I am an artist! Do not think twice of me on my drinking. It inspires my inner soul. I would like to paint you – all of you since you are a plus size piggy. Would you pose for me? Signed Raphael Chickatello
Dear Raphael Chickatello,
WOW – I am honored… I think. I really don’t think that I am old enough to pose in any of your paintings. I think you should move on to maybe cows. That’s it – cows. I think cows should be your muse. They are so much more to work with than just me… a little pig. Carry on my friend and paint to your hearts content.
Insert spy music. The humans think they are so smart in putting out these ‘traps’. They hurt! But never fear, this is how we really get the cheese without setting them off. Now you know our secrets! Signed Top Mouse
Dear Top Mouse,
I love that move! I wonder if there is enough wire to suspend me over something delicious. It looks like a hoot! You definitely have the moves my friend. Keep it up my secret friend!
I read about you watching television all of the time. I love to watch my shows too – especially the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They fascinate me for some reason. Do you like them? Signed Raffie
I just can’t understand why you would like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. . I mean really, they’re turtles. It blows my mind to figure that one out. And yes, I do like to watch the show as well my friend.
Just the facts little guy. Nothing but the facts. We’ve been watching too many repeats of the movies Men in Black. Don’t ask me which is which. We just like to dress like Kay and Jay. You know, just for fun and giggles. The neighborhood doesn’t know how to act when we roll into it – bark. What do you think? Do you like to dress up like any of your favorite guys? Signed Kay/Jay
Dear Kay and Jay,
Oh dudes – I love the look! That is so neat. I’ve seen those movies and ya’ll kind of look just like the two. I think it’s the ties and sunglasses. I would love to roam around in my costume too. I secretly want to be a piggy super hero. I keep asking mom to make me a cape. I know with a cape, this little piggy would have special powers and be able to fly. Stay cool barky things!
❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to email me your letters/pictures ❤
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Dear Bacon – I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. My mom/dad always said to make sure you can have fun but yet bring home the kibbles if you know what I mean. So by day, I help my adopted father in his accounting firm. Don’t let it fool you. I have the brain of Einstein and can figure numbers in the blink of an eye and the wag of a tail. Then at night, I trade my suit for a board and hit the streets of my hood. See, I can do both and I think I have some great qualities for a woman in my life. What do you think? Signed Two For One
Dear Two For One – BONUS! There you go my friend. I think that is awesome that you make a living, can bring home the kibble and still know how to have a great time. I think any woman would be honored to have you in their life for sure!
Dear Bacon – Shaking my head. I don’t get it. People point and laugh at me. Some even call me a rolling ball with fur. How rude. I’m just a little squirrel trying to get along in a big world. Should my feelings be hurt? Signed Pudge
Dear Pudge – First off – YES. This kind of behavior happens in the real world of adults as well my little friend. Some peeps just don’t have the knack of keeping their mouths shut if they don’t have something nice to say. You so don’t need to put up with this behavior. There is no room for bullying in this world! You are welcomed to move into the woods of the Hotel Thompson any time. We like to treat everyone the same here.
Dear Bacon – There is *always* that one sibling in the family that is just stupid – there’s no other way of putting it. We were sitting in the kitchen, acting like we had no worries in the world, not begging but yet letting the staff know we were there and waiting patiently for a snack of some type. That’s when brother has to sit up and look stupid. Okay, he doesn’t have to look stupid cause he is stupid. But really. He has to stick his tongue out and act all, “Give me…give me…give me”. Really, rolls doggy eyes, his class is so out the window. Do you have a wierdo in your family? Signed Lewis, Brutus and Stupid
Dear Lewis, Brutus and Stupid – Oh do I! OMP – I like to call him Hemi. He’s the cat from you know where here at the Hotel Thompson. He’s daddy’s little baby and does no wrong. Yeah right. He does no wrong because daddy never sees him doing anything bad. I know exactly the feeling. I say keep your hide high and use the mute button as much as you can with your brother to block him out. That’s what I do here – I act like Hemi doesn’t exist… yet he still finds time to remind me by slapping my butt.
