Monthly Archives: June 2015
Dinner Approved by Satan?
Can you say that my mom and dad have been at it again? Snorts – of course they have. They went out to dinner over the weekend. All was going well and they were even behaving – which in itself is something unbelievable.
Then, they get the check. Mom starts laughing hysterically. Dad was like, “Tell me. I want in on the joke.” So mom says, “Dinner was approved by Satan himself.” Dad was like why is that?
Then mom told him. The total on the ticket was 1666. Dad was like, “I gotta order something else. No way!” Too funny. It’s a good thing that meal was tasty. Who knew eating could be so sinful – snorts with piggy laughter.
Dear Bacon – Hey dude! With all of the soccer craze going on right now, I thought I would hop along and be a professional athlete as well. I love soccer. There is nothing more relaxing than kicking the ball around. I think I’m just as good as David Beckham or Pelé or even Cristiano Ronaldo. What do you think? Do you think they would count my front feet as hands? Do you ever play ball? Signed A Beautiful Mind
Dear A Beautiful Mind – Awesome. That’s what I say. I think it’s awesome that you love to play soccer as much as you do. I can see you in the Olympics and at the big game. And yes I can see you next to the greats that you mentioned. I myself have snouted a ball around the backyard here from time to time. I think it’s a great way to relief some stress. I don’t care what any other peep thinks, you do what you love my friend. Go score BIG TIME!
Dear Bacon – Can you guess who my hero is? Go ahead guess. I bet you can’t figure it out? I know you can’t! I’ve gotta go now and find my brother Luigi and that gorgeous Princess Peach. Signed Mario
Dear Mario – Snorts! Good one my friend. You are awesome. You look just like that guy. No doubts in my book at all. And yes we guessed right off who you were. You see my mom loves Mario and Luigi and all your friends. She says she grew up with them and gave them a run for their money playing arcades.
I think you need to work your look for as long as you can and make it work for you. Perhaps you can go on a nationwide tour and promote Mario and Friends. Wouldn’t that be fun? If you come to my neck of the woods, I would love to see you in person. Take care and safe travels!
Dear Bacon – I told everyone I would be back and here I am. I’m back and ready to take over the world. This time I’m coming back as a pooch that is deadly… that has secret weapons of destruction. Don’t get in my way. Signed Poochnator
Dear Poochnator – WOW! Does your humans know about this? And I have to ask. Do you know my friend Easy? Are you secretly Easy in disguise? A pig has to know these answers my friend. And hey, does your mother know about your late curfew while you are out saving the world? And my mom says to tell you to remember to wear clean underwear… you know just in case something happens.
Dear Bacon – I’ll do anything for a carrot. I’ve heard you are the same. What would you do for a carrot? Signed Tony “The Pig” Hawk
Dear Tony “The Pig” Hawk – You go my friend. You ride like there is no tomorrow. Hit those decks, do those tails, ride those carves and hit some air. I can see you doing all of these tricks and getting all of the carrots you could wish for. And have I done anything for a carrot? You betcha. I’ve given Mouse Girl here back scratches and washed Hemi’s feet.What? That’s as adventurous as this pig gets!
Dear Bacon – Oh my pussy cats. There I was in the house walking around like I normally do. I went into the bathroom and there was a beautiful bubble bath in the tub. I looked around and no one was there. So I decided to take a little dip thinking that humans left it for me, right? I’m laying back enjoying the suds and then have mercy – the human master walked in naked. What has now been seen can not be unseen. I’ll even be honest with you. I’m not sure which one of us screamed the loudest. Signed Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub
Dear Rub-a-Tub-Puss-in-a-Tub – WOW! Now first up. That is a lovely ‘scared’ picture of you in the suds. It does look like you were enjoying yourself. Second up, I gotta ask. Did you give up your luxurious bubble bath and give it to the human or did you share? Snorts – I know I wouldn’t have gotten out!
FRIENDS – Please remember that Dear Bacon can’t happen without YOU. Please email me your pictures and letters 🙂
Have you watched this television series? I think it showed originally on Showtime. (This picture was taken off of Google for the 8th Season). The entire show is about Dexter Morgan who is a blood splatter expert working in Miami, Florida for the Miami Metro Police Department. What people don’t know is that secretly Dexter is a serial killer. Now saying serial killer brings to mind a bad person – an insane person, right? I guess in a way it still rings true but Dexter is a little different. He only kills people that deserve it. Sounds weird huh? We are talking about people that kill that get off in the court system or people that kill that others don’t know about.
While it was on Showtime, we didn’t watch it… you know for obvious reasons – we didn’t have Showtime 🙂 Snorts! But when it went to Netflix, I put that show in my queue so fast and started watching it… all eight seasons!
Now we couldn’t watch while the purr things or Houdini was still awake. Me and mom had to wait until they went to bed and were asleep and then we would watch 1-2 shows every night.
Now I want you to think about this. There was eight seasons and about 12-13 shows per season. So mom and this little oinker invested probably around 100 hours of watching around 104 shows. No, we didn’t do this overnight. Yes, we did it during downtime. What? Can’t a pig have a favorite show?
If you haven’t watched the shows, I’m not going to give anything away. But I will tell you that we went through a LOT of drama, a lot of killings, a lot of twists and a lot of plots that made your mouth hang wide. I started to know the characters like family. I grew fond of some of them. And after watching the shows, me and mom would discuss what happened.
The first three seasons we watched within a matter of weeks. They kept me on my piggy hooves while covering one eye and jumping at surprises. Yes, they were that good.
Season 4 through 7 were okay. Something happened along the way. You see Dexter was trying to be ‘normal’. He even got married and had a baby. All of this was great.
