Travels in the South

I’ve told you before my friends.  My mom and dad have lost it. Totally.  This past weekend was one of “those” adventures – snorts.  They were looking for some adventure and wanted to try a place they had never been to before.  So they took off in Albert, mom’s little Smart car, and hit the highway.  Almost sounds like a song huh – snorts.

They ended up at this place called Mellow Mushroom – it’s a pizza joint which was right up dad’s alley.  He ❤ pizza.  Mom was somewhat reluctant.  First off because they sat right beside exhibit A to the left.  Pardon me while I say this but does that ‘mushroom’ look psychedelic?  It was kind of disturbing in a weird sense of direction.  Mom couldn’t take her eyes off of it.  There was just something about it that was just plain weird.

 That’s when mom got up to take a closer look at the psychedelic mushroom.   

It’s not all its cracked up to be – double snorts.  You get it – cracked up.  It really is around the head area.  What kind of restaurant is this place?  Mom shook her head, snapped a couple of pictures and sat down preparing herself for a psychedelic adventure.

P.S.  If you are ever out and about and see some crazy lady taking pictures at a restaurant, just call her mom.  That will probably be my crazy mom – she takes pictures of *everything* as you will soon see in this post.

Shakes piggy head.  At least it’s not all about me now.

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Mom has been on this DIEt thing lately.  It’s going okay. As she says, it’s all about choices.  So today she choose a Greek salad to start her meal.

Exhibit B to the left here.  She says if she starts with a good salad, it fills her so she doesn’t eat too much of a bad thing.

Which is good – I guess if you are living a DIEt kind of life.  Mom did say that this salad was delicious!  It had everything she loves – lettuce, mushrooms (which didn’t look scary like exhibit A), olives, peppers and feta cheese.

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Dad on the other hoof, went with a cheese covered pretzel.  See exhibit C here to the right.  Not only was it delicious and cheesy, they served it with a beer cheese dipping sauce.  It must have been great because daddy licked the cheese sauce dry and there were no crumbs left from the pretzel.

 Which is good because mommy kept watching him waiting for something to drop.  So much for eating a nice decent sensible salad huh?

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Now came the main course.  Mom and dad can never agree upon toppings for their pizza.  There solution is to always get a pie 1/2 and 1/2.  That way mom can have what she wants and dad can have what he wants.  May I present to you exhibit D to the left.  Drum roll – tongue hanging out – deliciousness.

Mom got the top side.  She ❤ white pizza with cheese, garlic and tomatoes – what’s not to love right?

Dad on the other hoof got the bottom side.  He gets the works… something this little piggy can’t discuss and think about.  But it looks good.  Of course a lot of pizza made it’s way home for lunch the next day.

You have to admit though, mom had hesitation at first with seeing the psychedelic mushroom – or maybe it was because of the psychedelic mushroom – the food was delicious!

 

Come Here Spring!

Dearest Mother Nature – Really?  This weather you are throwing at us is outrageous.  One day it’s in the 70’s and the next day it’s in the 30’s.  Daddy says you are going through – what did he call it? – menopause.  He says that’s the only way to explain the vast difference in temperatures.  I can’t tell you what mommy called it – it was a bad word.

Yesterday here it was beautiful.  It was the first day it hasn’t rained.  Which by the way it has rained so much that I think I’m sprouting feathers and quacking now instead of oinking.  Today when mom went to work, it was so dark I thought it was night.  Nope, it was the same time that she usually leaves.  It was dark because it looked like the sky was fixing to fall out with thunderstorms.  Lovely.

 You know there are medicines that you can take for these mood swings.  If they don’t help, maybe you need to see a professional instead of taking this out on everyone in the world.  I’m just sayin’.

 

Pee-Pee Dance Anyone?

My mom and dad – shakes piggy head.  Sometimes they act five – yep I said that out loud.  It’s the truth.  I can’t believe I let them leave the Hotel Thompson together to venture out and get in trouble.  I will never learn.  But I have to admit, the trouble this time happened once they got back to the Hotel Thompson.