Dear Bacon – Sometimes one has to take steps into their own paws. My human just couldn’t find the time to make me some biscuits. But that’s okay. I find the recipe and took matters into my own paws. I think they turned out pretty well myself. If you want, I’ll send you the recipe. I’m sure they are piggy friendly as well. Smooches – Mrs. Polly
Dear Mrs Polly – I think that is brilliant. Why wait for the humans when we don’t have too. I think that would be great to do. But hey, why don’t you just come over and use my kitchen to show me how to make them. The humans are gone in the afternoons – hogs and snout kisses.
Dear Bacon – During a tough week, when Friday night gets here you just want to crash and burn. It was one of those tough weeks for me. Too many brushes with the mailman, the UPS driver that got away and too many days of chasing that cute little cat next door. Friday night, I crashed. Of course, that was after my bender of my go to food selection to make me feel better. Coke and a Big Mac. Can you say yum-yum? So my friend, do you ever crash and burn? Signed The Pupster
Dear The Pupster – YES! I have crashed and burned many times. In fact, once my week was so bad that I brought the entire bucket of animal crackers in my bedroom and munched into oblivion. The tummy ache later that night was so worth it. I do feel you my friend. Hope your day is better.
❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to email me your pictures and letters. ❤
Tags: accountant, adventure, advice, advice column, animal, appreciation, bacon, Bad, Big Mac, biscuits, bully, burn, cat, column, comedy, cook, cookies, crash, cute, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, devil, dog, entertainment, fat, Food, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, kid, Love, McDonald's, miniature pot bellied pig, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, polly, priceless, sleep, smart, snacks, snorts, spoiled, squirrel, trouble
Dear Bacon – Who says dogs can’t have game. I’ve been watching NBA Championships on television. Those humans have two legs and do some amazing things with the balls. I figure I have four legs. I bet I could do some amazing things myself. And instead of ‘dunking’ the ball, I can’t jump on the rim. So hey guys – I’m free here – let me assist. Heck with this kind of ability, maybe I should start a team for us anipals. What do you think? Signed Lebron the Lab
Dear Lebron the Lab – Oh pal! Now that is some kind of assist. Is that in the play book? Can you stand up there like that? I wonder? But hey, I think starting your own anipal team would be awesome. Heck, I would love to be on your team. I may be short to the ground but this snout is a powerful weapon to be crossed. You go – and be careful okay.
Dear Bacon – My humans took me to Disney World with them. OMD – I was in doggy heaven! My favorite idol is Pluto. How could you not like him? He is like the bestest happening dog ever! When my humans set me up to meet my idol in person and take my picture, I so could not help it but to smile. Can you see it? I was so deliriously happy! Can you tell? Signed Grinning Ear to Ear
Dear Ginning Ear to Ear – Oh WOW my friend. YES – YES and YES. I can tell that you are so happy in meeting Pluto. I know that it had to make your day. In fact, I would love to meet Miss Piggy one day. My mom is still working on a meet up. Hopefully one day my day will come too just like yours Keep on smiling!
Dear Bacon – What? There’s nothing to see here. You can move right along. You see I was playing with my brother Bert. Bert has a potty mouth. He really does. He called me a bad name. I had to take up for myself. The humans were in the backyard. When they came in, I was the one that got in trouble. How unfair is that? He started it. He really did. Signed Ernie
Dear Ernie – Shaking my piggy head. You know my friend, if Bert called you a name and I’m not saying he did or didn’t, sometimes one has to be the bigger anipal and move on. You see there’s an old saying, “Sticks and stones my break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Sure words can hurt but that’s just what they are – words. And having your humans come in and seeing you bouncing on top of your brother, well that might just be interpreted as being a bully. I’m just saying. Think smarter. If Bert has a potty mouth, you just need to have that come out at the right moment when your humans can hear… maybe record him. Then again, I’ve always heard washing one mouth’s out with soap will take care of that potty mouth. Snorts with piggy laughter.
