Pet Talk Translated – The Anipal Version

Welcome back my friends for the second part of the Pet Talk Translated – The Anipal Version.  If you missed the HUMAN TRANSLATION FROM MOM, please check back earlier today on my blog postings.  You gotta read what humans ‘think’.  Now I’m going to give you what the anipals are thinking.

“Okay ya’ll – it’s time for our nightly meeting.  It’s now midnight.  The humans are snoring and asleep.  I called this meeting in my bedroom to discuss our early morning assignments.  I have first shift.  I will squeal, softly at first, until mom is awakened from her slumber.  I’ll give her a few minutes.  If I don’t hear her moving, I will amp it up just a little at a time until my shrieks can break glass.  Hopefully, it will be so loud that she stubs her toe on the bed again.  Hemi, did you move that towel that she had wrapped around the leg so she hits the leg straight on again?”

“Yes, Bacon, I did that yesterday while she was at work.”

“Great Hemi. I will fuss at her as we walk to the kitchen.  Hopefully I will get my piggy chow and Cheerios again – gosh those things are delicious.”  I’ll eat it fast so she has to wake for that icky looking brown stuff to make.  That gives me more one on one time on the couch with her.  Houdini, do you know your assignment?”

“Barks!  Yes Bacon.  I’m to get up, start barking and be really active really early running around as fast I can wanting to play to wear mom out.”

“Great Houdini, do you have your ball ready”

“Yes Bacon.  It’s hidden in the front room near the couch so I can get it and play with the human”.

“Great Houdini.  Don’t forget to go potty before tickle time.  That way you can play longer.  Now Hemi and Mouse Girl – do ya’ll know your assignments?”

“Yes Bacon.  We have it down pact.  We will wait until mom is just about ready to go to work and then get up demanding our breakfast.”

“Awesome.  Mouse Girl, did you move mom’s keys to the other side of the top of the fireplace so she will have to hunt for them?”

“Yes Bacon.  It’s already been done.”

“Great.  Hemi, what else do you have planned for mom?”

“Well, we will eat and then I will make a detour to the litter box to leave dad something first.  Then, we will go back to the human bed and go back to sleep on mom’s side of the bed.  It should still be nice and warm there.”

“Great guys.  Sounds like a plan.  Assignments are completed.  We will meet back here at noon today for assignments on how to work dad over today.  Snorts and out!”

 

Pet Talk Translated – The Human Version

I’m sure you humans have always wondered what we are saying when we talk.  Well my friends – I’m here to help you out with this.  You are so very welcome!  We always walk around meowing, barking or oinking and humans just look at us and think, “I wonder what they are saying?”  We anipals understand each other – we speak the international language of anipals.  We even understand what YOU are saying.  But, there is a language barrier with YOU understanding us.  No need to send me $19.95 for a translation book (unless of course you want to – snorts).  We anipals of the Hotel Thompson have come together to help you out.

This will be in two parts.  This morning’s issue will be what the humans say.  This afternoon’s issue will be the translation of what we anipals say.  Both will be the same conversation that takes place.  I hope you enjoy it and learn something about us anipals.  So here we go – HUMAN TRANSLATION FROM MOM.

“Stretch – Who needs an alarm clock with these sweet little babies here at the Hotel Thompson?  Pig squeals are routine here at 6:30AM sharp.  I stretch from my cocoon of comfort in my soft bed.  The squeals continue and get louder.  Someone wants their breakfast.  If I don’t jump up and get to him soon, he will wake up the other kids.

I stumble out of bed and always seem to stub my toe on the foot of the bed.  I say it every morning but once I again I mutter, “I need to fix that” while shaking my head.  I really thought I had fixed that already.  I guess not.  I open up Bacon’s bedroom door and we wobble to the kitchen together turning lights on in each room on the way.  Me muttering how early it is and him muttering what he want’s for breakfast.  I flip on the kitchen lights, hit the coffee pot to on and look intently at my baby.  “What do you want to eat”? is a regular question but it’s a weekday and mommy has to work.  So Bacon gets his usual of piggy chow and Cheerios.  What?  Gotta be heart smart even for the oinker. 🙂  

I feed Bacon, give him fresh water and try my best mentally to make the coffee percolate faster.  In the meantime, I give Bacon fresh water.  After he’s finished eating and I’m working on my first cup of liquid awakening, he comes over and nudges my legs for some loving.  We then go sit on the couch in the living room and watch some of the morning news together.  Such a wonderful way to start the day – watching television together not the pig squeals of “Get up now and feed me before I perish” wake up call.   We have a few moments before the next wake up call starts with the, “Bark, bark, bark” of little puppy chatter and I enjoy it immensely.

I see the clock is pushing 7:15am so I persuade Bacon back to his room for a early morning nap before the next cutie wants his breakfast.  Just as I shut Bacon’s bedroom door, I hear the barking of puppy power Houdini.  I go back to our bedroom and get him for his routine.  Yes.  He is puppy all the way in the morning.  He zips and runs and barks and is totally active in the morning.  OMG – he tires me out just watching him.  I need to go back to bed or another cup of coffee.  We go to the kitchen to prepare his breakfast of champions – puppy food and a little treat of wet food.  He snarfs it down and wants to play.  Really, at 7:15AM I’m playing fetch and tickles with a puppy.  Where did I go right?  🙂  We play while watching television.  Okay let me change that.  We play while listening to the news on television – LOL.  Finally, he’s had enough and wants to take a nap.  YAY.  I put him back in bed and then get ready for work.

Never fear though.  The cats are the last for breakfast.  One does not ‘wake them’ for their breakfast.  They come to you and usually it’s right before I’m leaving for work and especially when I’m running late.  Go figure huh?  They follow me around meowing demanding their food and treats.  After they are fed and have eaten, I turn around to love on them.  What in the world?  I think deep down they are secret agents.  They are gone from the kitchen already without a sound made.  Where in the world?  I look around the kitchen, the front room, the bedrooms – nothing.  I go into my bedroom and what do you know?  There they are all cuddled back up in bed – on my side deep in my warm cocoon that I had to leave. Shakes head.  It never fails.

I say, “Have a great day” to all as I leave the house.  Someone needs to work to keep them in their kibbles.”