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This Is Me Being Serious

Something happened last night.  We had friends over and of course you know I had to put on a performance – snorts.  Hey, it’s what I do.  The topic turned to my blog. We all took turns reading past articles from it and snorting – alcohol may have been involved with the humans – snorts.  Our friends made the comment that *I* could not be serious.  What?  Is that a dare?  Cause you know it sounded like a dare to this little oinker. So today, I will be serious.  This post will be about something that happened to me and mom this morning.  You just read and see.  Cough-cough-oink-snort- here comes my serious side.  Stop laughing.  I’m being serious.

This morning instead of me getting mom up for breakfast, she woke me up for a change.  It was early.  I couldn’t understand why.  She told me that she had to show me something that was special.  Something without electronics, without technology, with just me and her alone.  I just looked at her and yawned but hey I was game.  We walked to the kitchen and I sat on the floor yawning while mom fixed her a cup of coffee.  Then we did something strange.  We went out the back door of the Hotel Thompson.  The back door leads us to my backyard… my kingdom that I like to call it.

We sat down on the deck, mom cross-legged and I climbed up in her lap.  I kept looking at her waiting for an explanation.  It was dark out here overlooking my magical backyard and it was kind of chilly.  I couldn’t see anything but darkness.    Mom told me, “Wait for it Bacon.”  Wait for what?  I sat and continue to listen.  That’s when I noticed the sounds.

I could hear crickets.  I could hear frogs near the swamp.  I could hear a dog barking in the neighborhood.  I could hear Journalist Rocky the Squirrel chatting away with his family in the trees.  I even started hearing birds chirp.  WOW – I’ve never heard these noises so close before.  Then I started to hear a rooster a couple of doors down.  I looked at mom in complete awe and amazement.  She told me, “It’s not done yet Bacon. Keep waiting for it.”  Again this wait for it.  Wait for what?  What could be that interesting to get up at this ungodly hour?  Then there was a shift in the atmosphere.  Something changed but I couldn’t put my hoof on it.

I slowly got up out of mom’s lap and walked to the edge of the deck overlooking my backyard kingdom.  That’s when I saw it.  I looked at mom and she looked at me.  The blackness of the night started slowly fading away.  A white tinge was started to peak out from the night.  It was slow at first but as we watched minute by minute it started getting lighter outside.  Before I knew it, the night time had disappeared and the daylight had appeared out of nowhere.  WOW!  I could see my magical backyard in full light.  I looked at mom, did a little wiggle and pleaded, “Do it again mom!”  I went back and snuggled up in mom’s lap again.  We sat there for a long time, mom drinking her coffee petting me and I looking at the amazement of another great day.

 
59 Comments

Posted by on 06/27/2014 in Bacon

 

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One of “Those” Nights

Last night started off like it normally does.  Mom ran around the house getting everything ready for Monday – the start of another glorious week – rolls piggy eyes.  She told me to get ready for bed and I did.  Mom then came in and gave me a strawberry and told me a short bedtime story.  You know – the normal things for this little piggy.  After my story, she kissed me on the forehead, told me good night, she loved me and left my room.

I wasn’t all the way asleep yet though.  I tried to go to sleep.  I closed my eyes tight and dreamed about my sweet purr thing.  I dreamed about chasing sheep over fences.  I even tried to focus on my counting skills.  But nope – nothing.  Sleep just wouldn’t come.

So I did what all little piggies do.  I pulled up my Egyptian cotton sheet around me and let the silk rub against my piggy skin.  It was nice and cozy!  Then out of the blue – BAM – it hit me.  I had to tinkle.  Why do you do that nature?  Why when you get the most comfortable surroundedby your silk sheets do you hit us and we have to go tinkle?  Explain that.

So you get up, stumble over to your wee-wee pad and take a wizzle.  And yes for the first time I will show you a picture of me wizzing.  Why?  Because that mother of mine doesn’t know about BOUNDARIES.  That’s right mom.  Sometimes a pig needs PRIVACY.  Hint – hint.

But do notice my techniques.  Tail up in the back, legs stretched out.  I think it’s a great form and I would give myself a ten – snorts.  And notice the light in the picture.  I didn’t turn on the light.  This light is from a piggy nightlight that my cousin Sammy sent me a while back.  I ❤ that nightlight.  Thanks cousin!

So you take care of “When Nature Calls” and then you are in a pickle.  I mean, mommy already tucked me in and now she’s asleep.  I’ve done my business but I need some mommy loving.  I do what I do best.  I pitter patter over to my bedroom door and call for her by snorting and stomping.  This concerns her so she rushes to me.  I think I have her trained… you think?

So mommy came back in my room to tuck me back into bed.  But now I’m thirsty – go figure.  I am a kid at heart – snorts.  I convince her that I need a drink and just a little snack before bed… again.  We walk to that heavenly place that I like to call a kitchen and get some water and Animal Crackers.  See, mommy *thinks* she has me trained.  Don’t tell her it’s the other way around okay.

Then when go back to my bedroom where she tucks me back in to bed and wraps my Egyptian cotton sheet all around me like the original piggy in a blanket.   Aaaww – that feels good.

