Oh my dogs – the first sighting of a snake here at the Hotel Thompson. Don’t worry mom. I know how you feel about snakes. I so got you covered here. This little rascal is not going to bite those cute ankles of yours. Which brings me to something that daddy told mommy one time. You know daddy tells me stories of his and mom’s dating life when mom is at work. One time daddy said he gave mommy a romantical card and he wrote on it,
“You look as good to me as a bare ankle to a rattlesnake”.
Can you say that got mom hooked to daddy right there and then – Barks with puppy laughter.
Now I leave you with Jokes with Daddy – enjoy my friends and have a great weekend.
This month we have another true story. Can you imagine that? Wait until you read it – shivers. We couldn’t believe it here at the Hotel Thompson when we first heard about it. This story comes from some close friends of ours – Stacey and Bill. Enjoy and remember I’ll let you hold my hoof if you need to.
Stacey and Bill are great friends with my mom/dad. They call or visit at least once a week. They are animal lovers just like mom/dad. They have a couple of cats called Heathrow and JFK – shakes piggy head. I know. I know. Where do some people get these names? Mom/dad assure me that there is a long story behind the names.
Well the other day apparently Stacey and Bill were in their bedroom getting ready for work. They had their bedroom door shut to keep the cats out. Stacey was sitting on the side of the bed talking to Bill and they were having a conversation. At one time, Stacey started laughing. Bill asked what she was laughing about. Stacey said that JFK was under the bed and had reached out grabbing her ankles like he usually does. Bill got this funny look on his face and went to the bedroom door opening it. When he does this, in walks Heathrow.
Bill turned around with a shocked look on his face. That’s when it dawned on Stacey and her smile dropped from her face and she lifted her feet off of the floor. You see, JFK had passed away the week before. So who grabbed Stacey’s ankles?
Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake. There was a hole in the back of this contraption. I crawled in and when I did, it shut closed. Now I’m stuck… I feel like a squirrel on display for the world to see. The birds are pointing and laughing at me. What am I to do? Help? Signed Mannequin Squirrel
Dear Mannequin Squirrel – WOW! What can I say? You do look awesome with your mannequin display. I can say perhaps you should enjoy what you can… maybe take a seat and a quick bite of that delightful feed. By the time you get done with your dinner, maybe the owner of the house will see you in your tight spot and help you out. If not, can you jump and push the top off for a quick escape? And don’t worry about the birds pointing and laughing. Might you remind them that you have plenty of food to eat while you wait unlike them – snorts.
Dear Bacon – We like to put the warning out there for the humans. If you cross the metal gates leading into our kingdom, be warned. You will experience a death like no other from the ankles down. We may be small and short but we have sharp teeth like a shark. Just sayin’. Does your little brother do the same? Signed Harley and Davidson
Dear Harley and Davidson – Awesome idea my friends. Truth is in the advertising. If peeps are dumb enough to cross that warning, their ankles deserve what they get. And yes. Houdini has the sharpest teeth that I’ve ever felt. That’s right – I said felt. I feel them when he tries to hang off of my piggy tail and swing back and forth like I’m an amusement park. The little guy has no respect for this pig – he thinks I’m his personal jungle gym.
Dear Bacon – Honestly. I was asleep the entire time that the master was away. Really I was. When I woke up, the front room cushions exploded. I didn’t hear a thing! Exploded I tell you. Of course, I’m getting the blame. But really it wasn’t me. Signed Lab Shredder
Dear Lab Shredder – Darn those dust bunnies for striking again! I believe you my friend. I really do. Dust bunnies sound cute and look kind of cute but all alone they can be little vultures that wreak havoc all over the house blaming us anipals. Shakes and shivers from fear. They can’t be trusted at all. No way! I say you need to hunt them down one by one and take care of them. As far as you getting the blame for this. If it wasn’t on video and there is nothing concrete showing you did it, I say they have to let you walk my friend. No evidence means NOT GUILTY. Lowers my hammer in my court room and says dismissed.
Dear Bacon – It’s really not what it looks like. Me and my friend were playing leap frog. We see frogs do it all of the time and we thought we would try it. We turned on the camera and started. We posted this on Instagram and everyone went crazy saying that we were multi-flying. No honestly we weren’t. We were just playing a game. What do you think? Signed Doris and Rock
Dear Doris and Rock – Snorts with piggy laughter. Whatever you kids are calling it this day, sure. Just be safe my friends.
REMEMBER friends. Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please continue to send me your pictures and questions via email.
