That freaking no good for nothing messed up evil elf is an … is an… is an.. how do I say it.. okay I gotta say it – a$$hole. No really he is. There is no way to sugar coat it.
I’m on Door Watch 2016 last night. Everyone else is in bed. I’m determined to bring some kind of cheeriness to the Hotel Thompson this year – free of that misfit Evil Elf on the Shelf that lives here called Don Juan. He is just totally messed up. I think he fell on his pointed head too many times at the North Pole.
So there I was in the front room on patrol. I hear some movement from the Elf Door. I go closer to give it a good sniff. The odor is there – you know the peppermint, pine and eggnog smell. I know he’s in there. If I move just the right way, I can see a light inside of the hole. So I wiggled down, moving slightly to the left – to the right – up a bit. That’s when I saw it. That little evil elf knew I was there. How do I know? I took the picture below to show you. Now you believe me? A$$hole.