This is an All Points Rock Bulletin –
Please be on the lookout for one missing pet rock. The missing pet rock goes by the name of Bashful. Bashful has been known to travel internationally to the nether regions of the world and to hang out in bars with the underlords. Don’t let his demure look fool you. Although his name is innocent, he is not. He is a known womanizer. Just look at the grin on his face – now we all know why it is permanent.
If you see this rock culprit, do not approach or apprehend him for fear you will be his next victim. He has the morals of a rolling stone and the suaveness of the spy double oh seven and a half.
Please send me an email at email@example.com with any sightings.
Thank you for your time.