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31 Days of Spook – Decorating

 Dear Friends,

If anyone cane take in a slightly worn out daddy that does housework and a humorous pig, we may need it.  We both kind of decorated the bathroom today while mom was at work.  We might be in slight trouble… perhaps even the doghouse if you will when mom sees this in the powder room.  Let’s just hope that she doesn’t have to really, REALLY go when she gets home – snorts with piggy laughter. 

Then again, maybe she won’t be so mad when she sees the pumpkin we made?  Who knows – you think?

 

 

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31 Days of Spook – Let’s Play a Game

No words needed. Let’s play a game shall we? Snorts

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – Nothing to see here.  Really there’s not.  I was just having a prayer meeting with Mr. Kitty.  That’s all.  Doggy Scouts Honor.  Signed Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Dear Innocent Until Proven Guilty – Oh wow my friend.  How could anyone think anything other than just a prayer meeting was going on in that picture?  I mean Mr. Kitty just would normally be cornered standing up straight with his hands down.  Now to think of though – if it was a prayer meeting, why wasn’t his hands up?  You gotta think about these questions that might come up.  And the look on his face – well that doesn’t say Amen to me.  I’m just telling you like I see it.


 

   Dear Bacon – The humans came home early.  How dare them.  Don’t they know that once the leave for work, this crib is mine for eight hours or more?  Here I was taking a little dip in the inside pool.  They walked in like I was killing the pet bird or something.  Honestly, some people.  If they didn’t want me to swim in the pool, don’t leave the lid up.  Signed Skinny Dipping

Dear Skinny Dipping – Remind me not to get to close to your snuggles when I visit.  I don’t think that contraption is made for your swimming convenience.  I’ve seen what my daddy does in it.  It’s not pretty.  Trust me on that.  Shivers.


 

  Dear Bacon – Can you believe my owner accused me of getting into her so called make up?  I did not touch her war paint.  No I didn’t.  You can’t prove these things.  She didn’t see me in it.  Hhummphh – I think I’ll go take a walk outside now.  Signed Painted Lady

Dear Painted Lady –  Uumm, you might want to rethink your stand on the no touchy of the war paint.  Go look in the mirror.  I think you will ‘see’ what is giving you away.  Although I do like the color of your paws and mouth, it looks like that lipstick didn’t get away.  One shade darker and it would look like a crime scene happened at your crib with you being the victim.  Of course on the other hoof, that would make an awesome Halloween costume.  Crime Scene or Street Walker – you make the call – snorts with piggy laughter.

 


 

 Dear Bacon – This may look like shredded paper all over the floor but it’s not.  I have a perfectly good excuse for this.  You see my humans leave me in the kitchen while they go to make the money to keep me in the life I’ve grown accustomed.  Well, I’ve watched my mom clip her so called coupons all the time.  If you look closer at these papers, they are coupons.  I was just trying to lend a helping paw and help her out.  You know, to give her more time to pet and play with me.  You understand, right?  Signed Coupon Clipper

Dear Coupon Clipper – I give you one for helping and participating in the household budget my friend.  Unfortunately though, I don’t think those coupons will work the way you cut them.  I’m sure your mom understood your willing to help.  Maybe next time, you let her do the clipping with one hand while she pets you with the other.


 

REMEMBER my friends – Dear Bacon can’t help without your participation. Keep sending your letters and pictures to my email address.  Snorts and Oinks!

 
8 Comments

Posted by on 10/13/2015 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

 

Dear Bacon – oh my dogs!  Help me. I’m a big dog. I admit that. But this time of year, will you hold my paw?  The humans here have some scary stuff they are watching on television. They left me to go to the bathroom and kitchen. Shivers. I don’t think I will make it through the month. Signed Shaky in the South

Dear Shaky in the South – I’m sorry my friend. I feel you more than you know. My humans watch this stuff all year long. And trust me. You never get used to it. No way. Might I suggest hiding under some blankets or pillows. Sometimes that works for me.


Dear Bacon – Never trust the humans. I should have known something was up. The master wanted to take me to the park. We didn’t end up at the park. We ended up at the vets office. I swear Ms Vet lady owes me a drink now. Signed Pranked

Dear Pranked – WOW!  The humans can be harsh. I’m sorry pal. I’m sure you will think of a way for pay back. The little guy here has a vets visit in a couple of weeks. I can’t wait to see what my humans do to trick him.


 Dear Bacon – I give up. These mini-me’s own me. There’s no use in fighting them until they leave for college. Any suggestions?  Signed Hands Up

Dear Hands Up – I’ve seen that look before on my moms face. When she gets it, she hangs out in a bubble bath in my bathroom. I don’t see why that couldn’t work for you. You could just lock the door – no bubble bath necessary. I wish you luck my friend.

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Dear Bacon – My Halloween costume is ready. What do you think?  Meows. Signed Tuna

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Dear Tuna – I love the way you think my friend. I think I could use that costume too.  Bravo on your creativity!

