Post Office Adventures

Mom *finally* made it to the post office earlier this week.  The sad thing is that she went on Monday.  Why is that sad?  Because Monday and the post office should never ever be said in the same sentence.  It was so terribly busy.  Mom stood in line what seemed like forever.  At one point she posted on Facebook:

I’m not saying this line at the post office is slow but I think a turtle just passed me.

Yep.  Leave it to mom to find amusement in any situation.  What she didn’t say was that a snail had already passed her.  Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter.

But look at what mom found at the post office.  These are awesome forever stamps – Wonder Woman throughout the years.  Aren’t they the neatest stamps ever?

Do you have any neat stamps that your humans have bought over the years?  Dad has some Marilyn Monroe stamps and Nana has some Elvis stamps.  Cool huh?

 

Dear Bacon

   Dear Bacon – What the cream cheese is going on here?  My master – he gave me this cute little contraption that had me playing with it for hours at a time.  Then one day, a crack in its matter happened.  The next thing I knew, the toy jumped on my face and wrapped around it.  What the heck?  Signed Clash of the Toy

Dear Clash of the Toy – Well, on one hoof my friend you look like a character for the new Star Wars movie.  🙂 That’s gotta be kind of creative and fun right there alone.  Maybe your owner could take you to opening day and show you off – you would probably get lots of cuddles, pets and perhaps some popcorn?  And what do they say… if it fits you must commit – snorts with piggy laughter.

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 Dear Bacon – I just want to show you that with the presidential elections coming up, I’m putting my paws out for a front man that I can stand beside.  Someone that just screams my name.  Someone that has maybe a better come over than I do.  Someone that you can mention their name by just looking at me.  What do you say little pig – can we count on your vote?  Signed Make America Great Again

Dear Make America Great Again – You know my friend, I’ve heard of that motto before.  Okay maybe not personally but I’ve heard it on presidential breakdowns from the past.  For some reason, I just don’t think it means the same as what you are making it out to be.  But hey what am I to say, right?  When you stand behind your candidate, you really go all out!

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Dear Bacon – I am not amused.  There i said it.  NOT AMUSED. There I was just swimming minding my own business.  Believe it or not, I wasn’t even bothering the humans who were by the way in my water.  I just kept swimming.  Then one of the blokes whose leg I was swimming in/out of had the nerve to reach down and pick me up like I was a mere puppy.  For real?  Doesn’t he have anything to do besides pick on us little folks?  And just as a reminder to him, I will remember his scent.  Cause you know when I get bigger, it might be ME picking him UP out of my waters if you know what I mean.  Signed Bruce

Dear Bruce – I think I would have passed.  I mean really.  You are nearly as long as me and way bigger than the little guy here Houdini.  And you are right.  He was in your waters – in your backyard if you will.  He should have known better.  Don’t take what he did out on all humans.  There are some really good ones out there.  You just go and be nice to peeps okay.  No hard feelings right?

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Dear Bacon –  Bath time is always awesome at my crib.  I go back and forth in/out of the tub getting all of my minions lined up around the tub.  Then my mom gets my bubble bath ready.  That’s when I get in the tub and have my meeting with my minions just letting them know how they have been doing and what is expected of them as my ‘toys’.  It’s a great meeting that I highly recommend every couple of weeks – you know to keep everyone in line.  Signed Minion Master

Dear Minion Master – Hey dude, that is an awesome idea.  Having meetings with your toys to let them know what you expect of them.  Brilliance.  I never thought about that.  I think I will put that into plan here at the Hotel Thompson STAT and let my toys know exactly who is in charge and of their play schedule.  Thanks my friend – happy bubble bath!

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  Dear Bacon – Sometimes when days get you down and it seems like life is on one continuous downfall, you have to take matters into your own paws.  I had one of those *weeks*.  I went to my favorite bar and told the bartender to hit me with a double shot of leche on the rocks.  Then I sat there and purred my problems out for the guy.  I tell you something oinker – those bartenders, they know how to listen.  After getting it out and off my chest, I felt so much better.  Signed Puss in Boots

Dear Puss in Boots – Hey my friend, sometimes you just gotta let it go – get it off your chest – sing to your people and let things go.  It sounds like you did all of that and you are on the right pathway to enlightenment now.  Don’t keep it in my friend.  That leads to bigger problems down the road.  Now I’m thinking a double shot of leche sounds awesome myself.  Cheers!

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REMEMBER my friends.  Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and letters via my email.  