You see, they out for dinner last night.  Nothing wrong with that.  They went to one of their favorite spots and were greeted from the owners with, “Hey, that’s Bacon’s parents”.  Snorts – I ❤ how they have no identity anymore.  They talked to the owners, ate dinner and left.  Upon leaving, they go through the same routine with each other.  I’m sure you know the one.  It goes something like this with dad asking, “Hey, you need to go potty?  It’s a long ride home.”  Followed by mom saying, “No, I’m good.”  Famous last words huh?

So they get into the Jeep for the ride home.  About mid way home, mom can be seen behind the wheel starting the dance.  Oh you know what I’m talking about.  The pee-pee dance.  The one where it hits you from out of the blue with such a wham and you start shifting and moving around – thus called the pee-pee dance – logical thinking is that the ‘dance’ will stop the rush.  Yeah right – it never does.  This is when mom challenges the hamsters in the motor to go faster and tries to get through all of the green lights while you pray to the Gods above that you can ‘hold it’.  All the time, daddy is sitting in the passenger seat doing the, “I asked you if you needed to go” repeat statement.  Yeah thanks dad, that makes every thing seem so much better.

Then daddy goes to the next step to irritate make mom feel better in her circumstance.  He starts telling mom some of the following statements, “That wine sure tasted good huh?” or “Don’t think of running water.” or “Are you ready to go to the ocean?”  See, daddy’s silly or should I say dumb like that.  All the time he is saying these things, mom keeps cutting him the eye.

So they finally pull up at the Hotel Thompson. Mommy is now to the point of struggling.  Raise your hands my friends if you have seen your humans at this point.  Rocking back and forth on their legs, twining their legs together doing the two step, wobbling at the door and trying to put the key into the key hole that at this point looks as big as an eye on a needle – all trying to “hold” it.  Snorts – I told you before that humans are weird.

By this time, I’m on the other side of the door and I can hear mom trying to come in.  So I do what I do best.  I get excited and start squealing.  What?  It’s what I do – snorts.  Mom finally gets the door open but yet she can’t step into the Hotel Thompson.  Why?  Because she really, REALLY has to go now.  If she moves, well you know what will happen.  And of course by this time, Houdini is on play mode intertwining around both of mom’s legs.  Way to go bro!

So she stands there.  I stand there looking at her like, “Hey wazzup mom?”  Then I jumped on her.  Not good.  Not good at all in her situation – snorts.  Then she walks in the Hotel Thompson like she’s a mummy not a mommy.  It looks as if there are invisible bands keeping her knees together and she seems to be walking on her tippy toes.  Now my friends – that is a visual.  She does this magnificent two step down the hall to the powder room.  I go to the door to listen.

So you see my friends, mom and dad don’t have to really leave the Hotel Thompson to get into trouble.  They do just fine here at home – snorts.  And who wants to admit that the next time they see their parents in distress over ‘holding’ it and going to the bathroom, that you will think of my poor pitiful mummy – I mean mommy 🙂

 

Tank vs Albert – The Results

Hello my friends.  Hope everyone had a most excellent weekend.  We all did here at the Hotel Thompson.  Us anipals got plenty of snuggles and rest.  Mom and dad completed the Tank vs Albert challenge and I’m here today with the results from them.  And just so you know, mom took daddy with her so that the results were not one-sided.  Do you think you know who won out in the competition of who is the most fun?  Do you think mommy gets treated differently when she drives the other vehicle?  You don’t have to wait any longer – here we go.

First up for the challenge – Tank.  Mom/dad went out riding in Tank on Saturday around the area.  Now, remember the challenge was to do the following:

• Wave at two cars that are similar in make and see what people do.
• Let two people in front of her at different times to see what people do.
• Go through a drive thru and pay for the breakfast behind her to see what people do.

