Oh friends. It was worse than I thought. Oh my pigs! I may need your help and a quick plan B. You see mom/dad had the “family” meeting Saturday night. I really thought they were joking. Really I did. I even started snorting waiting for the punch line. Of course mom has to zip up with her wonderful phrases such as, “This will be good for you”; “It’s a growing experience”; “Here’s your chance to shine”.
Yeah right mom. It doesn’t matter how much you sugar coat it, it sucks. There I said it. It sucks. What sucks you ask?
Mom and dad are sending me to camp. Outside. In nature. With other peeps. No television. No air conditioning. In Nature – did I mention that? And they expect me to participate in the entire ordeal. What is up with that?!
Look friends. I’ve seen enough horror movies on my television. I know about Jason. I know about not turning your back to anything. I’ve seen movies where other campers have tied their friends up to floats and set them out on the lake. Or put them out in nature covered in honey. This little oinker is not amused. This can’t turn out good for me. This piggy will not start campaigning for I ❤ camp anytime soon. No way. There’s no way I can survive this.
What if a UFO comes down and gets me and tries to probe me? What if they take me to their place and not bring me back? I can foresee so many potential problems here my friends. Can you help me out? Can one of you kidnap me or persuade mom/dad not to send me.