Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon –  I have a slight problem here.  I’m always being watched.  Always.  It’s like I get no peace or alone time.  What can I do?  He’s watching me now, isn’t he?  Signed Helpless

Dear Helpless –  WOW!  He is watching you right this instance.  What is he writing a book – are you chapter 3?  The dude needs to leave you alone.  You need to fix this now.  Perhaps the next time he is in the other room, maybe you need to shut the door.  Or persuade him into a closet.  You know, something along those lines.  Sshheessh – a purr thing has to have their alone time.  Good luck my friend.

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Dear Bacon –  With the cold weather coming, I have to use anything to keep my head warm.  They say if the head is warm, your entire body is warm.  I think this is doing the trick.  I found it in the miniature human’s room.  What do you think?  Signed Cat Heater

Dear Cat Heater – My friend.  I think you might want to rethink that head warmer.  Tell me it’s new and not slightly used too okay.  You see, that is not a head warmer.  That is one of the miniature humans butt warmers.  I’ve seen them.  What happens in them is not pretty.  Not pretty at all.  Although it does have a certain appeal as apparel, I’m afraid the other purr things in the hood might just laugh you out of the neighborhood and not let you play in their kitty games.  I’m just sayin’.

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Dear Bacon – Life is not fair.  Halloween only comes but once a year and I am so very glad.  Can you believe that my humans dressed me up like a poop factory for the big day?  I’m so humiliated.  Why couldn’t they dress up the small human that cries all of the time like this?  Why me?  I mean my poop is no more than the humans.  Really.  Please help me.  Signed Poop Factory

Dear Poop Factory – I have to admit my friend that the costume is very original.  I saw a lot of costumes on the big night but I think yours might be the icing on the cake.  I say wear it with pride.  I know it’s humiliating.  But I assure you that Christmas is just around the corner.  You know what needs to be done to the Christmas tree.  You know just as a token of your appreciate for this outfit.  Snorts.

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Dear Bacon – Where there’s a bag, you know a cat is there to play.  My buddy snapped this picture of me while I was playing pop goes the kitty in the bag.  Talk about perfect timing huh?  I think my abs look better than your pot belly.  What do you think?  Signed Abercrombie Cat

Dear Abercrombie Cat – OMP (Oh my pig).  That is hilarious.  This picture is so priceless that I’m going to let the shot of my physique just go right on by.  I say bravo to you and your brother for the perfect picture taking.  I think this needs to go viral, perhaps be in a Cats of 2015 calendar or a Christmas card.  Maybe even sneak on your parents Facebook account and post this picture.  Great job my friends.  Now, I’m off to look for me an equally charming shopping bag.  I wonder if they have one with James Bond somewhere here in the Hotel Thompson.

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Dear Bacon – For some reason, I think there is an impersonator here in the room with me.  I woke up from one of my many naps this morning, waddled into the living room and found HIM.  HIM is not talking, not purring and not moving.  I think he’s trying to wait for me to turn my back.  I just know he is.  What do you think?  Signed Chucky

Dear Chucky – Oh my!  I think you need to be careful there little guy.  It looks like HIM is preparing to pounce on you.  That could be really dangerous.  I can only imagine what kind of damage he could do to you.  Shivers.  Thank goodness HIM is not here.  Be careful.  Maybe never turn your back to him.  That’s it.  Be vigilant!