Mom saw another car right off similar to Tank on the boulevard.  She waved at the woman driver.  The woman driver did a double take as if who are you waving at.  So much for being friendly huh?  Later on, mom saw another car similar to Tank with another woman driver.  She waved.  The lady at least smiled at mom – no wave but a smile.

At a red light, there was a man coming out of a shopping center.  Mom stopped to let him out.  He came out like there was no tomorrow without even a glance back.  Later, another stop light and restaurant.  Mom waved to let the woman out.  Again, no acknowledgement.

Mom and dad then proceeded to a drive thru later on in the day.  The lady behind them was buying a Happy Meal for her child so mom decided to buy it for her.  Mom pulled up to see the woman’s reaction.  Nada.  Nothing.  Not even a wave of thank you.

Results in Tank – Okay not very friendly.  Mom did get a wave from another similar driver of a Chevrolet Equinox. Other than that, nothing.  How crappy huh?

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Sunday, mom/dad decided to take out Albert for the test.  They drove in different areas than they did Tank the day before.  Now, Smart cars are harder to find on the roads here – not a lot of people have them so they had to really look.

After a while, mom spotted one like a great white in the ocean.  She moved towards it.  She didn’t even have to honk first – the guy did in his Smart car.  He beeped his horn and waved like crazy at mom.  Of course, she acted equally as crazy and waved back.

The next spotting was a two-for.  She was sitting at a light and a Smart car was coming out of a restaurant.  She not only let the Smart car out, but they waved like crazy, rolled down their window and shouted to mom, “We love your car!”  Go figure huh?

Later on in the day, mom/dad were sitting at another light and a car was coming out of a motel.  Mom motioned them.  Do you believe what they did – they waved and laughed.  Awesome!

Now the kicker – to do a drive thru and pay for someone’s meal behind them.  They hit the nearest drive thru, ordered their food and paid for the car behind them.  Mom pulled up a bit to see what would happen.  The car behind them pulled up, you could see the conversation taking place and then they started beeping their horn and waving.  SCORE!

So what does this challenge teach you… other than mom/dad have a lot of time on their hands to do random psychiatric testing on people that don’t even know it – snorts.  This challenge teaches you something that women have known for centuries – are you ready for this – SIZE MATTERS!  No really, think about it.  This works not only in cars but in real life with humans.  The smaller you are, the more accepting people are to you and go out of their way to be nicer.  You know it’s true.  It’s profiling at it’s basic power.  Think about it.   Until people accept that we are all individuals in all different shapes and sizes, this will continue.  Bullying is a powerful weapon that happens in all forms of life.  This is a time to make a stand my friends.

SAY NO TO BULLYING!! 

 

Tank vs Albert

Mommy wanted to do a test between our two cars – Albert the Smart Car vs Tank the Equinox – to see which one is more fun to drive.  I know – mom lives a full exciting life huh?  Snorts.  Okay so I’m breaking down the competition for you.

In this corner we have Tank.  Tank is a 1996 Chevrolet Equinox.  Tank weighs around 5,000 pounds give or take.  Holds about 18 gallons of gas.  Can seat five and has a cargo storage area in the back.  Labeled as a SUV although it doesn’t really look or drive like one.  Very comfortable for long trips.  Nicknamed Tank because it withstands a beating and still comes out strong and ready to ride. And did we mention awesome for long trips – great seating and space.

In this corner we have Albert.  Albert is a 2010 Smart Fortwo Passion Coupe.  Albert weighs in between 1,500-1,800 pounds and can be driven either manually or stick.  Albert only holds 8.7 gallons of gas but goes and goes and goes getting excellent gas mileage.  Albert can only seat two – tops.  Albert is gas efficient yes but smooth driving – not so much.  You feel every bump in the road.  Personally for one person – you get used to the ride and love it.  The hub not so much.  Long trips – it can be worrisome.  Highways don’t bother you much but if it is windy, you will be fighting to keep the car in the lane.  Great car to ride around town, back and forth to work or grocery trips.  Remember all of those times your parents said playing Tetris wouldn’t pay off?  Well in this car and grocery shopping, it does 🙂 Has a little cargo area in the back – just perfect for this little oinker or some groceries.

