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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  No.  That’s right No.  Our doorbell rung in the middle of the day.  We weren’t expecting anyone so mom looked out the peep hole.  She didn’t see anyone.  We all sat back down and again the doorbell rung once again.  Mom went to the door, looked out the peep hole and nothing.  So she opened the door… of course keeping the security chain on the door.  Then mom squealed – I’m sure she squealed louder than you.  This is what she saw.  What in the world?  He wanted to borrow a cup of chicken – as if.  Mom told him that she wasn’t the local Kroger and to take a hike.  Have you ever had guests like this wanting to borrow food?  Signed Uninvited Guests

Dear Uninvited Guests – Oh dear piggy heavens have mercy!  Now we all believe in neighborly hospitality here at the Hotel Thompson.  Journalist Rocky the Squirrel often knocks on our back door asking for a cup of nuts.  And once, the neighbor asked to borrow a cup of milk.  But *never* have we had such a guest wanting a cup of chicken.  Did your friend leave?  I mean who you goin’ to call in this circumstance?  Be safe my friend – and keep that door LOCKED.


 Dear Bacon – I scored BIG time for Christmas.  I asked Jolly St. Nick for a cool pair of bunny slippers.  And let me tell you something, he delivered!!  I am jumping all over my crib in bun-bun delight.  Aren’t they the cutest things you have ever seen my friend?  Signed Bunny Times Two

Dear Bunny Times Two – You are *almost* right my sweet dear friend.  Those slippers are *almost* as cute as you.  I think you are pretty darn cute to begin with and YOU make those slippers even cuter.  Wear them with pride and stay warm my little friend!

 


 Dear Bacon – I’m sorry.  I couldn’t wait and had to go.  And I hear my mom tell my dad all of the time, “Better out than in.”  I think this is what she was meaning.  I’m sorry.  But what better way says I’m sorry than to leave my poo in a heart shape, right?  Surely mom wouldn’t be upset over that on your new rug… you know of course add in my pleading don’t-be-made look.  What do you think?  Signed You Gotta Go – You Gotta Go

Dear You Gotta Go – Well dear, my mom says there is no way she would be mad if I made that mistake and left something in a heart shape.  Like you said, sometimes crap happens.  Keep being cute and give mom extra snuggles today – she will forgive you.


 Dear Bacon – You see, we got new neighbors over the weekend.  We heard that she’s a cute little poodle.  We were just trying to take a peak and see.  That’s when our master caught us.  Can you say busted?  Signed Caught in the Act

Dear Caught in the Act – One question my friends.  Did you see her?  Was it worth it?  Why have you not gone over with some biscuits and welcomed her to the hood.  I think that would be a grand gesture from the both of you.  You know, meet her first before anyone else does.  Let me know how it works.


 Dear Bacon –  No one and I mean no one will ever be this cool.  How cool?  Me a mere lizard standing on some good stuff in a posture that just screams, “I’m the lacertilia!”  Ha!  Now, I need to pour me another and get this party started!  Signed Fred

Dear Fred – Well I must say you do know how to party my friend.  And well I have to admit.  I did have to look up the word lacertilia to see what it meant – snorts with piggy laughter.  You are one of few words.  Loved it my friend.  Now remember something important.  Don’t drink and drive.  Stay home to party and keep it at home.  Have a great time and oh – don’t forget my invitation.  But I’ll take some koolaid on ice – no alcohol in mine okay.

.


REMEMBER my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please remember to keep sending me your letters and pictures via my email.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 12/29/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Rolls Piggy Eyes

Oh my friends – I do hope you had a wonderful weekend and that you are well rested.  Because this morning I have a great one for you.  Really I do.  Something I heard and just simply can’t resist sharing.  I know it may be weak but after you read it you have to admit it is kind of funny for a Monday.

A frog goes into the bank and approaches the teller.  He can see from her name plate that her name is Patty Whack.  “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”  

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.  The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.  

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.  The frog says, “Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.  

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.  She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who says his dad is Mick Jagger, who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 AND he wants to use this as collateral.”  She then holds up the tiny pink elephant.  “I mean what the heck is this?”  

The bank manager looks backs at her and says without missing a beat, “It’s a knickknack Patty Whack.  Give the frog a loan.  His old man’s a rolling stone.”

(I won’t tell anyone that you’re singing that last line – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!)

 
14 Comments

Posted by on 06/29/2015 in Bacon

 

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