love the thoughts of being your sidekick.  I’ve been trying to convince mom for a while now that I need a cape.  You think you can help me a little and talk to her?

 

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Dear Bacon,
I don’t think my friends have any clue whatsoever that I’m not really ‘one’ of them if you know what I mean.  I love this spy stuff – what about you?  Signed RacCat Bandit

Dear RacCat Bandit,

OMP (Oh my pig!)  That is so funny.  I fell off of the couch I was laughing so hard at that picture.  You are a little spy, aren’t you?  I can only imagine some of the information you have obtained with that disguise.  Maybe I need to get a mask for Halloween this year.  It would be a hoot!

 

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Dear Bacon,
It’s really not as hard as it looks.  I’ve been hanging out with some ladies all week and it’s been great fun!  My next step is to see if one of them will marry me.  Do you think I have a shot?  Signed RooFlam

Dear RooFlam,

Well, first of all I think you look great and you have some amazing talent for walking on sticks. I myself could never do that.  I just don’t have the balance.  Second off, you might want to rethink your mission.  It’s bound to come out eventually that you are not what you seem.

 

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Dear Bacon,
Sometimes I think a picture says a thousand words.  I think this is one of those occasions.  What do you think?  Signed Pom the Comedian

Dear Pom the Comedian,

Your picture is so wrong on so many different levels but I have to admit that I laughed… hard!  And, daddy laughed… hard!  Your poor brother – I’m not so sure he thought it was so funny.  All I gotta say, it was a good one but watch out.  I’m sure I’ll be getting a picture and email from your brother in the very near future!

 

20130601-001612.jpgDear Bacon,
It’s not really fair.  I love chasing skunks.  I don’t hurt them.  I just like to play.  See what happens when you just want to play?  You get labeled for life.  I’m sure this picture is going to end up all in the family.  What’s a dog to do?  Signed I’ve Been Skunked

Dear I’ve Been Skunked,

Snorts – you poor, poor pooch.  Your humans are really funny.  I understand you wanting to play but there’s some things out there in the animal kingdom that we just leave alone.  Skunks would be one of them.  I understand your sign – almost.  What’s a douche bag?

 

 

20130601-001639.jpgDear Bacon,

It would be fun they said.  Come on out and play in nature – get some exercise.  Yeah, right.  They got me good.  I think you have the right idea. I’m going anti-nature!  Signed Tree High Five

Dear Tree High Five,

WOW – chasing that frisbee you just didn’t see that tree, huh?  I’m not laughing at you.  I’m laughing with you.  One day you will look back at this picture and chuckle.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not tomorrow.  But one day you will.  Sorry for your pain.  Don’t throw nature away yet.  Hang in there my friend and keep chasing those frisbee’s…. just watch out for trees… and mailboxes… and telephone polls… and fire hyrdrants… snorts

 

FRIENDS – Remember to send your pictures and questions to Dear Bacon at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
6 Comments

Posted by on 07/16/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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Planking – Animal Style

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There’s this thing that the young humans are doing these days called planking. The humans, they think it’s new but us in the animal kingdom have been doing it for years. And personally, I think we kind of do it better, you think?  I gathered some pictures from different places – the Internet, iFunny and from personal friends to show you some examples of animal planking 🙂

 

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Have you heard of this planking or some people call it the Lying Down Game. For the most part, humans try to find an unusual spot to lay face down. Both of their hands touch the sides of their bodies. There’s competitions to find the most unique spot. The term planking refers to mimicking a wooden plank thus ‘planking’.  It seems like a really easy thing to do, right?  I mean dad does it almost every night on the sofa.  You can tell because he starts snoring – PLOL (Pig Laughing out Loud)

 

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Planking can include lying flat on a surface or holding the body flat while it’s supported in only some regions, with other parts of the body suspended. A lot of humans have photographed their unusual locations. They then post their pictures on Facebook or the internet to show their talents.  I know this cute little turtle is not doing ‘planking’ per say because his little back legs are up buy hey you try to do this over the water and on a little stump. 

 

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In 1994, Tom Green (a comedian) invented planking. He was caught on a hidden camera lying down on an Ottawa sidewalk without moving and there you go – history was made!

 

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But as you can see, planking is not just for the humans. We do our own style of planking for fun.  And squirrels – they are really the best at this game.  There’s something about them that is just so comical in planking.  Don’t you agree?

 

 

20130601-011131.jpgAnd this cat and dog, well, we are just going to say they were planking and leave it at that.  What do you think? snorts

So today, here is your challenge. Why don’t you try this planking and see what kind of unique picture you can do. Post it and let’s see what kind of neat animal situations we can get into my friends.

Happy Monday – XOXO – Bacon

 
13 Comments

Posted by on 07/08/2013 in Bacon

 

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You’ll Never Guess!!! My Piggy Butt is SO Excited

20121023-064253.jpgSomething so exciting happened yesterday.  I absolutely could not believe it when mom was telling me and dad last night.  I’m honored.  I’m in awe.  I’m mystified.  Mom did something and didn’t even tell me and dad about it until last night.  I just can’t believe she kept it a secret that long.  Personally, I think she did it and forgot about it not thinking anything would come from it.  So, all of this hoopla and you’re probably wondering to yourself, “Just spit it out pig – what happened?”  Okay, here it goes.

  Mom sent a fellow Georgian, not too far away from me that’s from  Hapeville, a post on her Facebook the other day.  She thought that I, Bacon, would be a good laugh for this person.  I really don’t understand that part because we all know that “I’m” not a joke.  I just tell it like it is from my little piggy perspective… just keeping it real.  Snort – LOL

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  Last night on the way home from work, mom checked her Facebook messages and posts and saw this.  She immediately had to take a picture.  She was so excited!  You should have seen her when she came in the house.  She couldn’t even talk for a few minutes – which is a rare thing from mom.  Chuckles

She was flying around the house and her tail was just shaking.  She finally told me and daddy to guess and then before we could guess, she told us.  Dad was in awe.  He said a lot of things but all I heard from him was blah, blah, blah, that pig is popular, blah, blah, blah. 

I must have look mystified because I didn’t catch the name.  So mom looked at me and said, “You know the game show Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader.”  When she said that, I knew because we’ve watched that before on my television.  And personally Mr. Foxworthy, I think it needs to be changed to Are You Smarter than a Pot Bellied Pig.  Just sayin’

Mom also reminded me about the Blue Collar Comedy Tour he did with Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and Ron White.  That was hilarious!  I’ve watched that several times with dad. 

Of course dad was laughing at me later last night saying to expect me to be the ham of some jokes like… You know you’re a redneck if you own a pig that stays inside and has his room and has his own television.  It’s okay dad.  You’re just jealous.  SRAOL (snort rolling all over laughing).

So there you go – can you believe that?!  Thank you Mr. Foxworthy.  You made my piggy day!

 
3 Comments

Posted by on 01/10/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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