Dear Bacon

 Dear Bacon – This is the pits.  No, I mean it really.  It’s not bad enough that my humans put these ridiculous pajamas on me.  Now I have to wear the cone of shame.  AND they sat me in a make shift bed which is really an old potty box with a blanket.  Really?  This is how they treat me.  Can you give me a word of encouragement my piggy friend?  Signed Cat in the Hat

Dear Cat in the Hat – You know my friend.  You are looking at this all wrong.  Look at it from the positive prospective.  They put pajamas on you – I’m guessing – so that you wouldn’t scratch whatever you had done surgically, right?  Then they put the pitiful projector on your head so you couldn’t lick or bite that particular surgical spot, right?  AND then they put you in a comfortable spot with a blankie so you would be comfy.  See, look at it from this perspective.  Do you know what all of that adds up to this little piggy?  To me, it says your humans care for you way more than you think and want you to be comfortable during this duration.  Instead of looking at it from your point of view, take it from my point of view.  And let me add, suck it up for all it’s worth – humans love that when they think they’ve done something to you 🙂

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 Dear Bacon –  Can you believe my humans have the audacity to blame ‘me’ – innocent cute little ‘me’ – as stealing one of their valuable orange crunchy things they snack on while watching television?  Me.  There is no way they can pin this crime on me.  There is no proof!  Signed Cheeto

Dear Cheeto – Do me a favor my friend.  Go to your nearest mirror and look at yourself.  Go ahead.  I’l wait.  Whistles while waiting and taps hooves.  Oh good you are back.  Did you see that incriminating evidence on your cute little face?  The orange stuff my friend.  That would be evidence of eating your humans prized Cheetos.  By your name, I’m thinking this is not your first run in with the law on being busted for this crime.  Might I make a suggestion for future escapades?  Once you have partaken of the evil Cheeto, go drink some water out of your bowl with delight.  I mean slush that water around on your cute little face to wash the orange stuff off.  No proof means it didn’t happen my friend.  Happy eating.

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Dear Bacon – I was cold.  It was freezing in this house.  My humans like to hang me as they so delightfully like to say.  Don’t worry about us little pooches.  I had to resort to the last step and wrap myself like a hot dog.  It does the trick especially with the sun coming in from the window.  Have you ever been this cold?  Signed Cold Dog

Dear Cold Dog – WOW.  I say if you’re cold, go for it my friend.  I’m one of the very few here with us anipals that love it cold.  I’m with my mom and like you said, we like to hang meet here at the Hotel Thompson.  The colder the better.  Heck, if we could skip over summer we would so do so.  Stay warm my friend!

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Dear Bacon – Here is my brother.  He is so weird.  I was looking down at the dog just minding my own business.  That’s when Patches (my bro) jumped up and pulled my head up.  What was so important that he wanted me to see you ask?  The humans were cooking breakfast.  Something smelled so delightful.  They call it bacon.  I’m just wondering.  Do you know what this glorious smell is?  Signed Matches

Dear Matches – I know exactly what that awful stuff called bacon is.  It’s horrible.  Such a bad thing to ever try.  Some humans get addicted to it.  See, that’s how bad it is for you cats.  Once hooked, they can’t go back.  And I for one can guarantee you that you don’t want to get hooked on that bad drug.  Yeah, it’s a bad drug.  Better steer far away from it my friends.  I wouldn’t want it to stunt your growth or anything.  Snorts!

 

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Dear Bacon – Don’t you jussst love my new ssssweater?  I got it for my birthdaysss.  I just love to sssslither around the house wearing itsss.  I think it makesss me ssslim and bringsss out the color of my eyessss.  What do you thinksss?  Signed Sexy and I Know It

Dear Sexy and I Know It – As long as YOU think you are sexy and you know it, does it really matter what anyone else thinks?  You rock that sweater around your house all you want.  Perhaps maybe next time your humans can get you a longer one?  Keep slithering there where you are my friend.

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