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Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into Albert, mom’s little Smart car, for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when Albert pumps up the volume and makes the hamsters in the engine go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 
29 Comments

Posted by on 09/01/2014 in Bacon

 

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There’s a BIG Leak in the Bathroom

20140716-204252-74572875.jpgReally, it’s huge.  What did you think I was talking about?  Snorts.

 

 
41 Comments

Posted by on 08/23/2014 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140717-072721-26841429.jpg Dear Bacon,  HELP!  I lost my favorite squeaky ducky.  I ❤ that ducky.  He’s my bestie in the entire world.  I haven’t been able to find him for hours.  What’s a dog to do?  I can’t sleep without him.  Can you help me find him?  Signed Lost Ducky

Dear Lost Ducky,  Uuumm.  Smile really BIG and open your mouth.  Did anything fall out?  There you go.  Lost ducky found my friend.  You two make a great team.  Go Ya’ll!

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Dear Bacon,  Can you please explain to us WHY there is *always* a longer line at the women’s restrooms.  We don’t get it.  We always have to wait while the men’s line seems to keep moving.  Can you help us out?  Signed Waiting Patiently but With Legs Crossed

Dear Waiting Patiently but With Legs Crossed,  That is a dilemma my friends.  I hear my mom talking about this all of the time.  She says it’s because women have more to do.  Not in a bad way, but ya’ll do.  That’s what makes ya’ll special.  Might I suggest when no one is looking, run to the men’s room.  Hey, if there’s no line there, why wait, right? And remember – ya’ll are beautiful!

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20140717-072720-26840174.jpgDear Bacon,  Really?  Why does my humans think this picture is hilarious?  They couldn’t stop laughing.  I don’t get it.  I saw this paci thingy fall from the smaller human so I bit it to see what it is all about.  Then my humans started laughing and snapped this picture.  I don’t get it.  This stupid paci does nothing for me like it does the small crying human.  Signed Pugneck

Dear Pugneck,  Wait a minute my friend.  I need to put down my paper sack that was breathing in after seeing that picture.  So let me understand this.  You’re okay with the picture being taken.  You’re confusion falls into what exactly the paci thingy does for the crying miniature human.  Good one.  Yep, that’s where your concern should be.  You see, small miniature humans depend on those things to calm them.  It may not have that effect on say – the likes of you.  But on the other paw, it does amuse and “calm” humans to see you trying it out…. heck, it amuses me for that matter too my friend. Snorts.

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 Dear Bacon, There I was sitting on the sofa, enjoying my cup of java, fresh out of the shower and watching Maury Povich on the television.  I was minding my own business.  Then walks in the cable guy and snaps this picture of me on his cell phone.  WTD?!  Don’t we have any privacy in our own home anymore?  Next thing I knew, the cable man had tweeted this out to all his friends.  Talk about an invasion of privacy.  The nerve!  Signed Dog of Leisure

Dear Dog of Leisure, WOW – the cable man got to your house that early?  That in itself is amazing brother.  I can’t believe that.  A cable man that actually shows up FIRST thing in the morning?  WOW – I’m amazed at that.  It took the cable man two weeks and four hours to show up here at the Hotel Thompson for our last upgrade.  Astonishing.  Oh, I’m sorry.  You had a problem about the picture being tweeted.  Here’s what you do.  Under the tweet, tweet that the cable man actually showed up FIRST thing in the morning.  He’ll be trashed by other cable men for letting them down in his accuracy.  You just wait – stay strong and carry on!

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20140717-072720-26840371.jpgDear Bacon,  my humans will suffer the consequences of this get up on me.  The disgust.  The nerve.  The humiliation.  Oh dear Lord, help me out buddy.  Signed Not Amused

Dear Not Amused,  Well at least it has your seal of not being amused – snorts.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t joke in a time like this.  I would clap for your approval but I don’t think you could do that for me.  I gotta ask though.  Is there a drop pouch for potty breaks?  If not, someone is going to have some cleaning up on aisle three to do – double snorts.  Hey, I’m joking.  I’m sorry little buddy.  You do look cute though.  Not many pooches could carry that one.  Wear it with pride.  That’s it.  And hey, if the seal isn’t broken, don’t fix it.