So there you go – the two contenders.  Here’s the challenge.  Mom will drive one car for each day.  While driving the car, she will do the following:

• Wave at two cars that are similar in make and see what people do.
• Let two people in front of her at different times to see what people do.
• Go through a drive thru and pay for the breakfast behind her to see what people do.

This is a challenge to see what people do while she is driving each car.  Why?  Because mom swears that she is treated differently when driving the other car.  And besides, mom is like this.  She likes challenges. So, what do you think will happen?  Look here for the blog to see the results.

 

Come Here Spring!

Dearest Mother Nature – Really?  This weather you are throwing at us is outrageous.  One day it’s in the 70’s and the next day it’s in the 30’s.  Daddy says you are going through – what did he call it? – menopause.  He says that’s the only way to explain the vast difference in temperatures.  I can’t tell you what mommy called it – it was a bad word.

Yesterday here it was beautiful.  It was the first day it hasn’t rained.  Which by the way it has rained so much that I think I’m sprouting feathers and quacking now instead of oinking.  Today when mom went to work, it was so dark I thought it was night.  Nope, it was the same time that she usually leaves.  It was dark because it looked like the sky was fixing to fall out with thunderstorms.  Lovely.

And let me tell you about Albert, mom’s Smart car.  Mommy has not driven him in 8 days.  Why?  Because with your winds, your rain, your up and down temperatures, dad thought mom would be safer in Tank, the other car.  So you see now Mother Nature you are ticking off Albert.  He wants to run and he can’t.

 You know there are medicines that you can take for these mood swings.  If they don’t help, maybe you need to see a professional instead of taking this out on everyone in the world.  I’m just sayin’.

 

Snorticles – Men Twerking

Yep – I said that and you read correctly – Men Twerking. I know my buddy Fozzie is going to laugh when she sees this sign that me and mom saw in our adventures.  Someone added a few letters and now men are twerking – snorticles and rolls around laughing.  I wonder if the guys knew why people were pointing and laughing at them as they drove by?  Maybe that explains why some of their pants were so low you could see sunset crack?  Maybe – just maybe – the guys were the ones that did this to the sign.  No Fozzie – it wasn’t me honestly.  Looks innocently around.  Really I was in the back of Albert, mom’s Smart car.  I wouldn’t do that. Snorts and squeals.

 

 

Albert is a Bully

That’s right.  I said it.  I didn’t stutter when I typed.  Albert, mom’s Smart car, is a bully.  You don’t believe me do you?  You think, “Aaww, that cute little blue Smart car can’t be a thug.”  Snorts – you just don’t know Albert very well.  Let me tell you a story about sweet old Albert.

The other day, mom and dad took me for a spin around town.  We were stopped at a red light when this car pulled up beside us.  It was a rocking red sports car – the top was down and it was smoking hot.  That’s when it happened.  Albert persuaded mom to roll down her window, get the peeps attention in the smoking red sports car and ask them if they wanted to race.  The nerve of Albert!  Of course after the nice folks stopped laughing, the light changed.  They got stuck in traffic at the next light as Albert rolled up next to them, honked his horn and we kept rolling.

See, I told you.  Albert is a bully.

 

31 Days of Spook – 666

Oh dear piggy heavens!?  Should we be afraid?  Should we call an exorcist? Mommy got into Albert, her Smart car, this morning and she was greeted with this on her trip odometer. Is it a sign of what’s to come for the day?

Oh my friends – say a little prayer for my mom and send her good vibes.  666 is not a great way to start the day.

Happy Spooky Day my friends!

 

Mommy Is So Silly!

My mom is so crazy!  She was driving around in Albert the other day with me and daddy.  She put her car blinker on way before she needed to and daddy asked her why?  That’s when she told him, “At my age, I don’t necessarily use blinkers to let others know where I’m going.  I use them to remind myself where *I’m* going.”

Silly mommy.