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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

I have the subject locked and loaded. It’s just a matter of seconds now before this powerful machine takes off, leaps and catches his prey. I have the skills of a ninja. I’m silent and deadly. You’ll never see me coming. Do you have this kind of talent pig? Signed Sniper One

Dear Sniper One,

I’m shaking here at the Hotel Thompson in my hooves. WOW – that is some talent you have there. I’m amazed. I’m almost speechless. What was your prey? A fly? Oh I know… a piece of dust? Snorts. I don’t need to have ninja skills, or be silent to be deadly. I just need cuteness. Insert evil deviled ham snort. Carry on my friend.

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Dear Bacon,

I think my wife has some explaining to do. You see we got married, I had to leave for some business. I came home and there was our “baby”. I think the baby *looks* like us but is not us in some way, fashion or form. I don’t think it’s his coloring – that matches. I don’t think it’s that cute little nose – that matches. I can’t put my paw on it but I don’t think he’s mine. I think I may need to call Maury Povich for a DNA analysis. You think? Signed Mr. Rabbit

Dear Mr. Rabbit,

All that matters is love my friend. So he’s different, so what? I’m different than my mommy and daddy too. Doesn’t mean they don’t love me just the same. What’s done is done. That’s why the past is in the past. Just because something doesn’t look like us doesn’t mean we can’t love them with all of our heart.

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Dear Bacon,

They say that grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I tried to see. I got stuck. Awesome huh – NOT. I don’t get it. I’m an alligator. I’m stuck half way up a fence. A human sees me. What do they do? You would think help but no – let’s pull out that camera phone and take a picture of the gator stuck on the fence. Dude, if I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone. Signed Stuck in Mid Flight

Dear Stuck in Mid Flight,

Snorticles. Really dude… I’m not snorting *at* you. I’m snorting at the situation. Let’s look at this for just a tiny minute. You said quote, “If I was off this fence, I’d show them where to put that camera phone.” That’s rich. That’s probably WHY they didn’t help you out. They were simply afraid of you. I know – I know. You can’t really blame them. They don’t see you as the cuddly, loveable snuggable type. They see teeth, nails, teeth, long tail, teeth and massive power strength. Shrugs piggy shoulders. That’s how it is dude. I do hope you got off the fence. I’m sure eventually someone did help, right? Stay strong my anipal.

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20140507-085302.jpgDear Bacon,

I’ve been holding back in writing to you but I have this huge mystery. See, my human took this picture of me back when it was Winter. I saw this cute poodle in the hood. I went up to say hey, but she didn’t *smell* like a regular pooch? It was weird. What do you think? Have you ever seen this chick before? Signed Pugalicious

Dear Pugalicious,

Step back from the poodle my friend. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but that poodle is nothing but cold and made of ice – snorts. Really. She’s snow my friend. You know that white stuff that falls from the sky during Winter. Some human made a poodle chick to fool you. She is kind of cute though. Look at the tail on her – hubba hubba.

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20140507-085323.jpgDear Bacon,

It’s love. Simple as that. We have found our significant other and we are in love. We have read on your blog in the past about when two half hearts find each other and they melt together forming one it’s meant to be. We looked in each others eyes and it was like we knew all about each other and felt so at home. What can we say? Signed Two Kids in Love

Dear Two Kids in Love,

aaww – That picture tells me *everything* I need to know. You two were MADE for each other in every way possible. Carry on and live long!

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Remember to send your questions/pictures to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

*YOU* make my weekly Dear Bacon issues – thank you my friends!

 

 
23 Comments

Posted by on 07/29/2014 in Dear Bacon

 

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Dear Bacon

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Dear Bacon,

Listen the water is fine my four legged pot bellied piggy.  Why don’t you come for a swim with me.  I’ll even teach you how to swim under the water.  I’m sure you will catch on fast.  What do you think?  Signed Mr. Friendly

Dear Mr. Friendly,

Not that I don’t appreciate your well… friendness but I think I’ll pass.  For some reason, I think it’s better for this little oinker to stay on dry land, far away from the water and far, far away from your swimming lessons. Call it a premonition if you will.  But, carry on my friend and thank you… really.