Remember my friends, Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Keep sending me your questions and pictures to baconthompson@gmail.com

 
29 Comments

Posted by on 08/12/2014 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Daddy Has Done It Now

 

20140718-093932-34772922.jpgOh my friends.  This is Mouse Girl.  We call her MG or sometimes OMG (oh Mouse Girl) – snorts.  She is Pissed at daddy.  That’s right – that’s Pissed with a capital P.  You know that means business.  Shakes piggy head.  She is giving daddy the back, the shoulder, not talking to him and won’t come to him. I told you.  She means business.

For her to be this mad, you know daddy had to do something really bad.  I mean, she ❤ her daddy.  She thinks he walks on water and does no wrong.  Well… that was before the incident.  Oh yes my friends.  There was an incident this past weekend.  An incident that can not be forgiven any time soon.  An incident that shall be remembered in the mind of MG forever and ever amen.  You want to know what happened?  Come closer and I’ll tell you.  I can’t say it too loud in case MG is listening.  Okay, you ready?

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Like me here at the Hotel Thompson, Mouse Girl and Hemi are slightly spoiled.  Just a bit.  They don’t know that they are purr things.  In fact, do any of us here really know that we are not humans?  That’s probably the better question.  These two purr things don’t think they need to drink from a bowl.  Oh no.  That’s way too common for them.  They have to drink from the pedestal sink in the bathroom.  They are insistent too.  In fact, we have to keep the bathroom door closed because if not they would be in there constantly playing and partaking in their “personal water fountain”… rolls piggy eyes.  Here’s a picture of them together on their grazing fountain:

 This picture was taken a while back when both were a lot smaller but you get the idea.  Well, Hemi can jump straight from the floor to the sink.  He’s flexible like that – go Ninja skills.  But Mouse Girl, well she’s a little hefty on the back side as you can see from the first recent picture of her back – snorts.  She has to jump on the commode and then jump on the sink.  It’s a system that works for her.  That is until this weekend.

You see when the toilet seat is down or the lid is closed, it’s fine to jump on, balance and then jump on the sink.  But this past weekend someone left the seat completely up.  That person shall remain nameless oh man of the house who forgot to lower the seat which is the way it should always be left.  Attention women – are you following me now?  Let me remind you though that although I am a man piggy, I do not lift the seat or use these facilities.  I have my own potty patch in my bedroom that I keep clean.  Just so you know.  Direct hate male of leaving the toilet seat up to Man of the House, Hotel Thompson.  Snorts.

Let me set the picture up for you.  It was the middle of the night.  Daddy had went to the bathroom and came back to bed.  Mommy decided she should go as well.  She stumbles down the hall in a half asleep/half awake mode while Mouse Girl follows.  Mom hardly ever turns on the light in the middle of the night during one of these visits.  She opens the door to the bathroom and Mouse Girl walks into the room.  Then she heard SPLASH!

You *KNOW* this did not end well.  When mommy heard the SPLASH, she flipped on the light.  OMP (oh my pig!)  Mouse Girl was soaking wet and stuck in the toilet fussing.  Not hurt and nowhere near drowning but stuck and super soaked.  It was not a happy moment for her.  On one hand, mommy wanted to say thank you because it could have been her.  On the other hand, mommy wanted to laugh because that was one soaked kitty.  And then on the other foot, poor Mouse Girl.  Then, mom said those famous words, “Honey, you need to come in here.”

Daddy fussed and stumbled down the hallway.  I have to admit that he was semi-asleep up until the point he got to the bathroom and heard Mouse Girl meowing and fussing.  And then mom fussing at him about this is quote, “Why, we don’t leave the lid UP”.  Mommy finally got Mouse Girl out, bathed her a second time and dried her off.  All of this around 2:00AM.  Mouse Girl has been mad at daddy every since… with a good reason don’t you think?  Snorts.

Your parents ever do something like this with consequences?  Do tell.

