Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,
I’ve read your column recommending yoga and how everyone thinks its the best thing since sliced bread. I’m not a fan. I’m not sure what this position was suppose to be but it’s not natural. I guess it’s not meant for everyone.

Signed Pretzel

Dear Pretzel,
Well, you do look like you’re a little tied up there. What’s it like to be able to kiss your own butt? Snort

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Dear Bacon,
So I walked into a bar and ordered a beer. What’s wrong with that? I’m of age. Why not think its strange that the bartender served me?

Why does it have to be me with a problem?

Signed Cheers

Dear Cheers,

I don’t see a problem with that. If you can (A) walk into a bar; (B) order your own beer; (C) sit at the bar and (D) drink it, I say you deserve it. I salute you!

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 Dear Bacon,
Do you ever have one of those days that you don’t know if your coming/going? If you need to eat or go wizzy? I had a moment and of course my dad had to take a picture. Who knows where it will show up next on the Internet. Signed Two Birds With One Stone

Dear Two Birds With One Stone,
Hey little man, no worries. Sometimes life happens. You’re hungry and you have to go. I’ll tell you a little secret. At times when I go wizzy for mom on my piggy pad, she will feed me a carrot while I’m going. Hey, whatever you gotta do my friend for food, do it.

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Dear Bacon,
I’m like you. I have a short leg challenge. There’s lots of things I can’t do either because of those challenged little legs. I found the perfect solution – stilts. They do take some getting used to but hey no more short legs. You gotta get a pair of these things and try them. Signed Vertically Challenged

Dear Vertically Challenged,
You do look a lot taller. Mine would have to be taller. You know, to make room for my garage of a belly. 🙂 snort They do look like fun. I’m wondering if I could get mom to make me some for fun? I’ll keep you posted.

 

 

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – What kind of joke is this?  Do you see these mysterious copy dog’s on my bed?  Please – there is only *one* king cat in this family.  End of discussion.  These have got to be imposters! Signed Lord Kitty

Dear Lord Kitty – How dare them try to get in on your royalty.  I say push them off the bed.  Show them who’s boss.  I don’t think it will hurt them – snorts.

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Dear Bacon – I’m really practicing on my please look.  I think I *almost* have it down pact.  What do you think?  Would you give in and give me what I was begging for?  Signed Please Sir

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Dear Please Sir – Oh my!  Oliver Twist has nothing on you my friend.  I think you have the “please sir may I have another look” down to a T.  Really I do.  Perhaps, I a mere piggy should take lessons from you.  With that pose, you are certainly going to get anything you beg for!

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Dear Bacon – Just me hanging out with my lady love on a Saturday night watching some television.  The humans think we look funny.  What say you our pal?  Signed Two in Love

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Dear Two in Love  – I say you two look hopelessly in love with all of your hearts.  You don’t look funny at all.  Maybe the humans are jealous?

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 Dear Bacon – If there is a box, we must fit.  You know how us purr things can be.  Who cares what came in the box, we want to be in the box.  This is me and my brother doing what we do best.  Do you like boxes as much as we do?  Signed Twin Kitties

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Dear Twin Kitties – That is adorable my friends.  It really is.  You got you a condo going on right there in that picture – snorts.  Me, I don’t like ‘sleeping’ in boxes but I do love destroying boxes.  Just give me five minutes alone with a box.  That’s all I ask.  I will have the bestest of all times!

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Dear Bacon – What?  You know at Old McDonald’s farm, it gets hot during the summer months.  This is a picture of what the old man himself helped us out with last year.  He gave us all tubes and let us sit and relax down our little lake on the property.  It was a ball!  You come visit and I’m sure Old McDonald will be glad to do the same for you.  Signed Billy the Kid

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Dear Billy the Kid – OMP (oh my pig!)  That looks like so much fun!  I will definitely get with mom and see if I can come over for a visit this summer.  Heck, I want to tube down the lake myself for some fun… as long as there are no alligators, crocodiles, anacondas, piranhas or sea monsters.  Other than that, I’m so there 🙂

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* Remember friends, keep your questions/pictures coming *

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – As you can see, I’m in this contraption my new humans like to call a box.  I call it a box of hell.  I mean I was okay with the humans putting me in it and taking me to their vehicle but to strap me in like the box is part of me – they will pay.  Not at first because I’m fortunate to be adopted.  But after a while… after making my new living conditions mine, they will pay.  I smell dog in this car so I do hope they have a dog and I do hope said dog is ready to be blamed for everything.  Signed Nails Out

Dear Nails Out – Oh pal.  I hate to say it but it’s almost funny to look at the picture.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not laughing at your situation.  Of course I wouldn’t do that.  But the picture of a box with arms attached – oh have mercy.  I so understand the complete concept of payback.  That poor pooch doesn’t know what is coming to his digs.