Something wicked has happened to me. I’m not sure what to think about this. It started out like usual and then it went far left really quick. I’m getting ahead of myself like I normally do so let me start from the beginning. This is what happened:
Yawn and stretch. Hhhmm – eyebrows straight up – that felt different. My stretch was more… well stretchy. Strange. It felt like I had long and fluid legs… not my usual short and stout ones. Maybe I’m losing weight – yeah that has to be it. Opens eyes and looks around my room. What is that insistent chirping noise? It’s coming from beyond the window in my bedroom. I stand up and stretch again. Man, I must be really losing weight. I felt my back, my legs and even my tail stretch on that one. There goes that chirping again. Dude, that’s got to stop.
I walked over to the window and that was another strange thing. My hooves on my bedroom floor didn’t make the regular clickety-clack sound. Strange but okay. I gotta eat some more. I looked up at the window ledge and didn’t think twice before I jumped up on it. WOW – I can jump! Wonder why I never did that before? I looked out the window and spotted those singing creatures outside. Those would so make a wonderful two piece snack. Snap, did I say that? And oh looky – there is Mr. Parson’s furry things. HISS! Double HISS! What in the world?! Where did that come from? Shakes head – things are weird this Friday.
I hear mom in the kitchen and the next thing I knew she was saying, “Frühstück”. I immediately jumped down and went down the hallway. Hey, I’m hungry for some breakfast. I hope she made tuna. I then stopped immediately in my tracks. What?! How did I know German? And tuna for breakfast? Today is strange.
I continued to the kitchen and that’s when weird became super weird. I walked up to mom and swished my body against her legs and bit her ankle. What in the world?! Mom started fussing at me and I started talking back to her. What? I don’t do that. I ate my breakfast and then spied an empty box in the living room. Oh squeal – this is my lucky day! I looked at mom and made one last meow at her and went in the front room jumping in the box. What in the heck just happened? I meowed and jumped in a box. WHAT?! Something is definitely wrong. I ran to my bedroom and looked in the mirror. Blinked several times and shook myself. I must still be dreaming. There is no way this can be real. I’m Tigerlino?! Oh dear, that must have been some bad strawberries I had last night. I can’t be a boy kitty. No way! No wonder I could jump. This can’t be happening. A nap. That’s what I need – a power nap.
So Diary. I thought it was just a dream. All I had to do was go back to sleep and finish this dream. That’s it. I’m a pig. I’m not a cat. No way! So the power nap commenced. I woke up after an hour or so and just *knew* it would be better… so I thought. This is what happened then:
Slowly I started to wake. It felt funny. It didn’t feel like my soft bed. This felt like paper. I looked underneath me and somehow I had fell asleep on the newspapers. Ha – I guess that was my way of keeping on top of the current events. I went to stand and tripped over my two front feet – clumsy me. I stretched and then I was off to look for the ladies room. I found it and chattered until I got some privacy. That’s when I smelled the coffee from mom. She was at the fridge getting some of that delicious evaporated milk for her warm cup. I walked over and pleaded by going in and out of her legs and talking to her until she caved. She fixed me a little bowl and it was pure heaven! The only thing that could have made this better was some strawberry yogurt. Licks lips and starts to clean myself. Oh snap! I didn’t know I could bring my back leg up over my head?! Oh dear heavens – call Circus Soleil – this she kitty has skills!
What? What did I just say?! Oh my, something is very wrong. What is mommy doing now? Oh Himmel! Here comes that monster in the closet. Screech! and runs off to the bedroom to hide under the bed. I’m shaking. I’m scared. That monster in the closet is like a scary movie waiting to happen!
But wait a minute. Why am I hiding under the bed and still speaking German?! I keep repeating to myself, “This can’t be real. This can’t be real.” I slowly crawl out from underneath the bed and look in the mirror. Holy bat kitty – look at that sexy purr thing – wolf whistles. Wait a minute, that sexy purr thing whistled back at me. I move my arm and she moved her arm. Oh no. Oh no. I finally looked down at my feet. Oh.good.Lord. I’m Roxy now? What in the world have we done? What happened?
Diary, I’m trying to remember last night. I remember talking to Tigerlino and Roxy before going to bed. We were talking about how each of us live throughout the day at our homes. Uh-oh… is this Freaky Friday?! I lay down and close my eyes trying to concentrate. When I open them, I’ll be fine. This is just a dream. You know like how when mom sleep walks. Yeah, that’s it. It has to be it. I’m going to count to 10, open my eyes and look down. Everything will be fine. Really. I *just* know it.
OH DEAR HEAVENS – Call Dr. Phil. Call Oprah. Call the Vet. I’m A CAT!?!