 
51 Comments

Posted by on 08/04/2014 in Bacon, Hemi and Mouse Girl

 

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Humans are Weird

That’s right.  I said it out loud.  Humans are weird.  Mine have *got* to be at the top of the list.  Rolls piggy eyes.  I think this sign, “Beware All Ye Who Enter” should be on our front door. It was a strange Sunday yesterday.  Mom and dad got up and piddled around the Hotel Thompson.  Then mom sat on her sofa and looked at dad across from her sitting on his sofa playing what of course – Angry Birds.  That’s when it started.  I wanted to know what was going on so I jumped on the sofa with mom.  It kind of went like this:

MOM:  “Whatcha doing?”

DAD:  “Nothing much.”

Oh poor daddy of mine – when will you ever learn NOT to say those words to mom – snorts

MOM:  “Good, we need to clean the bathroom today”.

DAD:  “I’m busy.”

MOM:  “No you’re not.  You just said you were doing nothing.”

Mom wins every battle this way – snorts.  Daddy mumbled something about when he found this “WE” fellow he was going to beat him up bad.  But he was a good man, he got up and followed mom down the hall.  You’re probably saying, “What’s the big deal?  It’s just cleaning the bathroom”.  That’s where you would be wrong – snorts.  Mom was wanting to CLEAN the entire bathroom – as in walls, tub, sink, floor, cabinets, changing shower curtain – the entire works.  And of course with mom’s arthritis, she can’t get in and grove like she once did.  That’s where daddy comes in – she needed his quote “Brute strength”.

They went in and shut the door.  They wouldn’t let any of us anipals inside with them.  We heard a lot of giggles.  A lot of laughter.  Something about WE was going to have to die from daddy.  Things got thrown in the hallway.  The laundry basket, trash, clothes – what *WERE* they doing in there?  They were in the bathroom for over an hour!

Then the door opened – WOW – you could hear the angels singing it was that sparkly.  I was in piggy awe.  And then mom did the thing she said she “deserved” after all of that – she took the smelliest bubble bath I’ve ever seen.

Do your parents do weird things like this?

 
48 Comments

Posted by on 06/23/2014 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20140112-004757.jpg Dear Bacon,

Really, it’s not what it looks like.  I kitty swear.  My brother, he was sick.  Yeah, that’s it.  I was holding his hair back.  I know it doesn’t look like that but I was. Really.  I was helping him so he wouldn’t fall in.  I mean, purr, we wouldn’t want him to drown or anything in a toilet, would we.  Nah, then who would I have to pick on by my side?  Signed Freddy

Dear Freddy,

I wouldn’t let that picture get in a court of law my friend.. you know just in case something happens to your poor innocent brother.  I mean, that picture kind of tells a different story.  Even *I* don’t think I could get away with anything like that.  Nope.  You might want to be nice to your brother for a while.  He might use this as proof.  Just sayin’.

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Dear Bacon,

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Darn that cow Velma.  She took this picture of me when I was grazing last week.  She started laughing like a hyena.  I didn’t know why until I saw this on the news.  The nerve!  I did not let out “gas of fire” as they reported.  I just wanted to get that straight.  Signed Sue

Dear Sue,

I have to admit that I kind of laughed out loud on that one my friend.  It does look like you had a flame that went on forever.  Snorts.  But I’m with you on this.  You can’t let Velma get away with this.  Why don’t you sign her up on Farm Harmony and set her up with a blind date – snorticles.  That could be really fun.  Have your camera ready this time.

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Dear Bacon,

Isn’t Mad Dog the best?!  He seems really scary to the neighborhood pups but he’s my hero, my lifesaver, my brother.  He protects me and always gives me a nice soft spot to lay on.  I just wanted to give him a shout out.  Signed Sally

Dear Sally,

Mad Dog is the best brother ever!  What an awesome pooch to watch out for you, protect you AND he’s your personal bed.  That’s great!

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Dear Bacon,

We have a security breach.  We spotted him this afternoon.  He knows when he comes out, we are going to be so on him like green on Gumby.  He should know better than to get into our kitty condo.  He doesn’t have an address here.  Signed Kitty Ninjas

Dear Kitty Ninjas,

Tsk-tsk-tsk.  I would sure hate to be that pooch when he finally emerges from that kitty condo home.  What do you call that “breaking and barking?”  Perhaps “pooch assault”.  Or maybe it’s a ‘dog robbery in progress?”  Oh, I kill myself.  Try not to be to hard on him my friends.  I think this picture will be worth the insult to his pedigree.  Perhaps put it on your Twitter or Facebook account.  That I’m sure will be far worse than a kitty beating – snorts.