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Dear Bacon – What?  Have you never seen a dog with his teddy bear before in the car?  We were on a road trip to visit family. I was cool with that as long as I had my teddy. He takes away all of the bad things. Do you have a teddy?  Signed Friends

Dear Friends – YES!  I have a teddy. Well, he’s not actually a teddy bear but a stuffed possum with a long tail. He is my bestie and sleeps with me. He taught me how to play dead. I agree that our buddies are awesome to have. Enjoy and take care of each other.


REMEMBER friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 10/06/2015 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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What Would You Do?

  Snorts and squeals!  I saw this picture this past weekend.  It got me to thinking.  What the heck would this piggy do if I saw this?  Okay – the obvious – tinkle all over myself and make it rain like it’s never rained before down my leg.  Gulps and squeals.

I showed it to daddy and asked him what would he do.  His reply?  Of course the same thing.  He would wee-wee-wee all over the floor.  Then he would close the door to the bathroom and board it up.  The bathroom would then be dead to him.  Snorts – way to go pops.

Mom on the other hand – oh dear piggy heavens.  She is forever going to the potty in the middle of the night without turning on the lights.  After seeing this picture, not anymore – go figure huh?

So here’s my questions to YOU my friends.  What would you DO?!

 
28 Comments

Posted by on 05/26/2015 in Bacon

 

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Spring Harvest – Oh Dear Piggy Heavens!

Friends – friends – friends.  I’m shaking my piggy head.  It was quite the weekend here at the Hotel Thompson.  OMPH (oh my piggy heavens)!  My mom – sometimes there is just no help for her.  Really.  I’m not exaggerating.  Really I’m not.  You see she is feeling so much better.  Her cough is almost completely gone as well as the bruises she got in the emergency room from her IV’s a couple of weeks ago.  She has energy and strength.  I’m telling you all of this to set you up for what happened.  Wait for it – you won’t regret it I assure you.

You see mom also signs up for this business that send her different products to try out.  It’s all free of charge.  She tries the products out, writes up some reviews on if she liked/didn’t like it, etc.  Well she got one in the mail a couple of weeks ago for a waxing product.  Now guys and fellow anipals, waxing products are to remove hair.  Spring is coming up and mom says it was time for the Spring Harvest.  You see where I’m going with this now?  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

On Saturday’s mom and dad go out for their hot date – oohhh.  So mom decided that Saturday morning she was going into the bathroom with her product, the instructions and a glass of wine.  Something about doing her legs.  I’m looking down at my legs and I think personally they look wonderful with hair.  Don’t you agree as well?  These humans are weird.  Okay I admit these hairy legs aren’t my mom but hers are not that bad.  Probably about the same.  She says it’s something about being winter and wearing long pants that no one sees.  Shakes head – I don’t understand that.

So we all hung out in the living room watching television.  Then we heard some bumps.  Then we heard some grunts.  Then we heard, “You got to be kidding”.  Then we heard the door open and she called for daddy.  Then daddy went to the bathroom, went to the kitchen and returned with more wine.  Then we heard four lettered cuss words.  Then we heard a loud bang.  You see I’m telling you all of this from OUR point of view.  After a while, mom came out stomping and cussing – bottle of wine in hand (I’m not sure what happened to the glass) and disappeared into her room to do her ‘write-up’ she called it.  I snuck in her bedroom later when her and dad went out and copied this off of her computer.  Oh dear piggy heavens – I’ll take my hairy legs any day!


Dear XYZ Company,

In a word, NO.  NO I don’t recommend your product.  NO I would never, absolutely never use it again. I can not recommend it.  I will not recommend it. Why do you ask?  Because I know you want details, so here you go.

I’ve been sick lately and I’ll give you that the instructions said to make sure the hair was grown out enough to see.  Check I have that down pact.  People get waxing professionally done all of the time – I’m a big girl.  I can do this!    I took a glass of wine into the bathroom, got as comfortable as humanly possible on the porcelain throne and read further.  It stated to take the stick swish it through the gel in the bottle and to slowly spread in an even pattern small enough where you could then apply the wipe.  Seemed safe enough.

Sip of wine for encouragement.  Stirred the product with the stick.  Then proceeded to spread the product on my leg in a place in the front lower portion.  Something I could ‘try’ out at first.  It spread smoothly – like butter.  I thought so far so good, I’ll go ahead and do a small part on the other leg.  Then I took a ‘wipe’ smoothed in on top of first leg and slowly stroked back and forth until even.  Once done, I did the other leg in the same way.

I felt pretty proud of myself.  I took another sip of the wine.  I then read further in the instructions.  “Hold down one corner and in a quick fashion, pull towards you.”  Uumm… WTF?  Basically your telling me to rip off the bandaid.  This may be a problem.  I didn’t think about the pain level.

I took another sip of the wine and finished the glass.  So there I was stuck on the throne with two evil ‘wipes’ on both legs tossing around the possibilities of what to do.  You know those white wipes really wouldn’t be noticed if I left them there.  I almost look as white as them.  Then I thought about fungus growing up under them with the ‘product’.  I decided to call in for back up.

