Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – These chickens are forever pestering the heck out of me when I’m in the yard.  I don’t care where I go, they follow me around like pesky dogs pecking at everything.  I can’t even use the giant scratch box outside anywhere in private without them being there to disturb me.  Well I think I finally got one up on them.  They can’t get through the front door.  The can look like like peeping chickens but not get in.  So I did something just to tick them off.  I stretched out on the floor and was blowing butt biscuits their way.  Eventually the smell hit them.  Rolls and purrs with kitty laughter.  Maybe they will leave me alone now.  You think?  Signed Butt Biscuits

Dear Butt Biscuits – OMP!  I usually call them food ghosts but I think I like butt biscuits from now on.  Those chickens need to understand there is  a line to be drawn of leaving fellow anipals alone.  We have some chicks next door to us.  They fly everywhere – even in my magical backyard.  They drive me nuts too.  Just wait until the next time I’m out there.  I’m going to throw them a butt biscuit – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!

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Dear Bacon – Sometimes one just knows when their humans are not having a great day.  It could be from the sighs they make when they come through the doorway, the dismantled look they have with their clothes or it could be the fact that they kick their shoes off – or already have them off – by the time they come through the threshold.  Whatever the reason it is, sometimes us anipals need to make sure we step up and have the home front ready for them.  Take for instance this case, my human daddy had a very rough day.  I put on my finest attire and had a glass of wine waiting for him.  I think it brightened his day.  So much so that he didn’t notice my new jewels on my neck.  We’ll save that part of telling him when he gets the credit card bill.  Barks! Signed Tiffany

Dear Tiffany – I like the way you think.  I need to do this for mom the next time she comes home all disheveled from doing monthly statistics.  Sometimes when she does this, she can’t even remember her name.   Your awesome!  And when your dad gets the credit card bill, blame it on the poodle next door.

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Dear Bacon – It’s embarrassing.  Really it is.  No it’s not the scarf or the clothes.  It’s not even the hair.  It’s embarrassing that my human can’t pick a better place to take my picture than leaning against this tree.  I mean dude, look there is a rink behind me.  I could be ice skating and showing off my skills for a picture of a lifetime.  But no… the human thinks this trees adds to my dimension.  What an idiot.  Signed Much More

Dear Much More – I believe it!  I really do.  I know you are much more than just a gorgeous face.  Maybe hire someone on the side to help you out with your photo shoots.  Just think of the money you could make showing off those awesome skills!  Get to work.  I can’t wait to see them.

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Dear Bacon – My humans love me so much that they had me a special blanket made just for me.  And everyone should know that this blanket is mine and only mine.  What do you think about it?  You want one too, don’t you?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – YES! YES! YES!  I want one too.  I think it is absolutely gorgeous.  It just shows how special you are and nobody can say it’s not your blanket.  Use it with pride sweet friend!

 

Travels in the South

 Okay I’m going to give you just a few moments to look at that picture.  Go ahead… I’ll wait.  Lick you lips.. wipe them.. listen to your tummy growl and your inner munchie monster say, “I need….”

This is a southern biscuit covered with cheddar cheese and then popped into the oven until all of that gooey cheese is melted all over that huge buttery biscuit. This happens to be one of dad’s favorites.  Mom got up and made these for daddy before she went to the worky place.  It’s not hard really.

You see we had some biscuits leftover from dinner last night.  Yep, here in the south we serve biscuits all day long 🙂  It’s one of the great things about living here.  Mom cut a biscuit in half, shredded some medium cheese from the block and put the biscuit in an 350 degree over for about 12-13 minutes… just long enough that all of the cheese is melted.  I wish you could smell the picture 🙂

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’m a firm believer that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.  My mom/dad always said to make sure you can have fun but yet bring home the kibbles if you know what I mean.  So by day, I help my adopted father in his accounting firm.  Don’t let it fool you.  I have the brain of Einstein and can figure numbers in the blink of an eye and the wag of a tail.  Then at night, I trade my suit for a board and hit the streets of my hood.  See, I can do both and I think I have some great qualities for a woman in my life.  What do you think?  Signed Two For One

Dear Two For One – BONUS!  There you go my friend.  I think that is awesome that you make a living, can bring home the kibble and still know how to have a great time.  I think any woman would be honored to have you in their life for sure!

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 Dear Bacon – Shaking my head.  I don’t get it.  People point and laugh at me.  Some even call me a rolling ball with fur.  How rude.  I’m just a little squirrel trying to get along in a big world.  Should my feelings be hurt?  Signed Pudge

Dear Pudge – First off – YES.  This kind of behavior happens in the real world of adults as well my little friend.  Some peeps just don’t have the knack of keeping their mouths shut if they don’t have something nice to say.  You so don’t need to put up with this behavior.  There is  no room for bullying in this world!  You are welcomed to move into the woods of the Hotel Thompson any time.  We like to treat everyone the same here.