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20140330-183825.jpgDear Bacon,

The nerve of our family vet.  Can you believe that (A) they had the nerve to come near my captains quarters with that proby thing and (B) they told my humans that *I* needed to go on a DIET?!  What in the world was he thinking?  Don’t my humans pay for his sound advice?  What kind of crap advice is this?  I think the look on my face tells you everything I think.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

Oh dear.  That proby thing is awful.  It must be a torture device from centuries long ago.  Yep, that’s what I think.  And that look on your face.  Oh my.  You are certainly not happy.  And well… looks down at my pot belly.  I am one NOT to give any advice to you on that four lettered dirty word – D.I.E.T.  Shakes head – nope.  Not the one to do that at all my friend.

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Dear Bacon,

I see you – purr snicker.  I have my eyes on your activities good or bad.  I’m reporting back to that Evil Elf of yours Don Juan.  You just wait.  You’re going to get it when he comes out in November.  Signed The Watcher

Dear The Watcher,

Really?!  It’s not bad enough that I have rogue elf that watches my every move, you’re going to as well?  Rolls piggy eyes and walks away.  This is so not fair in this oinker’s life.  Can’t we all just get along?  Snorts

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20140330-183847.jpgDear Bacon,

I hate it when I get into trouble here at my casa.  Can you believe that my humans make me face the couch and sit here in time out?  It’s so humiliating.  Signed Unhappy Pooch

Dear Unhappy Pooch,

WOW my friend.  That is some look you have there facing your tomb of doom.  It’s just not right.  And to put you in this time out right in the middle of the living room where you can hear and see all of the fun activities going on around you.  Shakes piggy head and clicks tongue.  Nope, just not right.  I’m sorry pal.  Maybe when you come out of serving your time, you just ignore those humans.  Show them who is getting timeout there.  Don’t give them any affection.  None whatsoever… can you last like what five seconds?  Hang in there my bud!

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Dear Bacon,20140330-183858.jpg

I double kitty dare you to try this maneuver.  Heck, I triple meow dare you.  I dare you to put your back legs up over your head.  In fact if you can do this position, I will personally come over every day and give you a piggy massage – heck I’ll even clean up your room for you.  Signed Fear Factor Feline

Dear Fear Factor Feline,

Really?!  That’s okay my furry friend.  That’s what I have my mommy for – massages and cleaning – snorts.  Let’s hope that cannon of yours doesn’t go off while you are bent legs over head.

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Remember anipals – keep your pictures/questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
28 Comments

Posted by on 06/10/2014 in Dear Bacon, Uncategorized

 

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Dear Chloe – Special Edition

This week we have a great special edition of Dear Bacon.  This week my friend Chloe is stepping in to help me out.   Be sure to check out Chloe’s blog and tell her what a wonderful job she did this week.  I’m telling you – that cow has skills!  Snorts

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Dear Chloe,
HELP! The human thinks it is funny to dress me in between two buns. I feel the need to eat my way out. Can you help a chick out? What can I do? Signed NOT a Chicken Sandwich

Dear NOT a Chicken Sandwich,  I promise I am not trying to lecture you, but have you ever heard something about the color of grass, depending on which side of the fence you are on (I hope that’s not just a cow phrase)? This might be one of those cases…I don’t think they are looking at this as clothing; merely a blanket…cuz you are cold without all your official feathers. So nestle in, little chickie, and enjoy the love.

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Dear Chloe,
The master of the house doesn’t believe me but I got it on film finally! This is how my brother treats me when no one is looking. He’s such a bully. Can you help me out? Signed Tongue Twister.

Dear Tongue Twister,  Eeek! I can tell by the look on your face that your brother’s actions really hurt you. Three words, Twister. Ghost Pepper Powder (ghostpepper.com). Because I can tell you are sensitive, retreat to backyard after you pop some on that outstretched tongue; you don’t want to witness his pain learning curve. I did this once to my sister and we had no further problems. Best thing? She couldn’t tell on me without hanging herself in the process. #ThePerfectCrime

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Dear Chloe,
Did someone say pool time? I’m ready. Went to the pool and the other animals here at Old McDonalds farm said I couldn’t get in. Stomps hooves – why can’t I? Signed Horse Dive

Dear Horse Dive,  You certainly look geared up with all the proper safety equipment! I am flummoxed as to why you wouldn’t be allowed in? It must be one of two reasons. 1) The rules of physics aren’t conducive–the size of the pool must exceed the size of your rear or 2) You have behaved like a donkey. Donkeys are never ever ever allowed in pools, even if the physics work out. Cows, however, always get in.  ;oP

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Dear Chloe,
I think I’ve been had by the stupid dog again. The dog told me there was something good on top of the stove in the pot. I checked. There was nothing. Do you think the dog set me up? Signed Boiling Cat

Dear Boiling Cat,  Uuuum. I don’t even know where to start. You are oh-so-cute, but you have GOT to stop trusting that dog. I would dare say, do the opposite of what he says as a general rule. Also? If he tells you he has Ocean-front property in Arizona, PLEASE tell him you’ve heard that song, already. Please. In fact, if he ever wants you to fork over your allowance or savings, let me know BEFORE your money leaves your precious paw! One last thing, you adorable cuss, you? Move, quick! That nasty smell is called burning hair and it’s YOURS!