 

Funny Humor

I’m still feeling amused today my friends – snorts.  Be afraid 🙂  Enjoy these and if you happen to wee on yourself just a bit from laughing, I won’t tell anyone.  🙂

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What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? “I know what’s wrong here; you’re just a little hoarse!”

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 A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, “Thank God,” and for it to stop you say, “Amen.”

So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff.

Just in time, he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge.

“Whew,” said the man, “thank God!”

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How can you tell which end of a worm is which?

Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.

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 Why did the dog sit in the shade? Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog!

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Funny Humor

Okay my friends.  This weekend, I’m feeling funny with a slight temperature of amusement.  With that in mind, I have jokes to share.  I do hope that you enjoy these.

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Snake 1 says, “Are we poisonous?”

Snake 2 replies, “I don’t know, why?”.

Snake 1 says, “I just bit my lip.”

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One of the highlights of the biology course at my university was the monthly feeding of a caged rattlesnake kept in the laboratory. One time, the entire class gathered around the cage and, in complete silence, watched as the feeding took place.

 ‘I’m jealous of the snake,’ the instructor said. ‘I never get the class’s undivided attention like this.’

A student answered matter-of-factly, ‘You would if you could swallow a mouse.’

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What is the difference between a cat and a dog?

Dogs think, “Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so they must be Gods.

Cats think, “Humans are benevolent, they feed me and take care of me, so I must be God.”

 

 

Mom is in Jury Duty This Week

Poor mom. She’s in jury duty this week. She says a lot of people get called and try to get out of it. Although she would love to get out of it, she does know that it’s an important rite and freedom to serve. She’s good with that. The bad thing is that she never gets picked to serve on a trial. This will be her fourth time getting called.

She reported yesterday. She  said the security check point she had to go to was worse than Ft Knox. Then after that line, she had to wait in another line to check in with the jury room. Four groups got called as potential jurors yesterday. Mom didn’t get picked for any of them so she waited…and waited…and waited.

But she came prepared. She read her book. She played games on her cell phone. And of course she text me when she was bored. So today she will be there again. In fact, she’s probably sitting there now waiting. And waiting.

Have you ever got picked? Any great stories you want to share?

PS. Mom says that the snack machine in the jury room needs to be like the one above. Maybe that way everyone can make it through the day of you know waiting. Snorts.

 

For Your Amusement – Let’s Snort

Every once in a while, we need a good snort.  Something deep.  Something loud.  Something that almost makes you wet your pants – snorts.  So, for this afternoon’s amusement I thought I would share with you some jokes.  Not just any jokes but PIGGY jokes.  You gotta love that, right?  What else did you expect?  I am a happening oinker.  So buckle up, put your drinks down and read the following humorous jokes submitted to me by some fellow piggy lovers.  Hope you enjoy my friends.  Have a piggy good ole day!

• MOTHER PIG:  What did you learn in school today?
• FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
• SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink!  
• THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof!
• MOTHER PIG: What?
• THIRD PIGLET: I’m taking a foreign language.

• FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves you?
• SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

• What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur? – A porkasaurus rex!

• What happened to the pig who lost its voice? – It became disgruntled!

• Which magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read? – “Porks Illustrated!”

 

Texts From Bacon

 

I know it seems hard to believe but sometimes during the day I text mom while she’s at the worky place.  It’s really easy to do.  I have everything set up on my laptop and on dad’s iPad – thank goodness for modern technology huh?  I thought from time to time, I would share our insightful texts.  Take for instance this one that we did this morning.  My texts are in blue and mom’s are in gray.  Perhaps you can pick up me and mom’s great sense of humor in these?  Snorts – take care my friends and have a great day!

 

 

Hemi-Jacked

Oh Bacon you little pig – when are you going to learn to log off of your computer when you *finally* go to sleep?  You know if you stay signed on, something like this will happen.  I will Hemi-Jack your blog for my own personal reasons – purr.

For a pig, you do take a lot of naps.  You do realize that, right?  I mean I’m a cat, the master cat, of the Hotel Thompson and I do take lots of ‘cat’ naps throughout the day.  But you my friend, top me in your ‘pig’ naps.  I bet you didn’t know that I walked right into your room, jumped on your bed with you and licked you a couple of hours ago.  Shocker – you taste nothing like real bacon.  I know real bacon.  You my friend are an imposter in the purest of forms.

Just to let you know, I kept the mommy warm for you.  Insert evil purr for you.  She’s not just *your* mommy.  She’s ALL of our mommy.  With such, know that she is shareable.  Just to give you some proof of the love she gave me, I had her take a couple of pictures for your amusement proof.  I hope you enjoy the pictures.  I think they are some of my favorites 🙂