Dear Bacon – My humans cut back on my treat budget. Now this is just unfair and so wrong on so many levels. So when the humans went to work, I researched their bank account. Who says us dogs can’t be private investigators. Let me tell you one thing. If they are going to cut my budget, they should think about their own food budget. OMD! I can’t begin to tell you how many debit charges I saw for food and treats for humans. My budget was only used one time last month for a measly $12.59. There treat budget was well over $600.00! I say it’s time for fair play. Signed P.I. Treats
Dear P.I. Treats – Dude, you have skills! I’m going to have to send you a private email to find out how you got into your humans banking accounts. I could make so many changes to my humans spending if I had access. I say it’s time for you to have a sit down talk with your humans and tell them what you found. It is way past time for equal food treats.
Dear Bacon – Help Me. My master thinks he is so funny in putting these stupid glasses on my face. I will be the laughing pooch of the neighborhood if this gets out. Shaking my dog head. The insensitivity of master is overbearing. What can I do? Signed Silly Eyes
Dear Silly Eyes – I think these silly eyes require massive payback my friend. I can think of several places you can maneuver them on your master’s body and take pictures. Heck, one of those pictures might even wind up on your families Christmas cards. Now who will be on the butt end of that joke then?
Whatever you decide to do, please keep us posted. And when I first saw your picture. I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing with you. Yeah that’s it. Snorts with piggy laughter.
REMEMBER MY FRIENDS – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to email me your letters and pictures ♥
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Hello my friends. Hope everyone had a most excellent weekend. We all did here at the Hotel Thompson. Us anipals got plenty of snuggles and rest. Mom and dad completed the Tank vs Albert challenge and I’m here today with the results from them. And just so you know, mom took daddy with her so that the results were not one-sided. Do you think you know who won out in the competition of who is the most fun? Do you think mommy gets treated differently when she drives the other vehicle? You don’t have to wait any longer – here we go.
First up for the challenge – Tank. Mom/dad went out riding in Tank on Saturday around the area. Now, remember the challenge was to do the following:
- Wave at two cars that are similar in make and see what people do.
- Let two people in front of her at different times to see what people do.
- Go through a drive thru and pay for the breakfast behind her to see what people do.
Mom saw another car right off similar to Tank on the boulevard. She waved at the woman driver. The woman driver did a double take as if who are you waving at. So much for being friendly huh? Later on, mom saw another car similar to Tank with another woman driver. She waved. The lady at least smiled at mom – no wave but a smile.
At a red light, there was a man coming out of a shopping center. Mom stopped to let him out. He came out like there was no tomorrow without even a glance back. Later, another stop light and restaurant. Mom waved to let the woman out. Again, no acknowledgement.
Mom and dad then proceeded to a drive thru later on in the day. The lady behind them was buying a Happy Meal for her child so mom decided to buy it for her. Mom pulled up to see the woman’s reaction. Nada. Nothing. Not even a wave of thank you.
Results in Tank – Okay not very friendly. Mom did get a wave from another similar driver of a Chevrolet Equinox. Other than that, nothing. How crappy huh?
Sunday, mom/dad decided to take out Albert for the test. They drove in different areas than they did Tank the day before. Now, Smart cars are harder to find on the roads here – not a lot of people have them so they had to really look.
After a while, mom spotted one like a great white in the ocean. She moved towards it. She didn’t even have to honk first – the guy did in his Smart car. He beeped his horn and waved like crazy at mom. Of course, she acted equally as crazy and waved back.
The next spotting was a two-for. She was sitting at a light and a Smart car was coming out of a restaurant. She not only let the Smart car out, but they waved like crazy, rolled down their window and shouted to mom, “We love your car!” Go figure huh?
Later on in the day, mom/dad were sitting at another light and a car was coming out of a motel. Mom motioned them. Do you believe what they did – they waved and laughed. Awesome!
Now the kicker – to do a drive thru and pay for someone’s meal behind them. They hit the nearest drive thru, ordered their food and paid for the car behind them. Mom pulled up a bit to see what would happen. The car behind them pulled up, you could see the conversation taking place and then they started beeping their horn and waving. SCORE!
So what does this challenge teach you… other than mom/dad have a lot of time on their hands to do random psychiatric testing on people that don’t even know it – snorts. This challenge teaches you something that women have known for centuries – are you ready for this – SIZE MATTERS! No really, think about it. This works not only in cars but in real life with humans. The smaller you are, the more accepting people are to you and go out of their way to be nicer. You know it’s true. It’s profiling at it’s basic power. Think about it. Until people accept that we are all individuals in all different shapes and sizes, this will continue. Bullying is a powerful weapon that happens in all forms of life. This is a time to make a stand my friends.