But not only does mom wrap me up and tuck me in, she talks to me and pets me until I go back to sleep – for good this time.  Can you say contented little man?  Yep, that would be me friends.  Contentment shows in this picture.  And believe it or not, this time Mother Nature didn’t interfere.

Mommy waited until I was fast asleep and could feel my tummy going up and down in a pattern before she left my room.  In fact, I don’t remember her leaving because I was asleep dreaming.  Dreaming about my magical backyard… my friends out in the yard – Rocky the Squirrel, my Unicorn and my Bigfoot.  We were all playing and chasing each other.  Nice dream.

So have you ever had difficulties like this in getting to sleep?

 
52 Comments

Posted by on 06/23/2014 in Bacon

 

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A Special Birthday Shout Out –

Today is a most special day.  Today my little friend Cocco turns the BIG two years young.  Can you believe that?!  Time flies by so fast when you are having fun.  I gotta give my pal, my buddy, my little mini-me a special shout out.

You were one of the very first piggy friends I made when I started my blog so many years ago.  Little man, I look up to you.  You’re as cute today as you were back then.  Us little piggies have to watch each others back.

I hope today finds you full of your favorites – cream cheese, peanut butter and watermelon.  If we were closer, I would so throw you a surprise birthday party in my magical backyard inviting all of our anipals.  Love you my friend!!

 
26 Comments

Posted by on 06/03/2014 in Bacon

 

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Texts from Bacon

See during the day when mommy is at the worky place, I have a lot of time on my hooves.  I do maintain a schedule of certain items – like pampering myself, an eating schedule, certain shows I just have to watch and then there’s time…. lots of time.  I do a lot of thinking when I’m walking around the Hotel Thompson and overlooking my kingdom in my magical back yard.  Since Tiny my Bigfoot went missing over the winter months, there’s not a lot going on in the woods behind my house.  By the way – if you see Tiny please ask him to come back home – I miss him.

Here’s another great text between me and mom.  Mine are in blue and mom’s are in gray.  Enjoy my friends.

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  UPDATE!

My brother Easy suggested the Mankini of Borat.  OMP (oh my pig) – my eyes!  Humans really wear this contraption – in public?!  Oh the nerve they must have!  All I can show you here is what the mankini looks like.  If you want to see it on a human, google it.  But I warn you, what has been seen can not be unseen – snorts.

 

 
47 Comments

Posted by on 05/08/2014 in Bacon

 

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Spring is Here – YAY!

So I saw this little jingle with the cute little kitty doing a dance and I thought, why not?  It is finally Spring and I am feeling so frisky – in a good way.  I don’t want you to start thinking of me like that.  Nope, no way, not going to happen.  I’m talking frisky as in wanting to run.  You see during the winter months, I have a tendency to just want to sleep and eat… kind of like a hibernation of sorts.  I just don’t feel like running – it’s way too cold for me.

So this weekend, I was on a roll.  I ran around the back yard in my magical kingdom.  I played with mom and we rolled around in the clovers.  We sat for a long time and basked in the sun.  We just ‘hung out’ together and had a great time.

Later in the day, daddy even got the grill out to cook some dinner.  I might have or might have not begged for some chicken.  Hey, it’s what I do.  And by the way, it was delicious.

But then later, we all went inside of the Hotel Thompson.

I remembered the picture of the kitty singing his song so I ran through the front room singing it too.. well what I thought was the words.  Can you believe when I did it, mom and dad almost fell off the sofa because they were laughing so hard?  The nerve of them, huh?  I can’t help it that I resemble my song.  You want to hear it too?  Okay, don’t laugh – pinky promise okay.  Here it goes:

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“I’m a little teapot short and stout;

Here is my handle, here is my … handle

Darn, I’m a sugar bowl.”.

 
25 Comments

Posted by on 03/24/2014 in Bacon

 

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Pineapple and Daddy

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As some of you know, I have a love/hate relationship with my daddy.  I mean he loves me and I love him but it’s nothing like the love me and mom share.  Can you relate?  We tolerate – yeah that’s a good word – tolerate each other.  He takes care of me during the day and I like to think I take care of him during the day too.

Well, this weekend we were outside playing around.  I was down in the yard of the magical back yard and he was with me with mommy up on the deck.  Just for a moment, deviled ham came out in me.

  I tried to hide him back inside of me… you know sweet bacon.  But, it just wasn’t going to happen.  Sigh – deviled ham came out full force.  I looked at daddy and all I could see was a target.  I know I shouldn’t but it happened.  I stomped my hooves, ran around the magical back yard and at full force slammed into daddy who was kneeling over weeding.  For a big ex football player, he fell hard with a good thump.  Maybe that’s because he wasn’t expecting me… you think?  Then that old meanie deviled ham did something terrible.  He grabbed daddy’s pant legs and started pulling.  I thought for a minute deviled ham was going to pull off daddy’s pants in the backyard.