Then there was season 8, the final season. To us, this is where things seemed rushed. Have you ever read a book that was so good all the way through it and then in the last chapter you learn that everything was a dream? Well, it was kind of like this to us. It was so good but the last show of season 8 left us wanting. There was so much more that could have happened. I mean, yes there are only so many killings that a serial killer can do but it just felt empty here. Too many things happened in the last show that your brain doesn’t have time to process it. Then when it does, your brain is like WTF just happened… pardon the bad language.
Have you seen this series? What did you think? Discuss.
Rolls Piggy Eyes
Oh my friends – I do hope you had a wonderful weekend and that you are well rested. Because this morning I have a great one for you. Really I do. Something I heard and just simply can’t resist sharing. I know it may be weak but after you read it you have to admit it is kind of funny for a Monday.
A frog goes into the bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that her name is Patty Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, “Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who says his dad is Mick Jagger, who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 AND he wants to use this as collateral.” She then holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean what the heck is this?”
The bank manager looks backs at her and says without missing a beat, “It’s a knickknack Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone.”
(I won’t tell anyone that you’re singing that last line – snorts and rolls with piggy laughter!)
Me Doing What I Do
I really thought I was going to have to put a call out for someone to build a boat yesterday. It rained like there was no tomorrow. All of us was getting cabin fever of being inside and on top of each other. Today though, it’s beautiful. The back yard was freshly cut and mom decided we needed to spend some quality time together outside so we did.
I had to walk around and investigate my kingdom – smelling the grass and sneezing. And I can tell you it’s the truth. The camera does put weight on you. There’s no way my pot belly is that big. No way at all. But don’t worry. I did get some exercise in the yard… and so did mom. I made her chase me around because I wasn’t ready to come in when she was. Of course, I thought twice when she said – and I say quote, “Fine then, let Mr. Bigfoot get you.”. I ran past her and inside of the house so fast after that, she almost fell – snorts.
In the News
I’m a Happy Pig
This weekend started off like every other weekend. We slept in a little – okay I slept in a lot. I was tired from that little pooch – you know performing my nightly ritual of subliminal messaging to him is hard work – snorts with piggy laughter. This morning, I just couldn’t get up and get going for breakfast. So mom did something wonderful… something terrific… something special for this little oinker. She served *moi* breakfast in bed. Can I get an aaww or perhaps a hallelujah? Of course – these bananas were just the start. You know how much I ❤ my bananas. But no, the main star was something else.
Of course daddy grunted because he doesn’t get breakfast in bed – snorts. Before I snarfed it down, I had to take a picture of mom’s masterpiece to show you that the woman does have skills in the kitchen. She made me a fresh spinach omelet on top of my piggy chow. And let me add – it was so piggy lip licking good! You want a bite, don’t you? Go ahead. You can admit it.
Cheers my friends for a happy rest of the day.
Perhaps I’ll sleep in tomorrow to see if I get piggy pancakes – licks lips just thinking about it!
Paw Time with Houdini
Welcome my friends to another week of Paw Time with Houdini. I hope you had a terrific week full of fun and treats. Next week is leading up to something special – sshh come closer – mom’s birthday is next Friday. Can you believe that she is going to be 25 again? I was shocked too. But that’s our little secret.
This week at the Hotel Thompson, I’ve learned some more new things. First up, the rug near the front door is not suppose to be chewed. Who knew huh? Mom says it’s one of her favorite rugs and a certain little pooch now has teeth marks in it. What? Looks innocent. I wonder who did that? Bacon? Hemi? Mouse Girl? But I have to tell you that rug is intriguing. It calls my name and taunts me. Really it does. Have you ever had something like that calling your name and tempting you? It’s harsh.
This next thing I’ve learned is something that scared mom – I’m not sure why. She lives with us anipals so she should expect the unexpected, right? Okay look at this picture – stunning me hanging out on mom’s cchhaaiisseee. See here is the game. I climb up on top and when mom walks by I jump out at her. She catches me and then nuzzles my chin and belly. Okay I admit the first time I did it, she was shocked and surprised. But after that, she expects it now. I don’t do it to daddy for obvious reasons. I don’t think he would see me. And I’m not afraid of jumping or daddy not catching me. Nope not me. I’m brave. I’m afraid of the impact on the nice wood floor – barks!
See I am smart. Don’t let my size fool you. I’m not short. I’m six pounds of fun size.
And a special shout out today to Easy, mine and Bacon’s close friend and brother. You are awesome!! He sent me a gift for my birthday last week. I got a package in the mail yesterday here at the crib. All the way from France and made out to moi. I was so excited. I just knew it was from me. Daddy opened the package and I was jumping all over the place telling him to hurry up. After a gazillion hours, he finally opened it but NNOOO mom had to take a quick picture first. BARKS! Look at all of the goodies – a shirt, a handkerchief, Shit Happens bags, a card and a squeaky toy. All of which say “HEART BREAKER”. aawaw – you are awesome my sweet friend. AND I ❤ it all… even the Shit Happens baggies… which will come in handy trust me.
But you know what was my favorite, right? The squeeze heart. Oh my dogs! It’s the best. It makes a different squeak than my other toys and it’s L.O.U.D. It’s absolutely the best. I played with it and played with it and then played with it some more. In fact when mom put me to bed last night, she didn’t know I had put it in my bedroom. She and the neighbors didn’t know until they heard me playing with it around 2:00 AM. BARKS with laughter. Hey I dog has to play right brother? Thanks again my friend – you are the best!
Well that’s all for me my friends – yawns – I hope you had a wonderful week as well. Happy weekend!