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Dear Bacon – Everyone keeps saying that can’t wait for winter or fall and the cooler weather.  I say no.  I like the summer.  You don’t see us anipals bundles up to go out to use the facilities.  You don’t see us anipals where boots and coats when it’s raining.  This is me from last year.  bbbrr – can’t you just feel the cold weather.  Nope. I think I’ll pass…. but I guess mother nature won’t let me.  So, it’s time to dig out my umbrella, scarf and rain boots again.  There’s nothing like trying to pee outside where water is already all over you.  Signed Special

Dear Special – You know I like the way you think my friend.  I myself am not very fond of the outdoors, especially in the elements.  Perhaps your humans can fix you a potty area off of the back door or something.  You know so you don’t get wet.  But if not, I have to say you look adorable in your fall outfit for sure.

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Dear Bacon –  Hey dude.  I’m like saying to my humans that if the potential president of our United States can have a comb over, like why can’t I?  Right?  And I have to admit that like I carry the comb over so much better than that dude for sure.  I mean like for real!  This is like my look and I’m digging it for sure.  I like the close shave all except my comb over which makes me like stand out in front of everyone else.  I mean dude with that in mind, maybe *I* should run like for the president of these United States.  I think like I have as much experience as the others, right?  Would you like vote for a dude like me?  Signed Dude

Dear Dude – I think everyone in the United States should write you in when they vote.  Just your views on life and your style, that makes you stand out in front of everyone else.  Nobody can claim that you have a double making appearances.  Nobody can claim that your cold.  Nobody can claim that you are not your very own dog.  I like that in a running campaign.  I say go for it.  And remember, free treats for everyone that votes!

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Dear Bacon – They say you can be whoever you want to be.  I’ve always wanted to be a dinosaur.  I mean who wouldn’t, right?  I’ve always roared and told my humans that I’m strong like dinosaur.  They found this horse coat and boom they knew it had my name all over it.  Now, I love wearing it.  Wouldn’t you be scared if you saw me coming your way?  You would, wouldn’t you?  Signed Roar

Dear Roar – Oh my piggy heavens!  I’m shaking with fear.  That is so awesome my friend.  I love your coat and I think you make the coat.  I think it’s awesome that your humans bought if for you.  In fact,with your coat on, you could be a superhero.  I can see it now on all the televisions and papers – “Super Roar Adventures”.  It has a great sound to it, right?  Keep having an awesome time in your coat dear friend!

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Dear Bacon – I claim not fair!  My doggy rights have been violated.  Who do I need to make a report to?  My friends are buttheads.  That’s right.  I said it.  They kept telling me about a new friend they met and how we had to meet because I would love them.  That’s when they introduced me to the new friend and then stepped to the side to take a picture of me saying hello.  Buttheads.  How do I get even Bacon?  Signed Caught Sniffing

Dear Caught Sniffing – Shaking my piggy head.  I’m so glad that I’m not the only one that gets caught in these types of things.  I’m so sure that there will come a time when they forget about this incident and everything with the stars line up just right that you will get even for sure.  AND I’m thinking it might be better than this episode… maybe.

 

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❤ Remember my friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue emailing me your pictures and letters ❤

 

 

Piggy Ramblings

  Let’s ramble a bit shall we my friends?  First up let’s talk about birthdays. Mom is a little blue today – in a good way though.  Her baby Houdini turns the big ONE.  Of course mom tells all of us anipals that we are ALL her babies which we know.  And now Chip (Bashful’s son and my grandson) is almost potty trained.  All of the babies are growing up so fast here at the Hotel Thompson.

Also mom has been doing this DIEt thing.  Lord help us all here.  Mom says she is doing things differently this time with her DIEt and she is recording everything that passes her lips in a journal on her iPhone (there’s an app for that – snorts).  She tells daddy every night that you just don’t understand how many calories you are consuming until you start logging them.  It has definitely been an eye opener for mom.  We all tread lightly around her on this DIEt.  Of course, with mom cutting back that means we here area also cutting back.  See how that flows down hill?  This interprets to less Animal Crackers for me and less chips for daddy throughout the day.  But then mommy has to go to the worky place during the week – insert evil snorts.  What she doesn’t know happens here when she is gone is a great thing.