 

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Dear Bacon – There is *always* that one sibling in the family that is just stupid – there’s no other way of putting it.  We were sitting in the kitchen, acting like we had no worries in the world, not begging but yet letting the staff know we were there and waiting patiently for a snack of some type.  That’s when brother has to sit up and look stupid.  Okay, he doesn’t have to look stupid cause he is stupid.  But really.  He has to stick his tongue out and act all, “Give me…give me…give me”.  Really, rolls doggy eyes, his class is so out the window.  Do you have a wierdo in your family?  Signed Lewis, Brutus and Stupid

Dear Lewis, Brutus and Stupid – Oh do I!  OMP – I like to call him Hemi.  He’s the cat from you know where here at the Hotel Thompson.  He’s daddy’s little baby and does no wrong.  Yeah right.  He does no wrong because daddy never sees him doing anything bad.  I know exactly the feeling.  I say keep your hide high and use the mute button as much as you can with your brother to block him out.  That’s what I do here – I act like Hemi doesn’t exist… yet he still finds time to remind me by slapping my butt.

 

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Dear Bacon – Sometimes one has to take steps into their own paws.  My human just couldn’t find the time to make me some biscuits.  But that’s okay.  I find the recipe and took matters into my own paws.  I think they turned out pretty well myself.  If you want, I’ll send you the recipe.  I’m sure they are piggy friendly as well.  Smooches – Mrs. Polly

Dear Mrs Polly – I think that is brilliant.  Why wait for the humans when we don’t have too.  I think that would be great to do.  But hey, why don’t you just come over and use my kitchen to show me how to make them.  The humans are gone in the afternoons – hogs and snout kisses.

 

 

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Dear Bacon – During a tough week, when Friday night gets here you just want to crash and burn.  It was one of those tough weeks for me.  Too many brushes with the mailman, the UPS driver that got away and too many days of chasing that cute little cat next door.  Friday night, I crashed.  Of course, that was after my bender of my go to food selection to make me feel better.  Coke and a Big Mac.  Can you say yum-yum?  So my friend, do you ever crash and burn?  Signed The Pupster

Dear The Pupster – YES!  I have crashed and burned many times.  In fact, once my week was so bad that I brought the entire bucket of animal crackers in my bedroom and munched into oblivion.  The tummy ache later that night was so worth it.  I do feel you my friend.  Hope your day is better.

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❤ Remember friends – Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to email me your pictures and letters.  ❤

 

Oh Dear – Mom Was in the Kitchen This Weekend

Yes folks, you read that right.  Mom was in the kitchen this past weekend.  That’s one of the scariest things that I’ve written all month – snorts with piggy laughter.

Mom/dad were talking Friday night and mom was determined to master the perfect popover roll or Yorkshire Pudding.  I have to say this about mom.  When she is determined about something, she gets head strong and focused driven.  This can be good and bad.  Good because if things don’t come out ‘exactly’ right, me and dad get them.  Sometimes what mom thinks are accidents can really be good to us.  But as mom says, practice makes perfection.  But mom saying she wanted to perfect these over the weekend even had our closet skeletons laughing.  They knew too that this would be a fun if not bumpy ride.

Let me preface this by saying that earlier in the week, mom made this popover rolls / Yorkshire Pudding perfectly.  Mom didn’t take a picture because (A) her and dad couldn’t get out of them long enough to take a picture and (B) mom was so shocked they came out wonderfully that she had to eat them.  So there we were Saturday for experiment 2.  This picture with two ‘popover rolls’ is not perfect.  They look wonderful but for some reason they didn’t ‘pop’.  They were dense and heavy.  Think Ellie Mae from the Beverly Hillbillies.  Mom says she could have hurt someone if she threw one of these at them.  Me and dad however thought they were awesome.  To us they were a little heavier than a biscuit but better than a roll.  See what I was saying about mom’s mistakes sometimes being our blessings?

 But mom doesn’t give up.  If anything, mom is not a quitter.  Sunday was experiment 3.  Now, mom followed a recipe that she got from our great friend Bill , you know Shoko and Kali’s dad from Canadian Cats. (Thanks Bill – you rock!)  While mom waited, she fixed the rest of dinner which might I add was simply delicious!  Then the timer went off for the popovers.  She took the pan out holding her breath.  That’s when it happened.  The fat lady sung.  Birds started singing.  These were perfection.  Now the tin in the picture is deep so you can’t really see it but these ‘popped’.  They were nice and moist in the inside – empty and hollow like they are suppose to be.