SAY NO TO BULLYING!!
Tags: adventure, Albert, Albert vs Tank, animal, appreciation, bacon, Bad, bullies, bully, bullying, challenge, Chevrolet, Chevrolet Equinox, comedy, competition, contenders, controversial, cute, daddy, devil, entertainment, Equinox, freedom, friendly, Friends, fun, funny, games, gas, growing up, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, individuals, kid, Love, make a stand, miniature pot bellied pig, Mom, mommy, pet, pets, pig, play, playful, priceless, profiling, psychiatric, results, rude, Say No to Bullying, score, size, size matters, smart, smart car, Smart Car Fortwo Passion, snorts, spoiled, SUV, Tank, test, trouble, weapon, Weekend
Dear Bacon, Do you recognize this look my friend? You know the doorbell rings but you are running around in your birthday suit. You answer it from the corner wondering, “Who would come over without calling first” kind of look in your face. You are secretly wishing it’s a girls scout selling cookies but oh no – it’s only someone selling something. You give them this eat crap and die look before shutting the door. No offense solicitors but unless you have thin mints, go to the neighbors house. Signed Don’t Bother
Dear Don’t Bother, YES I recognize that look. Once all of the humans have settled into the Hotel Thompson, it’s a no bother zone unless you phone first – especially after dark. Shivers – I’ve seen too many shows on the Investigative Discovery channel. No way am I opening the door. And you are right… unless they have thin mints. They could be someone from a horror show but if they are selling thin mints, I’m grabbing the boxes
Dear Bacon, You know sometimes I really hate my siblings. They tell me that I chase butterflies too often grinning like the Cheshire cat and singing Disney songs. What’s it to them? Who’s a happy gator – this guy! Can’t we all just be happy and get along? Signed Chomp
Dear Chomp, I’m with you my bud. I’m singing Hakuna Matata right now in my head. It’s such a happy song all about no worries for the rest of your lives. If you don’t know it, I highly recommend you looking it up and playing it. It’s great and perky – just a song for chasing butterflies. Be yourself and don’t let your siblings bully you into something you’re not!
Dear Bacon, I’ve called this meeting here today to talk to you about your little brother Houdini. You know us dogs have skills. We can be your allies or we can be your enemies. You don’t want us to be your enemies. I’m just saying. This face may look all cute and everything but my inner dog is 500 pounds just like Houdini’s. You might want to rethink your relationship with the little guy. We can come in handy for a lot of things. Signed Fluffy
Dear Fluffy, Oh my friend, there is no doubt about the skills of you pooches. Houdini is my little buddy. Sometimes I even let him sleep with me in my bed at night. He’s a great guy and helps me out with the purr things here all of the time. Especially that Hemi who uses my butt like a slapping post. No worries – I know ya’ll rule!
Dear Bacon, Score for the little dog! I’ve been watching the humans and where they get my food. Oh barks! One day when they weren’t looking, I was able to get into the bag of heaven and SCORE! Oh dude – I was in puppy heaven for a while until the master caught me. But by that time, I had eaten half of the bag. I was so fat I couldn’t walk. I was rolling around with a silly happy grin on my face. You ever done this before? Signed Rolly Polly
Dear Rolly Polly, Snorts! I ❤ this my friend. I’ve never gotten into the bag before. But once when I was Nana’s, I ate so much that I couldn’t even squeak I was so pudgy. I was uncomfortable for a while but like you – it was so worth it!
Dear Bacon, I hate it when the humans make me dress up. We had to go to a wedding this past weekend and they insisted on me wearing a tux. Really? I’m a dog. Rolls doggy eyes. Tell me they don’t make you dress in this ridiculous outfit. Signed Mister Doggy in the Wedding
Dear Mister Doggy in the Wedding – I have to admit pal that you make that tux look good. Really you do. Sometimes we have to do things that we really don’t want to do but need to do. That was probably one of those situations. I don’t particular have to dress up… yet. But can you believe Houdini here has a tux. 🙂 It happens to the best of us. Wear it with pride!
