Dear Bacon

Dear Bacon – I’ve made a grave mistake.  There was a hole in the back of this contraption.  I crawled in and when I did, it shut closed.  Now I’m stuck… I feel like a squirrel on display for the world to see.  The birds are pointing and laughing at me.  What am I to do?  Help?  Signed Mannequin Squirrel

Dear Mannequin Squirrel – WOW!  What can I say?  You do look awesome with your mannequin display.  I can say perhaps you should enjoy what you can… maybe take a seat and a quick bite of that delightful feed.  By the time you get done with your dinner, maybe the owner of the house will see you in your tight spot and help you out.  If not, can you jump and push the top off for a quick escape?  And don’t worry about the birds pointing and laughing.  Might you remind them that you have plenty of food to eat while you wait unlike them – snorts.

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Dear Bacon – We like to put the warning out there for the humans.  If you cross the metal gates leading into our kingdom, be warned.  You will experience a death like no other from the ankles down.  We may be small and short but we have sharp teeth like a shark.  Just sayin’.  Does your little brother do the same?  Signed Harley and Davidson

Dear Harley and Davidson – Awesome idea my friends.  Truth is in the advertising.  If peeps are dumb enough to cross that warning, their ankles deserve what they get.  And yes.  Houdini has the sharpest teeth that I’ve ever felt.  That’s right – I said felt.  I feel them when he tries to hang off of my piggy tail and swing back and forth like I’m an amusement park.  The little guy has no respect for this pig – he thinks I’m his personal jungle gym.

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Dear Bacon –  Honestly.  I was asleep the entire time that the master was away.  Really I was.  When I woke up, the front room cushions exploded.  I didn’t hear a thing!  Exploded I tell you.  Of course, I’m getting the blame.  But really it wasn’t me.  Signed Lab Shredder

Dear Lab Shredder – Darn those dust bunnies for striking again!  I believe you my friend.  I really do.  Dust bunnies sound cute and look kind of cute but all alone they can be little vultures that wreak havoc all over the house blaming us anipals.  Shakes and shivers from fear.  They can’t be trusted at all.  No way!  I say you need to hunt them down one by one and take care of them.  As far as you getting the blame for this.  If it wasn’t on video and there is nothing concrete showing you did it, I say they have to let you walk my friend.  No evidence means NOT GUILTY.  Lowers my hammer in my court room and says dismissed.

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 Dear Bacon – It’s really not what it looks like.  Me and my friend were playing leap frog.  We see frogs do it all of the time and we thought we would try it.  We turned on the camera and started.  We posted this on Instagram and everyone went crazy saying that we were multi-flying.  No honestly we weren’t.  We were just playing a game.  What do you think?  Signed Doris and Rock

Dear Doris and Rock – Snorts with piggy laughter.  Whatever you kids are calling it this day, sure.  Just be safe my friends.