Dad couldn’t wait to try one.  He grabbed our fine china and a hot popover right from the tin.  He pulled it apart and do you see that??  Awesomeness all bundled up together as one.  They were that good.

So has mom perfected these?  We won’t know until she tries again.  This could have just been an accident.  Do your humans do this in the kitchen?  I’m off now – I think one of these bad boys are calling my name.  I’m going to see if dad will share with this oinker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Travels in the South

Welcome my friends to another issue of Travels in the South.  Today, I want to talk about biscuits, which I’m told look a lot like scones.  Maybe the difference is a little sweetness.  The majority of our American biscuits do not have sugar while scones have a bit.  But here in America in the south, we have found a biscuit that gives you a little of both – we at the Hotel Thompson call them biscones – snorts with piggy laughter.  Of course, that is not their real name.

Let me introduce you to a Boberry Biscuit from a local restaurant here called Bojangles.  Bojangles is known for their chicken (go figure with mom and her chicken passion, right?)  But they also have these sweet babies.  It’s a regular biscuit made with blueberries and then highlighted with cream cheese.  Can you say sinfully good?  You can buy them in packs of 1, 2 or 6.  Nana buys them 6 at a time and freezes them.  She shows great restraint while this piggy can’t say the same.  Yes they are that delicious.

Have you tried one of these bad boys yet?  If so, what did you think about them?  Do tell my friends.

 

Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  No.  That’s right No.  Our doorbell rung in the middle of the day.  We weren’t expecting anyone so mom looked out the peep hole.  She didn’t see anyone.  We all sat back down and again the doorbell rung once again.  Mom went to the door, looked out the peep hole and nothing.  So she opened the door… of course keeping the security chain on the door.  Then mom squealed – I’m sure she squealed louder than you.  This is what she saw.  What in the world?  He wanted to borrow a cup of chicken – as if.  Mom told him that she wasn’t the local Kroger and to take a hike.  Have you ever had guests like this wanting to borrow food?  Signed Uninvited Guests

Dear Uninvited Guests – Oh dear piggy heavens have mercy!  Now we all believe in neighborly hospitality here at the Hotel Thompson.  Journalist Rocky the Squirrel often knocks on our back door asking for a cup of nuts.  And once, the neighbor asked to borrow a cup of milk.  But *never* have we had such a guest wanting a cup of chicken.  Did your friend leave?  I mean who you goin’ to call in this circumstance?  Be safe my friend – and keep that door LOCKED.

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 Dear Bacon – I scored BIG time for Christmas.  I asked Jolly St. Nick for a cool pair of bunny slippers.  And let me tell you something, he delivered!!  I am jumping all over my crib in bun-bun delight.  Aren’t they the cutest things you have ever seen my friend?  Signed Bunny Times Two

Dear Bunny Times Two – You are *almost* right my sweet dear friend.  Those slippers are *almost* as cute as you.  I think you are pretty darn cute to begin with and YOU make those slippers even cuter.  Wear them with pride and stay warm my little friend!

 

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 Dear Bacon – I’m sorry.  I couldn’t wait and had to go.  And I hear my mom tell my dad all of the time, “Better out than in.”  I think this is what she was meaning.  I’m sorry.  But what better way says I’m sorry than to leave my poo in a heart shape, right?  Surely mom wouldn’t be upset over that on your new rug… you know of course add in my pleading don’t-be-made look.  What do you think?  Signed You Gotta Go – You Gotta Go

Dear You Gotta Go – Well dear, my mom says there is no way she would be mad if I made that mistake and left something in a heart shape.  Like you said, sometimes crap happens.  Keep being cute and give mom extra snuggles today – she will forgive you.

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 Dear Bacon – You see, we got new neighbors over the weekend.  We heard that she’s a cute little poodle.  We were just trying to take a peak and see.  That’s when our master caught us.  Can you say busted?  Signed Caught in the Act

Dear Caught in the Act – One question my friends.  Did you see her?  Was it worth it?  Why have you not gone over with some biscuits and welcomed her to the hood.  I think that would be a grand gesture from the both of you.  You know, meet her first before anyone else does.  Let me know how it works.

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 Dear Bacon –  No one and I mean no one will ever be this cool.  How cool?  Me a mere lizard standing on some good stuff in a posture that just screams, “I’m the lacertilia!”  Ha!  Now, I need to pour me another and get this party started!  Signed Fred

Dear Fred – Well I must say you do know how to party my friend.  And well I have to admit.  I did have to look up the word lacertilia to see what it meant – snorts with piggy laughter.  You are one of few words.  Loved it my friend.  Now remember something important.  Don’t drink and drive.  Stay home to party and keep it at home.  Have a great time and oh – don’t forget my invitation.  But I’ll take some koolaid on ice – no alcohol in mine okay.