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20140112-004925.jpg Dear Bacon,

Sure, a solicitor can come in our yard.  No problems.  They just have to get through us first…. after showing credentials, paying an admission fee and leaving some food.  Why not.  Signed #1 and #2

Dear #1 and #2,

I think I’ll pass your house.  Gulp.  Nothing to see there. Nope not at all!

.

*Remember friends, send your pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
34 Comments

Posted by on 04/01/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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Poor Daddy – Way Too Much Time

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My poor daddy.  He has way too much time on his hands these days here at the Hotel Thompson.  This is another reason that Spring should get here ASAP.

He spent a LOT of time in the bathroom this morning.  More so than usual.  I mean, men as a norm spend a lot of time in the bathroom and can destroy it in a matter of a few seconds… well that’s what mommy says.

But poor dad – he was in there by himself for a long time.  We could hear him chuckling which was odd.  I mean, who goes into the bathroom for a long time and chuckles?  I guess this was our first clue that something was up.

Later on in the morning, mom went into the bathroom, did her business and found this.  She started laughing.  Okay by now this little oinker is wondering what is up with all of that laughter in the human scratch box.  That’s when mommy showed me this.

Shakes piggy head.  I told you.  Daddy has way too much time on his hands.  Spring needs to get here ASAP so we can all get started on a little spring cleaning.

First up, take away markers from bored daddy – snorts!

 
41 Comments

Posted by on 03/15/2014 in Bacon

 

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Bacon’s Tales of Terror

Glad you could make it to this month’s edition of Bacon’s Tales of Terrors.  I was hoping that you would show up again… not be too afraid to read this month’s posting.  I bet you’re wondering what this graphic of a bunch of play mice has to do with todays Tales of Terror.

Do you remember a couple of months ago, I spoke about the mysterious ‘squeak’ here in the Hotel Thompson?  No?  There’s an unknown squeak.  It sounds like a pet toy that squeaks.  It goes off every once in a while, usually in the same room that everyone is in.  You don’t think that’s scary?  What if I told you that we don’t have any ‘squeaky’ toys inside of the Hotel Thompson.  That’s right – none, nada, zilch.

You see, several years ago we had a beautiful laborador here at the Hotel Thompson.  Her name was Honie Bear and she loved squeaky toys.  Not to play with but to destroy – snorts.  So mom/dad took up all of the squeaky toys throughout the house because they were afraid that Honie Bear would swallow the ‘squeak’.  Honie Bear went over the rainbow about four years ago.  Thus, mom/dad know for sure that there are no squeaky toys in this house.

But still, when things are quiet and everyone is in the same room together – even the purr things – they hear a squeak.  Usually it’s just one squeak.  It may go weeks or sometimes months without hearing it again.  It’s not a mouse squeak – it sounds like a real squeak.  And it gets the purr things attention.  They try to look around the room for it and they never find it.  Strange.  And it is still happening.  Mom/dad says that when Spring gets here, they are doing some major Spring cleaning to see if it shows up.  But until then, it’s a sound that everyone here finds mysterious.

And something else happened a couple of weeks ago here at the Hotel Thompson that makes you go hhmm.

We keep our bathroom door closed here due to the purr things wanting to get in there and play with the water.  Yep, you read that right.  The play things like to get into the bathroom and play WITH the water.  Shakes piggy head – we are a weird bunch here, huh?

Mouse Girl will go to the bathroom door, scratch on it and ‘call’ for daddy to come let her into the bathroom.  Daddy was busy this date and kept telling her not right now.  A few minutes of this went on and then it stopped.  Daddy thought that was strange.  So, he listened intently for a few minutes.  He heard what sounded like someone getting on the toilet in the bathroom.  If you have purr things, sometimes you will hear this.  It’s like a stepping stone for them to get on the sink where they can then play with the water.