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Dear Chloe,
There I was floating on the water minding my own business when this bird thought he was going to pick on me. What he didn’t know was that my mom was underneath me. Ha. That’ll teach him. Have you ever had these problems when you were small? Signed Tiny but Dangerous

Dear Tiny but Dangerous,  Woah! That is one clever trick. I ALMOST feel bad for the bird. Almost. I look at you and wonder exactly at what point you turn from a cutsie little thing to that monster you are riding on? When I was small, my mom did not let me ride on her back (I was not nearly as cute as you!). She did, however, teach me not to eat the rocks, which is probably just as valuable for a cow.

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Thank you so much my friend Chloe!  

REMEMBER friends we can’t have a Dear Bacon issue without YOU.  Please continue to send me your pictures and questions at baconthompson@gmail.com

 
30 Comments

Posted by on 05/20/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Meet the Rock Clan

Let me introduce you to Bashful’s friends that stay with us here at the Hotel Thompson.  They are Princess Coralena, Virginia and Manny.  Such an awesome trio. Full of life and fun – always giving us a great time full of stories from their original homes.  Do you ever wonder they do when Bashful is off traveling the world?  They are forever rolling through the halls, Skyping, and playing outside with Journalist Rocky the Squirrel and his family.  And they keep me, the purr things and the humans very entertained.

I got to talking with them this morning and believe me when I say this little oinker was rolling with laughter.  They were actually telling jokes.  I couldn’t resist, I had to get them to tell their jokes to daddy too.  OMP (oh my pig!)  We were rolling!  So much so that when mom called to ‘check on things’, we couldn’t even talk.  We were laughing that hard.  Of course, we passed on the jokes to her too.  We could hear her laughter over the phone.

So, I thought I would share this humor.

First up, Princess Coralena

Question:  How do you make gold soup?

Answer:  You put 14 carrots in it.

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Second up, Virginia

Question:  What do you call an alligator in a vest?

Answer:  An inVESTigator

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Last but not least, Manny

Question:  What starts with an E, ends with an E and has a letter in it?

Answer:  An envelope

🙂  I hope you are cracking up like we are!  Enjoy my friends!

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Dear Bacon

20131113-093216.jpg Dear Bacon,

Leash training.  Well, it sucks.  I can’t go too far without the human deciding that I shouldn’t be that far.  A pig has to have his freedom!  That’s what I say.  What about you?  Signed Gotta Run

Dear Gotta Run,

Poor little guy.  Mommy *tried* to leash train me.  Let’s just say that I wasn’t a leash kind of pig either.  I’m sure with more practice, I would have adjusted but she didn’t have the will power – snorts.  Look on the other hand my little friend, they are just trying to watch after your safety.  Consider it a gesture of love. 🙂

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20131113-093238.jpgDear Bacon,

HA!  This will make you think twice about stomping in that puddle outside again won’t it?  I just had to share.  You never know where my kind might jump out at you.  Consider us like clowns.  We’ll make you laugh but we are scary as heck to look at sometimes.  Signed Hide N Seek

Dear Hide N Seek,

Shivers to mergatroid!  I will never stomp my little hooves in the puddle outside in my magical backyard EVER again.  Heck, I close my eyes and still see you.  EEWW – you are like clowns – scary!!  I gotta get in therapy.  Thanks.

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Dear Bacon,

You’re not the only cute thing that rides around in your mom’s moving thingy.  I love to settle in the back seat and go for a spin.  It kind of relaxes me and helps me to go to sleep.  I think it helps my mom too to hear me go bbaaww.  Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

OMP (oh my pig).  Yes you are so right my friend.  You are the most adorable little thing.  I just want to pick you up and cuddle with you!  If my mom saw you, oh goodness, we would so have to adopt you here at the Hotel Thompson!!  Stay safe my little friend.