But then, daddy did the strangest thing.  He said really loud, “Safe word is pineapple – PINEAPPLE”.  He kept repeating pineapple.  Shakes piggy head.  Can you believe that?  Even when deviled ham is trying to play, daddy still thinks of food.  And mom says my mind is a one track way with food.  Snorts.

With daddy screaming pineapple and deviled ham snorting, this got mom’s attention on the deck.  Mom said those words that everyone hates to hear.  The full name – shivers.  She yelled out, “Bacon Porkchop Thompson, you get up here NOW”.  Oh snap.  That’s right – deviled ham snapped right out of my inner body and sweet bacon came out pronto.  I stopped, put my tail between my legs and slowly stomped up the board to the deck.  Man, I was in trouble.  The full name followed by NOW.

I got up on the deck and mom fussed at me.  I mean really fussed.  What was I thinking?  I can’t play rough like that, etc.  I tried to tell her it was deviled ham.  She didn’t have any of it.  She sent me to my bedroom… you know pay the time for the crime.  Shucks… it was all in good fun.

But, I went to my room.  I hope mommy fed daddy some pineapple.  He seemed like he really wanted some.  And don’t worry, dad wasn’t hurt.  He thought it was kind of fun too.  We made apologies later in the day and all is good now.

But you see, that deviled ham is evil.  Do you have a deviled ham?

 

 
79 Comments

Posted by on 02/24/2014 in Bacon

 

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Standing in Line

 

 All I have to say is thank goodness this little piggy is house trained and I have a huge magical backyard.  I don’t think I could take standing in line to go tinkle.  Mom said that humans even stand in line for this.  WOW – bless your hearts!  I guess we need more trees for you humans.  Snorts

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51 Comments

Posted by on 02/22/2014 in Bacon

 

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Goodbye Snow

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It was really nice seeing you snow up close and personal.  I’ve always wondered about you.  How you would feel on my hooves and my snout.  If you would be freezing cold.  How much fun would you be running in and rolling around.  All of my questions got answered in the past couple of days.

You are freezing cold… especially on my undercarriage – bbrrr.  You crunch when I walked on you.  That was the strangest sound I’ve heard in a long time.  You made my snout cold and when snow got in my snout you made me sneeze.  You were fun for a while.  I’ll admit that.

But there were difficulties.  Like climbing back up my “slide” on the deck.  I couldn’t because you turned into mushy ice.  Ice is a mean bedfellow.  Mommy had to carry me up the deck stairs.  Yep, 50 pounds of wet pig she carried.  Poor mom’s back that was already hurting from chasing me in the yard.  What?  Don’t look so innocent.  You knew I was going to run around in you snow.  I had to.  Just to know what it felt like pouncing around in you and making little snow bunnies.  It was a once in a lifetime experience.  It really was.

So, goodbye snow.  We had fun.  We made snowmen.  We made snow bunnies.  I even tasted you.  Mom and dad says we only get you once in every blue moon when hell freezes over.  I’m good with that.  I am officially taking you off of my bucket list now.  Adios my cold friend.

 
33 Comments

Posted by on 02/01/2014 in Bacon

 

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Happy Last Day of the Month

Happy Monday my dear sweet friends.  I hope you had a wonderful weekend full of rest and relaxation and lots of great food!  We had a little bit of cooler weather here this weekend and I absolutely LOVED it.  There’s just something about the coolness of the air that makes this little oinker want to run!  I went out in the back yard with mommy and we played for a long time together.  We took turns playing tag and chasing each other.  I think I finally wore mommy out – snorts.  She sat on the ground and that’s when I hit her like a football player.  We just sat on the freshly cut grass, snuggled and baked in the sun.  It felt good.  I admit I liked it.  But don’t go telling a lot of people okay. 🙂  20130929-141408.jpg

I admit it went down hill after Saturday morning.  Deviled ham came out and I got into trouble.  I learned my lesson because yesterday I had to pay the time for the crime.  I hate that – it interferes with my snuggle time with mommy.  I don’t like it when mommy ignores me.  But we made good yesterday afternoon. All is now well at the Hotel Thompson.

Today is the last day of September and the spooky month of October starts tomorrow.  I wanted to give you a heads up about October.  October is going to be a busy month for this little piggy.

I skyped a witch and she even saw me in her crystal ball.  Even she knew I was up to something before mom and dad did.  You see,  I’m going to have 31 days of Spook on my blog.  I’m personally going to highlight scary movies, television shows, legends, monsters and other things that go bump in the night.  I might even quiz you on some of them so be prepared.  Start brushing up on your trivia.  I hope it will be fun for everyone.

Second off, the parents are trying to go to the beach in October so they are looking for a pig sitter for me.  I’ve told them that I’m old enough that I don’t *need* a pig sitter but mommy is insisting.  So they are taking interviews – snorts – this should be fun.  I do hope they let me sit in for this so called interviews.  I’d like to give my two cents on the unfortunate soul person they choose.  I wonder what my witch friend that I skyped saw about this situation?  Snorts.  Of course, I will keep you posted.

So, happy last day of September my friends.  Welcome to Spooky October!  Evil snort

 
28 Comments

Posted by on 09/30/2013 in Bacon

 

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