Another happening thing here at the Hotel Thompson is the demise of mom’s laptop several months ago.  Bless her heart – it was a slow death of the Toshiba.  Toshiba was a great one and served years of hard work.  Mom used my laptop for a while but it wasn’t the same.  She complained something about piggy drool.  What?  It is *my* computer – rolls piggy eyes.  She has been using her iPhone and iPad for Facebook and blogging but she complained about the keyboard and something about when she gets on a roll she can’t type as fast as she wants due to the lack of a ‘real’ keyboard.  WOW – she is such a princess, isn’t she?  Snorts

Well yesterday, a package arrived not for me but for mom.  Amazing that they didn’t turn the package away because mom never gets packages.  She opened it up last night.  Of course, all of us anipals were right there in her lap and on the box to help out and see what it was.  Hey, it’s what we do.  She opened up a box and then another box inside of that box.  It almost seemed like Christmas and the anticipation was killing us all.  Then she struck gold – she got herself a new laptop.  I think I heard angels singing but maybe that was just the television.  She oohh and aaww over it while setting it up.  You would have thought she was in heaven and she might have been.  She was deliriously happy.  And you know what – that made us all happy.  Even daddy when she gave him the receipt for the bill – snorts.

Enough ramblings from this oinker.  What’s going on in your part of the world?  Anything funny?  Anything you want to talk about and share?

Oh and one more thing – I sounded like Columbo on that didn’t I?  Snorts – Love that detective.  Mom told daddy last night that she wished he came with a remote control with a mute button.  I’m not sure what that meant.  Do you?  Daddy just laughed and kept on singing and talking.

 

The Shoe Box

 A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years.  They had shared everything.  They had talked about everything.  They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask about.  

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box.  But one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.  

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.  She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.  When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000! 

He asked her about the contents.  “When we were to be married,” she said, “My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.  She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”  

The little old man was so moved that he had to fight back the tears.  Only two precious dolls were in the box.  She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.  He almost burst with happiness.  “Honey,” he said, “That explains the doll but what about all of this money?  Where did it come from?”  

“Oh,” she said, “That’s the money I made from selling the dolls”.  

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Shout Out!!

Piggy Squeals!  Yesterday the mailman came to the door of the Hotel Thompson.  He said he had a package for me and he had to see me… of course he knows me and finds an excuse to see me when I have a package.  I came flying to the front door where he petted me and gave my box to my daddy.  Daddy said I had to wait until mommy got home to open it.  

I thought mom would never get home but finally she did from the worky place.  She let me and dad open the package.  Squeals!!  Score for all of us here.  Do you see all of these delicious delights that we got?  Are you wondering from who and where the box came from?  Can you guess by looking at the picture?  

It came from my buddies Samuel and Wallace in Johannesburg, South Africa!  Aren’t they the coolest?!  They sent a little cork board in the shape of South Africa – you can see it on the upper left hand side of the picture.  Mom put all of the chocolate in the fridge to harden back up.  The pupcorn – OMP! – me and my brother Houdini had some of that.  It is DELICIOUS!  

Thank you my buddies.  I really, REALLY appreciate your thoughtfulness.  Ya’ll were so sweet to think about us here at the Hotel Thompson.  THANK YOU! 

 

Oh Auntie Sharon!!

 As I said earlier, last week was kind of a blur for poor mom with running here and there and everywhere.  Some days I don’t think she even knew which end was up or if she was coming or going. I received three packages almost back to back.  They say good things come in threes and I guess ‘they’ are right.  I was one little happy oinker over the weekend with all of my gifts.

The first package was from my brother by another mother.  You can see that earlier in today.  The second one was from my Auntie Sharon in Australia.  She is the BOMB – She is the GREATEST – She is my Auntie and I loves her!!  Piggy licks.

I got this second box and again helped mommy open it.  You see,  this little piggy has an amazing and powerful snout – just ask daddy – snorts.

I opened up the box and what fell out?  A cute, adorable, attractive little piggy that looked just like me!  It was a mini-me in fact.  It had my markings – see the little skunk mark on its head.  It was small like me.  It was irresistible like me.  I fell totally hooves over head in love with my new little friend.  I shall call him Bacon II.

Isn’t Auntie Sharon so talented??  Well you haven’t seen anything yet.

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Auntie Sharon also made me a cowl scarf.  OMP (oh my pig)!  It’s pink, heavy material with black eyes and a black tail in the back.  Now, I did let mommy put it on me and I ran back to my room and jumped in bed – snorts.  It was so warm on my little belly (snorts – I know ‘little’ belly).  I absolutely LOVE IT.  I have to be careful with it.  Mom likes it too.

We both felt the love that Auntie Sharon put into it.  It is that amazing!  How in the world did this little oinker get so lucky to have such wonderful and sweet friends to think about me.  I am by far the luckiest little piggy in the entire world!  I love you Auntie Sharon.  Thank you so much my sweet dear friend for thinking of me.  I will treasure my cowl scarf and Bacon II all of my life!