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REMEMBER my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please remember to keep sending me your letters and pictures via my email.

 

Food Porn – A Southern Breakfast

  The other morning after Christmas, mom/dad went out for a true Southern breakfast.  Mom/dad said they had to get this out of their system to start the year off right.  Shaking piggy head – I don’t get it.  Mom/dad wouldn’t tell me where some of this food came from… they said it was best that I didn’t know.  Snorts – we *all* know what that means huh?  So, let me give you a breakdown of a southern breakfast:

Of course, buttered biscuits, eggs (scrambled and over easy), sausage, streak o’ lean (a southern delicacy – look it up – gulps), pancake, southern gravy and real grits with shredded cheese.  Now tell me my friends – which item do you want to try first?

 

Food Porn

  Okay I’m going to give you just a few moments to look at that picture.  Go ahead… I’ll wait.  Lick you lips.. wipe them.. listen to your tummy growl and your inner munchie monster say, “I need….”

This is a southern biscuit covered with cheddar cheese and then popped into the oven until all of that gooey cheese is melted all over that huge buttery biscuit. This happens to be one of dad’s favorites.  Mom got up and made these for daddy before she went to the worky place.  It’s not hard really.

You see we had some biscuits leftover from dinner last night.  Yep, here in the south we serve biscuits all day long 🙂  It’s one of the great things about living here.  Mom cut a biscuit in half, shredded some medium cheese from the block and put the biscuit in an 350 degree over for about 12-13 minutes… just long enough that all of the cheese is melted.  I wish you could smell the picture 🙂

 

Daddy’s Chicken Wing Adventure

As you read here, Tuesday, 07/29/2014, was National Chicken Wing Day.  A local restaurant here called Hooters on Tara was having a special on all you can eat chicken wings that day.  Mommy promised to take daddy so he could show them what he has – snorts.  First off let me throw some shout outs to Keisha who was our waitress (you were AWESOME!) and to Mike the manager.  Mike has helped us out here on my blog in the past when Rockelle and Benedict went on a date a while back.  Mike’s awesome!

So when mom got off of the worky place, she rushed home in Albert and picked up daddy.  Daddy in preparation had walked 2 miles and had a ‘light breakfast’.  He had his game face on and was ready.  Mom picked him up and off they went to the Hooters on Tara.

I was able to get these pictures all off of mom’s iPhone.  Be prepared to be astonished my dear friends.

One of dad’s favorite things in the world are tater tots.  And just fortunately mom had a coupon for a free appetizer at Hooters – thanks Hooters – so they got this amazing tater tot appetizer to the right.  Doesn’t it look amazing!?  That’s tater tots covered with gooey cheese, onions, sour cream and bacon.  Daddy didn’t tell me about that bacon until I saw this picture.  Tsk-tsk bad daddy!

Then the fun started.  They would bring you 10 wings at a time – whatever flavor you wanted.  These are pictures of dad’s platters.  Picture to the left – medium breaded.  They have just a little zip to them as far as heat when you eat them.  Picture in the middle – Cajun breaded.  They have a zip of a different kind.  This zip is from the Cajun spices and are probably dad’s favorites.  Then the picture to the right – BBQ breaded.  These are M.E.S.S.Y.  I don’t care how many wet wipes or napkins you have to clean up with, you are going to be wearing these.  In fact, dad jumped in and wouldn’t wipe down until he was finished with these.  Mommy said that at one point, she thought she was going to have to take him out front and hose him down – snorts.

So you’re calculating to yourself thinking well played daddy – he had 30 wings.  You would be wrong my friends.  Mommy couldn’t finish one of her plates.  She had 13 – daddy called her a wussy.  I’m not sure what that means.  That left 7 off of mom’s plate though and dad ate them.  I told you watch out Joey Chestnut!    Drum roll please – dad ate 37 wings!  57.14% of you voted on Tuesday saying that daddy would eat more than 21 – you were right!

So you would think that’s the end of the story.  Daddy ate to his heart’s content and put away 37 chicken wings.  Nope.  I gotta add my two cents now – snorts.  Daddy was miserable.  Can you say Tums and Pepto Bismol?  Those were his two close friends when he got back to the Hotel Thompson.  Can you say multiple trips to the facilities here all.night.long?  Snorts – I think he finally admitted it to mom last night – he’s not as young as he once was.  Mom and dad both are eating so light today it’s not funny.  I think they are calling for salads all around for dinner for the rest of the week.  In fact, when daddy got up this morning he told mommy, “I’m surprise I haven’t coughed feathers or squawked like a chicken”.  Snorts – silly daddy!

But don’t worry my friends.  I think dad is entering an all you can eat biscuits and gravy competition this weekend – snorts.