Daddy shook his head.  Nah, the door was shut but yet he heard that noise.  He went down the hall to check on the bathroom.  The door was standing open, the light was on and Mouse Girl was on the sink playing with the water.  Daddy *might* have said WTF and I’m not sure what that means but he was a little shocked.  I mean, okay we can say that maybe the door wasn’t closed all of the way.  And we can say that Mouse Girl knows how to turn the water on.  But, the light.  How did the light get turned on?

Makes you go hhmmm doesn’t it?  Well, I hope you enjoyed my Tales of Terror on this 13th day of the month.  And today or tonight when you are home, make sure you pay close attention to the lights in your bathroom for fear of them turning on themselves 🙂

 
38 Comments

Posted by on 03/13/2014 in Bacons Tales of Terror

 

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Really Mother Nature – Really?!

So, it’s not enough lately that Mother Nature has been flexing her power in the south. We heard this morning that rains are coming in tonight AND there could be tornado’s.  WTP (what the pig) are you thinking Mother Nature!?  It’s not enough that you torture us with cold weather, snow, ice, no electricity, AND earthquakes.  Now you are going to throw tornado’s into the mix.  Really?

Stomps piggy hooves.  No more!  This is so wrong on so many different levels. Let me remember the safety rules for tornado’s now…. okay that’s it.  We go to the most centered place in the house with no windows – like a bathroom – and hide in the tub.  Got it.  Let’s see here.  Two humans, two purr things and a piggy in a regular sized tub.  Makes sense to me.  Will we all fit.  I don’t think so – shakes head.  Darn.  I guess those purr things can have the toilet.  Snorts.

And guess what I’m picking for the movie tonight?  I think it’s a great time to show The Wizard of Oz.

Double Snorts!

 
35 Comments

Posted by on 02/20/2014 in Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

20130601-000013.jpgDear Bacon,
Baseball is going on strong – we gotta show our love for the big A – Atlanta Braves. Come on little man – show some spirit! Signed Big A

Dear Big A,

Well, I will immediately step up to the plate and start doing that my friend. Thank you for reminding me. We do live here in Atlanta and we all most show our support to the local team – go Atlanta Braves!

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Dear Bacon,
What?! You’ve never seen two cats wrestling before? Really that’s all we were doing. He’s fine – I’m just waiting for him to say uncle. Really. Signed Catweight

Dear Catweight,

Sure whatever you say. A wrestling move huh? And that’s just his front paw up saying no, right? Sure thing. Wrestling… okie dokie.

 

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Dear Bacon,
I can’t help myself. I have a problem. Yes, I love to play in the bathroom… especially the magical unstoppable roll of paper on the rolly thing. It just spins like crazy and all of the soft paper goes on the floor. It’s hours of entertainment for me – rolling around in it, shredding it and playing non-stop with it. I need help Bacon! Signed Dog in Trouble

Dear Dog in Trouble,

Okay little guy – slowly step away from the paper and out of the bathroom. You can find fun elsewhere. That is the human’s paper. They need it for some reason when they go to their litter box. I’m not sure what they do with it but it’s important to them. So important that you don’t need to play with it. Ask your human for a new toy, go play with a pillow but never the paper on the rolly thing. If all else fails, perhaps your human will need to keep the bathroom door shut at all times. You can do this my friend. Admission for help was the first thing. I have faith in you.

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Dear Bacon,
Now you know. There are no polar bears in the world. It’s just us regular black bears disguised as polar bears. Try to keep it to yourself okay. Signed Bear in a Disguise

Dear Bear in a Disguise,

NNNOOOO – that can’t be. You are joking right? There has to be polar bears. You can’t be everywhere. Smiles – you almost had me there. You’re good – real good!

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Dear Bacon,

Sometimes its good to have a friend close by for that extra ‘step’ up to reach the things we can’t get ourselves. This is my friend Jack. If you ever need to borrow him, just let me know. He’ll let you stand on his back as well. Signed Sassy the Goat

Dear Sassy the Goat,

Now that is some friend. You tell Jack I said hay – snorts!

Remember friends – keep sending you pictures and questions to me at Baconthompson@gmail.com

 
19 Comments

Posted by on 08/06/2013 in Dear Bacon

 

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