Remember my friends – we can’t have Dear Bacon without your letters and pictures. Please keep sending them to me – snorts and thanks!
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That’s right. I said it. I didn’t stutter when I typed. Albert, mom’s Smart car, is a bully. You don’t believe me do you? You think, “Aaww, that cute little blue Smart car can’t be a thug.” Snorts – you just don’t know Albert very well. Let me tell you a story about sweet old Albert.
The other day, mom and dad took me for a spin around town. We were stopped at a red light when this car pulled up beside us. It was a rocking red sports car – the top was down and it was smoking hot. That’s when it happened. Albert persuaded mom to roll down her window, get the peeps attention in the smoking red sports car and ask them if they wanted to race. The nerve of Albert! Of course after the nice folks stopped laughing, the light changed. They got stuck in traffic at the next light as Albert rolled up next to them, honked his horn and we kept rolling.
See, I told you. Albert is a bully.
Tags: adventure, Albert, animal, appreciation, bacon, Bad, bully, comedy, Corvette, cute, daddy, devil, entertainment, freedom, Friends, fun, funny, games, growing up, happy, Hotel Thompson, humor, kid, laughter, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, Mom, mommy, pet, pig, play, playful, priceless, race, smart, smart car, snorts, spoiled, sports car, thug, traffic, trouble, Weekend
They are right when they say the eyes are the first to go. These days, I’m having to wear glasses just to get around the neighborhood. I know other dogs make fun of me and it kind of hurts my feelings. What should I do? Signed Four Doggy Eyes
Dear Four Doggy Eyes,
Hey guy, if it helps you to see I wouldn’t care what other dogs think about it. One day, they are going to experience problems as well. They are being doggy bullies and you know what. Bullying is totally unacceptable in any form in any way – humans or animals. Hold your head up high my friend. Wear those great looking glasses with pride!
Around these parts, they call me Sheriff Groucho. I love protecting my house and yard wearing my outfit. Sometimes, the humans even walk me through the neighborhood and so I can protect and serve other animals in the hood. It’s what I do. Signed Sheriff Groucho
Dear Sheriff Groucho,
Hey, I like the look. I think it’s great that you are taking care of your neighborhood like that. If only other animals great and small would take charge and take back their own neighborhoods, it would be a wonderful place to live. Almost like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. I could see me living there.
Keep up the great work my friend. I think you deserve a pat on the back and a good job well done!
You talk about your mommy reading you bedtime stories all of the time. I like to read my own. I especially like Dr Seuss Go Dog Go. Have you read it? Signed Smart Pooch
Dear Smart Pooch,
I haven’t heard of that book. I’m going to have to get mom to get a copy so she can read it to me one night. Thanks so much for the suggestion. I love how you hold your book. I only wish my hooves could accomodate that move.
You know riding a hog is just not for the humans – no pun intended. Sometimes on nice days outside, I like to jump my bike and ride. I like to feel the wind going over my body. Do you like to ride? Signed Harley the Frog
Dear Harley the Frog,
I like that bike. I absolutely love the color. Your legs are a tad bit longer than mine. I have short legs unfortunately. It would be fun to feel the wind blowing through my hair though. I may have to see what I can do about that. Keep riding my friend and stay safe.
Some days, it doesn’t pay to even get out of bed. On this day in fact, I went from on top of the bed to under the bed. I just passed out and slept until the world was nicer to me. Do you ever have those days? Signed Pooch in Life
Dear Pooch in Life,
I do have days where I go back to my bed until I feel better. It’s not every day. It just seems like some days Mother Nature is out to get you and throws lemons at you. Instead of passing it on to the humans, I sleep it off as well. I don’t have the back sleeping going on like you do but it looks comfortable!
Tags: adventure, animal, appreciation, bacon, bed, bully, bullying, comedy, cute, Dear Abby, Dear Bacon, entertainment, Friends, frogs, fun, funny, growing up, happy, Harley, humor, Love, miniature pot bellied pig, motorcycles, pet, pets, pig, pigs, play, playful, priceless, reading, sheriff, sleep, smart, spoiled