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Dear Bacon,

I turn my back for one minute and my tail hit my nuts off of the pole.  I think my face tells you everything.  I got make every nut count during these winter months!  Signed Flabbergasted

Dear Flabbergasted,

I’m sorry my friend for laughing but that look is priceless!  Hit me up, I’ll give you some nuts 🙂

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Dear Bacon,

No matter what you do in life, never give up and never surrender.  You don’t know what strengths you have until you try.  Stay strong my friend.  Signed Adam Ant

Dear Adam Ant,

Those are some powerful words my little buddy.  So true and spot on.  I will never give up and never surrender with anything in my life.  Thank you!

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Remember friends – keep your pictures and questions coming.  Send them to me at baconthompson@gmail.com  – thanks for making my Tuesday specials of Dear Bacon just that – very special!

 
21 Comments

Posted by on 11/19/2013 in Bacon, Dear Bacon

 

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Allilgators and Crocodiles Oh My!

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Alligators and crocodiles just amaze me.  They are such amazing creatures and are so mysterious.  I had a lot of time on my hands last week when mom was sick so I got to surf the net after putting Bashful to bed. 

This picture to the left blew my mind!  Alligators made out of those old recycled tires.  I couldn’t believe when I first looked at the picture.  What a brilliant idea.  Someone had such an amazing thought that they actually brought to life – they look so real!

Could you imagine a couple of these bad boys in your yard just hanging out?  Of course, they might scare me a couple of times.  What am I talking about?  If they were in the yard, this little pigs feet would *never* touch nature!

 

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Then I found this picture from Australia.  There’s a place called Crocosaurus Cove Park in Darwin that allows thrill seekers to swim face to face with massive salt water crocodiles.  WTP (What the Pig) – let me go use my potty pouch real quick.

Do you see the size of that crocodile compared to that little itty bitty man?  This picture actually made me shake and shiver in fear.  That crocodile could eat me as a snack – heck that little itty bitty man would be a starter meal. 

Shivers – I think I’ll pass swimming in Australia!  You?

 
6 Comments

Posted by on 04/18/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon,

Rocky the Squirrel told us to write to you. We are members of the band Squirrel. We play a lot around the Oaks and Pines areas of the neighborhood. You’ve probably heard us jamming to some classics like, “Shake Your Bushy Tail”; “I Love Nuts and Seeds”; and our biggest hit “That Dog is Mine”. Rocky says you’re the man to get some publicity. How about it oinker? Signed Band Squirrel

Dear Band Squirrel,

WOW – that Rocky gets around, doesn’t he? I guess that makes sense with him being a journalist and everything. Love your songs – keep up the great work and keep shaking those tails my friends!

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Dear Bacon,

What? Why do you look at me like that? Doesn’t your purr things wear glasses and read the newspaper while lounging on the sofa? They don’t? I’m shocked. I’m going to have to email those purr things of yours and get them educated. Signed Kitty Professor

Dear Kitty Professor

That is really the look. It just threw me off guard seeing you all like that as if you were well human. I’m more shocked than anything. My purr things don’t do that. I’m going to have to show them your picture of how an educated kitty acts around the house. Maybe the Mouse Girl will learn something new for a change. I can only hope! P.S. I have to ask. When you get done with that paper, do your throw it down on the floor and ‘use’ it? Snort – snicker.

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Dear Bacon,

You are not the only one that loves to have his belly rubbed.  I do as well.  For some reason though, no one will do it?  What do you say little man, you want to be food rub my belly? Signed Croc

Dear Croc,

UUUMMM – I think I’ll pass.  I wouldn’t want to become food friendly in that way with someone I don’t know.  Momma said it wouldn’t be right.  But, thanks for drooling thinking of me.

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Dear Bacon,

You see tourists all of the time doing their thing shopping, people watching and sitting out in the sun.  What makes us any different?  This is a picture of me on vacation last week.  It was the life!  Signed Big Man

Dear Big Man,

There is nothing like human watching while sunning oneself in nature, especially on vacation my friend.  Mom and dad said they may take me on vacation one day.  I think I may resemble your picture in the future!

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20130130-123759.jpgDear Bacon,

This is me and my friend Dewey.  Sometimes we don’t see eye to eye.  You ever feel that way with the purr things?  Signed Hector

Dear Hector,

Snort – pig laughter.  Yeah me and the purr things don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things at the Hotel Thompson.  Of course, we don’t physically get in that situation but I can relate.  Just give in to little Dewey.  I think he may own you!  He been talking to Journalist Rocky the Squirrel?  Snort – LOL

 
4 Comments

Posted by on 02/05/2013 in Uncategorized

 

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