Once the hub unit brought me the entire bottle of wine, I forwent the glass and just chugged out of the bottle.  It’s now or never I thought.  I picked up the corner of leg A, held down the bottom part of my leg and just ripped.  That’s right I said ripped.  Ripped because that’s what if felt like I was doing – ripping my entire leg’s first layer of epidermis away.  Holy hell!  Are you guys kidding me?  Hobbling on one leg, bouncing around and praying to the Gods above to just come and take me right there.  I took another swig of wine and that’s when I lost my balance falling into the bathtub hitting my head.

I didn’t even care!  Mr. Grim Reaper could come for me now because I was so close to death.  In fact, then again he might not want to mess with me because I’m in so much pain.  I looked down at my other leg.  Oh dear God, what have I done?  I actually cried at the pain which was worse than pulling fingernails off of my hand.

There was only one choice to make.  Rip the other one off, get over the pain, get MORE wine and never, absolutely NEVER EVER use waxing products again.  Do you understand what I’m saying?  If you EVER send me another waxing product, you will know first hand what it’s like because I will do your leg whether you are man or woman.  Capice?

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 03/02/2015 in Bacon

 

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Oh Dear Piggy Heavens Above

Oh WOW!  I’ve been saying that all weekend – WOW.  Sometimes one sees something that they can’t un-see.  Then one thinks hard about what they shouldn’t have seen and they can’t stop laughing.  This is one of those situations.  You might not know this but all of us here at the Hotel Thompson enjoy a good chuckle – shocking huh?  Well this past weekend, I happened to stumble across a commercial on You Tube that I just *HAVE* to share… I mean it would only be right of this little oinker to do so.  I know after mom and dad watched it, they will never be the same again.  They are constantly making comments every time one of us go potty now.  Oh dear piggy heavens – the jokes that daddy has come up with after watching this video.  Okay. I know.  Enough with the foreplay – show you the video.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I have to go potty now – snorts.

 
29 Comments

Posted by on 12/01/2014 in Bacon

 

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31 Days of Spook – Let’s Play a Game

No words needed. Let’s play a game shall we? Snorts

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24 Comments

Posted by on 10/28/2014 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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31 Days of Spook – Funny Daddy – Really Funny

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I may never go into the bathroom here at the Hotel Thompson ever again.  Heck, for that matter I don’t think mommy will go into the bathroom either.  That dad of mine – he’s a really funny guy.  He ‘decorated’ the bathroom for Halloween.

Mom hasn’t seen it yet.  I bet you will hear her when she does – snorts – especially if she doesn’t go until the middle of the night.

Oh daddy – perhaps you should get air conditioning put in that dog house.  I think you might need it after this stunt.  Really, I do.

 
27 Comments

Posted by on 10/10/2014 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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31 Days of Spook – Things that go Bump in the Night

Oh my wickedly spooky friends I do hope you are enjoying my 31 Days of Spook.  Today I have a true story from my mom and dad that took place right here at the Hotel Thompson.  I’m sure it’s enough to frighten you… maybe make you scream just a little.. or maybe like it did my mom – make you make water down your leg – snorts.  You be the judge my friends.  Happy spooky thoughts.

P.S.  I’ll have my hoof out for you if you want to hold it 🙂

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 Last weekend, mom and dad said they were extremely tired.  I just thought it was maybe perhaps due to the new baby here, Houdini.  I mean he can be a little handful – so much energy that puppy has!  They went to bed much earlier than normal.  Us anipals understood and let them go their way.  That is until the screaming started.  Shivers – and there was a lot of screaming and noise.  But again as sometimes I get, I get ahead of myself.  Let me start over with my story.

It was around 3AM – the waking spook hour some say.  Mom had walked down the hallway to go to the potty.  You see mom has troubles with sleeping.  With having this problem when she does get up in the middle of the night, she doesn’t turn on the lights and she tries not to open her eyes anymore than she has to.  Heck, she knows the Hotel Thompson so it’s not like she should ‘bump’ into anything… or she thought.

Mom walked down the hallway, half asleep with her eyes closed and no lights on.  She got to the bathroom and reached for the door and it was open.  That was strange to begin with because we keep the bathroom doors here closed for a reason – because a certain snort oink kitty Mouse Girl likes to play with the water faucets.  But at last, mom thought nothing of it and went further into the bathroom.  That’s when it happened.  She touched an arm –

SQUEALS-SCREAMS-OINKS-LOUD NOISE!  

What the cream cheese?!  It woke all of us anipals up from the screaming.  What mom had not realized was that daddy had just got up and went to the bathroom himself.  He also doesn’t turn on lights – well for obvious reasons because of his vision – snorts.  She touched his arm in the dark and he freaked out – mom freaked out – and well let’s just say water made its way down mom’s legs.

So the next time you have to get up in the middle of the night for the midnight stroll down to the facilities, you might want to think about my mom and dad.  Maybe turn on a night light or hall light… I’m just saying 🙂

 
33 Comments

Posted by on 10/02/2014 in 31 Days of Spook, Bacon

 

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